Any Port In a Storm – The Argument for Sleeping With Married People

December 8th, 2010

Cheating, Dating, Uncategorized

Im going to throw this topic at you …multiple part question….and see how you tackle it.  :)
BEING SINGLE ..and SLEEPING WITH MARRIED PEOPLE.

Setting aside religious beliefs, Is it right ?  Is it wrong ?  Do you believe in the whole karma aspect ?
If you’re SINGLE and consort with and sleep with married people, is it preventing you from having a REAL relationship of your own ??  (Keep in mind, I am FINE with being single and happy.  I’m 38 and would LIKE to be in a relationship with the RIGHT person, but until THAT person comes along, I will keep doing what I’m doing  :)   )

Here is My theory:
My whole outlook about married women is: If I WANT to enjoy fucking so n so …and she is making herself available to Me …WHY not? Whether it’s only once ..or once a month, just like a good dinner or fine wine,  I like to indulge. :) :)

I can’t sit there and worry about HER marriage and why she feels the need to stray etc. Im DEF NOT the type to break up a marriage and DEF never have ..in fact, I feel my sleeping with these women HELPS their marriage.  Why?  Because they are obviously lacking SOMETHING in their relationship (not necessarily the sex)  So, if I provide whatever that may be and they are more content as a WHOLE.  They now go home and are happier people.  Miserable people tend to bail and break up.  Content people tend to hang in there.

Women make LOTS of mistakes lol ..BUT when a woman KNOWS what she wants ..she knowsss what she wants. She may not be able to UNdo (or may not WANT to UNdo the mistake of picking the wrong guy to marry..due to kids, finances, etc.) BUT she CAN choose who to fuck that makes her feel how she WANTS to feel. Enter: Me. lol  (..and I dont necessarily mean make her feel JUST physically …because when it comes to me ..its more of a connection that has nothing to do WITH sex …but eventually leads TO sex :) :) )

I look forward to hearing your thoughts, Moxie !  :)
~H

Okay, Andrew Dice Lay. I’ll take this challenge. :)

My whole outlook about married women is: If I WANT to enjoy fucking so n so …and she is making herself available to Me …WHY not?

This might not be popular, but I agree that you are not responsible for someone else’s marriage. You’re not the one who took the vows, they are. Do I believe in karma? Yep. I sure do. Listen, we can excuse it all we like. But we know that we are partaking in something that, if discovered, could destroy a relationship and someone’s ability to ever fully trust again. So while you’re not responsible for her marriage, you are responsible for your participation and the potential fall out from that. We tell ourselves whatever we need to, because usually we’re doing it for our own selfish reasons.

I feel my sleeping with these women HELPS their marriage.  Why?  Because they are obviously lacking SOMETHING in their relationship (not necessarily the sex)

I disagree with this. I think there are plenty of people – men and women – out there who cheat on their spouses for no other reason than they can and they want to have sex with someone else. I believe that many people are capable of compartmentalizing various aspects of their relationships and their lives. Meaning, they can engage in a sexual relationship with someone who isn’t their spouse and not feel guilty about it and, in some cases, actually feel entitled to it. They do it strictly because they want to. Their spouse could be servicing them nightly. They could have the strongest of emotional bonds. There doesn’t have to be a lack of  anything to compel some people to cheat. Well, that’s not true. What their primary relationship lacks is variety. Funny thing, that marriage. Traditionally it doesn’t allow you to screw other people.
I do agree that in some cases infidelity is a sign of trouble. There’s a disconnect somewhere. There have been studies saying that taking a lover can actually help your relationship. Personally, I think it’s because the guilt from cheating actually makes people remember why they fell in love with that person in the first place. They become so afraid of losing that person that they do what they can to rectify the situation – be more attentive or communicative, etc.  I feel that a lot of people who cheat want to get caught just so they’re partner will finally acknowledge and discuss the problems in their relationship.
Miserable people tend to bail and break up.  Content people tend to hang in there.
Wow. I totally disagree. When it’s between their own personal misery and the potential misery of their children or possible financial ruin, you’d be surprised how many people stick it out or try to fix their marriage.  You have a really limited view and understanding of marriage. Miserable couple stay together all the time. They just find work arounds to help them get through it.

If you’re SINGLE and consort with and sleep with married people, is it preventing you from having a REAL relationship of your own ??  (Keep in mind, I am FINE with being single and happy.  I’m 38 and would LIKE to be in a relationship with the RIGHT person, but until THAT person comes along, I will keep doing what I’m doing  :)   )

I think it depends on why you’re engaging in that particular relationship. If you’re in it strictly for the sex, then I don’t think it will prevent you from meeting someone else. That is, unless the sex is so good that all other sex pales in comparison.  If you’re getting something out of these relationships other than physical gratification, then yes, I think engaging in such arrangements will get in the way. These arrangements are placebos of sorts. They keep us going and convince of things that aren’t necessarily real or true. But we engage in these no strings situations anyway, knowing they might hurt us or keep us further from our goal. We get lonely, we’re lacking the stimulation and attention that having a partner provides. I’m certainly not justifying those instances where we get involved with someone who is taken. But loneliness is a powerful motivator sometimes. It can encourage someone to do just about anything if they don’t have the proper coping skills in place at that moment.

Women make LOTS of mistakes lol ..BUT when a woman KNOWS what she wants ..she knowsss what she wants. She may not be able to UNdo (or may not WANT to UNdo the mistake of picking the wrong guy to marry..due to kids, finances, etc.) BUT she CAN choose who to fuck that makes her feel how she WANTS to feel. Enter: Me. lol (..and I dont necessarily mean make her feel JUST physically …because when it comes to me ..its more of a connection that has nothing to do WITH sex …but eventually leads TO sex :) :) )

Just from reading your letter, there seems to be something about being The Go To Guy for these women that works for you. You like the idea of being their stud. So much so that you believe what they tell you.

Here’s the thing about people who cheat:

They lie.

They will say whatever it is they think will keep their side dish providing whatever it is that they want. Sure, maybe you’re giving it to them in ways their husbands don’t. Maybe you’re more well endowed. Whatever. They’re appealing to your ego because they feel like they have to. They know that’s why you’re doing it. It’s not just about the sex for you, I don’t think. It’s about the attention, how these women make you feel.

I think you want to believe whatever it is that makes you feel special to these women. You tell yourself, or maybe believe them when they say, that there’s something broken about their marriage. That way you can feel like a Savior of sorts. It could very well be that these women are married to men who are never around, who don’t pay them attention, etc. What you’re not getting is that they’re reaching out to you because they’re hurt. Or bored. Or horny. You’re just a port in a storm. Not so romantic or sexy when you realize it could be any warm body they’re lying next to, is it?

So this connection you say you form with them? It’s likely all in your head. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their relationship with their husband.  You’re filler. They’re actions are reactions to how their husbands make them feel and not so much how you make them feel. To put it bluntly, you ain’t that special. In some cases, they don’t even realize that. Anything to keep them from feeling what they’re feeling or not feeling.

Don’t kid yourself in to think you’re providing something their husband isn’t. That might be the case sometimes, but not always.

That just might be how you justify doing it in the first place.

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42 Responses to “Any Port In a Storm – The Argument for Sleeping With Married People”

  1. Saj Says:

    I’m curious about this non sexual connection (that eventually leads to sex) that somehow doesn’t contain a shred of guilt that you might be hurting this person or helping them hurt themselves who you have a connection with? A non sexual connection I would take it as you care about them in someway.

    The only way this makes sense is that you just can’t find single girls and married girls looking for a fix are your only option. Otherwise it’s just preying on the vulnerable and the over use of CAPS just seems like those types who are trying to convince others as well as themselves. Bloody immature. You know when you are doing something shitty, own up to it rather then put all the blame on other people.

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    • ~H Says:

      You can read the lengthy reply I sent to Moxie. I think I covered the *connection* part.

      Do I think I am hurting THIS person (the person I am involved with) ? NOT in the least. Helping them hurt themselves ? NOPE.

      Perhaps it is a twisted way of perceiving the reality, but as I’ve stated in the long reply, I TRULY believe I am HELPING them.

      Oh ..and I have ABSOLUTELY no problem with single women lol I am in an industry where I have been fortunate enough to have women in My life all the time (no, not the strip club business lol ) I don’t *prey* on the vulnerable either. The vulnerable are weak and that doesn’t pose a challenge to Me. I’m not that simple…nor typical. :)

      I use CAPS because unless you can figure out for me how to BOLD or ITALICIZE words on here ..I have no other way to place EMPHASIS on certain words. :)

      Also, I have clearly taken responsibility for MY actions. Where have I not owned up to anything ? As for *blame*, well, as much as I may be a party to all this, don’t you THInk the person who actually IS in a *committed* relationship should be the one taking the brunt of the blame for violating the sanctity of that relationship, MATE ? :)

      ~H

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      • Paula Says:

        It’s basic html, sweetheart: and (without the spaces) for bold and and for italics. Just like Moxie’s old blog.

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      • Paula Says:

        OK, let’s try again: and for bold and and for italics. Omit the underlines — I’m trying to display the codes without actually having them work.

        There’s probably a way for Moxie to turn on a WYSIWIG editor for comments, but using basic html does work in WordPress.

        Now, STOP YELLING!

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      • Paula Says:

        Never mind, extra underlines didn’t work either. Look up an HTML editor. b and /b (bold), i and /i (italics), u and /u (underline) with surrounding them all work — too well, in my case.

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  2. Paula Says:

    Assuming the married parties are not legally or physically separated (no longer living in the same house/state/country), it’s a bright line. Don’t cross it. If someone is determined to violate their marriage vows, let them, but it doesn’t have to be with you. And if you what you have won’t withstand them taking steps towards divorce, then it’s pretty meaningless.

    I’ve been on both sides of the equation, as a married person contemplating violating my vows, and as an unmarried person contemplating being with someone who was married. It wasn’t easy to say no, and I’m not a person who says no very often — to anything. But I’ve never doubted it was the right thing, whether due to karma or any other reason. If I were to sleep with someone who is married, I would worry less about what it says about me, than what it says about them — being of such poor character that they would violate the vows they agreed to uphold. And the deception in most cases in which they would need to engage for it to happen is not a quality with which I want to be in proximity, even for one night.

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    • ~H Says:

      The way I feel about your outlook of *If someone is determined to violate their marriage vows, let them, but it doesn’t have to be with you.*

      Oh …so, then it should be with someone ELSE ? lol I hate to say it ..but the saying *if you don’t do it ..someone else will* comes to mind. Call me a hedonist, but I want to ENJOY and LIVE My life.

      As I have previously stated, I TRULY feel that I am NOT hurting anyone …or should I say going out of My way to hurt anyone. So, if this woman is a WILLING participant and WANT to engage in something…why not ?

      For far too long I fought with the moral dilemma of right & wrong with this. Meanwhile, all I was doing ewas depriving Myself..while someon ELSE probably benefitted. lol So, enough was enough. I haven’t looked back since.

      ~H

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      • Paula Says:

        Yes, it should be with someone else, in my opinion. Lots of other people do things I won’t do, and vice versa.

        She’s the one violating her vows, but I don’t want to be with someone who is violating their vows — there’s a basic integrity issue.

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  3. Joe Says:

    I do agree that in some cases infidelity is a sign of trouble.

    Some cases? Unless a couple has an explicit agreement to an open marriage, infidelity is always a sign of trouble in any relationship. (From what I’ve read, open marriages usually fail because one or both violate the unspoken agreement of not becoming emotionally involved with their lover.)

    I can understand why a spouse would cheat. I also see how the non-cheating spouse isn’t always the innocent victim they claim to be, but that still doesn’t excuse an act of infidelity. If a marriage is that bad, get divorced.

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  4. ~H Says:

    Hi Moxie ! Thanks for posting My first question..I look forward to engaging you and others on here in some thoughtful discussions. :)

    I’ll address a few points in order. It’s tough to get My FULL view on this topic, since I only sent Moxie a abridged version of how I feel about it. I’ll do My best to clarify things. :)

    First off, I could SWEAR someone else made an Andrew Dice Clay comment also on my facebook today LOL I’ll have to check haha

    I’m glad you agree as far as not being responsible for THEIR marriage. I’m not a big fan of the whole karma thing, BUT I can understand how some people are and how they use that as a deterrent. So, be it.

    I am not so much *excusing* My behavior. At the end of the day, I was raised right and I KNOW it is wrong. However, for someone who has pretty muchhhhh led an exemplary life, I MUST admit My one vice IS sex.

    As for reasons WHY people cheat. There are MANY. Yes, some people cheat JUST for the sake OF cheating and because they *can get away with it*. I believe men are mostly guilty of THAT form of cheating. Men are basic and stupid. lol They don’t really THINK much about it ..they just DO it.

    Women, hoever, I find are a LOT more methodical about it. It rarely JUST *happens*. This is why I say that there is some *connection* there because in the VAST majority of My situations in the last 15 years of engaing in this kind of behavior, it has pretty much NEVER JUST *been about sex*. Almost ALWAYS starts out as friendship. A trust is developed. A bond is formed. A comfort zone is attained. All of these together lead to the inevitable. Physical intimacy. Heck, I’ve even been friends with women WHILE they were single and THEN years later they got married and THEN we slept together. IF it would have been *just about sex*…wouldn’t it have happened when she was single ?

    I’m a little confused, because you disagreed with me on My statement about *Miserable people tend to bail and break up. Content people tend to hang in there.
    * You then stated *When it’s between their own personal misery and the potential misery of their children or possible financial ruin, you’d be surprised how many people stick it out or try to fix their marriage*..which I prettty much ALSO stated further down in My original statement LOL SO, I don’t see how you disgree then :)

    Under My theory, I feel that *miserable* people ..miserable all-around in the relationship will DEF bail if they find the opportunity. Howeverrr, i have ALSO dealt with miserable women who look forward to that LIL glimmer of happiness & excitement when they are with Me and THAT gets them through whatever rough patch they may be in. Maybe I’mm feeding My ego ? lol Sure ..why not ? However, i’ve seen it eough times to FEEL that it is not *just me* imagining this. Sometimes it is a breif rough patch they are having ..sometimes it is YEARS. The reality is why do you think SOME peopel do drugs ? Most of the time it is to escape. To feel good. Even if just for a brief moment in time..before they have to re-enter the real world. So, in comparison..why do you think SOME people have affairs ? Same reason. :)

    As for Me, Yes, I am STRICTLY in it for the sex. I am NOT interested in these women for a *relationship* nor do I EVER lead them to think that this is *gong to go anywhere*. I am NOT trying to break up a hme or a marriage and make that VERY clear. 100% of women have been on the same page with this. SOME may get a lil more attahced than others, but at the end of the day, I make it clear that I would never get into a relationship with someone who IS cheating on THEIR spouse/signnificant other. I have NEVER cheated on anyone nor do I intend to ..and I hope I never do. However, if you want to ..I welcome you. LOL

    I am NOT going to lie. Yes, there IS something *exciting* and reinforcing about being *The Go To Guy*. I WILL disgree though about that cheaters lie .and that that includes lying to ME. I’m not going to say I believe everything coming out of a cheating woman’s mouth, BUT unlike the husband or BF she is deceiving, THIS is about as honest of a relationship as someone like her IS going to have. I’m usually the ONE person she IS being honest with. Sort of like the syaing *honor amongst thieves*.

    I don’t think the *connection is all in my head* because as Ive stated earlier, very rarely is it JUST about sex RIGHT form the get-go. In MY situations, it is usually a friendship first that thenn transitions..over time ..into something more. In the END, of course, it IS nothing more, but that is mostly because of My outlook. I am good at NOT letting that line get blurry.

    I won’t deny that in SOME cases SOME women may cheat just for the sake of cheating and I am *getting used* as a physical surroagte..yadda yadda yadda. Hey ..it happens. Honestly, I have no interest in that and it probably wouldn’t last very long. PLus, hey ..My ego needs it’s daily feeding ! LOL

    ~H

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  5. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    Does anyone else find this tedious? The fact that this guy ever gets laid is proof that karma does not exist. LOL! :)

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    • ~H Says:

      I find it tedious to make a ridiculous statement without knowing WHO you are dealing with nor any of the players involved in the examples I am citing.

      That’s like Me saying *this DriveMeNutes character is a fat, lil troll being a player-hater from behind a computer screen* I COULD say that, but without having seen a picture or KNOWING who is truly behind the name, then it is just a factless, baseless aspersion I’d be casting…just as you did toward Me. :)

      See how pointless and corny that is ?

      ~H

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      • DrivingMeNutes Says:

        Pointless and corny indeed.

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      • AnotherDay Says:

        I think he sounds like kind of a moron. And what’s with all the “lol”s? The fact that he jumped down your throat after you made a relatively benign comment, yet he asked a question on a subject that was obviously going to get him some heat seems a little odd. I really don’t care either way if people sleep with married people, I admit I have done it (though wouldn’t do it again) but I don’t agree with much of what he is saying. Anyway go ahead “H”, crucify me.

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  6. ~H Says:

    DrivingMeNutes :Pointless and corny indeed.

    Glad you see the err in your ways. All is forgiven. :)

    ~H

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  7. puretink@aol.com Says:

    I’m no shrink.. but.. I’ve always been pretty good at sizing up people pretty fast.. how? Some body language, some ways they present themselves in various formats.. But mostly, it’s simply based on what they say. Not about what they say to other people about themselves, or how they would like to be perceived.. But what they say in between the lines, sometimes without even realizing it themselves..

    For example. I will take your words, and tell you what I see..

    “Heck, I’ve even been friends with women WHILE they were single and THEN years later they got married and THEN we slept together. IF it would have been *just about sex*…wouldn’t it have happened when she was single ?”

    no.
    this statement just proves moxie’s point that it’s not necessarily about YOU or some connection they have with you, and more about their marriage and their husband. (if they liked you so much why not get w/ you when they were actually available?)

    You can admit that many women cheat b/c they are unhappy in their marriage in some way. But you can’t admit that it’s not about them simply looking for attention, affection, to feel desired by a man. Etc? ..and NOT about something they have found specifically in you?

    You can admit if it’s not you, it will probably be someone else.. so why shouldn’t it be you?
    But.. you can’t see how you’re the disposable one in this relationship?

    Umm.. how exactly is this an ego boost, Again?

    Oh right. b/c you believe that you’re the man they are cheating on their husbands with. So you MUST have something about yourself that’s so irresistible! You’re sooo slick that you got these married women to drop their panties and they are all over you! You make them feel hot and give it to them good in bed. Etc. right? So. You’d actually LIKE to think it IS about you.. but you know, deep down.. it’s NOT.

    It’s about them getting their emotional fuel tank filled. sticking it to their husbands. and feeling like they have a leg up in their unhappy relationship.

    At least that goes for those who are “unhappy” and not cheating for “just sex.”
    Which brings me to..
    “I won’t deny that in SOME cases SOME women may cheat just for the sake of cheating and I am *getting used* as a physical surroagte..yadda yadda yadda. Hey ..it happens. Honestly, I have no interest in that and it probably wouldn’t last very long.”

    And yea. What about those who do it for just the sex? You say you’re not into being used. But you ARE being used – either way. You just don’t want to admit it. If you admit it, it becomes less of an ego boost. Which in actuality, is purely superficial. b/c really.. You’re not “good enough” for them to want to actually LEAVE their husbands for you, right?

    You’re not the one they chose when they were single and looking for a relationship. You’re the one they go to bang. Get THEIR ego boost from.. and then they go right back to their relationship w/ the man they chose to be with after!

    If you admit it, you have to face the real reason you’re sleeping with married women. Clearly, you have some self esteem issues which need to be addressed if you need this much ego stroking. But also.. whether it’s single girls who you hook up with just to bang, or married women, don’t you ever wonder why that’s ALL you’re doing with these women? Why nothing ever goes beyond that point?

    Which now brings me to..

    “As for Me, Yes, I am STRICTLY in it for the sex. I am NOT interested in these women for a *relationship* nor do I EVER lead them to think that this is *gong to go anywhere*.
    but at the end of the day, I make it clear that I would never get into a relationship with someone who IS cheating on THEIR spouse/signnificant other.”

    You say you’re open to finding a real relationship, however, you’re specifically putting yourself into situations so that will NEVER happen for you! You’re spending your energy and time hooking up w/ dizzy broads and married women and you KNOW nothing can come of it. Clear signs of a commitmentphobe! And I don’t think you’re commitment phobic b/c you don’t want to be tied down. I think it’s b/c you don’t want to be hurt.

    You’re not opening yourself up to good girls out there who are looking to be with you for YOU – not b/c they need a break from their husbands – the real loves of their lives.

    You are “the other woman.” Newflash. If it’s pathetic and sad when a woman is a mistress, it’s the same when the guy is!

    You may think, by looking at the surface of this situation, that these women wanting you is making you feel good. But subconsciously it’s devaluing you. making you a “boy toy”, the one women can have a good time and a bang with – but don’t want to commit to. Maybe you can’t realize it now, b/c you’re too busy painting this picture of yourself as the ultimate player, but this has got to be messing w/ your already messed up self-esteem!

    ..do you feel the urge right about now to remind me that you just wanna get banged anyway?

    I submit into evidence:

    “very rarely is it JUST about sex RIGHT form the get-go. In MY situations, it is usually a friendship first that thenn transitions..over time ..into something more. In the END, of course, it IS nothing more, but that is mostly because of My outlook”

    exactly. It’s not just about getting off for you. It’s about how these women “wanting you” makes you feel. That’s it. Before you really look into what’s actually going on here…and realize, for them, it’s not even about YOU in the least..

    I would also like to point out something moxie did not mention, in regards to how this can hurt YOU.

    I dated a guy who slept w/ married women before he met me. Most he met on facebook. Most started off as friends of his. He “charmed them”, they developed a crush on him, they told him their husbands are never around, their husbands are verbally abusive, their husbands are withholding sex. Etc. and guess what? They are all still married and on to other single guys they met online, telling those guys the same bs! Some of them even have secondary facebook profiles. and on one they are carefree, single and ready to mingle! And on the other they are devoted, loving wives with children, dogs, and family vacations to Disney!

    Did he care at the end of the night? No. because he never truly took them seriously anyway. But does he now have major trust issues with women? Of course! He saw how scandalous those women were and now he thinks all women do that! And now he actually has an attitude of, “what she doesn’t know. can’t hurt her” b/c he’s put himself in that situation so many times w/ married women.

    by just consorting w/ that type, seeing it from the inside, and taking part in the deception, he finds it very difficult to believe not all women will do that if they’re in committed relationships. Of course, like you, he will SAY he knows not all women are that way. But deep down, also like you, experience and subconscious feelings kick in, and convince you that the reason you can’t seem to find a good girl out there b/c they are few and far between.

    ..and when you believe that, perception becomes reality.. whether it’s who you find yourself attracted to and hanging around, or the vibe you’re putting out there that is turning the good ones off.

    You being with married women if inhibiting you from finding a good relationship w/ a single girl, who wants you for YOU – And who you can put trust into.

    You may not realize it. But we all give off an aura. Girls know when a guy is desperate, they know when he is an asshole, they feel it when “something is just not right”… and right now.. You are giving off a vibe that is preventing any good girl from taking you seriously.. because YOU don’t take yourself seriously enough to NOT go for the cheap thrills and superficial ego boosts of being w/ married women.

    If you want people to respect you. You need to respect yourself. And if you think you’re just passing time banging married women while you wait for that good relationship to fall into your lap, you’re sadly mistaken.

    I do wonder why you posted on here. Did you just want to convince people of your viewpoint, or did you sincerely want to hear an honest opinion so you have something to reflect on? Because I hope you really do reflect on some of this instead of simply brushing it off and composing a quick retort. You can’t keep putting it on sheisty women for why you’re 38 and single, whether you love being single or not.. You need to take some responsibility for the position you’re in and admit to yourself what is really going on here.

    ~C

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    • AnotherDay Says:

      puretink@aol.com :“Heck, I’ve even been friends with women WHILE they were single and THEN years later they got married and THEN we slept together. IF it would have been *just about sex*…wouldn’t it have happened when she was single ?”
      no.this statement just proves moxie’s point that it’s not necessarily about YOU or some connection they have with you, and more about their marriage and their husband. (if they liked you so much why not get w/ you when they were actually available?)
      ~C

      Precisely. Even if those women wanted to date him when they were single, (as I’m sure he’ll immediately comment in a reply) he didn’t want them. Because he’s getting a thrill from the fact that they’re married. Either one party or the other wasn’t good enough when they were both available.

      He comes off like he wants to sound like a cocky player, but he sounds desperate just beneath the surface.

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      • ~H Says:

        LOL @ both of you. No, if anything it further proves My point.

        If it was JUST a physical thing ..thenm yes, it SHOULD have happened when we FIRST met.

        However, once you invest that time and someone gets to KNOW you, I think we can all agree that looks become LESS of a barrier.

        I’m not the greatest looking guy, BUT Im not ugly by any means. However, I’ve never been the type to just SCORE chicks because I’m *HOT* either. I DEF earn My way in. So, indeed, it IS about the connection that is formed thru time.

        Luckily, for me ..~C knows Me in real life and she can attest that I may come off as a *cocky player* but I am a nice guy..and I am FAR from desperate as she can also attest to. ;)

        FAIL x 2 already on here with hater guys.

        Is THIS what Im going to run into on this blog ? Guys who have nothing better to do than to TRY and attack OTHER guys ? lol

        ~H

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  8. ~H Says:

    AnotherDay :I think he sounds like kind of a moron. And what’s with all the “lol”s? The fact that he jumped down your throat after you made a relatively benign comment, yet he asked a question on a subject that was obviously going to get him some heat seems a little odd. I really don’t care either way if people sleep with married people, I admit I have done it (though wouldn’t do it again) but I don’t agree with much of what he is saying. Anyway go ahead “H”, crucify me.

    I’m not going to *crucify* you because if you think I sound like kind of a moron..well, hey that is your opinion. lol It’s not a catty attack like the other comment was…which is why I treated it as such. :)

    Do I expect *heat* ESPECIALLY over a topic like THIS ? Sure. However, I expect it in the form of intelligent discussion and debate..or at least I would hope. :)

    ~H

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    • AnotherDay Says:

      I actually think you have gotten a lot of thoughtful commentary. You certainly seem to have spent a lot of time responding to all of comments from others. Of course you’re going to get some touchy responses as well because it is a topic that tends to be polarizing.

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  9. rt6533@gmail.com Says:

    stop using so many smiley faces, ~H. Its extremely annoying. Grow up.

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    • AnotherDay Says:

      He has to use a lot of smileys and lols because he’s extremely happy (some might say euphoric) and needs to convey this to everyone.

      H – maybe you should stop typing for a minute and compose yourself so you don’t run through your lifetime allotment of emoticons.

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  10. Vox Says:

    This is nothing more than a vanity thread. If the OP is happily shagging married women, and feels good about his decision, why write the letter? I get the sense he is happily masturbating while he reads the comments. Most of us do questionable things from time to time, but we keep our mouths shut about it instead of running around bragging or demanding an “intelligent discussion” about our shady activities.

    Stroke your own ego, OP.

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  11. dimplz Says:

    I don’t believe it’s proper because I try to be true to my faith, which indicates that any sex outside of a marriage is adultery. However, I don’t believe that unmarried people are exempt from having morals. My friend remembers her mother sneaking her lover into her home and having my friend lie to her father about it. That’s damaging to a child. If someone thinks they are not contributing to the decline of a family by encouraging and engaging with a married person, think again. My friend hated her mother for a long time for what she did to her father, and her father forgave his wife and they stayed together.

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  12. chillybeans Says:

    Agree with Vox-H, why do you need validation on this?

    Putting aside all moral considerations-have you thought about what might happen to you if one of these husbands finds out you are sleeping with his wife? That he might seriously mess you up?

    My ex husband stalked one of my BFs (three years after we separated, and he is the one who cheated on me!) so bad that he had to go to the police.
    You may think that you won’t ever get caught but trust me, the truth has a way of coming out. Especially since you are flaunting it…..

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  13. Paula Says:

    Since you seem determined to reply to every post, H (which is usually frowned upon by OPs), let’s ask this: why, in 15 years, have you only been involved with married women? Obviously, not one of them has resulted in an actual relationship. If at 38, you “would LIKE to be in a relationship with the RIGHT person, but until THAT person comes along, I will keep doing what I’m doing,” why has that person never come along?

    I can understand falling in love with one person who happens to be married and deciding that this person is worth doing something you know is wrong. (I don’t condone it, but I understand it). I don’t understand doing it over and over and over. There are plenty of single women who want to have sex, and since you “have nothing against them,” how ’bout starting to put some of your parts against them?

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    • AnotherDay Says:

      I don’t get the sense that he has *only* been with married women in 15 years. But I have a feeling he’s going to tell us…

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  14. Chych57 Says:

    Hey H…where do you live? ;-)

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  15. Jada Says:

    Moxie’s reply is very good. And to answer the OP’s question, yes, I think it is wrong to have sex with married people.

    But I think the more glaring issue that needs to be addressed is that it seems painfully obvious to me that Henry has sex with married women not because of the women or the sex, so much as for their husbands. I highly doubt that Henry could ever admit that or have even an iota of the self awareness necessary to delve in deeply to the dark side of his psyche in order to acknowledge it. But nevertheless, this is all about his trying to get one over on another man, to be superior to other men that make him feel insignificant, to reassert his masculinity and virility or maybe even to work out some kind of tragic daddy issues.

    If I had to guess, I would bet that Henry has some kind of low paying job that puts him in direct contact with and in a subordinate position to a lot of wealthy people. He’s also probably pretty fit and attractive. Maybe something like a personal trainer? He might not have the houses, cars, income and trophy wives like the men around him, but he can fuck their wives!

    It’s sad and pathetic. But then again, so is his complete lack of conviction in the strength of his own words that he needs to try and empower them with all kinds of visual emphasis and emoticons.

    Sad, pathetic, little “man.”

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    • andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      “But I think the more glaring issue that needs to be addressed is that it seems painfully obvious to me that Henry has sex with married women not because of the women or the sex, so much as for their husbands.”

      Co-sign with this. This guy’s need to believe he is somehow fulfilling these women in ways their husband can’t or won’t is what gets him off. That and the idea that he’s being naughty. Please. Some dude who gets a little action from some bored housewife is a staple in Manhattan. I’ll bet many of the husbands are totally aware that their wives are stepping out and couldn’t care less. If anything H. is doing those guys a favor by occupying their wives while they have a go with their secretary or are entertaining a client.

      I was just talking about something similar in a workshop we held on Monday. Anytime you read a dating profile and they person puts down their own gender, be careful. If they say things like they are different than most guys or not like other guys or try to separate themselves from the rest of their gender, it’s usually because they’re insecure somehow. In order to elevate themselves, they have to put down their competition.

      That’s what H. is doing. He really thinks that these women see him as some bright spot in their otherwise dreary days.

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      I agree with this too, especially given his overreaction to my silly comment. I don’t know that I’d go so far as to say he’s a personal trainer or to that degree of detail, but I do believe that he has the success with women he claims he does. It’s not just bragging. It is far more interesting to me to analyze people like him, and get to the root of this type of public bravado (and why women are in fact drawn to him) than to wring hands over whether it’s okay to date married people. So, maybe the ladies can answer why Mr. H is successful. Because he’s good looking??

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      • andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        Successs is subjective. I would say this is largely dependent on the kind of women he befriends. If you pander to a certain type of woman, i.e. the lonely, the insecure, the unattractive, your success rate will be higher. A woman who isn’t getting what she needs from her husband or any other men are prime real estate to men like H. It’s rare that you’ll see a man like this with an attractive, stable, confident woman. Men like this intentionally go for the woman they believe is damaged in some way. It is only to those women that men like this have any credibility. And sometimes these men end up being preyed upon themselves, usually by manipulative women who, more than anything else, have an inordinate need for attention. It’s the whole Savior Complex.

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  16. jdahlk1@gmail.com Says:

    Can I get a “And Thaaaaaat’s Why You’re Single” here?

    “My situations in the last 15 years of engaging in this kind of behavior, it has pretty much NEVER JUST *been about sex*. Almost ALWAYS starts out as friendship. A trust is developed. A bond is formed. A comfort zone is attained”.

    Then: “As for Me, Yes, I am STRICTLY in it for the sex”.

    Say what? You are a sea of contradictions. But wait, I’ll bet you’ll tell me that “bond”, “friendship” and “trust” is only for the women right? Just so you can strictly have sex with them?
    As other people have said, you like unavailable people. I also get the sense you like this sort of competition w/the husband as you think you are this ‘provider’ that the husband isn’t. People challenge you on this post and you appear defensive. I don’t think you could ever be in a relationship where a woman would challenge you. That would be too much work for you-emotionally. And really, if you really felt you were in the right with your behavior, you wouldn’t have posted and become defensive of people’s responses. There is a part of you that does question this….and that’s ok. I mean, hey, you’ve been doing this now for 15 years…I would imagine that it gets a little old.

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  17. Loy Says:

    Wow H., you don’t have a clue here. First off cheating, any way you twist it is wrong. I agree the responsibility mainly belongs to the person in the relationship but you hold some responsibility here too. Especially considering that you habitually sleep with married women. I could maybe(and I mean maybe) understand if you met one woman and created a bond and it eventually lead to an affair or sex. But it sounds as if you seek out these types of scenarios. And, you know what they say…practice makes perfect.

    My gut tells me you are scared shitless of a relationship and women period. If you only or mainly sleep with unavailable women you will never be let down or disappointed. It’s “safe”. You don’t EVER have to worry about being a disappointment to anyone…because you are only there to perform a “service” without the responsibility of your actions. Or maybe you are a woman hater, and you are reinforcing to yourself that all women will cheat..or are bad. You have first knowledge of this…You’ve even helped set the stage.

    I am curious if you ever had a meaningful relationship? How long did it last? How did it end?

    Anyway you slice it Don Juan you are compensating for something lacking in you or your abilities. Your’e not special…you’re just sad.

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  18. Saj Says:

    I actually have a lot of personal experience with something like this. The man in question was someone I knew when I was single and the flirting and such didn’t really stop after I got married. Just from observing his actions I could tell he also got a perverse thrill over *getting one over on a guy* however once he met my husband (a horrible idea but whatever I was desperate to try to get out of this cycle) he liked him a lot and only then did guilt over what he was doing started to manifest. However this type of guy would be the LAST one to shout from the rooftops about what he was up to.

    What we got here folks is a bona fide drama queen. This whole post has been a display of your thrill on getting off from confrontation and drama. You can call yourself a complicated little flower all you want but unless you are interfering with someone’s life in an impactful way (and instead of positive you opt for the negative) then you just don’t feel all that alive or special.

    The reason you aren’t dating single girls is because that situation is just too simple and NORMAL. It wouldn’t vibe well with the complicated sex god that you need reinforced into your noggin. You admitted you like a challenge and that’s either a girl who dislikes you (I bet these were the single girls you spent effort wooing) or someone in a relationship or a combination of the two. It was of utmost importance that you were occupying space in these women’s heads and it was of utmost importance that you felt you could alter their lives in such a way that it would risk whatever security and comfort that they had if only as proof that in someway to them you mattered.

    You post here because you again need attention and drama and debate to feel like a special little flower. I’ve been in the mindset and that shit eats away at you and becomes exhausting. I wonder if it will ever become that way for you or you are just too simple minded to even want to think about it.

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  19. Cricri Says:

    First off, who can take seriously any 38 Yo using LOL that much???!!!
    That H guys sounds like a sad deluded guy trying to convince himself that he is not being used. He’s the equivalent of Moxie’s ” I’m having sex so I’m empowered” woman character, and God know she’s a sad one. Ask yourself this, if someone kills another and you help them dispose of the body, what does that make you? Not the killer but a sure accomplice, which is punishable by law. So there is really no base here for you to feel off the hook for your actions. And it’s quite disturbing you don’t understand/care about their consequences, isn’t that a trait associated with sociopaths?
    I totally agree with one of the readers up who cautioned against seeking/enjoying the company of cheating spouses as it will deform one’s perception of the other sex. This is something that is advised most of the time to women but it also works for men. If I hang out with women always complaining how their partners are horrible, guess what that would make me reticent/fearful from engaging with men in general and letting my guard down in order to find some one fit to be in a relationship with.

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  20. Trouble Says:

    Here’s the thing about people who cheat:

    They lie.

    This is it, absolutely. A cheater will tell you whatever he/she thinks you need to hear to spread your legs. The. End.

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  21. sarah Says:

    This dude sounds sooooooo broken. Why does he only want OPP? Because…….it is safe for him. he will never be ihn a real relationship for anyone. I bet if any of these women said they were leaving their husbands, he would head for the hills. i think women cheat because something is missing from their relationship. Men I believe mostly cheat because they can. Like players, who are friends with a bunch of players. They all encourage each other’s bad behavior. Still another group of cheaters are the ones who want to break up, hoping they will get caught as a passive aggressive approach to ending things. the great ann Landers once said “advice is something you ask for when you know the answer but wish you didn’t”. this dude knows what he is doing is wrong. He is using this forum hoping someone will say there is nothing wrong with what he is doing. As for these women, they may be in loveless marriages but due to finances, help w kids, etc, they are choosing to stay. Some women do have shitty sex lives w their spouses, too. They use this dude as an outlet. i assume he must be well hung.

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  22. dana Says:

    He’s not Vince Vaughn’s character (I’ve got a stage five clinger), or even Owen Wilson’s character ” we’re not so young anymore.”
    but most like Will Ferrell’s guy, still living with his Mom. Whopee!

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  23. ~R Says:

    Wow! Guessing by how much the commenters are compelled to bash ~H, it’s clear where the general opinion on this subject stands.

    IMHO, ~H: it does not sound like you’re rushing into your decisions and have put enough thought into this. I’m with you. You should do what seems right to you. Responsibly.

    A comment for Moxie – it might be worth your while to examine why you had the uncontrolled urge to put down ~H in your post. You could as well have just posted your 2 cents and be done with it.

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    • andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      ~R :

      Wow! Guessing by how much the commenters are compelled to bash ~H, it’s clear where the general opinion on this subject stands.

      IMHO, ~H: it does not sound like you’re rushing into your decisions and have put enough thought into this. I’m with you. You should do what seems right to you. Responsibly.

      A comment for Moxie – it might be worth your while to examine why you had the uncontrolled urge to put down ~H in your post. You could as well have just posted your 2 cents and be done with it.

      Oh My God. if you think this was me putting H down then you have not been reading for very long. Any long time reader would know that I’m the last person who should put down someone for getting involved with a married person. (Not that I’ve ever slept with one. I haven’t. But I’ve had an emotional affair with one.)

      H submitted this letter with the intention of getting people riled up. So please. He got what he was looking for. Attention.

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  24. ~R Says:

    andthatswhyyouresingle :

    ~R :
    Wow! Guessing by how much the commenters are compelled to bash ~H, it’s clear where the general opinion on this subject stands.
    IMHO, ~H: it does not sound like you’re rushing into your decisions and have put enough thought into this. I’m with you. You should do what seems right to you. Responsibly.
    A comment for Moxie – it might be worth your while to examine why you had the uncontrolled urge to put down ~H in your post. You could as well have just posted your 2 cents and be done with it.

    Oh My God. if you think this was me putting H down then you have not been reading for very long. Any long time reader would know that I’m the last person who should put down someone for getting involved with a married person. (Not that I’ve ever slept with one. I haven’t. But I’ve had an emotional affair with one.)
    H submitted this letter with the intention of getting people riled up. So please. He got what he was looking for. Attention.

    I’ll quote a few of your words:

    “You’re just a port in a storm. Not so romantic or sexy when you realize it could be any warm body they’re lying next to, is it?”

    “So this connection you say you form with them? It’s likely all in your head.”

    “You’re filler.”

    “you ain’t that special.”

    “Don’t kid yourself in to think you’re providing something their husband isn’t.”

    If you insist you’re not trying to put ~H down or take away credit that he thinks he deserves, it’s all good.

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