Name: whatthehell?? | | Location: Everett , WA |Question: I recently met a guy for coffee. We had only IM’d and had never even spoken on the phone. When we met up, I found myself sitting across from a 10. I can’t do him justice in typing this, except to say that he clearly has mastered the art of creating a masterpiece out of his body. His muscles were HUGE, his face was perfect, and he was smart and witty the entire time.
We talked for 3.5hrs. When we parted ways, we hugged. He said to me, “Did you feel that? I felt it.” (I am assuming he met a “VIBE” or something like that) Anyway, we parted ways.
I am pushing 34 and this guy is 26. Looks wise? I don’t look old or anything in the face, but I am overweight, out of shape, etc. (a good 50 lbs)I did not really expect to hear from him again, as, in my opinion, we don’t have a whole lot in common. HOwever, the convo was stimulating, and was of the intellectual variety. He did not try anything sexual or even speak to me in that way.
He texted me the next day to tell me he had a great time.He texted me the day after that telling me he was thinking about the great convo we had, and was wondering how soon I would like to see him again, and asking questions about my schedule (as I am a single mom.. hard to get out!)
My question is this: (and I giggle as I type this, because I know I sound like the lowest self esteem weirdo on the planet)… What is this guy doing? I am baffled. I would like to say it is my amazing personality, charm, etc.. but come on. He’s 26 and has all the options in the world. I don’t get it. What do you think? |Age: 33
In my original response back in 2009, I assumed he had to be pulling your leg somehow or looking to use you. Now, as I read this again, I’m wondering if maybe this guy wasn’t always some chiseled, well sculpted God. Maybe he became that way after spending many years as the nerdy guy on the beach who used to get sand kicked in his face. On the outside he’s the Adonis. But on the inside he’s still that insecure guy. So, while I still maintain that we are attracted to what we know and that like attracts like, what I didn’t consider originally was who he was on the inside.
This makes me curious about if what we are attracted to or our respective “type” changes if we make external alterations in our appearance. Does who we find attractive or sexy change as our bodies or looks change? Or do we make a conscious choice to pursue and date people who are more objectively attractive because we think we should?
I’m less concerned with the difference in your respective looks and more concerned with the age difference. These younger guys that pursue older women always strike me as clueless or up to no good. Or looking for a Mommy. I can’t help but feel like this guy just wants his chance to sleep with the “older, more experienced woman.” Online dating sites are full of those guys. They’re the ones that always say “age is just a number” or some other tired cliché. My feeling is, 95% of the time, if a younger man pursues a woman much older than him, it’s for the sex. And he doesn’t necessarily have to be attracted to that woman, either. He just wants the experience, the story to tell. It’s not odd that a guy would make a ton of effort or show great interest even though he’s just looking for sex. Many men, of all ages, will invest a lot of time just for the sex. They’re the same guys who bail after 2 or 3 dates, or who suddenly become less responsive and attentive after you do have sex.
He said to me, “Did you feel that? I felt it.”
Yeah, that’s called the power of suggestion. People don’t really say things like that. When someone uses a line that you’d hear on a prime time drama or in a romcom, something that strikes you as a little too cute or dramatic…they’re usually lying. You know those lines when you hear them, too. You get a little twinge in your gut or they make you crinkle your forehead. Those lines jump out at you.
If you both did truly feel it, he wouldn’t have had to verbally point that out. If anything, he strikes me as really needy and inexperienced with relationships. Maybe even a bit insecure. Regardless of how you look, desperation or the need for approval from others, especially strangers, is never a good sign. It’s obviously important to him to know that you feel whatever it is he thinks or claims to be feeling. This guy is just trying too hard.
I don’t trust these guys who seem too interested too soon. I know that makes me sound paranoid but…this guy is 26. She’s almost 34 and has a child. Something just isn’t right here. He very well could be attracted to her, but I think there are deeper issues or reasons for why he’s pursuing her that has nothing to do with physical attraction.
Like I’ve said before, when something feels “off” that’s usually because it is.