Bad Online Dating Buzz Words

I was reading an interesting post on another blog about certain words women use in their online dating profile that might cause men pause.

 

Here is the list:

  • Strong and Independent
  • Sassy
  • Headstrong
  • Opinionated
  • Feisty
  • Willful
  • Bold
  • Demanding
  • Ambitious
  • Hard charging
  • Sarcastic
  • Assertive
  • Aggressive
  • A handful
  • Difficult
  • Challenging
  • Tough
  • Smart-aleck
  • Uncompromising
  • Won’t “settle”
  • Usually gets what she wants
  • Competitive
  • Outspoken

Here’s one more that I always tell my male friends to watch out for:

  • Mentions of wanting to meet a man who knows how to be a gentleman/is old-fashioned

 

Inspired by Private Man’s list, I decided to compile a list of words/phrases that would make me think twice about responding to a man’s profile. If I did respond, I would pay close attention to what he said (or didn’t say) in our email exchanges, how quickly he responded, etc.

  • Intense
  • Moody/Dark
  • Cautious
  • Loner
  • Workaholic
  • Sarcastic
  • Outspoken
  • Sensual
  • Easily bored
  • Aggressive
  • Intellectual
  • Independent
  • Free-thinker
  • Driven

 

I also hesitate when I see references to or mentions of:

  • How their children are priorities – That’s a given, really. If you feel you have to make a point of it, then you’re telling me that previous women have not been understanding. Which could mean either the women simply didn’t like not being a priority OR that your life is very complicated. Equally off putting are photos of them with their children. I’m not deterred that they have kids. I’m turned off because they are being reckless by posting photos of their children on the internet.
  • How important working out or fashion/style is to them - To me, that hints at vanity.
  • Any reference to a recent relationship
  • Statements alluding to “trying this online dating thing out” or how their friends told them they should create a profile - Either own your choice ot be there or don’t bother.
  • Too much joking around or use of self-deprecating humor – I don’t want to date Chandler Bing. This seems to be a common approach with men when they write their profiles. All it does is make me wonder why they’re trying to hard and why they don’t seem comfortable talking about themselves in a real or honest way.
  • Does not drink - Just to qualify: If I was ever contacted by a man who said in his profile that he didn’t drink, I asked why. For me, dating someone in recovery was not an issue. But I needed to know that they had been sober at least a couple years. I didn’t want to date someone who  didn’t have at least a year of  dating sober under their belt, along with another year of sobriety. 12 Step Programs recommend that people do not date in their first year of sobriety. I only would date someone in recovery if they were serious about the process and respected the program.
  • Anything that sounds like he’s issuing a challenge - “Only message me if you’re serious/aren’t easily scared/know what you want/can handle XYZ.”
  • Humblebragging – References to knowing he’s attractive or makes a lot of money. That includes user names like “Hotguyforyou” or “Doctorboi.” Also questionable are men who have to make it a point to say that they have no problem meeting women offline.
  • Quotes from female friends or ex-girlfriends - Honestly, I want to know who told these guys that this was smart.
  • Saying they want a woman who “knows how to be a lady” - Oh, so if I slurp my soup and then wipe my chin with the sleeve of my sweater..that’s not attractive? Or are you saying you want me to defer to you and curtsy when you walk in to a room?
  • Any attempts to cut down other men or demonstrate how they are better or different

 

Have any of your own?

 

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35 Responses to “Bad Online Dating Buzz Words”

  1. Michael Ahern Says:

    In full agreement with the “Mentions of wanting to meet a man who knows how to be a gentleman/is old-fashioned.” To me that is code for “looking for a sugar daddy.” The rest of the lists are quite good too but the gentleman one resonated with me and I see it frequently in profiles and always click next.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2

    • Howard Says:

      We are all entitled to our opinions. I really hope the OP’s post doesn’t now create paranoia. Some of these filters are probably overkill. Whatever happened to giving a guy a chance. Some of the best written profiles are the best players. The guy that is real, probaly doesn’t waste too much time refining his profile or even being online. He probably has some of the buzz words from your list. We seem to have gone to a perfection mode that doesn’t produce any real results anyway. The drinking bit is way off base. Lots of guys don’t drink. The intellectual bit, if the guy is a college professor or researcher, how else should he describe himself. Self depecating humor is not the worst thing out there. Some women may even like that. Some words like, outspoken, agressive and intense could signal future problems, but at the end of the day those adjectives perfectly describe the OP.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 28 Thumb down 0

  2. Single in NC Says:

    I get what you are saying about these men who feel they have to oversell themselves. But I also understand all the pressure these days in dating. I met a guy that I thought was just super nice and seemed all his friends thought so too about him. I went based on what I saw but then realized that some men are just good at hiding true personality issues even from “friends” that would turn a woman off in a relationship. My new plan is to be just guarded enough to not believe what others say about this person’s outstanding character but watch and decide for myself.

    In regards to the whole non drinking comment, I don’t drink (not even a little wine) and it isn’t because I had a problem but because I lead a very healthy lifestyle. That being said I do believe that working out is a major source of appreciation for ones body and not a vanity issue for all. I wouldn’t date a guy who didn’t have some type of fitness level that he achieved weekly. I feel that our bodies are important to living a long and happy life. I guess I beg to differ on two of the comments made on here regarding vanity issues.Though I will say that I do enjoy a man with some muscle. Okay that is my two cents.
    S in NC

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 3

    • Andrew Says:

      The drinking thing is definitely an over reation. A lot of guys don’t drink. Especially common is runners over 40.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 1

      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        I don’t drink (not even a little wine) and it isn’t because I had a problem but because I lead a very healthy lifestyle.

        Someone doesn’t have to be 100% dry to live a healthy lifestyle. This is exactly what I was referring to with the over emphasis on working out, not drinking, certain dietary choices etc. The distinct message is “I’m better than you because I don’t eat this or drink that.”

        The drinking thing is definitely an over reation. A lot of guys don’t drink. Especially common is runners over 40.
        Yes, and most of those non-drinkers are recovering alcoholics who don’t like people knowing that they’re recovering alcoholics. It;s not an issue of not drinking. It’s about wanting to be sure, if they are recovering alcoholics, they’ve gotten their sobriety under control. A sudden lifestyle change like dating or a new relationship is stressful. Someone who hasn’t had enough time to live as a sober person runs a high risk of falling off the wagon in situations like that.

        I also don’t buy the “I don’t drink because I run 10 miles every day.” That’s someone afraid to break a ritual, and that makes me wonder if the person is OCD.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 23 Thumb down 19

        • dimplz Says:

          I have to agree with this. Where is it said that wine isn’t healthy? I lead a healthy lifestyle too. But I don’t freak out if I have a piece of chocolate or a cake. It’s like someone who is religious feels bad if they sin, but they don’t go and flog themselves UNLESS they are a fanatic about it. I say I’m not a drinker, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a drink here and there. It’s just not on a weekly basis. I just wouldn’t include that in a profile. If you have to state something like that, you are drawing attention to it, and the real question is WHY are you drawing attention to something so benign and obscure. It’s not an issue that would even pop up in everyday conversation. Something more relevant to mention would be an issue that is a constant, such as children. Why are you talking about drinking/not drinking?

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

        • P. Says:

          I recently encountered a guy who doesn’t drink because of his cultural/ethnic tradition. I was convinced it was not due to an alcoholism issue, but it still relates to compatibility for me. I wasn’t sure whether he would be comfortable meeting me for happy hour drinks, even though I was the only one drinking, and even though he said he was fine with it, it was awkward. I’m not sure I would want to date a teetotaler, regardless of the reason, just as I would prefer not to date a vegetarian (because our diets are so different, it makes it difficult to find places to eat and/or cook together.)

          Dimplz, I don’t think it’s so much about specifically putting in a profile — the online dating service I use has it as a basic demographic question that appears with every profile, along with height, smoking, religion, political views, income, etc. Leaving it blank would raise just as many questions or draw just as much attention, at least on this popular site.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

        • Saj Says:

          People with OCD drink to numb the OCD….mmmmm wine makes you not care that things are dusty or your mind is racing in a million different ways.

          The not drinking thing though I guess the big issue would be. You are ok if I drink in front of you at dinner or if I’m relaxing or is that a problem? For someone who doesn’t drink for their own health it shouldn’t be…

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

          • Crotch Rocket Says:

            “You are ok if I drink in front of you at dinner or if I’m relaxing or is that a problem? For someone who doesn’t drink for their own health it shouldn’t be…” So someone who is concerned about their own health (for your sake as well as theirs) shouldn’t see any problem with you not caring about your own to the same degree? That doesn’t seem likely.

            However, I think that’s a much easier problem to deal with than the reverse: I quit drinking (for my own reasons) a while back, and I have no problem with other people drinking. However, I’ve found some of my friends and dates are uncomfortable with drinking when I’m not, probably because they know they have a problem and are unwilling to face it. (Most of my friends, though, have no problem and even appreciate having a reliable designated driver.)

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

  3. P. Says:

    The original post was interesting, to say the least…if there are a lot of bitter female bloggers out there, this guy seems like a prime example of a bitter male blogger. Right after his list, he says…

    It is important to note that many of these words and phrases are applied to men in a far more positive light. Most of these words and phrases describe successful alpha men. If a woman is applying these words to herself, she perceives herself herself as having masculine characteristics. It’s like saying “I have a penis” in an online dating profile.

    Angry much?

    Moxie’s list is much better — seems much better suited to flesh out mental illness or other serious relationship impairments, as opposed to “strong and independent” women, with whom the guy clearly has a problem. I would especially emphasize the “humblebragging,” and “just trying this out” points — any guy who thinks he’s too good, somehow, for online dating, generally isn’t.

    I would also add the guy looking for a woman who “can go from jeans to a black dress.” One, it’s such a frigging cliche. Two, most women have both in their wardrobe. Three, who are you to make fashion demands before we’ve even met? (I don’t have…”must look good in jeans and a suit” in my profile; I’m going to assume you dress appropriately for your profession and lifestyle and ask that you do the same of me.)

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 13 Thumb down 10

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      Angry much?

      I didn’t sense any anger at all. In fact, he’s spot on. When women use words like this to describe themselves, not only are they assuming negative male characteristics, but they’re revealing that “successful alpha men” (aka guys with tons of options who, for the most part, are unavailable) are the types of men that they wish to date.

      They are also the usually the same women who say they want “a gentleman.” Another example of a woman being confused about what she actually wants. They want an aggressive alpha type. But those men are the ones less likely to be tolerant of high maintenance BS. Which is why they can never seem to meet anybody that they like or that stick around.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 7

      • P. Says:

        Strong and independent should never be perceived as solely masculine characteristics. This guy says in a related post, “Strong and independent are two wonderful adjectives that belong to men” and has himself decided that any woman who considers herself strong and independent is instead “bossy and domineering.”

        Some of the other stuff, yes, that’s high maintenance BS…I don’t think either gender should be “demanding,” “aggressive,” “difficult,” or “uncompromising.” Those are just negative qualities, period.

        But someone who says…it’s OK for a man to be a certain way, but not for a woman, with qualities that otherwise have positive correlations…that’s usually an indication that someone is insecure, resentful, and/or sexist. And yes, angry. Maybe he has a female boss who he doesn’t like, or realized that someone he dated wasn’t the demure deferential type of woman he wanted, but that doesn’t mean he gets to redefine the language.

        I don’t read female profiles, so I’m not sure what others are out there saying…but I’ve had no problem attracting the type of man I’m looking for without downplaying my professional success or personality attributes.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 10

        • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

          This guy says in a related post, “Strong and independent are two wonderful adjectives that belong to men” and has himself decided that any woman who considers herself strong and independent is instead “bossy and domineering.”

          And again he would be correct. Most women who go out of their way to describe themselves as “strong and independent” usually are bossy and domineering. That doesn’t mean that they can not be described as strong and independent.

          but I’ve had no problem attracting the type of man I’m looking for without downplaying my professional success or personality attributes.

          But how many of the men you’ve dated have shown interest in having a committed/serous/ long term relationship with you? You’ve said yourself that you’re comfortable dating men who aren’t seeking a long term or serious commitment. Those men are going to be more flexible. That doesn’t mean that what they accept in a casual relationship is the same as what they’d accept in a serious relationship.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 15 Thumb down 9

          • P. Says:

            Most women who go out of their way to describe themselves as “strong and independent” usually are bossy and domineering.

            We’ll just have to disagree on that — I’ve not seen that to be the case, but again, I’m not a connoisseur of female online dating profiles. There’s also the strategic question of whether you want an innocuous profile designed to get as many responses as possible, or whether you want to screen out the ones with whom you’re less likely to be compatible. I think that strategy is probably different for men (who don’t get many responses) and women (who often get far too many responses).

            As for me, I’ll repeat what I said: I’ve had no trouble attracting the type of man I’m looking for — for the type of relationship I’m looking for and that makes me happy. If other people are having trouble, then perhaps they should modify their profile — or their personality, to the extent that’s possible.

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

            • visitor Says:

              just by two cents, from what I’ve seen and dealt with, I do agree with the OP’s post, the majority of it if not all. I’m a guy.

              first, perhaps people need to take a closer look and understand the difference between a woman who’s personal goal is to be strong and independent, and a woman who also wishes others to see her as strong and independent. the first type get their personal satisfaction by drawing boundaries, and only go on the offensive when those boundaries aren’t being respected. while the latter type, often adopt a behavior that would facilitate the way which they wish to be seen. the first type rarely announce their strength or independence, while the latter type, you can almost expect them to announce such on a regular basic and through many of their actions.

              of the female friends I have, almost all of them can be considered strong and independent, because almost all of them have proven so by their own actions and their own lifestyle. yet out of all of them, only two of them have the need to display their strong and independent self, both of them go through lengths to act both directly or indirectly, in order to get people around them recognize their strength and independence. and here is the funny thing, I can describe them both, quite easily, as bossy and domineering. and being a extremely independent guy myself, I would often run into major problems with those two because their need to display and my need to maintain my dignity as a man would come clashing.

              let me give you my own interpretation. women who find it necessary to actually constantly voicing and obviously demonstrating their strength and independence, are in my opinion, driven by deep sets of insecurity, it doesn’t mean that they are not strong and independent, nor does it mean that they are unworthy people, but it does mean, that they are so afraid of losing their own image in others eyes, that they are unable to let go, or face themselves in all honesty. and just like the OP states, such a mentality might be acceptable in a casual relationship, but it will prove to be detrimental in a serious committed relationship, because in a LTR, compromise is required from both sides, and everything will be based on give and take, advance and surrender, if the girl isn’t willing to let go and embrace the side of herself that wishes to be lead and taken care of, or any part of her power for that matter, then she will either need to find a slave of a man, or expect her man to leave her for someone that is more…. balanced.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

              • P. Says:

                Things went the direction they did because I was reacting to the original post from “Perfect Man’s” blog, which is apparently part of the “Manosphere,” male bloggers reacting to the modern dating world, feminism, etc., in a fairly negative and hostile way. I really do believe that Perfect Man has a problem with strong and independent women — not just women who choose to describe themselves that way on their online dating profiles.

                That being said, your and other points such as CR’s and DMN’s are well taken, in that there is a difference between how women really are, and how they need to describe themselves. I *am* strong. I *am* independent. I need a guy who doesn’t have a problem with that, whether for a casual fling or long-term relationship. I need a guy who doesn’t consider those adjectives that should only apply to men. I need a guy who isn’t threatened by a woman who has achieved professional success by working hard, and who can handle it if a woman makes more than he does and/or is more “successful” than he is.

                Do I need to say these things in my online profile? No, and I don’t: I’m pretty sure none of the prohibited buzzwords appear there. But I would if it screened out guys like Perfect Man and his fanboys in favor of men who want a more equal, balanced partnership in their relationships: who understand that compromise must happen on both sides, and that it’s fine, and even fun, to take turns taking the lead and surrendering.

                Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 3 Thumb down 8

                • Crotch Rocket Says:

                  “I need a guy who doesn’t consider those adjectives that should only apply to men.” I don’t think that’s what anyone is saying; if that’s who you want to be, go for it. However, the reality is that most men don’t want to date/marry women that exhibit too much of those traits, which is a subtly different thing and should be considered if that is one of your goals.

                  “I need a guy who isn’t threatened by a woman who has achieved professional success by working hard, and who can handle it if a woman makes more than he does and/or is more “successful” than he is.” I know few men who have this problem. OTOH, your professional success isn’t all that important to us and likely comes at the expense of other forms of success that are.

                  “I would if it screened out guys like Perfect Man and his fanboys in favor of men who want a more equal, balanced partnership in their relationships:” I agree that a relationship should be equal and balanced, but many women misunderstand that to mean that women and men should be the same. They have transformed themselves into men and then wonder why (straight) men don’t want to date/marry them.

                  Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

                  • P. Says:

                    Private Man actually said “strong and independent are two wonderful adjectives that belong to men,” so some people are actually out there saying things like that in the “Manosphere.”

                    But I’m curious…when you talk about women who have transformed themselves into men, what do you mean by that? Do you mean women who don’t have a feminine appearance? Or do you mean women who exhibit qualities that, when exhibited by men, are admired by both women and men, but when exhibited by women, are not similarly admired by men?

                    I think I know what Private Man means by it when he talks about women having a penis, and I frankly don’t mind if anything I say or do screens someone like him out — it would never work anyway, as I found most of the stuff I read on his site fairly offensive. But you’re someone whose opinion I respect, even if I don’t always agree, and think that most of the time, your views are representative of a lot of guys. So I would like to know what you mean by that.

                    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 3

                    • Crotch Rocket Says:

                      “when you talk about women who have transformed themselves into men, what do you mean by that?” I’m referring to how many women seem to think they need to become masculine (or what they think is masculine) to be equal to men, thereby rejecting their (and other women’s) femininity as inferior. That can only come from deep insecurity and self-loathing, which is never attractive.

                      “Do you mean women who don’t have a feminine appearance?” That’s a small part of it; just look at the ridicule Hillary Clinton has endured for her entire career for always wearing pantsuits and for her butch haircuts. There are clear physical differences between men and women, and men naturally prefer women who embrace those differences over women who try to hide or ignore them.

                      “Or do you mean women who exhibit qualities that, when exhibited by men, are admired by both women and men, but when exhibited by women, are not similarly admired by men?” That’s it, in a nutshell.

                      Furthermore, such women often model the worst, rather than the best, characteristics of men–and then wonder why neither men nor women like them. That can only come from a deep hatred of men, which for obvious reasons is not attractive to men.

                      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

      • Saj Says:

        Gentlemen are aggressive alpha males? I thought they were the laid back mellow type…
        I agree though that it can sound like your looking for a sugar daddy and may come off wrong. There are more clever ways to ask for that.

        Red flags for me in a profile would be guys referring to anything sexual. Open minded (cringe) Sensual (cringe) Adventurous (cringe). All that stuff looks like code for looking for sex above all.

        I’m a lot on what would be considered the negative stuff listed by Moxie but I’d never advertise that in a profile. I’m aggressive and stubborn but what’s the point of saying that? A guy will see it for himself and hopefully it will be balanced out by the cute mannerisms and other more positive personality traits. I’ve toned it down by just saying I’m a tom boy and list my hobbies rather then use buzz words to describe my personality. Chatting or going out on a date will let them figure that part out for themselves.

        Also I think woman shouldn’t brag too much about their jobs. Just say you have a cool job and you enjoy what you do but don’t need to go into the professional, successful, ambitious stuff. It just sounds like your bragging about things men really don’t care much about. They just care that you are happy and appear responsible.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

  4. chillybeans Says:

    “cutesey” words-golly, gosh darn,yup, nope etc-you are an adult own it and sound like one.(too many acronyms is another-leave that to the teens)

    and….things that make me pause-
    Going on and on about how wonderful your life is, how complete and fulfilled you are by your full social life and awesome career. Excuse me, it this is all true WTF are you doing on a dating website?

    Disclaimers: ie “if you don’t get a reply it’s because I’m not interested”
    Well duh!

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

  5. Robyn Says:

    I find it quite interesting that being “independent” is considered a negative characteristic for both men and women… I have always considered independence – the capability to take care of oneself and not be excessively reliant on others (particularly parents or family) for approval / money, resources to support their lifestyle / etc. – a positive characteristic more than a negative one.

    Do we have mutually conflicting requirements here? Men don’t want a woman who is looking for a sugar-daddy i.e. They do not want some one who is clearly dependent on having a man in her life who will finance all/a goodly portion of her lifestyle. But yet a women who admits to being “independent” is considered unattractive.

    Do we as women have to qualify our “independence” by saying that we’re “financially independent, can support ourselves and are not looking for a sugar-daddy”?? That just sounds too “overt” & almost weird, to me.

    Posting your actual income online (in lieu of verbal comments in profile text) is not necessarily the solution either – no matter how much or little you might earn, if you spend more than you earn, you’re not truly “financially independent” or “self-supporting”. And then there’s the thorny problem of out-earning a lot of men, which causes a variety of issues too.

    As the saying goes…. what’s a girl to do here???

    I’d be interested to hear both men & women’s opinions on this!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

    • joe-f Says:

      I think we should avoid describing ourselves using adjectives such as independent, ambitious or challenging because it may be interpreted negatively. Today’s women are independent and most fall between being a sugar baby and the ultra independent CEO. We assume you are already independent so why emphasize the point unless you really want to be the CEO and wants to warn anyone interested to know that.

      For me, the solution is to go light on my profile. No need to reveal my whole life to a stranger. Instead of saying I am ambitious, I say I like my job but it is M-F 8-6. Yes, I work a few weekends and late nights during the year but no need to bring it up as my best foot forward.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

      • dimplz Says:

        Exactly. I always treated it as well, if the person wants to know me better, they will find out who I am, and I won’t have to tell them. I used state what I enjoyed doing, always mentioned faith because that’s important to me, said I enjoyed silly movies and reading. It wasn’t this really long profile or anything. If they wanted to know more, they’d have to ask.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • dimplz Says:

      I think the reason for this is stating something that we should be as an adult. If you say, “I’m responsible,” well, shit I HOPE you are. If you’re not, eventually the person will realize it. It doesn’t take more than a few dates to realize who the person is. Not everyone is that great at pretending to be someone else, and if you’re the type of person who listens, the person will tell you exactly who they are. If they talk about themselves too much, criticize the people where you are by their dress, speak rudely to waitstaff, badmouth friends or exes, display a negative attitude with regard to sex, relationships, marriage. All of these things usually pop up on the first date. I think it’s unnecessary to say things like “I’m not a game player.” Did anyone ask? I mean, aren’t you on a dating site to meet people? So meet people. See who rises to the top. Talk is cheap. Character always wins out, and a person’s character always shows.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  6. offensivedan Says:

    Don’t forget the women who post pictures of themselves in bikinis on a boat, beach etc. That screams vanity and “golddigger.” Also, I laugh when they have to say “not looking for one night stand” or “sex.” Another one, “looking for friends.”

    And I can’t forget the profiles that are only thre sentences which consit of ” I am a happy person who always smiles. I’m looking for somone who is fun, loyal and wants to travel the globe. Also, I don’t play any games.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • chillybeans Says:

      And “loves long walks on the beach”!!!! Amazing you can even get close to a beach, considering how many people list that as a favorite activity-

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

      • dimplz Says:

        Haha I never wrote it in my profile, but I actually do take lots of walks on the beach with the bf, and surprisingly, I’ve never seen any of those other people there!

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

  7. D Says:

    I like Moxie’s list except the one about “trying this online dating thing out.” To me this is no different than saying you’re “trying kickboxing out.” It may or may not be for you so there’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that. Someone who screens for this strikes me as a “pro dater” or otherwise jaded.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

  8. Selena Says:

    One that totally turned me off you posted a few weeks ago: “I’m extremely picky so you better bring it.”

    Yeah, I’d take him at his word he’s extremely picky. Also arrogant and difficult to be around. What a catch.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

  9. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    Moxie makes good points. Though it’s hard to imagine any profile getting through all those filters. Though, I have to say, my profile comes pretty close. I guess my violation is some self-deprication but I don’t think I overdo it. I’d say I have an almost perfect profile by Moxie’s standards. If only I wasn’t such an ugly troll.

    Anyway, reason and moderation should be the rule, not reliance on “key words.” The flaw in all this here is that the words people use to describe themselves don’t always reflect the reality of the person. Many times, they reflect the opposite, in fact. A person can say, “I’m independent and strong” and be the opposite. So, its not that the guy, for example, is against dating a woman that is actually independent and strong, it is that he is skeptical of a woman that needs to announce it. But, to some extent, this is a universal issue with online profile writing. It’s not a blog and not everyone is a poet.

    The things that seem to matter in online dating – intelligence, humor and good looks – should be apparent from the good writing and the pretty photos. So, one need not go on and on the profile describing those things about yourself.

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    • P. Says:

      I think my profile is perfect, too, by “Private Man’s” standards…although I’m sure I’m the type of strong and independent woman who he’s convinced has a penis.

      I also think that the length of the profile is an individual preference. I prefer a longer profile…you’re right that not everyone is a poet, but I prefer to date poets. Also the longer the profile, the more likely it is that someone will hang themselves, so if someone can pull off a long profile without doing so, all the better.

      What drives me crazy are the short profiles that are so bland and innocuous so as to say nothing about the person or distinguish him from any other person using the service. You have to take some time to sell yourself, and put yourself out there enough so that the intelligence and humor can come through. I’ve found that, to a person, the profiles that are very short and non-descriptive have also belonged to someone who in person is socially awkward and appear to be very closed off emotionally. If you can’t share a little of what makes you unique online, you usually can’t do it in person, either.

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  10. Bill Says:

    Everyone has problems that is called being human. If your always watching out to be safe your not going to end up anywhere emotionally satisfying. If you want safe; date a old friend.

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  11. Crotch Rocket Says:

    What I think you’re missing is the difference between being those things and feeling the need to define yourself as those things in a profile. The reality is that they usually go overboard in such characteristics, so the woman who defines herself as “assertive” is usually, in practice, a demanding bitch. That doesn’t mean guys don’t like women who actually are assertive, but such women don’t feel the need to tell us they’re assertive. In the same way, “opinionated” usually means intolerant, etc.

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