Dear Men: Here’s Why You Can’t Get Laid

Dear Men,

These are things you do that kill my lady boner.

You Whine - Instead of just toughening up, you prefer to sulk. It’s not sexy and it’s not attractive. You could change your approach a bit, but you don’t. You keep making it about how women are this and that and you refuse to improve. Women like men with confidence. Men who whine aren’t confident.

You’re Angry - Here’s the skinny…if you show even the slightest signs of anger, you are never getting in to our apartments let alone our pants. There are some men that comment here that have to scare off many of the women they date because they come across far too aggressive and pissed off. It’s not the woman’s fault that you’ve refused to improve your dating skills or because you continue to shoot out of your league.

You Kiss The Asses of Attention Seeking Women – Holy Christ on a Trampoline. My vagina immediately dries up when I see the poor slobs who respond to every dating blogger’s me me me tweets or blog comments with a compliment or by awkwardly flirting. Stop it. They’re using you for attention. You will never touch their boobies. Doing this makes you look sad and desperate.

You Have No Style - I am by no means a fashion plate. I’m not talking about labels or wearing expensive clothes. I’m talking about putting yourself together in a way that enhances and accentuates things well and hides the flaws that we all have. Take some pride in your appearance. If you’re going to go to an event, especially one in Manhattan or a similar metropolitan city, dress the part. Don’t look like some rube who just got off the turnip truck and bought his pants at Target. Look like you put some care in to your appearance. Speaking of which..

You Don’t Look Healthy – Here’s something funny. When I work out, I NEVER see any men in my gym over the age of, say, 40. You don’t have to train for a triathlon. But you should be exercising a few times a week if only to look healthy. Women notice things like complexion. Pastiness and Bloat are indicative of possible laziness and bad health. Go get your glow on, brah.

You Have an Unflattering Hair Cut- You can SuperCut that mothereffer if you choose. But do something with it other than combing it over. On that topic, if your hairline is receding, either wear it proudly or shave it off. Watching a man desperately try to hide a receding hairline by trying some awkward and unflattering hairstyle makes my lady bits cry. Men who put too much effort in to their hairstyle seem vain. Also? Stop cropping your Facebook pics and profile photos 2 inches below your hairline. We know what you’re doing.

You Have Poor Social Skills - As I’ve said before, nothing is more cringe inducing then getting one of those emails on a dating site that starts, “Hey beautiful.” All that tells me is that you either try too hard or have no actual dating experience. Because if you did, you’d know not to say that. Tone down the compliments. A woman should earn those. Learn how to make conversations and how to read signs of disinterest. Don’t just plow ahead thinking she’ll eventually turn and suddenly want you. If reciprocal interest isn’t shown in a couple of minutes, walk away.

You Think Way Too Highly of Yourself – I can remember getting asked out by a man several months ago. He sent me a text at 8pm one week day night. I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of weeks. He suggested I meet him down town for  a drink “so he could explain.” Um, one? Go fuck yourself. Two? You’re high if you think I’m schlepping down town so you can tell me about your work problem or family crisis or some case of the vapors you had. Blow me. I’m not enduring all that so I can get some free wine and some BS story concocted to hide the fact that you had no other options and were in need of a little pole waxing. How stupid do you think I am?

You’re An Attention Whore/Drama Queen - Oh Look! You have a new Facebook profile photo. Again. Jesus. I don’t know women who change their profile photo that often. And look at all the hot womenz you have as friends. That must mean you’re super cool! Oh no. I love it when you tell me that story about that ex that stalked you because it means I have someone worth stalking! Yay! I need to tell all my friends now. I also love that you have women fighting over you on your Facebook wall and contacting me and telling me that you’re a cad. It means I have someone special and  worth coveting! It doesn’t mean you’re a crazypants who needs too much attention who will eventually cheat on me or use me to get attention. Not at all. I’m perfectly happy to sit here on the couch next to you while you ignore me as you Twitter/Facebook/Blog Stalk your ex-girlfriend. As long as I get to be around you, I’m happy. I don’t need much. That’s why you love me.

You’re An Oversharer – I really don’t need or want to hear about your ex who liked to call you Daddy while you had sex. Nor do I wish to read your dating profile and hear about your recent break up or how you “hit rock bottom” last year. We want men to be vulnerable. We don’t want them to be damaged. Some things just shouldn’t be shared until you get to know someone. We’re not your therapist. Your stories bum us out and make us wonder what your problem is.

You Don’t Even Try In Your Dating Profiles – I’ve seen men compile gigantic lists and manifestos when discussing their favorite movies, books and music. Yet they can’t string together 3-5 cohesive and interesting sentences for their About Me section. Worse? They use photos where they look unkempt and unshaven and like they haven’t bathed in 3 days. Or they use pictures that were clearly taken with a regular or old camera. The pixleation is a dead give away, as is the grainy nature of the photo. And you’re wearing a leather bomber jacket. Punch out, Maverick. Some of the stuff they discuss is just bizarre and nonsensical. Like they want us to think they’re weird. Ima let you finish here, Kanye, but I just want to say..no.

You Try Too Hard In Your Dating Profiles - Enough with the self-deprecating humor, Chandler Bing. Humor is nice, but over use of it means you’re deflecting or over-compensating. And take down those photos of you with the crowd of women. There’s no way in hell you tapped that.

You’re Welcome.

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60 Responses to “Dear Men: Here’s Why You Can’t Get Laid”

  1. Alpha Says:

    This is brilliant.

    I like that you actually admit that some of this garbage dries your vagina lol You know, sometimes at a bar I’ll watch a guy bomb with a girl, and then I’ll casually walk over, strike up conversation, and tell him what he did wrong. He will blow me off, tell me he’s got it, and “trust me bro! I get laid.” – Guys that brag about getting laid, in my experience, are horrible with women. Inevitably he wont listen to me because who the hell am I?

    I’m going to print this out and pass it out to guys who do horrible with women – maybe seeing a woman saying it will spur them into action.

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    • Howard Says:

      The title troubles me. If getting laid is merely the objective, it all gets gets harder. Guys should not merely see women as sex objects. That is the biggest problem most of these guys have going in. Even smooth operators have difficulties doing this when getting laid is the only objective.

      The first place most guys should start is by trying to have fun, being relaxed in social settings, meeting women and connecting on some communication level. Their skills will develop and the getting laid will happen.

      Also, I wish you were right about the attention whores/drama queens. But there are enough insecure women and drama mamas to ensure they get laid and they do. The guys who think too highly of themselves do get laid too, if they have the goods or game to back it up. And that’s because women have certain material desirables on their list. Unflattering haircuts don’t mean jack if you got what women want. Donald Trump does fine. Now the angry guys are a whole different story. If its moody type quiet anger, there are enough foolish women trying to figure these guys out.

      Your list assumes all women are healthy, and that is a dangerous assumption. There are enough of their counterparts of the opposite gender to seriously attenuate the strength of a lot of what you are saying. Your list would be perfect as to why a man can’t get with that healthy desirable woman that most men seek.

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      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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        • Howard Says:

          Judgement on your part. I have a manner of speaking that lays it on the line. I am pretty hard on guys too. ex “Guys should not merely see women as sex objects” “biggest problem most of these guys have going in” “I wish you were right about the attention whores/drama queens”

          Look at some of my other posts. So am I angry at guys too?

          Someone posts about guys being unhealthy, and a guy named Howard comes back and says. “Yes guys are unhealthy, but some women are unhealthy too, so these guys may still get laid” I fail to see how that makes Howard angry at women.

          Oh Maybe, I guess it’s because I am the only one who didn’t drink the Kool-Aid. As a matter of fact, now rereading the post, I think I was harder on guys that women in the post.

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          • Alpha Says:

            Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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            • Howard Says:

              Ok Alpha. I have not been on this a while. So I am now only responding to you. It seems folks didn’t like your bit, but I will still respond.

              Given your comment, I can see you have bought into the PUA thing. I have been around this PUA stuff long before it was turned into the money making hustle it has become. Does it work? Hell yeah! Fact of life: most guys can only be taught so much because their core is always holding them back, and that is the problem with PUA. So we end up with guys where the image they are trying to project does not match up with the subtle little mistakes they make. The result is women feeling something is amiss.

              So your comment “viewing women as a sex object, in my experience, will not adversely affect your game in any way.” works well with the few guys who can actually pull that off. Most guys can’t.

              Be clear about one thing. Trying to convince a woman to have sex with a guy that is only interested in sex, is trying to convince her to do something she doesn’t really want to do. It’s a whole lot easier to convince her to do something that she really wants to do, have a relationship with a guy that she see as a prize. And that word “prize” is the key. While I may have had my nuanced comments about Moxie’s list, she did hit very clearly at that with most of the points she outlined.

              My problem with Moxie’s list and also your comments is the importance on getting laid. It feeds into the old “vagina power” paradigms. Of course some women on this site loved Moxie’s sophomoric list, because for a brief moment they had the opportunity to reassert old beliefs from high school in their head. The reality is that the whole pussy power thing starts to evaporate as women get older, a reality that many women never seem to come to grips with, much like the men who still still stay in stupid mode past forty chasing young girls.

              The other dynamic is that even the young guys today are not as pussy struck, so the entire game has shifted.

              Regarding your last comment “You’re attempting to “speak from experience” on a subject in which you have little or no experience. It wont work.”

              It deserves no response or similar ad hominen attack from me to you!

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              • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

                Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

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                • Howard Says:

                  And I make no judgements about you nor your charcater nor personality, because I don’t know you personally, like you don’t know me personally. I will continue to direct my comments now and always about what is written. As I always say hard truth is a difficult road to walk!

                  Your bit about my email address: getting low and clutching at straws! And regarding me responding to personal attacks, I am old enough to know whern I am being baited.

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                  • jesse blair Says:

                    and the winner is…….Howard. that was some pissing contest. like the article though

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          • Tyler Says:

            Well, Howard, the reason is because you’ve stepped in to feminism land (AmeriKa), where women are faultless and guys can’t tie their own shoelaces. That’s how it goes in media. Guys are the idiots. Women are in charge and on point. Ridiculous. Fuck you, bitches.

            -An Angry Young Man

            P.S. Suck it.

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  2. Bronan the Barbarian! Says:

    Damn, this is surprisingly comprehensive and accurate. Usually when I read advice columns written by women, it’s some ambiguous “be more confident” garbage. Bravo.

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  3. JT Says:

    Awesomeness.

    Going to tweet this!

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  4. Sarah Says:

    1,000 times YES.

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  5. D Says:

    This is an excellent post. The thing about kissing women’s asses via social media reminded me of this: http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/11/22/social-media-and-female-self-esteem/

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  6. joe-f Says:

    I am not big on lists because I think they put you into a box. Moxie is well-intentioned and she is probably tired of reading all the problematic males and females in this world and feels a few rules would straighten everyone out. I feel you need to be comfortable with yourself-bad style, bad hair cut and all. Find someone who likes you and who you like-not because they are dressed up or on their best behavior, but when they are sick as a dog, ugly as hell and angry that you don’t know what she or he means, you still love them.

    I think rules only apply in an ideal state rather than reality. My wife and I would love to hit the gym several times a week but our work schedules prevent that. In this economy, we are terrified of losing our jobs. With not enough time to do everything we want, miscommunication occurs and we argue as with all couples. We whine and we get angry. But we always make up because we love each other. I would love to follow all the rules to make myself better but I am a flawed human and I hope someone would love me despite my imperfections.

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    • Alpha Says:

      I lol’d

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    • D Says:

      There is a difference between imperfections and not even making an effort. Also, some guys apparently think they should be able to land hot babes that make a ton of effort to get that way without making a reciprocal effort themselves.

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  7. Stephanie Says:

    Huzzah!! Great post. Hope the guys are listening.

    It is stunning to me how I can walk around Manhattan and see so few men with any style. It’s so easy for you guys. I don’t get it. Take a page from your bros in Europe – even the most averaging-looking guy can look great with a little attention to detail, a good tailor and some good grooming.

    Why is this evan an issue?

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  8. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    I agree with most of these but not all of them. As Howard suggested, guys with a lot of hot female facebook friends or female “drama” may be getting laid fairly regularly. Moxie may be the exception but when women complain about that sort of thing, it’s usually false bravado and sour grapes- more highlighting a woman’s competitiveness than an actual sexual “turnoff” to her. Women like guys that are desired by other women. Denying it doesn’t change it.

    Same for bad haircuts, clothing style and physique. Not only is that frequently a matter of personal preferences (all women don’t share Moxie’s) but, in my experience, women don’t universally put great priority on those things. Good clothes, style and physique are a bonus, which women may be vocal about, but they don’t necessarily or typically make relationship decisions on that basis.

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      One of the oldest cliches is about women judging men by the shoes they wear.

      These kind of cliches have more then a dash of truth to them.

      I always get more smiles when I wear dress shoes ( black,of course. brown shoes don’t make it. )

      OTOH, a woman who puts too much value on style isn’t going to be for me.. substance is where it’s at.

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  9. Stephanie Says:

    Funny how DMN is always talking about how he knows what women think and want.

    Actually a sense of style is very important to a good number of us and especially those of us who work in the business. It speaks to a lot of other qualities of a man. In this hyper-competitive world where everyone is competing for jobs and for relationships, you better be at your best, so I disagree.

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    • DrivingMeNutes Says:

      It is absolutely true that I cannot speak for all women. I can’t even speak for all men, for that matter. I can only relay my experience which you or anyone is free to ignore.

      As I said, it’s a bonus to have a style and a good haircut- I noticed a marked difference when I myself upgraded but, honestly, I wasn’t doing that badly before. As for physique, I haven’t really kept in shape since college and I do fine. I’m sure women would prefer that I’d be hotter but they are willing to tolerate my flaws because, apparently, I offer other benefits. I will leave those to your imagination. So, the point is, in my personal experience, women don’t prioritize those things. You do? Great! Do I care? No!

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      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        It’s important to note that by “Go to the gym” I’m not suggesting men become buff. It’s not about physique. It’s about not looking like you’re rarely ever exposed to sunlight, a heavy drinker or a sloth.

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        • DrivingMeNutes Says:

          Understood. I hereby confirm that I am often a combination of all three of those things and still do okay. So, women may not prefer it but it doesn’t seem to be a universal dealbreaker.

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          • Stephanie Says:

            Maybe you’re just smart and stay within your “pay grade.” Good for you.

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            • DrivingMeNutes Says:

              Right. And, you’ll also note that I’m not the one telling members of the opposite sex that they should “upgrade” to please me.

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  10. Jay Perry Says:

    This has to be the funniest kick ass article on men I have ever read…. it’s too funny and kind of scary to. I never realized there were soooo many scary men out there. No wonder they never get laid! As for the author – that’s one tough chick! Got to admit, I laughed my balls off!

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  11. Joey Giraud Says:

    Moxie, if ever I dated a woman and she uttered the phrase “lady boner,” it would completely kill my real deal.
    I don’t want a woman who imagines her parts as a penis, nor do I want to think about her having a penis.
    Perhaps she loathes the reality of her own parts. I don’t.

    A big turn off.

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    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      I should have added one more bullet point:

      You Have No Sense of Humor.

      Jesus.

      And FYI….the clitoris is the equivalent of a penis. It’s just inverted. Both become engorged with blood when aroused. Hence the term lady boner. The more you know.

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      • Joey Giraud\ Says:

        Duh. I know all about that, but it’s still the case that a clitoris *isn’t* a penis, and I prefer the former.

        And that’s all I meant to say.

        “Lady Boner” is an unappealing phrase, unbecoming a real lady.

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      • fukcyoukunt Says:

        You are still a worthless ugly ass DYKE. Nothing will change that. Who gives a shit about your mutilated “inverted penis.” You know I would rather be a faggot than waste my time with shallow uninspiring braindead cunts like you. There is a reason why your kind is chosen for the most menial and humiliating slavery in the economy. You have ZERO creativity and ZERO value. Have fun being a moronic wage slave you dumbass DYKE.

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        • Tyler Says:

          I don’t think I can say it any better myself. You women present no value and are equally to blame (if not more to blame in my experiences with stupid American bitches) for the lack of sex and romance in society. Wanna write a post about where men screw up? Fine! I’m okay with that, but don’t be so condescending, you fucking worthless cunt. You’re probably fat and angry because you can’t find quality men to mingle with. So, your slanted world view comes out because your fat and ugly (and ANGRY, referring back to your trivial point) can only attract the most desperate of the desperate.

          Soon, your dollars will be worthless, and your “free society” will cave in. Good. It’s going to kill off a lot of you idiots. I don’t care. Fuck AmeriKa.

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  12. The Private Man Says:

    Agreed on most….

    “You Think Way Too Highly of Yourself”

    Women love confident men. A guy having tremendous self-esteem is a good thing. Hell, if it borders on cocky arrogance, even better.

    The challenge for a guy lies in how that confidence is manifested and perceived.

    Bomber jacket? That’s subjective. Shit, I wear a well-fitted leather motorcycle jacket because when I crash, I want to keep my elbows attached to my body. That also explains the ugly helmet.

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    • Angeline Says:

      I think you should get a pass on the “bomber jacket” if you actually flew in them – I know several guys who wear their military flight jackets or field jackets with unit patches, wings, etc., it’s a point of pride and a way to meet other vets and share experiences. My current fella says it’s the best therapy there is X he never knows when some light hearted ‘ball-busting’ will turn into a serious heart to heart with a troubled or lonely vet. He also gets to hear some amazing first-person stories that will never make it into a history book. The bomber jacket may be a pose, or it may be an authentic message.
      Plus, they are warm!

      And I agree with the confidence, even cocky confidence statement. That is however different from thinking too highly of yourself – I think there’s a line where the cocky arrogance tips over into unwarranted, inflated self esteem, and that’s probably very subjective from one person to the next.

      Maybe it is the flip side of women thinking they’re hot stuff for things that make no difference, or are even a deterrent, for men. The men are mystified as to why the women in this scenario are so full of themselves, because it’s patently obvious, *to them*, why it doesn’t work. Meanwhile, her friends/sistahs are telling her why she’s such a catch, and “those deluded, shallow men just don’t get it.”

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  13. VJ Says:

    Ok this has something of a harsh reality semblance about it, but likely not deep enough. Let’s look a little harder here, shall we?

    Let’s run down the numbers on “Why you can’t get laid”:

    “You Whine “-
    Sorry, this is part of the human condition. You can merely choose the types & kinds of whining you prefer. And for everyone, this only gets worse, far worse as you age. Ditto for the women too, BTW. But in the women, they pout and get catered to more often. (Used to be the guys in the 50′s & 60′s, but that day is mostly far past). No one much takes any notice of old dudes sulking. Ask gramps about it. Yes, he’s not had sex since the Clinton administration either!

    “You’re Angry” –

    And no or little sex naturally helps this, right?

    “It’s not the woman’s fault that you’ve refused to improve your dating skills or because you continue to shoot out of your league”

    Nope, there’s just many differing theories & approaches about how to be ‘successful in dating’, or ‘just getting laid’.

    “You Kiss The Asses of Attention Seeking Women” – “They’re using you for attention. You will never touch their boobies. Doing this makes you look sad and desperate”.

    Yep, the poorly played, traditional ‘beta’ approach. But many of today’s younger women seek and even desperately need or desire such attention. Even if they’ll never be willing to ‘reciprocate’ such affection.

    “You Have No Style” – “Look like you put some care in to your appearance.”

    No one has a sense of style any more, or not much, & not in the ‘general population’ and not for ‘everyday’ circumstances. You can look around and see more people in PJ’s & PJ looking ‘sweats’ than anyone being truly ‘stylish’ anywhere at anytime. It’s a crying disgrace, but it’s never stopped tall & cute easy going slobs from getting laid. Or even short angry & whiny disheveled drummers/guitarists for that matter.

    “You Don’t Look Healthy – Here’s something funny. When I work out, I NEVER see any men in my gym over the age of, say, 40. You don’t have to train for a triathlon. But you should be exercising a few times a week if only to look healthy. Women notice things like complexion. Pastiness and Bloat are indicative of possible laziness and bad health. Go get your glow on, brah”

    Sorry take a 2nd look. Then a 3rd. Then do some research. Better than 60% of the US adult population is clinically obese or at least overweight, by any realistic standards imaginable. Including the women & Adults of ALL ages. In point of fact it’s far worse for many of the younger age co-horts Under 60 say. To say that most of the population would be regarded as just grossly ‘unfit’ by any of our past guidelines is an understatement. Still, much of that is a concentrated universal world wide magic formula of less activity, fewer jobs requiring substantial caloric expenditure, and constant over nutrition/feeding/caloric intake. And it’s never been seen before in human history. And sadly most folks don’t have the time to spare to keep up with ‘everything’. Not only is the self discipline lacking, but also a comprehensive understanding of the problem & nutrition.

    So fat slobs? They’ve got everyone surrounded. They are the clear majority, everywhere in the US.

    “You Have an Unflattering Hair Cut- You can SuperCut that mothereffer if you choose? Stop cropping your Facebook pics and profile photos 2 inches below your hairline. We know what you’re doing”.

    Ditto for all those wonder shots of everyone that try to mask their bodies or emphasize a great body part (frequently T&A) over everything else. But again, much like real style flattering haircuts went the way of harmony & melody in popular music. Yes, I miss all of it too, and BTW? ‘You kids, get off my damn lawn!’

    “You Have Poor Social Skills – Learn how to make conversations and how to read signs of disinterest. Don’t just plow ahead thinking she’ll eventually turn and suddenly want you. If reciprocal interest isn’t shown in a couple of minutes, walk away”.

    Valuable thoughts to be sure, but for the right person (see ‘I’m with the band’, ‘But he/she Needs me!’ etc.) this has just never been a serious bar to getting laid. An impediment to be certain, not insurmountable given just the right material, or approach & willing audience.

    “You Think Way Too Highly of Yourself”

    Another seemingly necessary condition of human existence, sorry for any inconvenience or miscomprehension.

    “You’re An Attention Whore/Drama Queen” – “Oh Look! You have a new Facebook profile photo”.

    Another age graded fatal conceit that’s likely only gotten worse with modern tech too. Seems to apply at least as much for women too. Sometimes progress a’int all that pretty either. (See above, weight & harmony etc.)

    “You’re An Oversharer” – Ditto

    “You Don’t Even Try In Your Dating Profiles” – Ditto

    And for the women? It’s the ubiquitous ‘sexy self portrait’ of themselves over some gawd forsaken tiny very unstylish (vintage & un-remodeled) bathroom mirror someplace, & not infrequently their parents 1960′s duplex in Queens. Extra credit for being only partially undressed and no T&A actually showing on the front page wall of their FB . This is somehow less likely the older they are above the age of 16 say.

    “You Try Too Hard In Your Dating Profiles – Enough with the self-deprecating humor, Chandler Bing. Humor is nice, but over use of it means you’re deflecting or over-compensating. And take down those photos of you with the crowd of women. There’s no way in hell you tapped that”.

    Ditto for all the pics with the celebrities you pretend stalk on your haunts on Sat. night. (BOTH sexes). Or the again the ubiquitous fish/frog/duck face pics when out with your gal pals. Stalking B/C & Z list ‘reality show’ ‘contestants’. Or the time honored ‘show us your T&A’ shots with the duck face & the minor celebrity included. Just bowled over by that kind of ‘stylin’ darling. Trying harder? No need, just show us the parts hon!

    The reality is that almost any woman alive can laid quite easily if they wanted to, with little difficulty. They’ve got standards though. For the guys, it’s just a different sort of strategy & story. Some Just want to get laid. Some would like to get laid regularly while in a mutually satisfying, productive LTR relationship. I imagine it always gets somewhat tiresome trying to figure out which is which & which door to choose. But again, that too is part of the tragedy and momentary joys of the human condition. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

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  14. Dave Says:

    Wow. Nice battle-of-the-sexes post. And that’s why you’re single. : )

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  15. VJ Says:

    Me, I’m happily married, and have been for likely longer than most of the board has been drinking too. (TM) Cheers, ‘VJ’

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  16. Anonymous Says:

    I would like to add, if you don’t mind. This is my opinion though, but maybe some other women feel the same way.

    1) Pushing for sex and begging for sex-Honey, a man that knows how to seduce and turn a woman doesn’t need to beg and persist. The more you push, the less you get b/c it’s anti-seductive. How can you arouse someone when they’re feeling cornered and pressured?

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  17. PeachtreeCtr Says:

    Come on. The real post should be this:

    Dear Men: Here’s why you can’t get laid by Moxie.

    You don’t live in Manhattan.
    You have a roommate.
    You aren’t a “Mr Big” type that I think I can land but never ever will.

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  18. Saj Says:

    I had a conversation with a friend recently about what he could try to be more attractive and he fought me on every point.

    Better fitting pants (insert drawn out excuse why it’s better to wear pants where the ass is 4 times too big thus making you look dumpy)

    A more flattering haircut as your hair is pretty thick and messy (excuse about how hard it is to maintain)

    Relaxing more or pretending to (Apparently impossible though I’ve seen him pull this off in person enough to know he’s capable)

    Know your audience (no long rambling stories about a video game your playing that she isn’t also playing or completely ignoring her glazed over expression. Talking at isn’t the same as talking to)

    Smiling (he actually had an excuse why he can’t smile more or even want to work at it)

    At this point I gave up. Some people rather just whine, blame the system or make excuses rather then change the teeniest tiniest things about themselves that would improve their dating.

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      Pot, meet kettle. So far, you’ve ignored and/or argued with every single bit of advice that the men here have given. Thanks to your clueless and whiny friend, you now know what it’s like talking to you.

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      • Saj Says:

        Lol and here I thought you were “above” personal attacks. I’ve given many men including yourself many thumbs up for posts I agree with. Me and you actually do agree on plenty of things (the whole early sex thing being really the biggie we don’t)

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  19. Jeanne Says:

    Howard, The pussy thing still works for women over 40 if they are dating men in the appropriate age group. Men never stop wanting to connect sexually and hopefully women do not either. Young ones, yeah they often want “pussy” with an attractive older women, in spite of our many flaws. So, if an older woman only wants sex it is definitely available. Lol

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  20. ChrisW Says:

    So why do people keep repeating “just be yourself” like it’s some magic cure-all when what they mean is “just be yourself, AND be someone with style, be someone with a flattering haircut, etc…”?

    I’m getting pretty good at just being myself, but I have no interest in becoming the man described in this list. That’s why I look at a woman, admire the sight, and then go back to what I was doing. They aren’t worth more than that.

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  21. Willard Says:

    Schizophrenic article if you ask me. Be alpha, but not too alpha. You try too hard or you don’t try hard enough. I’m pretty sure if I poke around the ATWYS site I can find some griping about men being too concerned with personal appearance (“Manscaping”). This time it’s a gripe about cheap haircuts. And that stuff about not posting pictures of yourself with a lot of women… So nursing a drink alone is where it’s at! That’s not how my French stripper girlfriends felt about it!

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  22. Michael Says:

    Want advice? Be yourself. Don’t read others opinions and feel you have to conform to those ideas. Everyone has flaws, and trying to be perfect can be the biggest turn-off of all. It’s not like changing who you are will get every woman to want you. There are men and women that are only looking for sex. There are those looking to get married and have kids. Know which one you are, and when you meet someone you are interested in, make sure you communicate your desires in your conversation. For instance, if you just want sex, don’t try and make it sound like you are looking for a wife. Just say it! Hi, I’m joe blow, and I came out tonight to find a special lady to fulfill some intimate fantasies. At that point, you will find out if she is on the same page, or a different book altogether. If you are looking for a wife, say it! Hi I’m joe blow and I am looking for someone very special in my life. Be honest with yourself, and others. Communicate your wants and needs, and last but not least…. Never take love or sex for granted. Enjoy your life, :)

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  23. Tony Locke Says:

    While we are on the subject, one thing that kills my man boner is a woman referring to her “lady boner”. Unless I’m in Thailand, that just brings to mind some unpleasant surprise is imminent.

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  24. fukcyoukunt Says:

    You sound like the typically asinine ultra-feminist leftard cunt whom all males despise. Why would you assume that we want to get into the vagina of such a repellant self-entitled feminist bitch? Stupid cunts like you make me (and all males in general) SICK. You are a fucking plague to the human race. You think you have these “special rights” to condescend any and/or all males whom are “unworthy” of your vapid and obnoxious “presence.” I would much rather beat off for the rest of my life than waste my time or energy attempting to kiss the ass of such a mentally retarded self-centered bitch. Better yet I will simply hire prostitutes, hookers, and call girls to fulfill my sexual needs so stupid cunts like you will go extinct. YOU ARE THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH THE MODERN WORLD AND I HOPE TO SATAN THAT YOU ARE ERADICATED FOR THE SALVATION OF THE HUMAN RACE.

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  25. MrRudy Says:

    Growing pains. Some guys just have to learn the hard way. People in America nowadays are just too confrontational and cynical and that’s hardly attractive – men and women alike. Where’s all the fun gone? No mystery at all. People just look for “indicators” to decide to hook up, cross off enough items on a checklist then go for it based on that. A smart guy would just have to get a copy of the list and practice. If that’s how the scene is now, that’s how it is. Pretty boring IMHO but hey, it’s just sex right?

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  26. Jack Says:

    “You Think Way Too Highly of Yourself”

    In what universe has that EVER kept a man from getting ass? Just because YOU wouldn’t fall for it doesn’t mean there aren’t thousands of women who would.

    And there’s another way to look at it – It may not be that he thinks too highly of himself….It may be that he doesn’t think very highly of you.

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  27. Alex001 Says:

    Reading this article makes it abundantly clear why men have a hard time getting laid.

    This woman offers contradicting advice the entire way through. Be confident, but not arrogant, act interested but not overbearing, try, but not too hard.

    Its this ridiculous balancing act in which we hand the initiative over to women and let them judge us that is creating such a horrible dynamic in the modern day relationship.

    Getting laid with a woman today is like solving a rubiks cube… you have to get the entire combination and sequuence just right, or the puzzle remains unsolved. And no two cubes are ever the same.

    I realize this is coming off a little ignorant, but i belong to the category of those pathetic men who cannot get laid… no matter what the fuck i do. The day women have that problem, they can write articles like this that preach about filling the exact “emotional needs of a sexual partner.”

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  28. slvr Says:

    The worst person to take “gettin laid” advice from is a woman. If the genders were reverse this article would rightly be seen as unbelievably sexist.

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  29. Nobody Says:

    I don’t take advice about women from women, and this is a perfect example of why. The author does not mention that already having a woman sexually attracted to you attracts other women. But men all know the story (even if high school) where a guy who has a girlfriend gets a favorable response from other women. There is no mention that anywhere in this article. Men all know the story of a hardass-acting guy who has women attracted to him. Are you surprised there is no mention of that? I’m not. What about peacocking theories? No mention of that either.

    Men, this article is not about helping your interests. It’s about helping womens’ interests. Again, not surprised!

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  30. Alex Adieu Says:

    The author forgot to mention constantly arguing about religion or politics. For a time I constantly went around preaching Atheism to everyone, and I was extremely angry and it put all women off. Have been alone for several years and I had so much trouble understanding why because I am physically attractive. Seems I was more interested in making fun of a hot woman’s foolish ideas about “God” as opposed to flirting with her and getting her number. I also assumed that everyone on some level deep down inside no more believed in any supernatural realm than a man in the moon as no one really believes there is a god, boy was I wrong. I felt like the victim of a really bad joke who after many years finally got the punch line. Talking about religion(or lack of it), past problems, problems a person overcame, exes, so on and so forth is a big time monumentally bad idea. I also assumed that being 2012(at the time) and in college, being a nonbeliever is no big deal, viciously slamming religion proudly and openly will keep anyone from getting laid.

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  31. dave Says:

    Wow! Guys can find ways to do ALL 12 of those things —— and still be alive?

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  32. Folwart Says:

    I’m angry at women for struggling to get back down to equality while I’m trying to place them on a pedestal. It’s bullshit. I don’t need some arrogant female cum connoisseur telling me how not to get laid. I practically wrote the book on how not to get laid, you can believe that. Now forget everything you know and I’ll teach you something you don’t know, because you already forgot. I’ll show you exactly how to not get laid in real time, because that’s the only time, Toots. It’s too bad you used so much blunt truth up there. It’s an entertaining article, I could almost dig a little further and read more of your articles and decide whether or not I kind of like you, or sort of like you. Unfortunately such emotions have been known to take on a mind of their own, like an autopilot to poon town, just barely long to get me laid, and not not getting laid is not what I’m about at all. Good stuff.

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