Name: Elle | Location: New York , New York |Question: Hi Moxie. I need some advice. I met this guy, Mark, through a mutual friend at Mark’s New Year’s Eve party. Mark likes to take pictures of others (and pics of himself with others) at his parties and he took a pic of me with our mutual friend. He made a comment about how nice my boobs were to our friend but our friend just laughed it off as a joke.
But since then Mark has showed strong interest in me and I noticed him starring at me at several times during the night. I asked our friend what’s the deal with Mark and that I think he’s interested in me but my friend just dismissed it as said he’s just a flirt. At the end of the night, Mark asked for my number.
We spoke mostly by text for the couple days and things were “normal” getting-to-know you type talk. We talked about our likes and dislikes along with possible date activities. Mark invited me to another party of his the following Saturday and told me that I could come for free. After the 4th day of texting back and forth, we began speaking by telephone.
So I came to the Mark’s party the following Saturday and brought another friend. I noticed that Mark was very “touchy-feely” with me and was making all sorts of flirty comments about my breast, legs, and overall appearance. Mark was constantly checking on us and was always in my face making sexually suggestive comments. My friend thought we had been dating for a while based on his behavior but when I told her that we had not gone out on a date yet, my friend got very upset and approached Mark and demanded that he take me out on a date.
Mark was shocked and stated that he did not have a problem taking me out on a date it just that he didn’t know that I liked him like that so he didn’t ask. He also asked my friend if I was treating and I took offense to that. Mark responded by saying it was a joke and laughed it off. Sometime later, my friend and I left the party but not before saying goodbye to Mark. Mark gave me a big hug and kissed me on both cheeks and invited me to his next party the following week.
Mark and I spoke the following morning and I apologized for my friend’s rant. Mark stated that he didn’t mind taking me out on a date and proceeded to invite me to an outing that evening. I couldn’t make the outing due to work obligations and he said that was okay although he did sound a little frustrated. The conversation was pleasant otherwise and Mark continued to make plans for our first date sometime in the future. Mark then had to get off the phone and he promised to call me back later.
Mark didn’t call back but he did post to his Facebook page pictures from the last party we attended and I was the most photographed girl at Mark’s party. He tagged me in these pictures and all my friends and family thought Mark was my new boyfriend based on how close we were and how we looked in these pictures.
Later that day, my friend that I brought with me to the party told me that she friend requested Mark on Facebook and that Mark and her began to message each other. My friend read the message chain to me and my friend asked Mark again to take me out on a date since he was showing such strong interest in me. Mark replied that he would take me out if I first took him. He also said that “chivalry is dead…” My friend again told Mark to take me out on a date and she assured him that I would have a good time. She also asked him to follow-up with her and to tell her how the date went.
I was outraged at both my friend and Mark. I was upset that my friend would meddle so much in my personal life and her follow-up request to Mark gave me great pause. Furthermore, Mark’s comment about taking him out first was very disturbing and was contrary to our telephone conversations.
Mark’s phone calls and texts became infrequent and it seemed like Mark was distancing himself from me. However, Mark did invite me to his private birthday dinner that week but I didn’t go because I didn’t know where things stood between us.
That is until I saw Mark at another party that following Saturday. He was surprised to see me and he didn’t think I was going to come. We spoke cordially for a few minutes and then he began to compliment me on my clothing and my appearance. He then asked to hug me and he gave me a warm embrace. He told me that the party was for a relative’s birthday and I told Mark that I wanted to keep my distance from him since his child’s mother would be there.
Mark assured me that everything was fine and he took me by the hand and introduced me to some of his relatives. He had already told them about me and it seemed like they already knew me. For the rest of the night, I hung out with my friend on the other side of the dance floor and Mark continuously walked across the crowded dance floor to spend time with me. We spoke about “normal” things but this time Mark took his touchy-feely behavior to another level. Along with the usually flirtation comments about my breast, Mark began to hold and caress me in front of everyone – even touching body parts that, let’s say, are usually touched by someone’s partner in private.
He told me that he wanted to go back to my place but he then changed his mind and said it was too far. Next, Mark went to my friend and told her that we were going to drop her off early and, since it was the holiday weekend, he would bring me back to work on Tuesday. But when I asked Mark if he was sure of all this, Mark stated that he would never ask me to drop my friend off early.
Mark then began to tell me how he just started his new job next month and about how he had to sell his cars to make ends meet because he had been unemployed for a year…. Mark stated that he usually doesn’t have trouble finding a job but he became lazy in his job search so it took longer than usual to land this job. I told Mark that I do not like lazy men and he assured me that he was not lazy – just tired…After that, Mark resumed his touchy-feely dance routine as usual.
At the end of the night, Mark said goodbye and we gave each other a romantic hug. Mark also invited me to his next party this Saturday. I told Mark I would try to make it and that hoped to see him soon and he agreed that we would. Mark never contacted me after that.
Three days later he posted pictures from the party on his Facebook page, including the pictures we took together. Everyone really started to believe we were a couple based on these pictures again but actually we are not. I texted Mark that night and told him that the pictures were nice as usual. He only replied “Thanks” and I haven’t heard from Mark since.
Is Mark stringing me along and acting like a male tease? What would make Mark suddenly change like that? |Age: 33
Mark didn’t suddenly change. He was never interested in the first place. He’s a party/club promoter. Part of his job is making sure attractive women attend his parties. That way he can take pictures of them and post them on his Facebook page so people will want to come to his events. He’s also a raging attention whore, another trait of party promoters. Being the “host” of a party makes you the center of attention, the most important person in the room.
This guy is not genuine. He’s not even a player. He’s just some dude trying to make money by promoting parties. He’s not relationship material whatsoever. Think about it. He spends countless hours in clubs and bars flirting with women so they will come to his parties. I guarantee you that at any given time he’s using the same schtick with multiple ladies. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he was some kind of deadbeat looking to leech off some unsuspecting, vulnerable woman.
You saw through him, whether you’re aware of it or not. When you made it clear that you don’t like lazy men, he fled. The game is only fun when the object of someone’s manipulations doesn’t realize it’s a game. This guy is lazy in that he doesn’t want to have to work too hard at convincing people he’s sincere. The goal for him is to make as little effort as possible and reap all the benefits.
He even managed to rope your friend in to his web by getting her all worked up. What’s up with her friend requesting him on FB, by the way? And why is she so concerned about whether or not this guy has asked you out? This guy is a master manipulator, a Svengali. He makes women think whatever it is he wants them to think. He knows what he’s doing. This isn’t some guy who just genuinely isn’t aware of how his behavior affects others. No. This guy is VERY aware. And clearly very successful at these head games.Look at how he has you and your friend showering him with attention and analyzing his every word and action. These types of people are dangerous to one’s emotional and mental well being. They want to be the center of attention, the focal point of someone’s life. They thrive off the idea that thoughts of them consume people. He is not an enigma. He’s just your garden variety douche. The life he presents to you is not his real life. It’s an act.
Ignore him. Do not engage. This guy has already gotten in to your head. Get him out now before he does real damage.