@atwysblog It’s not a number of dates. It’s a connection. Strong connections can happen on 1 or 2 dates. Weaker ones will take a month.
This is a question that was posed to me by someone who booked a profile review session. To be honest, I didn’t really have an answer. I mentioned in the comments of a recent thread that I mentioned an experience I had had this past December:
In December and January, I had something similar happen to me a few times. Guys set up dates, then I didn’t hear from them. Within a couple weeks their profiles were disabled. In two cases the guys eventually followed up and explained that they had met someone and thought the relationship held promise and so they took down their profile. In another instance, I had emailed a guy in response to his profile and he replied a few days later telling me he had recently started seeing someone. Within a couple weeks his profile was disabled.
Every few weeks I go through my inbox and sent box and do a quick scan down the page to see how many messages now have the little heart icon instead of a photo. That usually means they disabled/deleted their profiles. It’s interesting to watch guys disappear for a month or so and then reappear.
Kind of makes you question all these stories you hear from women about how they checked the profile of the guy they’re dating and how the guy had recently logged in or still appeared to have an active profile. Seems like there are a number of guys are a willing to focus on one woman.
It is tricky to play the field and keep your options open while at the same time dating someone you met online. They’ll obviously notice that you’re online or that you’ve logged in. That is, if they’re the type to check, and many people are.
I suggested to the person to keep their profile up, but don’t log in to it. Instead, create a new profile complete with new text and without a picture, and sign up for the membership that allows you to send photos. That way you can still keep your options open if that’s what you choose to do. Let’s face it, rarely does anybody actually like the people that email them so it’s not like you’re missing out on a ton of possibilities.
Also, what do you do if someone sends you a message on your original profile? Do you answer it? Or do you just let it sit there and wait until you know where things are going with the person you’re dating?
And…how do you explain that you’ve logged on? The answer is that, if the person you’re dating actually busts you on it, your response would obviously be to ask why their profile is still active. (FYI…become wise to the “other” profile many people create strictly to do recon work like this or for contacting you to see if you’ll bite.) If someone does ask you this question, that could be a red flag. Many of us do it. Most of us know we shouldn’t admit to it. Someone who does probably lacks the impulse control necessary to maintain a healthy relationship or has major trust issues.
So, what I’d like to hear is how you all deal with this. Do you take your profile down? Do you not? Has someone ever inquired about why you’re logging in? How long does it take you before you do take your profile down? Or do you just not bother?