Why has there been such a inundation of questions, concerns, and comments all regarding men that revolve around how they think, what they want, don’t want, how to get and keep a man etc etc etc….?
Lately I’ve been wondering do men have all these discussions revolving around women? jmo- but I have yet to see numerous blogs, public forums, articles, and discussions from men about how to keep women and what women want and how women think? Not saying there aren’t any, but not nearly as many articles and discussions on men trying to get and keep women. I think this is one of the reasons why women have so many issues with men and find it so hard to get and keep a man. We put waaaaay too much thought and effort into it instead of just being ourselves and letting a man come to us who appreciates and respects and wants us for who we are, just as we are. I have been watching the Tough Love show lately with the host (a guy) trying to teach women how to get and keep a man. I have never seen a show where a female host taught men how to get, keep and please women. I think that we as women give men too much power and too much of the upper hand. Men know they are a hot commodity nowadays and in high demand and they act on that accordingly. They know the playing field is not level and they can “have it their way” most of the time with many women. I think part of this is women’s fault for putting so much time and effort and discussion into figuring out men’s minds and how to please them and keep them. We have forgotten about us and the discussions about our wants and needs because sometimes we get “a good man” and we’re still not happy and satisfied with him because our needs, wants, and desires as women are not being met consistently. What is your opinion on this new trend of the barrage of discussions and blogs that seem to revolve around what men like, want, need and how to get them, satisfy them, and keep them?
I have never seen a show where a female host taught men how to get, keep and please women.
That’s because, I think, men see the spectacularly bad advice women give to each other and have no interest in being tutored by a female. They want to hear it from a man, and those shows and websites absolutely exist. (As a side note, I actually like Steve Ward and think he gives some great advice. ) As someone said recently, women are kind of screwed in that we don’t really get the advice we need. We get the advice we want. Our female friends are either handling us with kid gloves because they fear the loss of a friendship OR they’re sabotaging us on either a conscious or unconscious level.
We have forgotten about us and the discussions about our wants and needs because sometimes we get “a good man” and we’re still not happy and satisfied with him because our needs, wants, and desires as women are not being met consistently.
And that right there is the answer to your question, Bree. All of these forums and blogs and whatnot where women gather to to discuss men is just an online version of what we do with friends. We’re not really looking for answers when we poll our friends on what to do. We’re just looking to complain and vent and be told what we want to hear. These forums encourage and fuel our self-obsession. That’s what social media in general has done…made us all famous. Now it’s all “Look at ME!”
I strongly disagree that we’ve forgotten about us. If anything, it’s just the opposite. We’re so consumed with ourselves that we don’t have the mental bandwith needed to consider men. We say that’s what we’re doing and we say that’s what we want. But is it? Because somewhere along the way these sites went from being about distributing information and building a community to just bitching and mocking the opposite sex. It’s just a bunch of white noise disguised as introspection. The women who really do want insight and want to change are usually lost amongst the masses or being misguided.
Why do blogs exist? Many exist to blame men as the reason why those particular women are single. Forget the fact that they’ve gone on so many dates that they’ve lost count and nothing has materialized. It’s not them. It’s the guys. They’re wishy washy, creepy, lazy, sex addicts only after one thing, ruled by their hormones who all want to bang 20 year olds. Like Angeline said in a recent comment, putting men on a public spit and roasting them is a great way to distract people from the real issue – THEM.
These writers will lay out their list of standards and tell men they have to “man-up”…and then, by the end of date one or two, just because the man asked them out via phone instead of text, she’ll be in his bed. (That just happened to my friend M. with a woman he met on OKCupid. Found her blog, read it, went out with her and she was in his bed by date 2. So much for all those standards and rules, huh?) But if she does that, she’s empowered. In fact, if she expresses any fondness for sex she either endlessly defends her right to it or she’s heralded as a sexually empowered woman. But if a man does that? Why, he’s a creep or a dog or a player. If she pursues casual sex and is rejected, the man is said to be threatened by her overt sexuality. It’s never, “Uh, maybe he thought you were a creeper. Or crazy. Or pushy.” It’s
Then there’s the endless barrage of essays from women promoting the upside of singledom and how being single is the single most singley thing a single can do. How is this supposed to convince men we are emotionally available and want a relationship? And then the next story is about her 545th online date gone wrong or bad attempt at a booty call.
That’s the disconnect. The inconsistency and frequency of all the messages out there.
Men know they are a hot commodity nowadays and in high demand and they act on that accordingly. They know the playing field is not level and they can “have it their way” most of the time with many women. I think part of this is women’s fault for putting so much time and effort and discussion into figuring out men’s minds and how to please them and keep them.
Exactly! By being so vocal about how we’re fed up with men and not going to take it anymore, all we’re really doing is letting men know that we have fallen for their tricks before and quite possibly will again. When women broadcast their frustrations by getting all “I am woman hear me roar” they’re letting men know that they are vulnerable. Basically, we’re handing off our playbook to the other team by being so public about all of it. Why should men up their game, so to speak, when they know there are so many women out there with flimsy standards? Even the good guys will take an opening should they see it. We make ourselves ripe for the picking. The chickens are coming home to roost, y’all. And it ain’t gonna be pretty.
There are a few forums out there where men gather to discuss women. But it’s not in the “Omigod, do you think she likes me?” vein. It’s more, “Women did this to themselves” type stuff. (Hint: We kinda did.) And no, those sites aren’t the PUA stories that we’re familiar with. These are stable, functional, able men who are now reaping the benefits of all this inconsistency and inter-gender competition. Or they are a collection of guys who, like women, have decided to forgo women all together because they don’t feel any of it is worth it. (Do yourself a favor, people, and read this site. And this one. )
I get why publicly complaining about men is so popular. Obviously. But now all that stuff is just so pervasive and overwhelming. Twitter, Blogs, Facebook…..it’s everywhere. You can’t avoid it. It just feels like too much. It’s oppressive and suffocating. It’s not encouraging growth or accountability. If anything it’s stunting us.
The only way to change this is to stop airing our dirty laundry and to stop indulging this negativity and start being more honest with ourselves that we are a part of the problem. We have contributed to the passivity of men by both publicly beating them down and not constructing and honoring our own personal codes of behavior.