Name: Jimmy Jacob
Story: How To Win Over The On And Off Elusive Man
If you’re reading this article right now, then you most likely have had your heart broken by an elusive man who has toyed with your affections. From the first date you knew this man was an enigma that you would never be able to figure out and although you saw red flags right from the start, you ignored his border-line superiority complex, his apparent commitment issues and his inability to factor you into his high priority list after the first kiss (or orgasm) clouded your judgment.
You want to know why I know this? I was this guy and I’m not afraid to admit it. I carelessly popped in and out of a woman’s life that I cared about all because I couldn’t get over my past, my ego and the fact that I wasn’t ready to settle down yet.
After five years of breaking her heart, I finally came to the realization that she was the one I am supposed to be with and maybe if we had avoided certain fights and pitfalls, then I probably would have realized that fact years ago.
If you’re looking to win over your pseudo quasi soul mate, then there are certain things you must do and must avoid doing in order to make this clueless guy see the error in his ways.
Rule #1: Stop Comparing Him To Mr. Big!!!
I think a huge reason why women are attracted to elusive men is because they are addicted to the character of Mr. Big in Sex And The City and I’ll tell you right now, no man wants to be compared to any character from that show and doing so is a huge turn-off because if you have to relate your life to a television show, then you’re living too much in your head.
If you compare your man to Mr. Big, then you are comparing yourself to Carrie Bradshaw, who is in fact a chronically unsatisfied drama queen. (Yeah, I said it!) The more Mr. Big made Carrie miserable with his inability to commit, the more she was ultimately convinced he was “The One.”
Trust me, I have met many women who tried to emulate the show and they even hooked up with “Aidans” just to feel like they can relate to the show. This is all cute and dandy in your early twenties, but when you get older, you’ll find the more you compare to the show, the less likely your life will be like it.
So if your man’s name is Bob, refer to him as so.
Rule # 2: Take Him Off Your Social Networks Before He Can Get A Chance To
I know it’s especially difficult for certain women to take their exes off their Facebook and Twitter feeds, however it really is imperative to do this ASAP in order to save your mental health. If you don’t, there will be something you don’t want to see. Whether it be tagged photos from a bar or a wall post from another woman, you will eventually snap. Hell, years ago the girl I’m now committed to (who I just broke up with at the time) called me sobbing because I took her off my Top Friends list on My Space. (This is going WAY back.) This eventually led to me not only deleting her from my social media accounts but I also blocked her as well. Social networks and exes do not mix, so in order to keep your future dignity intact, delete him (but don’t block him) from your accounts before he does.
Rule # 3: Give Him Space!!
I know your heart is aching and even though it may sound tempting to send him a text saying, “I miss you” or to send him a long email telling him how you feel about him, you must refrain from doing these things. Chances are if he broke things off because of his commitment issues then he needs his space. By continuously sending him texts and emails about how you belong together, you not only ruin any chances of him responding, you also come off emotionally unstable. Also, because you don’t respect his wishes of being left alone, he will most likely avoid you for months to come—despite the fact that he cares for you. Take him off your contact list on your phone. You most likely have his number memorized but not seeing his name in your contact list will probably deter you from drunk texting him one night. Also install Gmail Beer Googles on your gmail account to stop you from sending lengthy emails to your ex. Trust me, you’ll thank me for this later.
Rule # 4: Focus on Yourself!!
You know what elusive men like the most in women? They like women who are independent and are goal-driven. The number one turn-off for a man of this caliber is co-dependency and seeing a woman who is driven to succeed on her own terms is hella sexy. Also, focusing on yourself is exactly what you should be doing anyway. You have to pretend this guy is not in your every waking (and dreaming) thought. Focus on your personal and career goals. Keep yourself occupied and by doing so, not only will you avoid breaking rules 1 to 5, you will also be bettering yourself.
Rule # 5: Start Dating!
If you have followed the rules above and if this guy is truly into you, trust me, he will be keeping tabs on you without you knowing it. Without having you placate to his male ego, you will in fact be on his mind more than you know. He will be searching through your Twitter feed and he will tempted to even email you. This is when you release your coup de grace move: Get back in the dating world! By this point, you are ready to date and if you’re smart you will take things slow this time round. Don’t commit yourself so soon because us emotionally challenged on and off exes can sense when you are in a relationship or when you are dating.
Rule # 6: Give Him a Taste of His Own Medicine
By this point, your elusive man will probably make an appearance. Although seeing his name in your inbox may make you leap for joy, you can not let him see that. When he calls you late at night, do not answer the phone. You can do a lot more with silence than you can ever do by talking. After he has sent you a number of texts, emails and voicemails, respond back with a short response. Do not reveal any details of what is going on in your personal life. If he has been keeping tabs on you, he will know. By doing this, you will convince him that you have moved on. His superiority complex won’t allow this and by this point, (if he truly loves you) he will be forced to make the grand gesture you’ve been waiting for.
Now if these steps do not work, then you must come to the conclusion that he is not the one for you. However, if you have followed these rules then you can still move on because you did everything you could to make it work and better yet, you worked on yourself. If he doesn’t see how great you are, then screw him. (Figuratively speaking of course.)
Don’t be afraid to call a spade a spade and don’t delude yourself into believing your relationship was as strong as your orgasms either. However, if you’re able to restrain your emotional impulses then maybe you will be able to get your emotionally challenged man child to grow up into the mature man he should be.
If it worked for me, it can work for any man.
City: Toronto, Ontario