I have tried before and seem to attract very sweet, attractive men who don’t know how to take care of themselves….not to mention…managing a woman OR men whose conversation is nothing but sexual. – Gina
Okey dokes. I want to get to the bottom of this. What, exactly, are these men saying that have ladies believe that they are “just” trying to get into their pants?
Is it me or does this seem to be a very common complaint?
I have a few theories about this phenomenon. Feel free to express your thoughts.
1. The women voicing this complaint are using sex or the idea of sex to sell themselves online. When the man takes the bait, the woman sees that as a sign that he “just” wants sex. Self-fulfilling prophecy at work.
2. The men are horribly socially awkward and don’t realize that what they’re saying is inappropriate.
3. The men are testing the women to see how uptight they are or using inflammatory statements to try and control the dynamic and make the woman vulnerable.
4. These women are picking men based on looks and charm, and probably delving out of their league a bit, and the men are taking them out hoping they can get them in to bed with no interest in anything more. Therefore they don’t care if they offend the ladies with their sexual commentary.
5. These women are all making this all up so that they sound less rigid and picky.
The only time any guy has made any kind of sexual comment towards me on a first date is when I have done something to give him the green light OR because he assumed what I did for a living made me more sexually liberal.
I admit that the persona I have developed has probably forced me to grow a thicker skin and therefore I shrug most of this stuff off now. I also tend to avoid the guys who make their lack of social graces obvious in their profiles or in their email exchanges. Any whiff of too much innuendo and I bail.
I mentioned a few months ago that an ad for Match.com caught my eye. In the commercial, the woman was saying to the man that iPhone users have more sex. The man replied and said he had an Android. The woman laughed and said, “Too bad for you.”
Now, it’s weird to me that a) they would show this exchange at all given how sleazy it could make online dating appear, especially given Match’s recent legal issues surrounding sexual predators using their site and b) it was made to seem as though the woman was the one to initiate the conversation. What are potential users supposed to take from that ad? According to two close male friends, that is a pretty accurate depiction of many of their first online dates. Yet we rarely hear men complain that a woman was tossing around sexual innuendo over cocktails.
I am not saying that I don’t think men who make lecherous comments on a first date don’t exist. What I’m questioning is how it is possible that so many women seem to have the exact same experience and whether their perceptions are accurate.
So…what do you guys think?