Here’s a question from our last He Said/She Said event. He asks:
How can you juggle relationships with more than one woman safely? ()Meaning without getting caught.)
Here’s the thing that annoyed me about this question. This was a blatant “Look at MEEEEEE!” Question. This was written so that the man who wrote it could jump in and “explain” why this is such a pressing issue for him. He wanted everybody to know that he managed to get two different women to go on a date with him. Congrats, brah. I knew who had asked the question, too. I had overheard him bragging to someone next to me during the cocktail hour about how he managed one night to find himself in the same room with omigod two different women he had recently met at separate events. Oh my God, you guys!!! Hilarity ensued!
Here’s the funny thing. Anybody at any time can have multiple people on their roster. You can be the biggest schlub in the world and still manage to have more than one date in a week. “Juggling” implies that you actually have on going relationships with these people. Managing to get two or three people to go out with you once or twice over a period of time really isn’t an accomplishment. Yet the people who do this frequently manage to “screw it up.” Accidentally, of course. They do things like:
- “Accidentally” send you a text meant for someone else.
- “Accidentally” refer to you by the wrong name or bring up something they thought you said or mentioned.
- Feel compelled to be “honest” and let you know they’re dating other people.
- Lead you to their Facebook, Twitter or Blog
In their mind, they’re building attraction and making themselves seem in high demand. In reality, they’re letting the other person know why they’re single in the first place. These people are trying to show that they have “game” or are “playing hard to get.” What they don’t consider is that the type of person to bite this particular hook usually ends up being more trouble than they are worth. Which is fitting, because so are they.The people they actually want are going to either drop them like a bad habit because they see through their transparent act OR they will take whatever they can get from them and then bolt. That’s what these games and strategy get you. A big fat goose egg.
Plenty of daters successfully manage to juggle multiple people. They remember names and dates. They have individual text conversations instead of multiple ones at the same time. They don’t mass text people. They also don’t double and triple book themselves every week. The true key to juggling successfully is not to feel pressured to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. It’s okay to let one drop for a week or so. You send them a text or an email to make sure they know they’re still on your mind. You don’t go radio silent for two weeks. You invest a modest amount of time in each, with one or two getting more that particular week. The only reason somebody finds themselves in those supposedly sticky situations, like the guy who asked the question, is so that they can then turn around and tell they’re story in an attempt to impress people. Sadster.
Getting a bunch of dates is a breeze. Getting some of those people to actually see you multiple times is where you gain bragging rights. And FYI? If you’re not sleeping with any of these people, they don’t count. Cultivating a group of men or women that text you or that you meet for the occasional drink is not “juggling” or “spinning plates.” It’s also not “dating.” I swear some people just want to fill up their phone with numbers and have people to grab drinks with just to say they’re “dating.”
Going on a bunch of dates does not increase your value in the market place. Getting laid does. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but it’s true. If there is no consistent sex, you’re friends at best.
Ergo, you really have nothing to brag about.