While I can see the benefit of a same sex wingperson, would the concept still work if they are someone of the opposite sex? Would a single person be hurting their chances or helping them by having an attractive man or woman with them?
The basic concept of having a wingperson of the opposite sex is that it helps someone establish social proof. If he or she can get someone that outgoing and confident and attractive to hang out with them, they they must have something going for them, right? Sure. I agree with that to some extent. Where I think it can back fire is if those being cruised and wooed by the wingperson suspect that they aren’t “just a friend.” Someone might wonder why the wingperson, who is actively puffing up their partner in crime for the night, isn’t dating them themselves. Or wait. Maybe they did date. Uh oh. Still friends with an Ex? Sending out mysterious vibes can work. But this scenario would make me suspicious. Not good. Do you see how my mind works? I don’t think I’m alone in thinking this way.
I would also think that the rapport between the wingperson and their client would have to be – or at least feel – authentic in order for them to not trip off any wires of their intended targets.Let’s say you make a successful connection thanks to your wingperson. You start dating. Hey?? What happened to that friend of yours that was with you the night we met? How come I never see them around?
Sure, the wingperson can do whatever it takes to create the idea of a there being an actual friendship. They friend request you. Maybe they take photos of you and them together so you can post them on Facebook. It could work as long as the wingperson plays it on the DL.
I don’t know. It just all feels fraught with possible landmines.
Plus, if I met someone who was gushing about how awesome their single friend was omigod you just have to meet them, my first thought would be, “Uh, what’s wrong with this picture?” Call me paranoid all you like…but if two attractive people are out at a party or bar together, and they’re both single, I’m either not going to trust the person making all the introductions because I’ll assume they are just trying to be the “cool” friend. Or I’m going to assume that there is something critically flawed about their amazing single friend.
(I know. I’m way over thinking this. This is how my mind works. Sorry.)
As my friend B. told me yesterday, I require that people in my life be very high functioning in terms of their social aptitude. It’s a blessing and a curse, folks. I’m not a stickler for money, or social status, or even looks to some degree. But if someone made an interpersonal faux pas, I was less enthused. If I said, “Hey, let’s meet for a drink” that was the guy’s cue to say, “Sure, what night works for you?” If he said that it sounds like a good idea and sends me his email address and phone number and doesn’t suggest a night or make any real effort to schedule a meet up, I go from interested to meh. I don’t not meet him, but that certainly takes the bloom off the rose for me. Worse for me were the people who just keep emailing and trying to engage in a prolonged conversations. I have no need for pen pals. 3 emails, set up date, done. If that isn’t achieved in 3 emails, I typically bail. I wasn’t not there to chit chat. In these situations I tell a guy to follow up with me when he knows his schedule. I do not reply to further messages.
Which gets us back to the original topic of social adeptness. I see the benefit in hiring someone to help you meet people. But if you struggle in social situations and don’t have great social skills, then what? You don’t bring your wingperson on the rest of your dates, do you? The confidence you had with your wingperson probably had a lot to do with why you were able to get someone’s number or email. But if you don’t know what to do next, then what’s the point?
Okay…second topic that is somewhat related to the first one.
You often hear people lament about the fact that someone’s profile had a picture of the person posed with a member of the opposite sex. Is this really such a bad idea?
Maybe a picture where you didn’t crop out the other person is a bad idea. But what if you were to strategically crop it, making it clear that there was someone of the opposite sex in the photo with you?
Sure, we hate the idea of seeing our possible competition. It feels threatening and disrespectful. What I want to know is how many people truly dismiss someone because of a photo like this on their profile. I also want to know, if we’re all going by The Honor Code, whether or not seeing a photo like that actually motivated you to contact someone.
My guess is that men and women have very different experiences with this. I think women who post photos with guys have better luck than the reverse. But that’s just my guess.
What has your experience been?