Question: I’m new to the dating world as I settled down with my high school bf, married and had children early. I’m newly divorced with very little dating experience. Where can I meet men who are professional, educated, and financially stable? I have tried before and seem to attract very sweet, attractive men who don’t know how to take care of themselves….not to mention…managing a woman OR men whose conversation is nothing but sexual. How and where can I attract the men I would like to date?
<i>Where can I meet men who are professional, educated, and financially stable?</i>
They’re dating the women who didn’t get married after high school. Those men are busy dating the women who went to college and probably got their MBAs and who support themselves with their salary and not alimony.
I have tried before and seem to attract very sweet, attractive men who don’t know how to take care of themselves.
What exactly do you bring to the table here? You’re 33, already divorced and have kids. Did you learn any notable trades or skills during your marriage? Did you go to school and get an education?How do you take care of yourself?
I realize that marriage, at whatever age, is a choice for women now. It’s not something we have to do. I’m sure you didn’t get married thinking it would end in divorce. However, this right here is why people shouldn’t get married so young. Especially women. Now you’re 33 and divorced with children. Forget dating for a second. What’s your plan for the rest of your life? Do you think you’re just going to magically meet a guy who is eager to become a step-dad to your kids and who will support you?
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you’re not exactly a catch to these men. That’s why you need to focus first on building a life for yourself where you are not dependent on a man. Starting with getting some kind of an education. I don’t care if it’s learning home improvement skills, becoming a beautician, or going for an MBA. You need to develop your own identity that doesn’t involve being a wife or mother. You need to learn how to support yourself so you can build a life for you and your family should things not work out as planned. Especially if you have daughters. The worst thing you can do for your daughters is delude them in to believing that as long as they’re pretty that they’ll be set for life. Nothing is more tragic than seeing those women who were told their whole lives that they were attractive and watching them implode as they slowly realize that being pretty isn’t enough and that they actually were supposed to develop more skills in order to achieve certain goals. I was doing a profile session with a woman last week and all she kept saying was how she didn’t understand why she wasn’t getting more responses.
“I don’t get it. I’m an attractive woman.”
I’m so sorry to burst that particular bubble but nowadays being pretty just isn’t enough. It’s not enough to get a man, it’s not enough to get a job and it certainly isn’t enough to be happy.
How and where can I attract the men I would like to date?
First you start by becoming the very type of person you wish to attract. You can’t just blindly go out there and seek some financially stable and well-educated guy. (Maybe you do have an education. I don’t know. I’m making assumptions here. ) Those guys are going to look at you and deem you a liability. 33 and divorced is a lot different than 43 and divorced. Getting married right after high school is immediately going to make you look simple and small town/small minded. Those guys that you meet? If they’re decent, well adjusted guys they’re not going to want that. They’re going to want an equal of sorts. Or they’re going to want someone who can give them their own biological children. Those guys aren’t going to want to raise another man’s kids or pay their way. They work too hard to spend their money on another man’s children. Then there’s the fact that you possibly are supported by alimony and not a career. Most men don’t have much respect for that.
As for the sex talk, you have to understand…most men will hear your situation and immediately consider you casual relationship material at best. You’re getting that kind of talk because they’re not taking you seriously. They’re don’t care if you’re offended. They’re just trying to see how long it’s going to take to get you in to the sack and whether or not it will be worth how ever much time, money or effort they expend.
I don’t know. It sounds to me like you’re just looking for someone to support you. Men can sniff that out a mile away. Between that and the stench of divorce and having kids, methinks you’re going to have a tough time of it. I think you should focus on getting yourself up to speed so you can offer more to these men before you start seeking them out.