Tonight’s post was inspired by a piece written by a recent Guest Post writer, Jimmy.
Recently, I came home and my girlfriend was not a happy camper. Apparently I was in the doghouse for tweeting too many women on my Twitter account.
Thinking this was just her insecurities, I blew it off until I recently received some emails from some fellow twiends about how their significant others are slightly perturbed over our friendly “twirting” sessions.
Give me a f*cking break.
I’m sorry, but anybody in any relationship who brings up Twitter (and doesn’t have a Twitter account, mind you) as a means of betrayal in the relationship has some insecurities to definitely sort out.
I happen to agree with Jimmy’s girlfriend. As I explained to him, it’s not the flirting (or not flirting) that is concerning. It’s the need for attention that sets off alarm bells. It’s also the total lack of boundaries. Take this excerpt above. Do you really think his girlfriend wants everybody knowing that he thinks she’s insecure? Do you really think she wants him sharing the inner workings of their relationship with his mostly female audience? Probably not. That would make many people insecure. Hence why she’s sitting at home watching his Twitter feed.
Something else that raises a red flag? That your significant other or person you’ve just begun dating is not just monitoring your social media (many do it) but are telling you that they’re watching your social media. (You never go full Stalker, kids. Ever.) What they’re telling you with this behavior is that they are concerned. Possibly unhappy. To dismiss that is dangerous.
How many stories have we heard about women seeing Wall comments on the Walls of the men they are dating? Or comments they’ve written on women’s Walls? Here’s a secret ladies. I know men that intentionally write comments on a woman’s Wall KNOWING that a woman he’s dating is one of her friends and will see it. More often than not that women, within hours, is checking in with the guy “out of the blue” just to see how he’s doing and how his day is going.
The reason why I enjoy Twitter so much is because since over 60 percent of the North American population is on the social network, it gives me the chance to converse with amazing people I would have never met otherwise and the fact that I write about dating and relationships, I’m already expected to have more female readers than male readers and I won’t censor myself just so significant other can feel at ease.
Here’s the deal. A relationship hinges on the ability and willingness of each partner to consider each other’s feelings. If someone who is in a relationship can’t step away from Twitter or Facebook and has to engage in banter with the opposite sex, then there is something wrong. It’s a desire for attention. That need is supposed to be filled by your significant other, to some degree. Not a bunch of avatars. Knowing that your significant other is announcing aspects of your relationship (even the positive ones) to people, even friends, is unsettling. It also makes it very, very hard for them to trust you.
Nobody likes to feel like their significant other is telling tales out of school. We don’t need to go home for Thanksgiving and wonder if our partner’s sister or brother knows about our sexual proclivities or that fight we had that night when we were drunk. We need to know that what goes on between us stays between us. More over, we don’t like the idea of people judging our relationship. (Although that’s usually a sign of our own discomfort with the relationship.) A more experienced person knows that if they don’t want something judged, they don’t share that information publicly. Keep yer trap shut. It’s a pretty simple concept. If you don’t want to be judged or scrutinized, then keep your private life private. There aren’t enough Twitter or Facebook blocks in the world to prevent people from finding out what you’re saying, either. So either be comfortable with what you put out there, or say nothing.
We also don’t like to feel like we are fodder for conversation when we aren’t around. I mentioned last week how concerned I was that a guy told his friends about who I was and what I did. It’s one thing to feel like somebody is proud of their partner or who they are dating. It’s entirely another to be concerned that someone is dating you for bragging rights. As I’ve said in the past…any guy that says he wants to be written about or doesn’t mind immediately becomes suspect to me. Immediately. Not just because it means he could be an attention whore, but because I fear he lacks boundaries himself and will broadcast our private life to friends or via Social Media.
Obviously, the issue is boundaries and trust. It doesn’t matter the medium in which you share these details. It’s the fact that you’re sharing them at all that is the problem. The other issue is not just the oversharing, but the need for feedback. You shouldn’t need reinforcement regarding your relationship. If anything, all that noise that will only serve to weaken the bond between you and your partner.