For the record, I think that this story is a tad overwrought given the fact she never appeared to be terribly in to the guy in the first place.There seems to have been a lot of assumptions made without any form of actual communication. The author also seems to be looking for ways to make the guy out to be more dishonest than he was while relieving herself of any responsibility. But that’s par for the course for pieces like this. This is typically how we frame these types of tales. The guy is always more wrong than we are.
I’ve been in this woman’s position. I think many of us have. You don’t really want him as a boyfriend or for a relationship. You know it’s never going to turn in to something serious or real. But you still can’t help getting caught up in the idea of it and feel flattered by some of the things he says or does.
You consciously know this guy is not good for you. Yet you still get like a 15 year old with a crush whenever he pays you attention or says things that imply he cares or values you more than he does or should.
Then, when he reveals himself to be a fraud of sorts, you get angry. Not because he intentionally tried to mislead you, but because you believed him. More accurately, you believed his words. You’re not sad that the relationship ends. And you’re not jealous that he moves on. You’re pissed the hell off that you believed his words.
Friends will suggest that maybe you had more feelings than you thought or claimed. You know that’s not it. This isn’t an issue of a broken heart. It’s about a bruised ego. How dumb or lonely or delusional must I have been to believe any of that when all the facts pointed to him being a duplicitous jerkface? Yes. Jerkface. He makes you feel 15, remember?
I truly believe that the Universe delivers us moments that let us know who someone really is. Maybe it’s an online dating profile. Maybe it’s a Facebook profile photo. Usually it’s such a tiny thing that, at the time, we don’t recognize it as what it is. We’re getting a glimpse into who this person really is when they think nobody is looking.
Initially we think an instance like that is a door closing. But actually it’s a window opening, leading you to a deeper understanding of yourself and why you went there in the first place.
You got involved with someone that wasn’t good for you. You chose to ignore all the red flags. You consciously kept yourself suspicious and hyper-aware and astute to everything he said or did. You thought you were smarter and better than that. Only…you weren’t.
But you are now. That’s what matters.