If your date wants a hookup but not a relationship, what would be an appropriate way for him to express this?
The tricky part about this is that many women, if they receive such a proposal, will wonder what it is about them that makes a guy think she would be open to that. She’ll wonder if he thinks she’s “easy.” The answer is: probably. But being considered “easy” isn’t necessarily a bad thing. “Easy” to a lot of men often means “simple to deal with/doesn’t have hangups.” If you’re somebody just looking for a casual hook up, then put up a profile on OKCupid and select “short term dating” as your only relationship choice. Do not select “casual sex” because you’ll repel the stable women and attract a lot of the crazies. I’ve come to learn that it’s a certain type of man or woman that puts their picture up on a profile and openly states they’ll have casual sex. Rarely are those people easy to deal with. Or, you know, healthy. Don’t drag a woman out to meet you under the guise of being open to a relationship and then spring on her that you’re just looking for something casual. If you meet a woman off line and things are clicking and you’re feeling a mutual attraction, then ask her if she’d like to go back to her place or yours, but tell her you’re not looking for a relationship. Not every woman will slap you in the face or call you a masher. Women say they want a man who is honest? Then be honest.
Why do women say they want a nice guy but then meet one and want something else?
Easy. Because either they don’t really want a nice guy OR the guy isn’t so much “nice” as he is “boring” or “weak.” Women want a “good” guy. But we also want a guy with an edge. A bad boy with a good heart. Not only do many of us get bored with a guy who is “too nice” but we long for – whether we will admit it or not – that little bit of drama that comes from not knowing where we stand. A guy that is too accommodating or available is usually deemed “weak” by a woman. I’m not suggesting that a man be rude or mean or abusive. But he should be mysterious and not totally available. Same goes for women. When we say we want a “nice” guy we typically mean a guy who isn’t a selfish asshat. That’s not the same as “nice.” The problem isn’t that we don’t want the nice guys when they cross our paths. It’s that we are not properly defining “nice.”
This question comes from a recent comment. It brings up an issue I’ve wanted to address ever since reading a post here.
He played the part of the fantastic boyfriend to the hilt, so much so that it was like living in a Hollywood movie – and then out of the blue and without any warning, he pulled the “freeze-up,” at which time I discovered that he was online trying to date and have sex with other women (or perhaps had already been doing it while we were together – yuck!), so I ended it. – Terry
Here’s the deal, ladies. If your “boyfriend” is online or has an active profile on a dating website and has his picture attached to it, he was not your boyfriend. Like, at all. There was no “relationship.” I want everybody to really ask themselves what kind of person does this – post a photo on the internet, probably on the very site where you and they met, and is openly trolling to dates or sex. While I’m sure there are a few sociopaths out there, the chances that all of the women and men involved with that post I linked to actually met one is slim. No, these people either were “dating” someone for a short period of time and made assumptions, imagined the relationship in their head or couldn’t wait to join the club of people who thrive off being wounded and have been “cheated on” by “boyfriends.” It gives people a sense of community and makes them feel like they have more relationship experience than they actually have. They take something innocuous, that means nothing, and turn it into a drama simply so they can say they once that happened to them, too. If you’re on a dating website skulking around for “proof” of infidelity, you’re “relationship” is clearly pretty tenuous, if it exists at all.