I have a question. I met this guy at the gym, we would talk every time we would see each other. He seemed like a really down to earth guy. He finally flirted w me and I said well “maybe you should give me your number”, he gladly took mine and called me to ensure I had his. I texted him a few times then straight up asked him if he had a girlfriend: he responded yes but we can be friends. We exchanged pictures and he asked if he could see me. I said no because he had a girlfriend. He understood and we continued to text. I spoke to him on the phone and can tell he is not a scumbag dude. He mentioned that he liked me and said “we can be friends right”? He has been w his girlfriend for 6 months and they don’t live together.
So the question is….is it ok to go out with this guy? Your thoughts and poll please? – Traci
Here’s the reality. You’re going to go out with him regardless of what I say. You’ve already continued to engage this guy even after he told you he had a girlfriend. There’s no point in playing coy with him. He knows he has you, so you might as well just give in.
You’re saying the right thing, that he has a girlfriend and getting together would be wrong, but even you don’t believe that. You don’t really care. And look, I’ve been there. I justified it, too. And in the end it bit me in the ass. Here’s why: because it waives you the right to complain about how he was a cheater later. You were okay with him cheating when he was cheating with you. It when he cheats *on* you that you have a problem. It makes you a hypocrite and you end up feeling really crappy about yourself. Most of all, it strips you of any leverage. When it blows up in your face, as it often does, you can do nothing but sit on your hands unless you want to be the “crazy girl.” That, too, is a giant waste of time. Anybody who stays with guys like this are in their own personal circle of hell. No need to make it worse for them. These guys rarely date women who are secure and confident. They date women who look the other way because they’re too afraid to face the truth. These guys like drama, despite their claims to the contrary.
Now, let’s play another angle. 6 months? They don’t live together? He’s fair game. He’s not married, he’s not even engaged. He’s probably not totally in to this woman or else he wouldn’t be risking his relationship to exchange what I’ll bet were at the very least risque photos with some random girl he met at his gym. Of course, consider what you’ll be getting: a guy hitting on women at the gym behind your back.
Would it be nice if everybody kept their paws off Other People’s Property? Of course. But that’s not realistic. If there is one thing that sends ice water through some women’s veins it’s the idea that there are women out there who think nothing of sleeping with their man. Or any man, really. Without sex, these women have no power. And if there is another woman out there offering it up, then those women are forced to up their game. This is why so many women have contempt for women who “give it up too soon” or for porn or prostitution. The more available sex becomes, the less control they have over their man. It terrifies them. As does the reality that a sense of obligation or fear of repercussions, and not a fear of losing them, is usually what keeps men faithful. Or at least prevents them from getting caught. It’s always the people who say that they’re partner would “never” do such a thing that end up with egg on their face. Trust me. Under certain circumstances, there is no such thing as never. We’re all capable of it, despite what some of the perch sitters might say. (And FYI? The people who say they would “never” screw around with someone who is already taken either have and lost OR they’ve never even gotten enough experience to get close to trying.)
This is yet another experience people need to go through to get to that higher level of understanding how the whole dating thing works. You have to know what it’s like to realize you could at any moment lose your partner in order to realize how important it is to keep them happy. You have to know what it’s like to hear someone say all the right things and then blindside you by dumping you. You have to learn that there are unscrupulous people out there and absolutely no guarantees or safeties.
OP, do what you want. Just don’t expect much in return.