Name: Lindsey
State: WA
Age: 27
Comment: I recently moved to a new city and decided to join Match to meet some singles in my area. I’ve been having difficulty meeting guys out, I usually hang out with a bunch of couples and none of them ever want to separate to play wingwoman. Whenever I go out with a bunch of girls, I’m usually the one guys come over to chat with – im not afraid to admit that I am an attractive girl. I’ve been told I’m a great catch and yes I will admit I am somewhat picky. I’m not look to just date anyone for the hell of it, I want someone I have a real connection with, and that has been hard to come by lately. Anyways, I met 2 guys online that I was really interested in (there are some slim pickings in my area, I receive 5-10 emails/day but only a few I am ever attracted to). Well both guys texted to take me out to dinner either this past Saturday/Sunday. I really liked Guy #1 and wanted to see him Saturday and Guy #2 could be Sunday night. Guy #1 and I were flirting all day up to 2 hours before date time. One hour before our date he cancels on me. Said he was at his grandma’s and they were giving him crap for wanting to leave early. I said I understood and would be willing to move the time back. He said he was sorry and that he would let me know when he left. I never heard from him. I was bummed but started to look forward to my dinner date with Guy #2 the next night. The very next day he texted me to say he had to cancel (to help a friend with an unexpected move) and he would like to reschedule. I said that I understood and would be willing to reschedule. Still haven’t heard from him. Any idea why these guys flaked? I find it very rude when people have total disregard for other people’s time. Did they get nervous and couldn’t follow through? Should I or should I not give them a second chance (if I hear from them)?
You might very well be the “hot” one in your group, but online you are a small fish in a big pond. There are a lot of beautiful, intelligent, funny women in their late twenties on those sites. Off line you might have the upper hand. Online, you don’t. Hence why these two guys flaked. This is one of the downsides of that “shopping cart” mentality created by online dating we discussed last week. They blew you off because they believe they can easily find someone else. Since you seem to hold yourself in pretty high regard, I imagine that the men that interest you are also in demand. Which means they have options. Lots of them. You are just one. So, online, you are more expendable than you might be offline.
This likely has nothing to do with how you look, your age, etc. In fact, it probably has nothing to do with you. This mentality is extremely common and widespread. We all have been infected with this bug called icandobetteritis.
I doubt they got nervous. That sounds like something your friends might have told you or that you might have told yourself so you’d feel better. These guys just weren’t that invested in you. If they can get you, they can get another woman like you. That’s why they could cancel on you last minute. You assumed that, because you’re very attractive, you’re experience would be different and that men would be eager to meet you.That’s entitlement and it doesn’t belong on an online dating site. It doesn’t belong anywhere in dating, but especially not on Match.com. You are not a unique snowflake, L. Not online. Not even offline.
Should you go out with them if they ask? Sure. Why not? This sort of behavior is common on online dating sites. People talk, they make plans, they cancel, they disappear for a couple weeks…then they resurface. There are a dozen reasons why they flaked. The main one being that meeting you just wasn’t a priority for them for whatever reason. It’s not as much about you as you might fear.
The flaking used to bother me, too, until I figured out that this happens to everyone and not just me. On the topic of flaking, though, let me tear down the fourth wall a bit.
Last spring I met a guy online. We made plans to go out. He canceled day of. He followed up that night and rescheduled. Well, tried. He could never seem to commit to a night. So I just stopped responding. He contacts me again a month later. Again, we exchange messages and text for a few weeks. He was traveling here and there, switching jobs, etc. Busy, busy, busy. He says he’s free one specific week and wanted to meet. I figured there was no harm in it. Maybe it would be fun. Maybe I’d get laid. Maybe it would turn in to something. Who knows? I tell him I’m free any night that week but Wednesday. He replies back and says he has plans Tuesday and Wednesday but Thursday or Friday might work. Super. We tentatively agree on Thursday. Later that night he texts that Thursday is now out because he was some sort of work happy hour but that he was going to figure out another available night. I replied back and said that that wasn’t necessary, that it had already taken so much time to meet that it seemed pointless. I also said that this was involving far too much work and that that’s not what I was looking for. After all the back and forths, he had demonstrated to me that he either had little free time or that he was oblivious to how annoying his behavior was. Both are very bad signs, regardless of what the woman seeks.
Here’s another scenario. Guy emails me. We trade a few messages. This guy was very attractive, 39, wanted kids, etc. This would never go any where and I’d be dropped like a hot rock the minute he found what he was looking for. He wanted to meet for a drink. We exchange messages for a couple days (Red Flag). He says he’s free that night to meet for a drink. I gave him my number and said shoot me a text with further details. I then went on with my day. Didn’t hear from him. Two days go by and I hear nothing. By that time I had set up dates with two other guys more my speed. That Thursday night he sends me a text at..wait for it…11:30. Hilarious. I reply this next afternoon saying hello. We talk about our hometown of Boston. I tell him where I grew up. He replies with, “Cool.” I don’t reply. He sends another text Friday night around 8 asking what I was doing that night? Uh, well, one thing on my list is deleting your text. There. Done. Cross that off. PS? I’m a 43 year old woman in Manhattan , oft passed over for the twenty and thirty something, and I’m not eager to meet you. Take that as a warning sign.
These two guys made it incredibly difficult for me to justify having sex with them, which is probably what those relationships would have become. Nothing wrong with that. It’s one thing to suspect that and know that that is a possibility. That’s always a possibility. But when you’re presented with hard evidence that that will likely be the case, it’s hard to justify the sex. So, guys, if you want us to sleep with you….don’t give us reasons not to. The minute you cancel, flake, contact us last minute, etc you are making it harder for yourselves. Just like you, we gals want to make sure we get some return on investment for our efforts, be that a relationship or sex or a fun night out. If you annoy us before we’ve even met, the possibility of having one of those three is slim to none. Ergo, there’s no point in us meeting you.
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I’m 28 and consider myself attractive and a catch too, and I would say that you should only use online dating as only a small portion of a way to meet guys. I met my current boyfriend out and about. Online dating contains a lot of men who are either flaky, married and looking for fun, socially awkward, or clingy. Sure, there are some really great ones. You just have to have the time and patience to weed through all the ones who aren’t a good fit for you. Can you join a meetup group in your area and try to meet single women to go out with? Or could you have a “girls” night more often and go out with maybe one or two friends? Do you have any interests, like running, where you could join a club to meet men?
One other thing is be selective but not too picky. You’re probably not going to find someone who has everything you want in a man. Chose maybe the top three most important things and go from there. Like for me I wanted a guy who was traditionally masculine, cherished my feelings, and had ambition/his life together. Everything else was just icing on the cake. Of course, if a guy had any red flags, that’s a deal breaker. But sometimes when you have a long list, you pass over really great guys in the process.
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LaLa….if what you’re saying is true, then what about
the women online. Do the same standards apply as well?
If not, then, your assessment ranges somewhere
Between unfair and inaccurate.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Of course, it’s true for both genders. I didn’t say there weren’t great people online. Your just going to find a mix of flaky, married, socially awkward, etc as well. My point is that it takes a lot more time to really dig through all the people who aren’t a good fit to find a good one.
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Just one caveat . . .
I’ve heard it said that Meetups aren’t a good place to look for people to date, unless it’s something that’s dating-specific. Firstly, many of the people there might not be single, aren’t that attractive, or something else. Small group = very slim pickings. Secondly, as most Meetups are for some activity, a single person trying to hit on other singles in the group is probably going to be frowned upon.
At least with online dating, everyone on there is preselected to some degree as a single person looking for another single person.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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There’s something about Phil’s comment I have to agree with. If you’re a Meetup Organizer, or just a user, and have ever skimmed the Meetup forums you’ll find thread after thread started by Organizers complaining about people on their groups who are “creepy” or who “make people uncomfortable.” These organizers, almost always female, are constantly complaining about “stalkers” and “mean group members” or people who generally bother them or don’t crawl up their ass in some way. They will boot anybody under the guise of “looking out for their group” (sometimes justifiably) but for the most part they seem like insecure attention seekers who had to form a meetup group because they don’t have any friends.
The Organizers say they’re seeking advice by posting these “dilemmas”, but they mostly seem like attention whores with their own limited social skills who started meetup groups so they could be the center of attention.
I would join the Meetup groups that revolve around an activity or special interest. I would avoid the dining groups, the dating specific groups, the groups that only host these large scale 200pple parties in clubs and the groups that seem to be just about “getting together to have fun” and appear to lack structure.
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I think if someone belongs to a church or temple, they should try maybe weekend retreats. One can make girlfriends who are single that way, and maybe go out and do different activities together. I know I spent a lot of time just having fun with my friends and saying “yes” to joining them on different outings – fundraisers, retreats, dinner out, hikes. I think people of the opposite sex are attracted to people who seem fulfilled, and if you’re going about these things with genuine gusto, you can take the pressure off meeting someone and appear less needy. Plus, it’s a great way to keep yourself busy once you do find someone – as you’re not going to spend every waking moment with them.
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Yea, I definitely think she should stick with an interest group, like running as an example, or join a woman’s group where she can meet other single women to go out with.
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Where I live there is a New Technology meetup that is hugely popular. It’s serious in that there are meaty topics and serious presentations, but it’s also laid back and light hearted. And it’s crawling with men. Women come too, but it skews heavily toward men. Not just geeks who live in their mom’s basement. These are entrepreneurs and highly compensated engineers.
I would bet there is something similar in every major city. In a place like NY I bet there’s some other cool ones like meetups about foreign policy, classic movies, theater etc.
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As far as special interest Meetups go, there are two things I usually look for:
1. How long has the group been active? More than two years tells me that it’s at least modestly successful. That also implies that they’re doing something right as regards structure.
2. How many members are there? Less than ten and I start to have misgivings.
I won’t go so far to say that some of these organizers are attention-whores with limited social skills. Some of them might have a genuine special interest that they’d like to share and are unable to do it through typical means, even in a big city. In the past 1.5 years, I’ve been a member of around ten Meetups and found that only three of them actually were worth anything. Two of them were writers’ groups, but I eventually dropped them because the days when they met conflicted with other things I was doing. Then there were those with very specialized interests (e.g., WW II literature) that met spottily despite the organizer’s best efforts to be accommodating to the attendees’ requests for better meeting days and more interesting topics. Some of the attendees dropped out because they felt self-conscious and out of their league with the subject material. Others dropped out because THEY were the attention-whores and weren’t getting their needs met.
My point: in my experience, it’s usually the attendees that present the most problems.
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“I would avoid the dining groups, the dating specific groups, the groups that only host these large scale 200pple parties in clubs and the groups that seem to be just about “getting together to have fun” and appear to lack structure.”
Why do you recommend avoiding the dating specific groups? And why avoid the large-scale 200+ events?
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Moxie, why avoid the dining groups?
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As a meetup organizer of a group that is about getting together to have fun, I agree with a lot of what you say. I purposely try to make no drama for myself and others- my policy is the members are adults and if they are getting unwanted attention it is their job to handle it, not mine.
I have met lots of organizers and members for that matter that have serious issues connecting with others- my experience is that the majority are people that have moved, are in transition, maybe their friends have different lifestyles and are perfectly normal.
There are a few female organizers that ban “creepy” men, who “make others uncomfortable”- they are usually defined as guys who don’t show any interest sexually in the organizer.
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I strongly urge you to read the Meetup forums. There are DAILY posts from Organizers all in a tizzy because someone attended one of their events and hit on their members and oh my God he’s making everybody uncomfortable what do I do? 90% of the threads are written by women. And they also frequently have issues with their Assistant Organizers or people trying to “compete” with them. Or, and this is my favorite, they “happened” to find out some dirt on the guy because someone in the group is a gossip and they run to the boards to dish. These are women who have been cut off by their female friends for being toxic drama queens.
God Forbid a guy show up to one of their precious potluck dinners or cocktail hours and hit on the women or maybe tries a little too hard or is socially inept himself. Suddenly he’s considered a “creep” or he’s accused of “harassing” a woman because he emailed her through Meetup. Jesus. Just ignore him and remove him from the mailing list. If you ignore him, he’ll go away. But no. They have to engage these supposedly dangerous, creepy men.
The women’s social groups are also a travesty. It’s either a group of women posturing about how happy their lives are while badmouthing men and other women. Or it’s a group of women who have all been given the boot by their friends because they’re toxic. Or it’s a collection of women who think other women are jealous of them because they’re so hot and attractive. Yes, there’s the occasional woman who is new in town looking for friends. But for the most part The Organizers are women who have trouble maintaining friendships because they’re miserable, crazy or competitive.
There’s one Organizer here in NYC that I really like, Danielle, who does a great job. She’s fair but firm, puts a lot of effort in to her events and knows how to manage them. Random Events is another great group. Dilek’s wine group is another one I recommend.
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Random Events is a good group, they have lots of fun events and they are very well put together.
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I have attended a number of Meetup groups, and have found many organizers have their “groupies”, that in general do not want you to mingle with the group. I have quit a few Meetup for that reason…. and a few that have real bossy Nazi organizers. Sometimes going it alone is just better
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I think if you’re being approached when you go out, you should try to meet someone while you’re out. Find some singles to go with you or find an activity you want to get involved in, like a dance class or music. Something fun where you are forced to interact.
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But cha know what…those peeps go home after the dance and sign on to a dating site.
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Here’s my 2 cents for what its worth. Online dating sites and our need for immediate gratification has changed dating for the worse. If you meet someone nice, that’s nice…but where’s the “whatever” you were looking for. “Hell, I’ll just go back to the pond and reel in another.” And from my experience it’s that way for most peeps out there searching. Kind of reminds me of a good ole game of pinball…bouncing around till they score. Ding, Ding, Ding!!!!!
Maybe the trick is not to search so hard or care if he/she is the right one. Just have fun. Personally I’d rather be by myself then with someone who makes it too hard to be with. At least that way if Mr. Right happens along I’ll be available.
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If you haven’t been connecting and communicating with the opposite sex on a consistent basis, online or speed dating is a great way to get back in the mix. However, once you get your mojo going, offline is still the best way to sell yourself.
Even when I meet people offline, they discount me. I suppose it’s the way people deal with the world without getting too confused or going crazy. They lump phoenomena they encounter into categories, ergo ASSUMPTION. It’s also another way to avoid disappointment. Assume the worst and let someone earn their good opinion. I will admit to doing the complete opposite. I assume the best and let someone endorse that. I always look for ways to bring the best out in people. And I have no intentions of changing that approach.
The way to deal with people assuming and discounting us, is to ignore it really. In the end it has nothing to do with us or anything we may be doing or not doing most times. I know this on an intellectual level, but like everyone else have a hard time dealing with it. I will overlook this at first, but become pretty fed up with it, if it continues, once we have met a few times. I suppose the galling part is all the high standards people seem to want to place on everyone else but the ambivalence and seeming ignorance to how they fall short of those same very high standards.
That is a disconnect with which I have a very hard time handling. It’s the overweigh woman that wants a buff guy. It’s the woman in trouble on her credit cards that wants a guy with great credit. It’s the emotionally unavailable woman that wants an emotionally available man. It’s the woman who has no intention of changing her tastes and priorities, but wants a man to change his. It’s the woman with attitude that wants a guy with none. It’s the “always right” woman that imagines that the confident man she met won’t be opinionated on some level. It’s the woman who has problems paying her bills that wants a man with no problems paying his. It’s the woman who imagines herself a catch but has a problem with the man who imagines himself a catch. I could keep this list going!
And I am pretty sure most women can make up a similar list about men. But in the end it’s the same disease that leads us that picky lonely place.
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It’s Madison Avenue’s fault; always telling us we deserve the very best.
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…im not afraid to admit that I am an attractive girl. I’ve been told I’m a great catch and yes I will admit I am somewhat picky. – Lindsey
It’s feels great when your friends and family tell you nice things about yourself. But how we are regarded by strangers is usually more reflective of reality. You’ve just had two guys blow you off in a single weekend. That serves as a clue that in reality you might not be as attractive or as much of a catch as you seem to think – at least not to the type of men you appear to deem worthy of your attention. By way of comparison, I can guarantee you that if Gisele Bunchen was online dating, she would never get blown off. My point? Most of us are as desirable as we think we are. It’s thus best to turn down a notch one’s expectations of what we can get . Being picky is the domain of a cute woman in her 20s – but it often leads to still being single in her 30s, 40s, and beyond. Circle back to one of those 5-10 emails you got a day and give some of those previously deemed unworthy guys a chance. A likely match comes from that group of suitors. Sometimes the very thing we’re looking for is the one thing we can’t see.
The flaking used to bother me, too, until I figured out that this happens to everyone and not just me. – Moxie
This is the best advice anyone dating online can hear. It does happen to everyone. So don’t allow yourself to be bothered by it. Such a thing is par for the course for us all. Just move on. When it’s right and someone really wants you, this is how you’ll know: They’ll always make the time to see you ASAP.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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Correction: one of the above lines should read: Most of us are not as desirable as we think we are. Too germaine to the point to leave uncorrected.
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It’s feels great when your friends and family tell you nice things about yourself.
… but such people are obligated by kindness, pity and/or social convention to tell you those nice things. Even strangers will rarely tell you the truth to your face, if merely to avoid a potential confrontation with someone they’ll likely never see again.
I can guarantee you that if Gisele Bunchen was online dating, she would never get blown off.
I’m pretty sure even she would get some level of flakes, in addition to guys sending penis pics, foreigners only looking for a green card, etc. Some guys (and gals) simply have no intention of ever meeting up with anyone. Everyone has to weed through these time-wasters, no matter how great they are. Two for two could just be coincidence; ten for ten would be a clearer pattern indicating that the OP is aiming too high.
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One thing that stood out to me in the OP was how few guys she was “attracted to” based on their email/profile. I would argue that you simply can’t establish attraction online. Until you meet, you really don’t know what you’re dealing with. If the OP thinks she’s hot stuff, chances are, she’s looking for the typical superficial qualities she thinks she’s entitled too- good looks, good job, etc. The thing is, she’s not really going to be able to establish whether a guy has those qualities based on his profile, and if she’s looking for a relationship, she’s better off giving more guys a chance based on how their personalities come across.
In my experience, profile pictures were a horrible gauge of how a guy really looked. Many were outdated, and guys often put up really bad pictures. I was surprised at how many looked better in person. If the OP is serious about finding someone, she should ignore the supposedly great-looking guys who will be busy trading up to the hottest women they can find, and focus on the more average, but decent-seeming guys. It’s just hard to learn anything substantive from a profile. Set up short, cheap first meets, and if he comes across as a nice person, take a bit of time to get to know each other more.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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Online dating can work – I have 5 friends who met their spouses online, and others who met people they are dating seriously. But it’s a lot of work and you have to deal with a lot of people who hide behind their computers and are not invested in meeting – either because they are socially awkward, or they don’t take people as seriously online as they do when they meet them in person (so cancelling last minute doesn’t feel like something they shouldn’t do), or because they prefer the safety of the fantasy of the person than to deal with the realities of dating.
Personally, I have found online dating to be too much of a time investment. I’m not into lots of get-to-know-you emails that can build up a false sense of something that may not be there in person. I’ve had great dates with guys I met online, but there is so much weeding that has to happen too.
I disagree about the negative comments about Meetups. I have a friend who met her current boyfriend in a Meetup. She didn’t join it to meet someone; it just happened. And the truth is that Meetups do tend to attract a lot of single people – not because they are necessarily trying to meet someone, but because single people have the time and inclination to meet new people and do more activities than people who are in relationships. Yes, any creep or weirdo or loser can go to a Meetup. But they can also be on online dating sites (and they are). Getting to know people who share an interest with you, or getting to know people over time, is a smart way to meet someone to date and can yield better results than going online, to a bar, or a one-time singles event.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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“I’ve been having difficulty meeting guys out, I usually hang out with a bunch of couples” Well, duh? Few guys will approach a woman in a large social group; the odds of success are just too low. If you’re the lone single in a group of couples, most will assume you’re coupled too but your partner just couldn’t make it that time.
“none of them ever want to separate to play wingwoman.” That’s to be expected, and their SOs probably wouldn’t want them out on the prowl with you anyway. If you need a wingwoman (and why is that?), pick another single woman. Coupled friends are good, at least if their relationships are healthy role models for you, but they shouldn’t be your only friends.
“im not afraid to admit that I am an attractive girl. I’ve been told I’m a great catch” That doesn’t mean you are a great catch. If you’re having trouble dating, that means your target market doesn’t agree–regardless of what they (or others) might say.
“I will admit I am somewhat picky.” So it’s okay for you to be picky, but when others (i.e. those you’re interested in) are picky, that’s a problem?
“there are some slim pickings in my area,” I doubt that; there are great guys everywhere, just like there are great gals everywhere. They’re just not good enough for you and/or you’re not good enough for them.
“Guy #1 and I were flirting all day up to 2 hours before date time.” That’s a bad sign. You hadn’t even met yet, so all this “flirting” was based on incomplete impressions of each other, gave a false sense of intimacy and caused you to get more invested in him than you should have been at that point. Save it for the actual date.
“Any idea why these guys flaked?” There are myriad reasons, and you’ll never know which particular one(s) applied in these cases. What matters is that (a) they canceled and (b) didn’t reconnect.
“I find it very rude when people have total disregard for other people’s time.” Welcome to online dating. Heck, people do the same frequently even with people they met offline. Accept it, be glad they didn’t waste any more of your time than they did, and adjust your expectations appropriately. Also, this lesson will make you more appreciative of guys who do treat you well–even if they’re not ideal in some other way that probably doesn’t matter to relationship success.
“Did they get nervous and couldn’t follow through?” Bwahahaha. This is the old “he’s intimidated by me” line women love to tell themselves, and it’s still bullshit. What it means is that, for whatever reason, they just weren’t that interested in meeting you. If this is a pattern for you, then most likely you’re aiming above your league.
“Should I or should I not give them a second chance (if I hear from them)?” If they do reconnect, there’s no harm in giving them a second chance, but don’t waste your time chasing them down–or waste your energy thinking that anything is likely to come of it. Then again, that’s how you should look at every date until their track record shows otherwise.
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Like others have said, the most desirable guys have options. I personally hate hate HATE flaky behavior and will move heaven & earth not to cancel a date, but there have been times when the girl I met the night before has set a high standard that I don’t expect today’s to meet (and that usually turns out to be true).
On the flipside, sometimes dates overdeliver. Last night I went on a date with very low expectation but it turned out great. Looking forward to seeing her again.
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All women are picky.
The women who are in happy long term relationships; generally date the top guy out of all the guys who are really interested in dating her/ treat her right.
The women who are single; ignore all the guys who want to date her because she doesn’t even find the top guy good enough; but she is going to chase after some other guy who she finds incredibly desirable.
Any women can be in a relationship; but you have to be highly flexible with your standards.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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That’s true and if you’re not happy with the group of guys pursuing you, you can always do some things to make yourself more desirable. Stuff like getting into better shape, cultivating a good style for your hair, makeup, clothing, becoming more feminine, and working on any emotional baggage.
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From my experience people who put in a lot of effort to change their dating opportunities they also readjust there standards with there improvements. Basically they will end up repeating the cycle of life.
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All men are picky.
The men who are in happy long term relationships: can find another relationship with a great girl almost instantly if they are reasonably attractive, considerate, and genuine.
The men who are single; ignore all the girls who aren’t absolutely drop-dead gorgeous, but chase after the beautiful girls ALL the guys are going after and get lost in the fray. Frustrated, they make ridiculous comments on relationship blog threads about how all girls are too picky.
Any man can get sex / a relationship; but you have to be highly flexible with your standards.
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The women who are in happy long term relationships; generally date the top guy out of all the guys who are really interested in dating her/ treat her right.
There is a nugget buried here that I’m not sure comes through clearly enough. The women (and men) who are successful at dating take a look at the men who are interested in them and, from within that set, pick the best option that is available. Those who struggle are the ones who pick the best men and then try to find one that is interested. The order of those two steps is vitally important.
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If you read the OP’s self assessment, experiences, and ultimately her confusion along with Moxie’s take on the situation as well as many of the comments, then you probably have a feel for what you might expect.
Can’t help but think of an old Joe South tune called Games People Play.
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The only thing the OP did wrong was to schedule both dates on weekend. Saturday night for a 1st internet date??? What a waste! Those things should happen on Tuesday-Wednesday. Thursday, Friday and Saturday should be reserved for guys you’ve already gone out with. Scheduling a 1st day on Sat looks kind of desperate actually – shows you don’t have better otions or life.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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I’m sorry but that is just patently ridiculous. A majority of people work during the weekdays and may prefer to go out on the weekends instead. If someone judges you as “desperate” for scheduling a date on a weekend, I have absolutely no desire to waste my time on them. This blog has talked about putting up unnecessary barriers and “deal breakers” a fair amount. I think something like this falls directly into that category.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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What kind of ridiculous comment is this- “People work during weekdays”, so what, they can’t go out? Tuesdays and Thursdays are BIG nights out in NYC. Huge. Some people prefer going clubbing on Thur over Saturday because there’s less B&T. I would never in a million years setup a first date on Saturday for this same reason described here – the date flakes and you sit home with chinese takeout on a Saturday night no less, yeah well planned. At least you didn’t “set any barriers”. This is not a barrier, just a preference.
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I like to run and/or workout after work and so prefer the weekends for “first meetings”. I’ve had too many meetings that went nowhere and would have preferred to get that run or workout in. And then after work I am typically very tired especially after a morning workout and so my energy level is too low for a date. On the weekends, you can meet morning afternoon or evening. For example, something in the afternoon is more casual with less expectations and you still have the night for other plans if you choose. I can also take a nap and recharge before meeting someone. I’ve had weekday meetings where I was so tired I could hardly keep my eyes open and Im sure that didn’t make a good impression.
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This is one of the reasons I gave up on online dating. It’s just…too impersonal, I think. I mean, yeah, it can work, and I’ve had things develop from meeting online, but I’ve also run across a LOT of flakes or people who were so self absorbed that, to them, saying “Sure, see you Sunday” and then not showing up at the appointed place, at the appointed time, was somehow no big deal.
This will happen again if you keep dating online. Probably multiple times in various ways. It’s the nature of the beast. If you’re cool with that, then online dating can be a decent way to find “a date.” Note: “a date” not “a significant other.” That’s always a crap shoot. But…I dunno. I think meeting online unconsciously makes a person less “real” to the other person than if you meet them first in person and get to know them some in an initial encounter that way. Maybe not MUCH more “real,” since people certainly flake and such in the “real world,” but still less real.
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i live in a major city where the locals (read: people who live downtown or at least in the city limits) are far more likely to party on thursday… especially the older ones. for me the night i don’t give up for “first dates” isn’t saturday, it’s THURSDAY!
that said, i never schedule first dates on saturday night lol – more like saturday LUNCH
and i gotta say my date to flake ratio is like 15:1 so i tend to agree with the people who think she’s either dating out of her league or should really really look at the emails she gets. there’s probably some real gems hiding in those emails and as long as they’re not insulting or like “hey wanna get together and have sex” it may be worth her time to have a coffee with some of them.
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