Here’s an interesting post from Private Man about what men would like to see in a woman’s online dating profile.
It’s been said over and over again: Women must bring something to the dating and relationship table if they want something more than just a short-term fling. Women are the gatekeepers of sexuality. The flip side of that is that men are the gatekeepers of commitment. In the long run, men hold the relationship power (most of them just don’t know it).
With this in mind, a good online dating profile must clearly spell out what a woman offers to her potential paramour and candidate for a committed relationship. Here’s another huge mistake that a woman makes – she describes herself in terms of what she wants in a man. This is where the strong and independent fallacy takes shape. A woman wants a strong and independent man so she incorrectly believes that a man wants a strong and independent woman. That is completely wrong. Men want a feminine women but one who is resilient and self-reliant. The feminine attracts the masculine.
As men are rational and logical creatures regarding dating, a woman should specifically state what she offers in terms of what a man actually wants.
Top 10 Reasons Why I Would Be Your Best Girlfriend Ever:
10. You will see me wearing sexy lingerie more than “comfortable” undies. [I think this is fairly obvious.]
9. You won’t hear me nag and complain because I don’t sweat the small stuff. [Men loathe nagging and complaining. It's sandpaper on our eardrums and on our brains.]
8. You will be proud to have me on your arm when we go out in public and your friends will probably be envious. [Dresses, skirts, high heels makeup, and good hair. A man wants to take pride in the woman on his arm.]
7. You will never, ever compete with me. [Men compete with each other, not the woman in his life. competitiveness is a masculine trait.]
6. You will be nicely surprised when I kiss you passionately at unexpected times and in unexpected places. [Affection helps to bond a man to you.]
5. You will never see me roll my eyes at you when you say something because I will respect you. [Men want respect and even small signs of disrespect will drive a man away from you. Try that shit in public and I advise the man to walk away immediately without regret.]
4. You will see my smile far more often than my frown. [Negative feelings are mostly unnecessary drama for men. As the Swedes say about a good woman - she should be happy, horny, and grateful]
3. You will find yourself thinking seriously about my observations on life and current events. [Many men won't well tolerate a woman who only knows shopping and reality TV.]
2. You won’t be holding my purse at the shoe store. You won’t even BE at the shoe store with me. [Do you see that bored chump in the shoe store holding his girl's purse? 'Nuff said.]
1. You rarely, if ever, hear these awful words: “I’m not in the mood”. [Deny sex too often and he will deny or break his commitment. Go ahead ladies, try it. If he still sticks around anyway then you will quickly learn to loathe him.]
I happen to agree with PM’s sentiment. You can see his list of suggested things to say in your profile here.(Note: I don’t agree with all of his suggestions.)
I do agree that both men and women should state in their profiles how they will make the other person’s life better. Everybody is so busy selling themselves that I think we sometimes forget that we’re auditioning for a part to some degree. I spent a good part of this afternoon reading women’s profiles and I noticed how so many women were trying to paint themselves as well rounded. Ladies, you’re not applying to college. You’re looking to meet someone and possibly have a relationship. Men don’t care about accomplishments. They’re also not really looking for someone who can travel or ski or hike with them. It’s great if you do. It’s a plus. What he’s really looking for is someone that will compliment his life. If he really wants to climb a mountain, he’s going to do it with or without you. He knows that. So he doesn’t really care if you climb or don’t. He just wants to make sure you’re not going to try and prevent him from climbing. Know what I’m saying?
But what about the guys? I can only speak to what I looked for when I would read a man’s profile:
I read a profile once written by a guy who was a writer, actor, producer. He spoke about how he kept note cards on his night stand that had affirmations and goals written on them. When he’d awake in the morning, before getting out of bed, he’d read them. He also kept one taped to his bathroom wall, which he would change every week. He spent another paragraph talking about how he had just written and filmed a pilot and was currently shopping it around to different networks. He even posted pictures from the set. What can you learn from this profile?
Don’t be Patrick Bateman.
I don’t want to hear about how important your work out is to. Nor do I want to hear about how career obsessed you are to the point where it appears to consume your life. If fashion is important to you beyond a woman’s ability to dress in a way that is flattering or attractive, you’re shallow. I want to know that you’re not married to your job, that you’re not self-obsessed and arrogant, and that you’re not inconsiderate, moody or intense. The Don Draper types who portray themselves as so devil may care and mysterious just seem like too much work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I want you to be charming to some degree. But I’m more concerned about your social skills and self-awareness. You can tell from someone’s writing style and photos if they’re socially adept. Don’t tell me you look younger than you are. Don’t post photos from 8 years ago. I don’t want to know you’re insecure about your age because that means more work for me. Leave your pseudo-intellectual bullshit off the page. You don’t have a TV. Congrats. You’re sooooooo intelligent. I read Us magazine sometimes. Got a problem with that? And while I’m ranting…hey, you. Yes you, Mr. 45 years old or older. You still think it’s reasonable to not just want but require a woman who is of “child bearing years.” Bitch, please.
A don’t want to know that you still, at 38 or 40 or 45, get drunk a couple times a week. You know why? You’re going to make sex…bad. Which means I’ll have to spend more time comforting you and telling you it’s okay. It’s not okay.
I don’t want to have to engage in some sort of scripted dance where I have to “break down your walls.” Nor do I appreciate feeling as though you have all of these expectations of me and relationships in general. Basically, I want to know that you’re going to let me in and that you’re actually looking for someone to enhance your life in some way.I’m not looking to be challenged. I also have no desire to hold your hand and ease your fears about love and relationships and show you that all women aren’t shrill harpies with no souls.
What I want is for you to appear open and kind and fun. That’s it.
Let me be more succinct. We want to know you’re:
*Sane/Stable – No anger issues. No moodiness. No unpredictability.
*Available -No recent breakups or divorces. Accent on recent.
*Presentable – Post photos of yourself where you look like you put some effort in to your appearance. Please no tank tops or hats or sunglasses.
*Responsible – You’re employed, marginally employed, partially employed. Basically, you pay your bills and can afford a cocktail or two, or a movie or can order in from time to time. You’re living on your own, meaning not with parents. Or roommates. (Suck it!!!)
*Mature – You’re accountable for your decisions and not afraid of your feelings.
*Enjoyable – Keep your baggage minimal. Be fun to hang out with. Be a good conversationalist. You don’t have to have a stand up comedy routine provided. Just be engaging.