Badger made an excellent point in his post Cattiness and the un-selected-man. He pointed out that when women like the Gizmodo blogger shred a date they deem unworthy they raise the risk level men perceive in traditional dating:
It’s not enough for a man to be politely rejected and sent on his way; you have to be humiliated, placed in the virtual stocks so that the world knows the insufferable wrong you’ve inflicted on her by not being good enough for her dreams.
…it only has to happen once before a guy replays the movie in his head every time he considers approaching a woman, and oftentimes decides not to even when he might be slated for success.
What women like are doing by punishing men they deem unworthy is raising the searching costs associated with finding a mate in the traditional way. They don’t perceive a loss to themselves by doing this because searching costs are born almost exclusively by men when women are young (at least under the traditional model). It isn’t just the threat of nuclear rejection which has raised the cost of traditional dating for men however, it is the additional uncertainty which men experience as women move more and more towards full fledged choice addiction.
I don’t understand why public trashing of unworthy men (or men who spurned them) is such an intense passion of young female blogresses; the orgasms of anger and seeking of support from the echo-chamber comments was/is the most pathetic element of whiny Ally McBeal-esque blogs …….. My theory is that they were raised to think they would have it all, and commitment from worthy men is the final frontier they haven’t crossed, the one thing that no one can mandate they receive, that no Reviving Ophelia movement or special workplace initiative can give them. I’m loath to scapegoat feminism when Occam’s Razor gives us closer, simpler causes – our increasingly narcissistic, status-obssessed society, and Millenial helicopter parenting that sought to ensure nothing bad would ever happen to them.
Interesting. Has the fear of rejection gotten worse for men? Why or why not?
And how much does social media and blogging contribute to this perceived increased fear?