I do notice [since you reviewed my profile] my response rate to messages has improved some and for the
first time an attractive girl has messaged me without me messaging her
first since the changes [you suggested I make to my profile.]
So okcupid does have two good questions regarding sex in how often
they’d want to in a relationship and how many dates it would take.
However, as you mentioned before many women don’t answer them honestly
and a fair amount not at all. I recently went on a date with a very
outgoing lady from okcupid that after a 3 hour date wanted to meet
again but told me she didn’t kiss on a first date. I don’t need to
have sex with a women on a first or even second date but I don’t want
to get in what okcupid labels the “6+ dates”. My question for you is
how how to find out a women’s attitude on sex without going on
multiple dates and finding out they have little sex drive without
blatantly asking and coming off as a typical guy they meet.
There’s really no sure fire way to tell if a woman has a compatible sex drive until you date her and begin a physical relationship. In most cases, you’re going to have to go on 3+ dates before the woman takes things to a physical level. So if you aren’t able to make it to date 3 without sex, you’re going to have a problem. Many women are going to wait until date 3 before they let things get physical. That’s just how it is. If they’re going past date 3 and not engaging in some sort of physicality other than a brief good night kiss, I’d say she either isn’t very sexual, isn’t interested or has an agenda. She doesn’t have to sleep with you by date 3. But she’s gotta be showing you that she’s interested in going in that direction. Let her take her time, but you should be out there meeting other women as well.
A woman can be very sexual and like sex and still use sex as a means to an end. A woman can also be a very compatible partner despite her resistance to physicality that happens “too soon” by her standards. A woman can also have sex with you on the first or second date and become your girlfriend. Or she could sleep with you by date 3 and then become clingy and possessive. The only way you’re going to know which is which is to go on more than one date with them.
Are their signs you can look for on the first date that will give you clues? I think so:
1. She’s comfortable with physicality - She touches your arm or hand. She doesn’t flinch or pull back when you touch her.
2. She doesn’t get uptight or defensive if you bring up sex in a mature or off handed manner - As women, we’re conditioned to bristle when a man talks about sex. We’re supposed to be uncomfortable with it lest he think we’re “easy.” Many women don’t discuss their comfort or interest in sex in their profile or in early conversations because she’s afraid the man will judge her for it or that she’ll attract the wrong type of man. Even a brief mention of the word “sex” in a dating profile will get her ad pulled up by every guy looking for a random hook up. That mention will also encourage the socially awkward men and men with no real dating experience to say inappropriate things to her via email or face to face.Women frequently express disdain for men who broach the sex topic on a first date. What they need to understand is that men, like women, have their own litmus tests. Just like we judge a man by whether or not he pays the check, men evaluate a woman based on how she reacts and responds to sexual conversations. Just note: any kind of detailed or involved sex talk shouldn’t occur prior to meeting. I’m telling you, nine times out of ten, it’s nothing but talk. The skill never translates into the real life experience.
3. She doesn’t make a production out of why she doesn’t do something on a first date. – I tend to look at someone who doesn’t kiss on a first date and who comes out and says as much the same way I look at men or women who come out and say they don’t have sex on the first date. It seems unnecessary. You can go in for a hug or a peck on the cheek without getting in to the whole, “Oh Em Gee, I don’t do that” thing. Saying something like that when someone is going in for a kiss just makes things awkward and uncomfortable and makes that person look socially clueless. That person is setting themselves apart from everyone else and trying to pose themselves as a challenge. If you don’t kiss on a first date or have sex on a first date, don’t do it and don’t put yourself in a position where you feel compelled to explain why. Just don’t do it. The minute you offer some explanation, you are perceived as too much work.
So why exactly did I sleep with this girl so fast, and why didn’t either of these guys get as much as a kiss out of her in the months that they were trying to get with her?
It was because they were unwilling to fail. As a guy aspiring to attract women, you have to understand that women want you to fail.
Why does he say she wants this?
Because once she rejects him, his true character will be revealed. When a woman rejects a guy’s openly sexual advances, it’s going to reveal one of four things about him:
A) He is going to keep pushing her for what he wants, which will reveal him as needy and desperate. Very unattractive.
B) He is going to cave in, be absolutely devastated, and reveal that his confidence was fake. Very unattractive.
C) He is going to get very upset, and reveal that he constantly fails, shown by his frustration. Very unattractive.
D) He is going to stay calm, relax, and act as if the rejection never happened.
When a woman sees that last reaction from a man after she rejects his sexual advances, assuming that she was initially attracted to him in the first place, if she doesn’t immediately give him what he wants, it will at least cause her to take a closer look at him, under the premise that he just might indeed be the real deal alpha male that she’s been waiting for.