Some OK Cupid Questions You Shouldn’t Answer

Here’s a list of some OKC questions that you’d better off skipping. YMMV, of course.


How long do your romantic relationships usually last?

Anything other than 12+ months is a bad answer. 0-6 months makes you a liability.
Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?

By answering this, you’re implying that you expect sex during that time frame. Even if you say 3-5 dates, you could still end up being judged negatively.

Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?

Say Yes and you’re a slut. Say No and you’re lying or look like too much work.

If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a dealbreaker?

Avoid. Say Yes and you’ll look shallow or you’ll end up scaring off people who fear they might fall into the “overweight” category but actually don’t. Everybody has their own definition for these words.

How do you think your sex drive compares to what is typical for other people of your age and gender?

As it tends to be with looks, everybody has a distorted perception of themselves. Say you’re insatiable or have a very high sex drive and it will be held against you. Say average or low and people might think you aren’t very sexual.

Have you ever had sex with a person within the first hour of meeting them?

The only right answer to this is No.

Is there a such thing as having had too many sex partners?

Avoid. Once you open this door it’s fair game for conversation.

Have you ever had a true one-night stand? (You met someone, had sex that night, and never contacted each other again.)

Only correct answer here is No.

Would you need to know the sexual history, beyond 6 months back, of someone you dated?

No is the only appropriate answer.

Would you honestly answer any question concerning your sexual history that a partner might ask?

See above.

A general rule of thumb I think people should follow is to not go overboard with these questions. Answer maybe 100 or so tops. Avoid responding to too many sex, religion and politics questions. A handful of each are fine. But too many might make you look like an extremist of some kind. When I come across someone’s profile and they’ve answered hundreds and hundreds of questions, I wonder three things: how long have they been on this site, how much time do they have on their hands and why are they being so revealing?

I’ve said many times that I think these questions are a great way to gain insight in to someone. Not just by how someone answers these questions, but by how many of these questions they choose to answer. Someone who responds to 5+ pages of sex questions is someone I avoid. Same goes for religion and politics. Fine, you’re an atheist. That’s okay by me. But if you feel compelled to answer 5+ questions about how foolish you think religion is, then not only are you clearly not  a match for me, but you’re also intolerant of other people’s beliefs. Same goes for politics. It’s rare that you meet someone that will agree with you on every single issue. These people want carbon copies of themselves because they’re not comfortable being outside of their self-assigned comfort zones.

I think people really underestimate the importance of mystery in the early stages of dating. Frankly, I don’t want to know all that much about you upfront.I want to get to know you free of any pre-conceived ideas or opinions I’ve formed by reading through your questions. If you’re nuts, I’ll figure it out soon enough. 3 dates, to me, is not a waste of my time. If you’re just looking to get laid, that too I’ll discern pretty quickly. I’ll either sleep with you or I won’t.

I know many people need to have answers. Those people, in my opinion, are usually very difficult to deal with and almost always dissatisfied in one way or another. That’s why, whenever someone asks me one of those questions we discussed the other day, I typically pull back.

Someone who feels the need to paint a disclaimer on every situation or date is a buzzkill.





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14 Responses to “Some OK Cupid Questions You Shouldn’t Answer”

  1. DC Phil Says:

    I like this list, Moxie. Care to extend it in other posts, or put it up as a separate page?

    I think people really underestimate the importance of mystery in the early stages of dating. Frankly, I don’t want to know all that much about you upfront.I want to get to know you free of any pre-conceived ideas or opinions I’ve formed by reading through your questions.

    Unfortunately, the format of online dating encourages lack of mystery, so blame this instead of the person themselves. This is why I tend to like sites like Sure, you could criticize that it’s too activity-focused, but at least that’s a better starting point than wading through someone’s boilerplate blather about their interests, etc. HAW has some of this, but it’s vastly minimized.

    Of course, it would just be better if people learned to shut up when writing a little bit about themselves. Remember, a resume is to get you the interview, so why put in too much to disqualify yourself?DC

    • me Says:

      Mystery? A dating website is to filter people to reduce the dating pool to just those people who might be good matches for you. If you don’t answer honestly and open up to answer lots of questions that might be embarassing, mistinterpreted, a little too direct, or take the mystery out of dating, then you really have no business being on a dating site, because it means you just arent serious about using the technology.

  2. Alex G. Says:

    I have something like 1,300 questions answered, but I’ve been on there since 2008. Answering any of these questions publicly will make you appear on others’ home pages, which is a way to get interested people to view my profile. Despite the fact that I have no need to answer additional questions, I continue to do so from time to time so that I pop up on people’s home pages.

    These are certainly contentious questions, but an explanation can be attached. For instance. “If one of your potential matches was overweight, would that be a deal breaker?” is not really an avoid question. I answered “no,” and explained that being technically overweight according to doctors’ definitions that rely on BMI is not a deal-breaker at all, and that I am actually quite tolerant of some extra weight. (For me, being about 50+ pounds overweight is a deal-breaker, but even in that range, it’s a case-by-case basis. I did not say that in my answer.)

    Most of my 1,300 questions are answered privately, especially nearly all the sex questions (about half of which I refuse to answer). This is partially because most were answered before they answers could be viewed publicly, and partially because I don’t want to disclose most answers. But there are some important things that I do wish to disclose publicly. The more questions are answered, the more accurately I can compare myself to women.

    I think that judging someone because they answered too many questions is a stupid way to judge someone. I had a relationship that lasted 2½ years from this site, which is why I’ve been a member so long, and I use the social aspects of the site, especially the journal.

  3. Rebecca Says:

    I hide many of my sexy time answers. I also have been on and off the site since 2008 and have answered a bajillion questions. But I find it makes the match percentages much more accurate, especially if he also has answered a bajillion questions. As for appearing an extremist, well, I kind of am, when it comes to politics, and it’s fair game for potential mates to know that. I’m sure it diminishes the number of “hits,” but if someone gets through my profile and my “extreme” responses to political questions, and still wants to communicate, then they’re more likely to be a good match. Although it’s clear that some guys haven’t taken five minutes to do so…they’re taking the “wide net” approach, and I just ignore them.

    OK Cupid is my favorite site because it’s a little bit snarky and a whole lot narcissistic. If you’re going to put yourself through the torture of online dating, it might as well be fun.

  4. Andrew Says:

    I think Moxie is 100 % spot on here.

    Case in point:

    In the time I’ve been on, I’ve had relatively decent success getting responses to my profile and dates. Far more than I’ve received on OK Cupid, and the profiles are very similar.

    Speaking of OK Cupid, when I created my profile last July, I was getting a decent amount of responses. Since I started answering more and more questions ( I think I’ve answered 250 or so, many of then sex questions), my profile has barely gotten so much as a sniff. For example, in the past six months, I’ve been on dates with three different women from OK Cupid, as opposed to seven women from in the past three months.

    Double the number of women (this doesn’t include the winks and emails I chose not to pursue on in half the amount of time tells me that there’s either something wrong with my OK Cupid profile, or the two sites are polar opposites. I know OK Cupid is supposedly more “hook-up” oriented, but there’s got to be something else at play.

    After reading this article, I’ve decided I’m going to either tear down and rebuild my OK Cupid profile or start hiding a lot of the sex based questions.

    • Steve Says:

      I get a lot more views on match, I think the female/male ratio is a lot more favorable. Your views are going to go down anyway after the first few weeks on any website, perhaps this is part of the reason. And perhaps you want to get rid of the some of the sex and other questions for reasons described above. You want to reveal enough to show your personality but not too much to scare them off.

    • Steve From the City Next Door Says:

      Once you get passed the big two (Match & eHarmoney), the popularity various geographically. When I looked at OKCupid a while back it was a ghosttown in my area. It may simply be the difference in size of the pool of the two sites.

  5. David Says:

    You definitely have some valuable thoughts on what these questions could mean to people or do mean to most people. Though I disagree with you a little.

    Your reasoning assumes that other users will actually look at your answers. I’d argue that the questions are more important to the matching algorithm than they are for when people actually go reading through your answers.

    Also, if you really want to find someone that you will get along with, won’t you have better luck if you answer the questions honestly? Not necessarily better luck with quantity, but with finding people that you would get along with? Of course, on the other hand maybe it’s better in general for people to think they’re a good match so they’ll actually get out there and see each other, instead of wasting all their time on their computer. (I’m definitely not speaking from experience.)

  6. Bill Says:

    Funny, I answered every one of those questions in exactly the opposite way that you advised. The result?

    My matches are confident, fit, intelligent girls who enjoy thinking about politics and religion (and philosophy, and cooking, and all our other interests) that want to have LOTS of sex.


    Aiming for the lowest common denominator will get you… exactly that.

  7. steve Says:

    So, what you’re saying is that you’re uncomfortable talking about sex, and you’re only interested in dating people who are also uncomfortable talking about sex. That’s fine. But you can’t seem to get your head around the idea that there are people out there who aren’t exactly like you.

    I have no problem with people who make it clear up front that they are looking for The One and want nothing less than a LTR leading to marriage. But why do people like that feel that they must shame and ridicule people who are looking for different things?

  8. Donnie K Says:

    judging by thereplues recieving the most “thumbs up'”I think it’s safe to say that much for the advice given in this post is ranging from suspects to borderline ridiculous. Reason being is that what it fails to take into consideration is that the more questions you answer the more users will be exposed your profile. On top of that I find the whole, I’m afraid to answer certain questions approach to be quite skittish.

    Tentative behavior which is associated with a lack of confidence get you nowhere in life. Another observation…well I think that much of the advice provided on this site is spot on, I’ve noticed as I’ve gone through older posts that some of the advice changes it seems which whichever way the wind blows. I guess that’s to be expected because as human beings we have to change our perspectives and views on order to grow. Well I understand being careful and spotting potential red flags if you continue to look for problems you’re going to find them. If you’re going to let yourself be scared off by people who answered too many questions, chances are you’re going to miss more opportunities than avoid potential problems.

  9. me Says:

    Perhaps OKC should consider that if you are presented a question and click to skip it, a hidden fourth value (besides it’s 3 levels of importance) should be used to match with you until you answer otherwise.

  10. Lauren Says:

    On the other hand… I don’t even begin to consider anyone who hasn’t answered at least 300 questions. I view them as being either closed off, or they don’t take it seriously. I find both possibilities to be deal-breakers.

    I am overweight and looking for someone who isn’t an anal retentive prude with a low sex drive. Those follow your advice will be among the first to be crossed off my list.

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