This morning I read a post over at Private Man’s blog.
The post offered advice to women on how to spot a player.
A man starts a conversation with a woman who is single….
The conversation continues and gets just a bit more personal. They find out what each person does for a living, how many kids they each have, where they each were born. The man then asks for the woman’s phone number or suggests that they go have a drink. The woman is secretly thrilled yet shows nothing. She should be thinking “This guy started the conversation, What if he’s a player? Maybe he’s one of these pick-up artists who just wants a sexual encounter and nothing more?”
To any woman who finds herself in this situation (and who doesn’t just want a sexual encounter), here’s what she must ask, verbatim:
“What if I told you I was seeing someone?”
A man of good character will back off. He might apologize. He might just say “too bad”. He might even compliment the hypothetical boyfriend as “lucky fellow.” Regardless, he’s respecting the woman’s current, if mythical, relationship. This guy is a keeper.
Here’s my first question. Am I the only one who would consider, upon hearing a line like “What if I told you I had a girlfriend/boyfriend?”, that the person was obviously testing me and would walk away?
I don’t know. For me, it’s that kind of stuff that makes me breathe a heavy sigh and go, “Next!” There’s a fine line between being coy and smooth and being, well, dodgy. This, too me, feels dodgy.
Question two. If someone tells me they are “seeing someone” is that considered “being in a relationship?” Would it really be a sign that the woman or man is someone of ill repute if they tossed their hat in to that ring?
Finally, so what if he or she “just wanted a sexual encounter.” I mean, say no. Or say yes and maybe end up having a relationship. Are men really so terrified of being “used” in this way? I just don’t get it.
I look at Game like I look at The Rules. Or prayer. (Yes, I just said that.) They’re both used as a way for men and women to feel as though they are in control of a situation over which they actually have no control.
It’s like what we were saying last week about that article on how to get a boyfriend using online dating. Did all those things the woman did with her profile really help her find a guy? Or did she just happen to find a guy, and she thinks her approach therefore “worked?”
Does any of this stuff actually work? Or do we just think it does? And what are the metrics used to define “success?”