Okay, Andrew Dice Lay. I’ll take this challenge.
My whole outlook about married women is: If I WANT to enjoy fucking so n so …and she is making herself available to Me …WHY not?
This might not be popular, but I agree that you are not responsible for someone else’s marriage. You’re not the one who took the vows, they are. Do I believe in karma? Yep. I sure do. Listen, we can excuse it all we like. But we know that we are partaking in something that, if discovered, could destroy a relationship and someone’s ability to ever fully trust again. So while you’re not responsible for her marriage, you are responsible for your participation and the potential fall out from that. We tell ourselves whatever we need to, because usually we’re doing it for our own selfish reasons.
I feel my sleeping with these women HELPS their marriage. Why? Because they are obviously lacking SOMETHING in their relationship (not necessarily the sex)
If you’re SINGLE and consort with and sleep with married people, is it preventing you from having a REAL relationship of your own ?? (Keep in mind, I am FINE with being single and happy. I’m 38 and would LIKE to be in a relationship with the RIGHT person, but until THAT person comes along, I will keep doing what I’m doing )
I think it depends on why you’re engaging in that particular relationship. If you’re in it strictly for the sex, then I don’t think it will prevent you from meeting someone else. That is, unless the sex is so good that all other sex pales in comparison. If you’re getting something out of these relationships other than physical gratification, then yes, I think engaging in such arrangements will get in the way. These arrangements are placebos of sorts. They keep us going and convince of things that aren’t necessarily real or true. But we engage in these no strings situations anyway, knowing they might hurt us or keep us further from our goal. We get lonely, we’re lacking the stimulation and attention that having a partner provides. I’m certainly not justifying those instances where we get involved with someone who is taken. But loneliness is a powerful motivator sometimes. It can encourage someone to do just about anything if they don’t have the proper coping skills in place at that moment.
Just from reading your letter, there seems to be something about being The Go To Guy for these women that works for you. You like the idea of being their stud. So much so that you believe what they tell you.
Here’s the thing about people who cheat:
They will say whatever it is they think will keep their side dish providing whatever it is that they want. Sure, maybe you’re giving it to them in ways their husbands don’t. Maybe you’re more well endowed. Whatever. They’re appealing to your ego because they feel like they have to. They know that’s why you’re doing it. It’s not just about the sex for you, I don’t think. It’s about the attention, how these women make you feel.
I think you want to believe whatever it is that makes you feel special to these women. You tell yourself, or maybe believe them when they say, that there’s something broken about their marriage. That way you can feel like a Savior of sorts. It could very well be that these women are married to men who are never around, who don’t pay them attention, etc. What you’re not getting is that they’re reaching out to you because they’re hurt. Or bored. Or horny. You’re just a port in a storm. Not so romantic or sexy when you realize it could be any warm body they’re lying next to, is it?
So this connection you say you form with them? It’s likely all in your head. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their relationship with their husband. You’re filler. They’re actions are reactions to how their husbands make them feel and not so much how you make them feel. To put it bluntly, you ain’t that special. In some cases, they don’t even realize that. Anything to keep them from feeling what they’re feeling or not feeling.
Don’t kid yourself in to think you’re providing something their husband isn’t. That might be the case sometimes, but not always.
That just might be how you justify doing it in the first place.
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