What We Want To Read In Your Online Dating Profile

Here’s an interesting post from Private Man about what men would like to see in a woman’s online dating profile.

It’s been said over and over again: Women must bring something to the dating and relationship table if they want something more than just a short-term fling. Women are the gatekeepers of sexuality. The flip side of that is that men are the gatekeepers of commitment. In the long run, men hold the relationship power (most of them just don’t know it).

With this in mind, a good online dating profile must clearly spell out what a woman offers to her potential paramour and candidate for a committed relationship. Here’s another huge mistake that a woman makes – she describes herself in terms of what she wants in a man. This is where the strong and independent fallacy takes shape. A woman wants a strong and independent man so she incorrectly believes that a man wants a strong and independent woman. That is completely wrong. Men want a feminine women but one who is resilient and self-reliant. The feminine attracts the masculine.

As men are rational and logical creatures regarding dating, a woman should specifically state what she offers in terms of what a man actually wants.

Top 10 Reasons Why I Would Be Your Best Girlfriend Ever:

10. You will see me wearing sexy lingerie more than “comfortable” undies. [I think this is fairly obvious.]

9. You won’t hear me nag and complain because I don’t sweat the small stuff. [Men loathe nagging and complaining. It's sandpaper on our eardrums and on our brains.]

8. You will be proud to have me on your arm when we go out in public and your friends will probably be envious. [Dresses, skirts, high heels makeup, and good hair. A man wants to take pride in the woman on his arm.]

7. You will never, ever compete with me. [Men compete with each other, not the woman in his life. competitiveness is a masculine trait.]

6. You will be nicely surprised when I kiss you passionately at unexpected times and in unexpected places. [Affection helps to bond a man to you.]

5. You will never see me roll my eyes at you when you say something because I will respect you. [Men want respect and even small signs of disrespect will drive a man away from you. Try that shit in public and I advise the man to walk away immediately without regret.]

4. You will see my smile far more often than my frown. [Negative feelings are mostly unnecessary drama for men. As the Swedes say about a good woman - she should be happy, horny, and grateful]

3. You will find yourself thinking seriously about my observations on life and current events. [Many men won't well tolerate a woman who only knows shopping and reality TV.]

2. You won’t be holding my purse at the shoe store. You won’t even BE at the shoe store with me. [Do you see that bored chump in the shoe store holding his girl's purse? 'Nuff said.]

1. You rarely, if ever, hear these awful words: “I’m not in the mood”. [Deny sex too often and he will deny or break his commitment. Go ahead ladies, try it. If he still sticks around anyway then you will quickly learn to loathe him.]

I happen to agree with PM’s sentiment. You can see his list of suggested things to say in your profile here.(Note: I don’t agree with all of his suggestions.)

I do agree that both men and women should state in their profiles how they will make the other person’s life better. Everybody is so busy selling themselves that I think we sometimes forget that we’re auditioning for a part to some degree. I spent a good part of this afternoon reading women’s profiles and I noticed how so many women were trying to paint themselves as well rounded. Ladies, you’re not applying to college. You’re looking to meet someone and possibly have a relationship. Men don’t care about accomplishments. They’re also not really looking for someone who can travel or ski or hike with them. It’s great if you do. It’s a plus. What he’s really looking for is someone that will compliment his life. If he really wants to climb a mountain, he’s going to do it with or without you. He knows that. So he doesn’t really care if you climb or don’t. He just wants to make sure you’re not going to try and prevent him from climbing. Know what I’m saying?

But what about the guys? I can only speak to what I looked for when I would read a man’s profile:

I read a profile once written by a guy who was a writer, actor, producer. He spoke about how he kept note cards on his night stand that had affirmations and goals written on them. When he’d awake in the morning, before getting out of bed, he’d read them. He also kept one taped to his bathroom wall, which he would change every week.  He spent another paragraph talking about how he had just written and filmed a pilot and was currently shopping it around to different networks. He even posted pictures from the set. What can you learn from this profile?

Don’t be Patrick Bateman.

I don’t want to hear about how important your work out is to. Nor do I want to hear about how career obsessed you are to the point where it appears to consume your life. If fashion is important to you beyond a woman’s ability to dress in a way that is flattering or attractive, you’re shallow.  I want to know that you’re not married to your job, that you’re not self-obsessed and arrogant, and that you’re not inconsiderate, moody or intense. The Don Draper types who portray themselves as so devil may care and mysterious just seem like too much work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to be charming to some degree. But I’m more concerned about your social skills and self-awareness. You can tell from someone’s writing style and photos if they’re socially adept. Don’t tell me you look younger than you are. Don’t post photos from 8 years ago. I don’t want to know you’re insecure about your age because that means more work for me. Leave your pseudo-intellectual bullshit off the page. You don’t have a TV. Congrats. You’re sooooooo intelligent. I read Us magazine sometimes. Got a problem with that? And while I’m ranting…hey, you. Yes you, Mr. 45 years old or older. You still think it’s reasonable to not just want but require a woman who is of “child bearing years.”  Bitch, please.

A don’t want to know that you still, at 38 or 40 or 45, get drunk a couple times a week. You know why? You’re going to make sex…bad. Which means I’ll have to spend more time comforting you and telling you it’s okay. It’s not okay.

I don’t want to have to engage in some sort of scripted dance where I have to “break down your walls.” Nor do I appreciate feeling as though you have all of these expectations of me and relationships in general.  Basically, I want to know that you’re going to let me in and that you’re actually looking for someone to enhance your life in some way.I’m not looking to be challenged. I also have no desire to hold your hand and ease your fears about love and relationships and show you that all women aren’t shrill harpies with no souls.

What I want is for you to appear open and kind and fun. That’s it.

Let me be more succinct. We want to know you’re:

*Sane/Stable – No anger issues. No moodiness. No unpredictability.

*Available -No recent breakups or divorces. Accent on recent.

*Presentable – Post photos of yourself where you look like you put some effort in to your appearance. Please no tank tops or hats or sunglasses.

*Responsible – You’re employed, marginally employed, partially employed. Basically, you pay your bills and can afford a cocktail or two, or a movie or can order in from time to time. You’re living on your own, meaning not with parents. Or roommates. (Suck it!!!)

*Mature – You’re accountable for your decisions and not afraid of your feelings.

*Enjoyable – Keep your baggage minimal. Be fun to hang out with. Be a good conversationalist. You don’t have to have a stand up comedy routine provided. Just be engaging.

Thoughts?

 

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94 Responses to “What We Want To Read In Your Online Dating Profile”

  1. Jada Says:

    Don’t include the phrase “bonus points”. As in “bonus points if you can name in the inane and/or obscure movie I just quoted there.” Or, “bonus points if you have your an up to date passport with recent stamps in it.” Fucking hell, that bugs me so much.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 48 Thumb down 0

  2. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    How about..Just Sayin.

    No, you’re not just saying. You’re intentionally being obnoxious. It wasn’t a mistake. That statement didn’t leak out of your mouth. That was a statement said with the intention of being a jerk. If you’d like to say “Just saying I’m intentionally putting you down” then I’ll support that.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

  3. 2 cents Says:

    Men, no pics with your shirt off even if you’re on a boat or even if you’re ripped. Comes off badly.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 37 Thumb down 7

    • loveliee Says:

      or no pictures of yourself in the gym. wtf?

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 2

    • Maria Says:

      Yeah, what’s up with the tendency for men to post pictures of their cars, boats and motorcycles. I’ve seen houses too. I guess it says what they think women are interested in.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 1

    • Jada Says:

      Maybe I’m the odd one out ( or the only woman to admit it) but I used to like pictures of a guy with his shirt off if he was Hot and it wasn’t super obviously a Shirtless Picture. So, a self taken picture in a mirror without a shirt is tacky and cheesey. But a shirtless picture taken while at the beach could be a big plus. As a matter of fact, my now husband had a shirtless picture of himself walking out of a lake on his profile and I thought it was the hotness. It was one of the things that made me respond to him.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 3

    • Willywonka Says:

      Please….I beg you….no photos taken in the bathroom mirror with the toilet visible in the background.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 0

  4. LaRubia Says:

    Pics with your dog, OK.
    Pics on your “hog” – NO.
    Pics of you, holding some big-ass FISH, that was OBVIOUSLY taken years ago? HELL NO.
    Pics of someone who looks VAGUELY like you, shot from a GREAT DISTANCE, standing on a) a mountain top; b) a rock formation; c) some far-away beach? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
    Pics of you NEVER SMILING? FUGGEDABOWDIT.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 32 Thumb down 1

    • Gaucho Says:

      Great points…

      Pics with 1 dogs, OK. Multiple pics with your dog – NO, you have issues…

      Pics of yourself suspended in air – like jumping or falling – NO.

      Pics of yourself with other people who are better looking….I want to date your friend…

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 2

  5. Angeline Says:

    Your recap at the end works for either gender. Sane, available, presentable, responsible, mature, ENJOYABLE. Lord have mercy, yes.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

  6. Dan Says:

    I agree with the criteria, but if we stick to that, the list of suitable profiles drops to grand total of less than 10.

    I don’t know what everyone else sees online, but all I see are profiles with a few sentences, or profiles full of the bad things mentioned in the OP. Bottom line: there are hardly any options. So if we are desperate, we ping everyone indiscriminately, which is what happens most often. Or we accept that greater than 99% of profiles are just not worth our attention.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 3

    • offensive dan Says:

      I have to agree with Dan. Very few womens’ online profiles are worth responding to. And you can bet, those profiles are getting bombarded with emails and, thus, really lesseningyour chances. I guess online dating works for some but not the majority.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 0

  7. Cricri Says:

    Well said! Most of the time, those male profiles are so busy telling how awesome those guys are. All that climbing, hiking, biking, diving, camping, and saving kids’ lives on the week end, those 50 countries they visited, and how basically, they are so cool, it seems they require someone equally awesome. So I don’t bother, yet I see those same guys over and over on these OD sites. They rarely talk about how it will make them feel to have someone or how that person would actually like them for their human qualities. I realize that a lot of guys where I live sell more their resumes and adventure spirit rather than their human connectivity. Not appealing. A rewriting of my own profile would be good, even though I doubt it makes a difference for men.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 2

    • LaRubia Says:

      Yep – I’m so OVER the “hikey-bikey” types . . . ugh. Can we just PLEASE sit for two hours for a simple meal and just enjoy eachother’s company, without you yammering on and on about your upcoming zipline adventures thru the Amazon, followed by your “spiritual awakening” trip thru Outer Mongolia? *sigh* >_<

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 3

      • Joey Giraud Says:

        I’ve known these “hikey-bikey” guys socially and I find them tedious and boring as hell. They don’t have any thoughts or opinions worth engaging, and their stories of personal adventure are pointless. If I’m going to listen to a long and detailed story, I want a moral or a lesson at the end.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

      • Jesse Says:

        Oh come on!

        As if neither the recount of a zipline adventure through the Amazon nor the explanation of what constitutes as a “spiritual awakening” wouldn’t be interesting topics of conversation…

        :P

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  8. Mark Says:

    Pretty good post.

    A number of good insights. Both by Moxie and Private man. I may disagree with a few, but I can understand why they were included.

    Just to take a step back for a moment, I look to date a person, not a profile. So if that profile is very generic, or at best a few lines with little more than stock cliche’s, then I’ll have to pass. No matter how riveting the profile picture(s). In essence it needs to speak to me in some way as an individual. After all, I doubt you would be looking for cookie cutter, so why should any one else? Ie; travel. Most people like travel to one degree or another. I’ll give you that. But travel is more than a collection of stamps in a passport. I’ve met some women who have traveled extensively, but in a very real sense they never left home. Then again I’ve met other women who rarely travel yet are more worldly than many. You get the idea.

    Hey, let’s face it, it’s a process. From initial attraction, to mutual attraction, compatibility, and so on. Each step solves some issues. Yet at the same time it also creates some new challenges. So common sense and adaptability come into play-it’s also called compromise. The tough part is deciding what parts are negotiable and what are not. So if there are too many “I want…” , “I’m looking for…” or just too many “I’s” (more than a potato) then the profile will likely get a pass. Many of these go to the last part of Moxies’s post.

    In all fairness, I don’t doubt that when women look at men’s profiles, they too share come some common gripes . But that’s a different subject.

    I may be right, I may be wrong, but that’s what I think.

    Note: Happy holidays and a good new year to all.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

    • Joey Giraud Says:

      Isn’t it amazing how some people can travel the world, yet remain as mentally provincial as an Amish carpenter? It’s even worse when they proudly declare their deep understanding of some foreign culture, then proceed to say things you know are baloney, like “the Finnish people are so passionate and volatile!”

      I have a feeling this post will turn into a general listing of pet peeves, irrelevant of online profiles.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  9. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    It’s interesting (although not at all surprising) that the women commenting are all focused on the dumb things men do & say in their profiles and are ignoring the advice given to women about theirs.

    After reading about 2 dozen profiles yesterday, PM hits the nail on the head that many women are far too focused on selling themselves like men or the way they perceive men to see “the perfect woman.” Problem there is that most men don’t want to date women who try to act like men.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 2

    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      Agree. The premise of the Private Man’s comment – whether you agree with it or not – is being ignored – that is, men are not going to commit to any women, so the women need to “sell themselves” on things men will find attractive. The purpose is to get men to take you seriously.

      I’m not sure I agree with Private Man, but criticizing men and complaining about “things you don’t like” is pointless, although Moxie invited it. Men are not going to stop doing what works for them to please you. In fact, they may not even want you so causing you to skip over their profile may be their intent. Guys who post pictures of their abs or cars for example, may have a different target audience and want something from women that you’re not offering or able to offer. They may not be looking for a substantive, serious relationship. So, good, you figured it out smarty! Now, just skip their profile.

      If you’re trying to say “it doesn’t work” generally then please provide reasoned basis, other than your personal pet peeves.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

      • Selena Says:

        My observation is that both men and women want someone who makes them feel good to be with. That’s who they will commit to. Anyone can compose long lists qualities/actions in a partner they believe will make them happy, but inevitably it comes down to spending enough time actually feeling happy that makes the determination. Pretty simple really.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

        • Saj Says:

          Your profile isn’t really the place to sell all your generic “feminine” attributes. It comes across as an overly needy advertisement for generic female #1003. Please like me I’m capable of baking and I’ll do that for the first 2 weeks until the real me gets sick of pretending to be Martha Stewert for your approval. I’ve known too many women who have all those great on paper attributes (beautiful, nice, cooks, considerate) yet they get dumped again and again or cheated on because they take on these attributes to impress the bad boy they are really after and he behaves predictably.

          You shouldn’t sell yourself on the generic attributes of either gender but what you yourself bring so there won’t be any huge surprises when you finally meet up. Misrepresenting yourself in your profile is by far a bigger turn off then not being that exciting/interesting to begin with.

          Someone can put in how they love to hike and how athletic and well traveled they are but you meet and they just like playing xbox all weekend. They should have sold their laid back nerdy qualities instead. They were trying to sell an idealized version of what they would like to be but really aren’t.

          To cut through the bullshit a guy saying he likes to travel is just code for maybe I’ll take you with me so you can live out that jet setting lifestyle. Same with a woman who tries to ask for the same and claim nothing in common if he isn’t. It’s more code for how much extra cash do you have and can I use you to impress my friends. Oh have you met Mark he just got back from India, have I suitably impressed you yet in my man snagging skills? Oh I just started seeing Frank and he took me to x restraunt and works in finance (forget that he is impossible to get a hold of and is flakey as hell) are you impressed with his resume because I sure am!

          I guess the point I’m trying to make is that it’s a bad idea to sell your generic gender related attributes and just be real, pleasant and confident in what you actually are instead of some cut board cut out of what you think the masses want if you do want a real relationship. Your not trying to date the world but just find a small niche group.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 1

          • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

            Please like me I’m capable of baking and I’ll do that for the first 2 weeks until the real me gets sick of pretending to be Martha Stewert for your approval.

            So feminine equals baking and sewing? No where did PM’s list say women should tell men they’ll keep a tidy house and have a hot meal on the table. Might want to upgrade those gender stereotypes.

            I’ve known too many women who have all those great on paper attributes (beautiful, nice, cooks, considerate) yet they get dumped again and again or cheated on because they take on these attributes to impress the bad boy they are really after and he behaves predictably.

            Or…those women were just insufferable pains in the ass pretending to be something they weren’t, then dropped the act once they snagged the guy, and the guy dumped them because they didn’t like who the women really were.

            It’s interesting how you seem to think the women pretending to be something they’re not play no role in why their relationships ended.

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 5

            • vox. Says:

              Mo likely their cooking is unrelated. I cook, and I’ve been the dumper as well as the dumpee. It had nothing to do with either type of outcome.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

          • The Private Man Says:

            There are certain feminine characteristics that are fairly universal. It’s just that the social expectation is for women to behave in a more masculine way. Perhaps if we encouraged women to be more feminine there wouldn’t be this weird disconnect between the masculinized woman of the social expectation versus the natural state of femininity.

            As well, most women aren’t special snowflakes and come with predictable behaviors that can be sufficiently generalized so that men know what to expect. This goes for men, as well.

            Can it not be more clear that the feminine attracts the masculine?

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 6

    • P. Says:

      This is your blog, not Private Man’s. Your comment was focused on the male counterpart, so the women who are reacting are responding to/supplementing your comment.

      I’ve already determined that Private Man and guys like him (i.e., the Manosphere types) are not my target market (and I’m not theirs), so I don’t really see myself changing anything to suit his preferences (although, surprisingly, I wouldn’t have to change that much anyway, but the skirt wearing, which isn’t going to happen). DMN got it right, though: “they may not even want you so causing you to skip over their profile may be their intent.”

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 4

    • myself Says:

      Problem is, I’m not terribly girly. I *look* like a girl, but I’m sure as hell not ever going to write half that stuff in the OP, because, well it wouldn’t even remotely begin to be me.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

    • Angeline Says:

      Ahem. I said your synopsis works for either gender. Those six things are the starting point that we all expect (and sadly, assume) we’re going to find. They ought to be a baseline, the bare minimum. Instead, we find a few out of the six, and stop there. Either we’re missing one or more ourselves, so we don’t feel we qualify for having all six in a partner (because then we might have to examine, even FIX! our own crap), or we’re so focused on one or two aspects we ignore what’s missing until one ugly morning when the facade crumbles.

      I also think we’ve strayed into the masculine/feminine question again. I don’t think we can ever really keep it out of a discussion on dating and attraction and love. The friction that so often comes up can often be traced right back to differences in what the expectations are from the other gender.

      The idea that you have to be a ‘girly girl’ or bake cookies or be a flighty dippy butterfly to be feminine is flawed, and I think American women have a tough pile of preconceptions to overcome to get it. I know that I couldn’t come up with an adequate explanation of what femininity was on that post without tilting over very quickly into a list of behaviors, rather than essential elements of a person.

      Feminine: gentle, nuturing, caretaking. You can be gentle and kind and loving with your man’s heart, and still be a scratch golfer, or a master woodworker, or a stay at home mom. If you provide a safe place for him to be him, he will celebrate any of those things. Celebrating your own femininity, instead of trying to be the ballsiest chick out there, will clear the head of most of the crap that tries to work its way into a profile.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 0

  10. Selena Says:

    I thought the list presented was intended as sexist humor.

    “As the Swedes say about a good woman – she should be happy, horny, and grateful”

    Grateful. Right.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 8

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      But isn’t that the same thing that women want from men? I basically said the same thing in my list, just in a different way. PM just said it in a more direct and specific fashion.

      Don’t women want men to be appreciative/grateful? How many women here like to say that they spend time or money getting ready for dates and want a man to pay the bill because of all the “effort” they made preparing for the date. Isn’t that borne of a desire to be appreciated?

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 2

      • Selena Says:

        Everyone wants to be appreciated. The list I thought was meant to be tongue-in-cheek – “grateful” used as in, she should be happy, horny and GRATEFUL to have me. (Me being such the great catch I am!).

        There was nothing on the list that surprised me. But I’ve been around for awhile. ;)

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

        • Angeline Says:

          Yes, grateful. If you (generic you, not directed at you, Selena) are such a great catch yourself, then you should be with a great catch. You should expect that he appreciates it. And he should have enough sense of self and pride in himself to expect appreciation for what he brings to the table, too. What’s wrong with that? This is the kind of thing where feminism as a political movement goes too far- we’re so afraid to show any sort of appreciation or admiration to a man lest we be enslaved.

          Grateful. It would be crass to say it. It would be foolish not to expect it (on either side).

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 2

  11. offensive dan Says:

    Hey, I liked that movie, “American Psycho.” In any event, online dating is a lost cause, but I generally avoid profiles with this type of stuff:

    1) Love to travel and looking for someone to travel with – (they are looking for you to fund it)
    2) Where they list income requriements such as $100,000.00 and above
    3) Where they tell you how picky and selective they are
    4) Where they tell you how their lives revolve around their kids and have pics of their kids to prove it
    5) Where they have pics of themselves in bikinis and/or on a boat
    6) Where they tell you how busy w/ work they are and how they love to text
    7) Myspace camera angle shots
    8) Two sentence profiles in which they just tell you how they love to laugh, travel etc.
    9) Where they brag how popular they are on the online dating sites
    10) They are a deep thinker and sex kitten all rolled into one (wtf?)
    11) Their geographic dating area is “the United States.”
    12) Height requirement is minimum 6’2 even though they are only 5’0.
    13) Adivse they don’t read much and don’t like to.
    14) Friends first. (again wtf?)

    I’m sure I will be able to think of more. However, in all honesty, if they are attractive and have good pics there will be guys who will still contact these types of women.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 29 Thumb down 1

    • Horace Says:

      Ah, this is such a funny topic, because I’ve done so much online dating and talk about this all the time. Offensive dan beat me to the list, but I want to reiterate some really good ones.

      1) Why does every woman feel the need to post about how much she loves to travel? Seriously, who cares? Most people “love to travel.” Oh, and -10 points to any woman who invokes the word “wanderlust.”

      2) I always love when a 5-foot tall woman indicates that her minimum height for a date is 6-feet. Particularly since I’m 5’6″. I don’t even understand how you can have sex like that, but that’s beside the point. I email them anyway. I’d guesstimate a 40% response rate from them.

      3) OMG. Women who post pictures of their kids or their cats, or feel the need to mention how they love either! -100 points. This is an equivalent amount of corniness to men posting shirt-off pics. Guys have the same reaction (“uhhh…. seriously?”). I’m not hating on moms, either. I’m a single dad.

      4) So many women start off by saying how much they don’t like, feel weird about, or aren’t egotistical enough to write about themselves. Oh, come on. Girl, you have to at least try. You realize I have this whole catalog of girls to choose from, right? You gotta sell the sizzle, not the steak.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

      • Willywonka Says:

        I don’t get the travel bit. Why do men assume they’re gonna have to pay for the trips? When I was dating online, I included the fact that I love to travel because it’s very important to me and it would have been great to have a companion who is as passionate about it as I am. I always pay my own way.

        Sometimes there is no hidden meaning and not everything is “code” for something. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

        And for the record, a lot of people do NOT like to travel. It can be a hassle. It can be stressful. Some people do not enjoy different cultures and can’t handle it if things are not the way they are at home. I dated a few guys like this (one of them even said to me, “Why do I need to travel? If I want to see something, I’ll just look it up on the computer”). It sucked, because I went on vacations (and yes, I even paid for them) by myself.

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        • Kurt Says:

          I don’t understand the travel thing. A lot of women come across as being absolutely obsessed with traveling and that is a huge turn-off for me. I could see taking a vacation once a year, but a lot of women make it seem as though they want to travel all the time.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 2

          • D Says:

            Substitute “travel” for “playing the oboe.” If you were an oboist you’d probably be really excited. Otherwise… meh.

            Just because you’re not that into travel that much doesn’t mean others feel the same way. You’re just not a good match.

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          • Willywonka Says:

            There’s a big difference between being passionate about something and being obsessed with it. Obsession (about anything) is not healthy and it would turn me off, too.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

        • JLD Says:

          Willywonka– Thanks to you ! I feel the same way about travel, and stated in my profile that I planned to go, but would prefer someone to go with me who has the same passion. It’s important to me, so I put it in there. That’s honesty, guys. If you don’t want to travel, pass me by.
          Also, guys who pose in front of their convertibles….please. It gives the impression that you are trying to lure women with your car ! If that’s all you have to offer, no thanks ! No depth there, is there ?
          And one final thing. Nobody’s mentioned the horrible turn off of not proof reading or checking your spelling, grammar, and punctuation ! Hey guys, we hate that. It makes you seem like you never got past 6th grade. Gross.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

  12. Horace Says:

    I don’t actually agree with most of the PM’s list, but…

    “Women are the gatekeepers of sexuality. The flip side of that is that men are the gatekeepers of commitment. In the long run, men hold the relationship power (most of them just don’t know it).”

    Yeah, that should be obvious. Nonetheless, it just blew my friggin’ mind.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 4

    • The Private Man Says:

      The specifics of that list are rather subjective. On my blog, there are some comments to that post which add additional items to the list. But I am sure you can see my overall philosophy regarding this approach.

      As for men being the gatekeepers of commitment, it shocks me how many men don’t realize this. I think the problem is that for many men, when they are given access to a woman’s sexuality, their logical thinking gets fogged over by the sexual rush.

      There is much wailing and gnashing of teeth from women about men who simply won’t commit. There are two fundamental groups of men like this. First are the players who have so many sexual opportunities, there is no real incentive to commit. The second group are the careful men who will happily take the sexuality offered by a woman but who are discerning and cautious about the women they let into their lives with a relationship.

      For a man to commit to a woman, he must carefully evaluate how the woman might make his life better on his own terms. It’s his life and he is the one who selects who shares it with him. Hence, a woman’s online dating profile should communicate how she will enhance the man’s life. No enhancement, no commitment. It’s quite simple, really.

      Here’s another revolutionary thought: The feminine attracts the masculine.

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      It wasn’t clear to me how his gatekeeper comment related to his advice regarding online profiles. I agree in general that men are generally the “gatekeepers” of commitment but what does that have to do with creating an attractive profile. Men don’t hunt online specifically for indicia of a woman worthy of commitment, I don’t think, the same way women don’t hunt online for a man worthy of sex.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 3

      • The Private Man Says:

        “Men don’t hunt online specifically for indicia of a woman worthy of commitment, I don’t think, the same way women don’t hunt online for a man worthy of sex.”

        But men will happily accept a woman’s sexuality regardless of her potential for a committed relationship. After a certain age, you’d be surprised at how many men are actually seeking a long term relationship. Sadly, they can’t seem to craft an online dating profile to attract women of a similar mind. Still more frustrating is the lack of women who write profiles showing what they offer to a man other than sexuality.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

        • DrivingMeNutes Says:

          Again, femininity is important to me whether I am seeking something serious or seeking something frivolous. I agree that profiles need to be written to appeal to the target audience.

          I still don’t see how the gatekeeper argument relates. If a man as you suggest is looking for, and struggling to find, a “commitment-minded woman” then he is no longer the “gatekeeper” for that particular commodity – it’s scare to him. He’s trying to find the gate. The whole idea of “gatekeeper of commitment” is that, for men, commitment is available not scarce. Just as sex is not scarce for women.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

          • The Private Man Says:

            Based on what I have read and experienced, it is women who desire commitment more than men, especially in this time of sexual liberation for women. Note how relationship advice for women is far more about finding commitment than sex. Men have something women want.

            Note also the huge amounts of advice for men is about picking up women and getting sex. I have yet to read a book entitled, “How men can get a woman to commit.”

            So, if a woman wants to get that commitment, she’d better have something more to offer than just sex.

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            • Selena Says:

              I’d say both genders are looking for someone who has more to offer than sex when it comes to commitment. What one man may discern as *more* may matter less to another holds a different ideal. In turn, neither will get a commitment unless they meet the *more* criteria of the woman they desire. We choose each other.

              It’s meeting each other’s ideal of *more* wherein lies the trick. The *more* we insist on, the fewer people we have to choose from.

              Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

          • D Says:

            Because women are the gatekeeper to sex. On the other side of the gate is sex. Ergo, you should highlight the attributes that make a man want to work hard enough to get through that gate.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

            • vox. Says:

              There doesn’t seem to be a gate to keep at all these days among my female contemporaries of late 30s to early 40s. Everyone fucks on date 2 or 3 now (everyone except for gals like me, but we seem to be out of step with the norms of the day) so while men are the gatekeepers of commitment, women are the gatekeepers of… what exactly? I can’t think of a single thing.

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  13. Teresa Says:

    When I was doing OLD it seemed most men did not bother to read profiles. I would receive emails from men out of state/outside USA even though it was stated that I wanted someone within 30 miles of my location. I also got emails from men who wanted children, wanted a woman “who loves the Lord” and whose politice were ultra conservative if they had read my profile they would have known that we were not compatible in these areas.
    As for travel, I don’t love to travel I do travel. And I fund it myself have been for years. My ex h hated to travel so for me it’s more about finding someone who has the time and desire to travel someplace other than Vegas for the weekend

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

    • Charlie Says:

      “When I was doing OLD it seemed most men did not bother to read profiles.”

      Very few people period read profiles. Men don’t do it because they have to mass email women just to get a handful of replies. I don’t know why women don’t do it, but from all the unread/deleted mails POF is happy to tell you about it seems they are plenty happy relying on the 100 pixel thumbnail to judge a man.

      Online dating is kind of like a digital bar scene, men browse around and try to chat up anyone that catches their eye. If a man doesn’t immediately seem interesting to a woman she goes NEXT and immediately moves on. No one has any time to really even know the basics of someone before they reject/are rejected.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

  14. vox. Says:

    The list is all well and good, but let’s be realistic here – if he looks like a fat Rachel Dratch, men aren’t going to read her profile to begin with. Or if they do read such a list from a fat Rachel Dratch, it would seem kinda sad. But of course being attractive first goes without saying to most men, so there’s no reason that guy would have addressed it.

    It isn’t on the list (but was mentioned above by a commenter), but I notice that the number 1 reason men responded to my profile was to comment on my love of cooking. When I go back to really dating online, probably next month, I will probably discuss cooking even more. I do happen to love it, and I do prepare my own breakfast and dinner everyday.

    I had to chuckle at moxies “no tv” remark. I am so turned off when I read that in a profile. I think, “wtf are you trying to prove?” yuck, no thanks. Ditto about people who say “I’m a vegan” in the About Me section. And I agree about shirtless mirror pics. (shirtless unposed on the beach, playing sports or working on a car is fine to me.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • The Private Man Says:

      Cooking… not surprised.

      While a lot of guys won’t admit it (hello, political correctness!), they really do like to cooked for. It’s a sign of respect to him and as so few women seem to understand a man’s need for respect, an incredible rarity.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 6

      • Vox Says:

        Well, really I don’t do it out of respect for men. I simply really love to cook, especially for someone else. It’s a selfish enjoyment. It is very gratifying for me to watch someone lick their plate clean and ask if there is any more. Of course, my boyfriend or whatever man I am dating tend to be my biggest dinner audience because it makes sense, so I’m sure it is a big positive for me. I really do cook breakfast and dinner almost everyday, and if I am cooking for someone else, it makes the day that much better. My love of cooking is totally unrelated to men, but I do like cooking for men (and other people too).

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      • Selena Says:

        I’ve always been the one who cooked in my relationships, not as a way to show respect to the man (how odd), but because I was the one who was better at it. Left up to him, we’d live on grilled meat and beer.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 1

      • D Says:

        I like a good cook as well as anyone, but it’s never been a factor in whether I stay with someone or not. I dated someone for over a year who was practically allergic to cooking and we had a great time together. For us, “cooking” was getting a take & bake pizza and eating it in bed, which I remember very fondly.

        I dated a trailed professional chef for 6 weeks but dumped her. And my ex was a really good cook. But I’ve never weighed that in my decision as to whether I’m attracted to or want to stay with someone.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 0

        • Saj Says:

          I wonder what it would look like if a man wrote a list similar to P.M.s

          10. You will see me wear satin black name brand boxers more then whatever happens to be clean at the time.

          9. You won’t hear me nag or complain because I really don’t care what you do or if the bathroom hasn’t been cleaned in 5 months. Do things on your own time schedule baby I’m here for you.

          8. I will impress your friends with my rippling abs and byceps. I’ll make sure to find an excuse to take off my shirt during one of our double dates with the friend you are most jealous of.

          7. You will always let me win when we play Mario Brothers together. The thought of losing is just impossible for my ego to take and I will end up throwing the controller out the window in a fit of rage.

          6. You will love when I kiss you passionatly in front of your friends/parents/and random strangers. Their strange looks at our PDA is just jealousy on their part my dove.

          5. I will wear sunglasses at all times so you cannot see my eyes rolling and will never argue or debate with you on anything even if I completely disagree and feel embarassed for you. I’m just here to look good and maybe wittle you a birdhouse while you talk.

          4. I will always be smiling even if it starts to creep you out due to the fact it never reaches my eyes.

          3. I will rock your world view by discussing tantilizing issues but if they happen to not match yours I will go back to shutting up and finishing that birdhouse. Shirtless

          2. If I have to do anything helpful or nice for you such as lifting heavy things, holding your purse so you are not struggling with that and other items in your hands or hanging up picture frames I’ll make a point to go hide in the backyard as to not let you feel bad that you are burdening me.

          1. I will always have an erection that lasts 45 minutes straight. If I happen to go limp after 10 minutes I will rush to the doctors for one of those little blue pills but of course that will never happen because my erections are completly within my control of hardness and durability. Oh and size, I can mentally control that too.

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          • Selena Says:

            Hilarious. That was fun to read, thanks :)

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          • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

            Not really. It just demonstrated how Saj has a limited and narrow minded view of what constitutes masculinity and femininity and relationships in general.

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            • Selena Says:

              Actually wouldn’t it be PM who has a limited and narrow minded view of what constitutes masculinity and femininity and relationships in general? I thought his list was meant to be humorous – apparently not?

              Saj’s was obviously a parody. Brava.

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              • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

                PM’s list incorporated the positive aspects to femininity and was critiquing the distorted perception of femininity that so many women seem to have. Look at the comments. NONE of the women even understood what he was getting at. PM wasn’t suggesting women be “girlie girls.” He was encouraging women to be intelligent, sexual, supportive and affectionate. He didn’t suggest women shut and cook the guy dinner and not have an opinion and keep her bod at 105 pounds. He suggested that women accentuate their feminine features and attributes. He also suggested that she has other interests and pursuits than shopping or gossip. And that she be respectful and not degrading or emasculating.

                He was suggesting that women stop taking on the more unattractive qualities attributed to masculinity and femininity in an attempt to attract a man.

                Saj’s list didn’t even make sense. It was some juvenile response created because she couldn’t formulate an actual argument.

                You can shrug off PM’s list and assume it sexist. Doesn’t make it any less true. The only women getting in a snit about it are the women who know they’re guilty of behaving in the way that PM suggests.

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                • Selena Says:

                  PM’s list did not come across asencouragingany of those things at all. If it had, it may have drawn more discussion from your female readers. Instead it came across as just another satirical sexist list of “what men want” that have circulated over the internet as long as there has been an internet. Hence why so little comment – SOS, ho hum.

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                  • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

                    Someone thing else that has been circulating around the internet as long as there has been an internet?

                    Women bitching that they can’t find a man. Weird that men are telling women what they want, and have been for years, yet so many women still can’t seem to find a man. SOS, ho hum.

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                    • Selena Says:

                      Women bitching that they can’t find a man THEY WANT. Men bitching that they can’t find a woman THEY WANT. Quite possibly the result of having unrealistic expectations of what the other gender SHOULD be doing for them. As satirical lists so adroitly point out.

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                • JS Says:

                  What? You didn’t know that femininity is a crime against nature (cough, feminism). Oh, wait, unless we’re talking about men….men are supposed to be feminized because now masculinity is a crime in this country….unless, we are talking about women….we women can be masculine because “wait for the refrain” we’re just as good as men.

                  The state of our society is sooo sad these days. Women are afraid to be feminine because they think they’re setting the women’s lib movement back 50 years and men are afraid to be masculine for fear of being branded a Neanderthal.

                  And then the kicker…women are constantly saying… “where are all the REAL men?” Gone, baby! They’re gone because ya’ll emasculated them.

                  This is probably my favorite blog post so far because it points out what a scary society we live in: where the women have become men and the men have become women and no one can find anyone who really turns them on…. because….ding, ding, ding, that’s right boys and girls….masculine attracts feminine and feminine attracts masculine. So think about what you want and what you are doing to attract (or more likely repel) it. Masculine women attract feminine men and then complain about it 99% of the time.

                  Feminism wasnt supposed to make us afraid to be women. It was supposed to make us free to be women without restraint. And if women truly believed that we are sooo equal to men, why are we so reluctant to be women? Why are we always trying to be men?

                  I wish I could give this blog post a million thumbs up. :-)

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          • Howard Says:

            That list of Saj is definitely unrealistic. That list from the OP is definitely possible. Saj’s list asks men to overlook boorish and self centered behavior. The OP list does not do that. The OP’s list aks for things that most men reciprocally have no problem providing in a healthy relationship. I for one would not have a problem providing any of the OP’s list to a woman. Saj’s list is definitely something most women would not want to reciprocally provide to a man. And the distorted exaggeration in Saj’s list is clearly ridiculous. Let’s look at one example:

            OP: “Deny sex too often and he will deny or break his commitment.”

            Saj: “I will always have an erection that lasts 45 minutes straight. If I happen to go limp after 10 minutes I will rush to the doctors for one of those little blue pills”

            One taks about deny too often; one demands always and even specifies the length of time.

            The problem is that the truth hurts like hell, so we find ways of parodying the messsenger all the time, in some vain hope that we can minimize the messsage.

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            • Selena Says:

              Expecting a man to always have complete control over the hardness and durations of his erections is just as unrealistic as expecting a woman to rarely, if ever, not be in the mood.

              And people of both genders are known to deny or break a commitment as the result of sexual frustration/incompatibility.

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 5

              • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

                You’re drawing a comparison between two different things. The first doesn’t necessarily denote a lack of desire or attraction. Some men do have erectile/stamina issues that have nothing to do with their desire to have sex. It’s physiological or psychological.

                A woman saying, “I’m not in the mood” is denying her partner sex. Which is very much about a lack of desire and/or manipulation. That’s what PM was implying in that point. He wasn’t referring to the times when a woman might not be feeling well or tired. He was talking about the very common phenomenon of women withholding sex or completely losing interest in sex 9if they even had any to begin with) once the man commits.

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                • SB Says:

                  I usually respect your views, Moxie, but this just seems like a fairytale/stereotype.
                  I have *never* heard of a woman pretending to not feel well to not have sex (though I have seen the opposite – not feeling well, yet still being horny when put in the mood). Does this really ever happen? Ladies, have you ever done this?
                  I just can’t imagine that.

                  However, I know of many, many instances where women break-up/divorce men who just seem to have no interest. I know a couple who are trying to make it work anyway, but I am advising her against it. Seen it destroy too many women’s happiness and even self esteem when the man just won’t have sex with them. And I’m not basing this off of one or two instances, this is many women I have known and women on blogs/forums I am a part of or read. I have never heard of a single instance of a woman denying or not wanting sex in a relationship. Those women (of which I was one once) just avoid dating until that changes.

                  So, sorry, but I really can’t believe this scenario ever happens.

                  For the record, in my own relationship, I have only denied once, and that was due to an excruciating migraine. I did try, though, but it wasn’t working, so I finally had to fess up that I wasn’t feeling well. Though I did feel bad, in both senses, I am not apologizing for that. My man knows: I almost always initiate.

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                  • dimplz Says:

                    SB, I would advise you never to get involved in someone else’s marriage. Her life is not in danger. Butt out.

                    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

                  • JS Says:

                    @SB, oh, you’d be amazed! I have had soooo many guy friends over the years who have gone through dry-spells with their women b/c they are constantly denied by their girlfriends. These can span weeks or months. One male friend of mine who just broke up with his girlfriend told me that they had only “done it” once between Thankgiving and Valentine’s Day. They just broke up a few days ago. And they didnt even do it on V-Day. In general, for the past couple of years, he was getting laid once every few months on average. And he is not in the most extreme case I have heard first-hand I can assure you.

                    Yes, some men have low drives and I have had the misfortune in being in some of those relationships but generally it is women who are denying access.

                    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

                • Selena Says:

                  Lack of desire most often has physiolgical and or psychological component for both men and women. Lack of attraction is psychological – we are attracted to some people, not others. Sometimes we lose attraction to a person (ie: we are no longer attracted to their shape, or they way they treat us makes us see them as unattractive).

                  I think more women understand the connection between withholding sex and the man leaving them over it than you are crediting. Those who don’t, will learn.

                  Promising one will rarely, if ever (!) not be in the mood for sex is unrealistic beyond the hot & horny infatuation stage.

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                  • Crotch Rocket Says:

                    “I think more women understand the connection between withholding sex and the man leaving them over it than you are crediting.” Really? From what I’ve seen and heard from both men and women, almost no women seem to understand this. If anything, she’s being overly generous with her credit.

                    Roughly 50% of all divorces cite “disagreements about sex” as the primary cause, and I suspect it’s a secondary factor in the 40% that cite “disagreements about money” as well. Millions of still-married men are miserable because of such but don’t file for divorce for the sake of their kids and/or because it usually results in financial ruin for the man.

                    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        “cook[ing[ for [a man is] a sign of respect to him” I enjoy home-cooked food, and that’s that. My mom cooked dinner for our family six or seven nights a week, so that’s a very deep-seated expectation. (My dad made breakfasts and steak for dinner when we could afford it.) I enjoy cooking, but I’ll admit I’m not very good at it. Two people who can’t cook means eating junk food or eating out all the time, which is expensive and not healthy. I want to be healthy, and I want my kids to be healthy. So, Mrs. Rocket being able to cook (and hopefully enjoy it) is not a trivial concern. But respect? I don’t get this at all.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  15. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    Point out, from PM’s list, what is unrealistic.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 1

    • Selena Says:

      Don’t feel like doing a line item analysis Moxie. Take too long. Saj’s parody suffices.

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      • D Says:

        How about just one?

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

      • Selena Says:

        10. You will see me wearing sexy lingerie more than “comfortable” undies. [I think this is fairly obvious.]

        - Many women like sexy lingerie, but many men are oblivious to it. Women’s choice of underwear is oft determined by what she’s wearing over it. If you don’t want to see a woman in comfy undies, stay out of the way when she’s getting dressed. And certainly show your appreciation when she puts on that teddy for you, if you don’t it might be back to sweats.

        9. You won’t hear me nag and complain because I don’t sweat the small stuff. [Men loathe nagging and complaining. It's sandpaper on our eardrums and on our brains.]

        - Women also loathe nagging, complaining, and let’s throw in whining. Not only is it sandpaper on our eardrums and on our brains – it can kill our libido. We are “not in the mood” after listening to men nag, complain, and whine then turn around and want sex. Remember that.

        8. You will be proud to have me on your arm when we go out in public and your friends will probably be envious. [Dresses, skirts, high heels makeup, and good hair. A man wants to take pride in the woman on his arm.]

        -How many women go to the boss’s cocktail party wearing the clothes they wore for a run? Doesn’t the cliché in profiles: “I am equally comfortable in jeans and a cocktail dress” cover this one?

        7. You will never, ever compete with me. [Men compete with each other, not the woman in his life. competitiveness is a masculine trait.]

        -This is vague. Never compete with you in what? Running for office? Touch football? Scrabble? Maybe we won’t compete with you because we know you are a sore loser who will sulk for hours if you don’t win. Don’t nag, complain, whine to engage us if this is the case.

        6. You will be nicely surprised when I kiss you passionately at unexpected times and in unexpected places. [Affection helps to bond a man to you.]

        -Affection does help people bond to each other. Excessive PDA however is often done for other, not so affectionate reasons – like exhibitionism. So under appreciated by those forced to watch.

        5. You will never see me roll my eyes at you when you say something because I will respect you. [Men want respect and even small signs of disrespect will drive a man away from you. Try that shit in public and I advise the man to walk away immediately without regret.]

        -We do respect you. Even when you say something inane. You don’t often see the eyeroll because we’ve turned our head. You might also note the occasional wry eyeroll is not the same thing putting you down either publicly or privately. That is disrespect.

        4. You will see my smile far more often than my frown. [Negative feelings are mostly unnecessary drama for men. As the Swedes say about a good woman - she should be happy, horny, and grateful]

        - You see me smile because I’m happy with my life and with you. Most of the time. If I’m smiling all the time it’s because we live in Stepford. Which may be in Sweden.

        3. You will find yourself thinking seriously about my observations on life and current events. [Many men won't well tolerate a woman who only knows shopping and reality TV.]

        -Yes and let’s hope if my opinions and pov are different from yours you don’t see it as competing with you.

        2. You won’t be holding my purse at the shoe store. You won’t even BE at the shoe store with me. [Do you see that bored chump in the shoe store holding his girl's purse? 'Nuff said.]

        -How many times has woman asked you to hold her purse? Seriously. Is there something threatening about a purse sitting next to you momentarily? Why is that? Childhood trama?

        1. You rarely, if ever, hear these awful words: “I’m not in the mood”. [Deny sex too often and he will deny or break his commitment. Go ahead ladies, try it. If he still sticks around anyway then you will quickly learn to loathe him.]

        -We have determined we are sexually compatible. And as adults we understand there may be times I’m not in the mood, or you may not be up for it. If frequency becomes uncomfortable we talk about it and see what we can do. You haven’t forgotten #9 have you?

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        • DrivingMeNutes Says:

          This really just highlights that Private Man’s list is really just a list of his personal preferences, some based on prejudice, and mostly things that really shouldn’t be in an online profile to begin with (e.g. mentioning or even suggesting lingerie or high sexual libido in an online profile, even if true, would make it less likely you’d be taken seriously.) The Internet is funny that way.

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        • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

          If you don’t want to see a woman in comfy undies, stay out of the way when she’s getting dressed. And certainly show your appreciation when she puts on that teddy for you, if you don’t it might be back to sweats.

          I happen to think many men like cute boy shorts. But the big grannie panties? No. Nor would I ever wear those when I know my guy will see them. And who even makes let alone wears Teddy’s any more? It’s about making an effort.

          We are “not in the mood” after listening to men nag, complain, and whine then turn around and want sex. Remember that.

          Not that I don’t agree with you, but few men do this in the first place. It’s inherently female behavior.

          -How many women go to the boss’s cocktail party wearing the clothes they wore for a run? Doesn’t the cliché in profiles: “I am equally comfortable in jeans and a cocktail dress” cover this one?

          You’re taking this and most of these points to the extreme. (Which is, again, is a negative female trait.) PM’s point was that a woman take pride in her appearance and acknowledge that she is a reflection of him. Just like we might ask a man to temper any objectively unattractive behavior he might display when he’s out with our friends. You’re acting like women don’t do this, too.

          -We do respect you. Even when you say something inane. You don’t often see the eyeroll because we’ve turned our head. You might also note the occasional wry eyeroll is not the same thing putting you down either publicly or privately. That is disrespect.

          So, as long as we do it behind their backs, then it’s okay? Really? An eyeroll is an eyeroll. It’s an expression of disbelief and mocking. Do tell everybody how one should differentiate between a mocking eyeroll and a wry eyeroll.

          - You see me smile because I’m happy with my life and with you. Most of the time. If I’m smiling all the time it’s because we live in Stepford. Which may be in Sweden.

          Another extreme. PM said nothing about having a perma smile. He said that men wish to see us smile more than we frowned. Meaning, for the most part, be pleasant and positive and not a grouch or sourpuss.

          -This is vague. Never compete with you in what? Running for office? Touch football? Scrabble?

          No. He’s talking about a woman’s need to be right. That’s what he means by being competitive. That and one upping him in conversation. More extremes or just blatant intentional obtuseness. (Which, btw, is considered “competitive.”)

          Excessive PDA however is often done for other, not so affectionate reasons – like exhibitionism. So under appreciated by those forced to watch.

          Again with the extremes. “Unexpected places” could mean the kitchen. Or the bathroom while you’re brushing your teeth. What he’s implying is that men wish to be show appreciation and affection at times other than when he buys us something or does something for us. Random acts of affection. He’s not saying “shove your tongue down my throat while we’re food shopping.”

          Seriously. Is there something threatening about a purse sitting next to you momentarily? Why is that? Childhood trama?

          It’s emasculating. It’s a way of showing all the other ladies in the boutique how you have your man trained. Purses have straps for a reason.

          -Yes and let’s hope if my opinions and pov are different from yours you don’t see it as competing with you.

          Petty extreme. Again. And again, missing the point. He saying he wants women to be intelligent so that they can have debates and discussions. He’s actually encouraging a woman to have her own opinions.

          If frequency becomes uncomfortable we talk about it and see what we can do.,/i>

          Right. Because it’s so uncommon for women to withhold sex as a form of communicating her feelings. That’s kind of the whole point of why she’s not having sex. So if she’s such a great communicator, the sex would be withheld in the first place.

          The problem is that you’re choosing to see this list the way you are because you have your own biases towards men and sex in general.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 16

  16. peppermint Says:

    “5. You will never see me roll my eyes at you when you say something because I will respect you. [Men want respect and even small signs of disrespect will drive a man away from you. Try that shit in public and I advise the man to walk away immediately without regret.]”

    Or you could throw her in a Christmas tree:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GONBK4UqdU

    PM’s list seems pretty reasonable and straightforward to me. Is anyone really advocating for the right to go around dressed like a frigid slob, always frowning and complaining?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 2

  17. SB Says:

    While I, too, agree that PM’s list does not seem unreasonable when taken as a whole, there are definitely some points that raise my eyebrow. Methinks PM is a bitter, “uber-masculine” type who feels entitled to the perfect woman. More power to him.

    Me? I would skip right over that, online or IRL. You can smell an entitled douche he minute he walks in the room.
    The shoe store thing? Most guys I date, and even some just friends guys, are the ones who drag ME to a store to go shopping. I loathe it and only go when it is necessary, and then I prefer to go alone. So this one strikes me as odd; if the men are the ones dragging me to the shoe store, how is that my problem? And if he asks me to try on a certain pair of shoes, I would appreciate the gesture of holding my purse. Although, if I set it down to just watch it for a second while I struggle with the shoe strap. Luckily, I only date nice men who not only are happy to hold or watch my things for me, but will help me with the shoe straps when I need it as well.

    I already explained my view on the “not in the mood” thing. maybe PM doesn’t actually date women so he is going off of one of those stereotypes men use against women that actually turn out to be true for men. Much like the whining thing Selena pointed out. Not a woman’s behavior, no. I have only dealt with this from men.

    I will stop here. Like I said, I get the underlying premise. Men want to be respected; women loved and adored. Men also want their woman to be sexy and look good and enjoy sex. Be a reasonably intelligent human being who views her man as on her team (and her on his, didn’t mean to say it like that) rather than an enemy to be conquered. That is it. Sick of the inane stereotyping that happens on this blog and is not found anywhere in real life.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 4

    • The Private Man Says:

      Oh, lots of shaming language in there. The “bitter”, “entitled douche”, and “doesn’t date women” are the classics that are assigned to any guy who expects a woman to offer something (other than sex) in the context of dating and relationships.

      You need some basic lessons in logic and reason. Please research the ad hominem, it’s an eye opener! I am quite sure you have the intellectual horsepower to figure out your own logical fallacies.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 4

    • JS Says:

      what is wrong with him being uber-masculine. i dont hear any bitterness in his list. And fyi: feminine women are attracted to masculine men. And yes, I think he is pretty masculine based on his list and the list denotes that he is looking for a feminine woman. Most men are.

      If you prefer to be the masculine one the relationship and want to attract a feminine man. Fine, enjoy. But dont try to suppress your feminity and then get annoyed when all you attract are feminine men.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        This post is two months old. I’d prefer that you didn’t comment bomb posts this old, as it directs attention away from newer posts.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 5

  18. Crotch Rocket Says:

    If I saw a profile with PM’s list, and the gal wasn’t hideous-looking, I’d definitely respond–and I’d probably never hear back from her because her inbox would be flooded with millions of other guys who also knew a great catch when they saw it.

    I disagree with the explanation PM offers in brackets after each item, but I think that can be chalked up mainly to his desire to be brief. Some of the ladies here are reacting to that problem, which I suspect is really a non-problem, but I think most are hating on it because they know deep down they don’t measure up to this ideal and, rather than use this as an opportunity to learn about what men want and improve their dating/relationship success, they’d rather attack the messenger and tell men to expect less–a lot less–so they can be successful as they are.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 5

  19. dina Says:

    it’s the woman’s decision if she’d like to commit to him, not vice versa. he only holds the strings if the relationship is unbalanced, and in that case it is not a healthy relationship.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 5

  20. Joseph Kingston Says:

    Haha just applied one of those rules and I already got sucess…thanks for sharing

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 1

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