Comment: Had a date with a guy two weeks ago. Everything seemed to go well. We spent about 4 hours together and had a great time. At the end of the date we talked about seeing a movie we had discussed. The next day I sent him a text saying it was great to meet him. He replied back and said he had fun and asked if we could catch up later in the week. I said sure. I didn’t hear from him until almost 2 weeks later (yesterday.) I logged in to my profile a few times in the past two weeks. A couple times a little window popped up telling me that this guy had logged on.(I marked him as a favorite.) I assumed that he was dating others. I didn’t expect him to take down his profile or anything but I did think I’d hear from him sooner than I did. He wants to go out this week. I don’t know if I want to go out with him now. I’m definitely less interested. Should I say something to him or turn him down?
No, you shouldn’t say anything, nor should you turn him down. This is the nature of online dating. What happened to you is par for the course. Especially because of your age. The sad fact is we are the ones that get put to the back burner more often. Especially if the guy is a couple years older or younger than us. Men are going to want the younger woman, whether those guys want children or not.
Here’s what happened. He went out with you and had a great time. He probably was already communicating with a couple of other women. He went out with them in the interim. Maybe those dates went well, maybe they didn’t. He’s keeping his options open. What he should have done was follow up with a text sometime later in the week, as he said, and done a little investing. Just a simple text saying work was crazy but that he wanted to get together next week. Anything to demonstrate that you were still on his radar. Now he’s back to square one and shown his hand.
Once again I’ll bring up the importance of experience and social aptitude. Somebody who is “good” at dating, meaning has success, would have known the appropriate course of action here. Online dating is full of bad daters. There’s too many to make them all off limits. Sometimes you just have to be patient and wait things out and see if things improve.
I think many women in your position would be a little resentful. Listen, we know that we’re going to get the short shrift. Most of us accept that. But I think what makes it more insulting is that they actually don’t think we know what they’re doing. We do. We get put in a position where we just have to suck it up because saying something will make us look nuts. The only way to counter-act that is to not care and accept that it’s not as personal as we think. We should also do what they do and keep our options open.
The thing to remember is that this happens to everyone. Male and female. 25 or 45.