Lifestyles Of The Over 40 and Single

Name: Susan
Age: 52
State: NY
Website:
Question: This is not a question, but a suggestion: When you list the ages for a speed-dating party, it would be helpful if you listed for instance: Men 40-55 and Women 35-45. You have no idea how it feels to be a woman on the older end of the scale, and not get picked, even once, by any of the men, just because they only want to date the younger ladies. And these are men who in actuality, by looking and talking to them, cannot afford to be so picky.

Unfortunately, Susan, the men do get to be a bit more picky. Not much more. But they do have some wiggle room that women don’t. As I said in a comment today, men have more options now than ever before. Between the fact that fewer women are marrying and how more and more women are taking a more casual attitude towards sex, men have a bevvy of options from which to choose. They don’t have to abide by certain guidelines or expectations anymore.

I have to ask, though, why a woman at the very end of an age range of 42-52 would even bother going to such an event? Obviously, you are free to pursue men of whatever age you like. But if you know that most men will want the younger women, then why set yourself up for disappointment? Why not go to an event for an older age range? While some organizations, mine for instance, don’t offer events for the over 50 crowd because they are almost impossible to fill for men, some do. Try 8minuteDating or HurryDate for starters. I realize there is a dearth of events for your age range. It’s unfortunate. Filling events for that age bracket is daunting task. If the reason you chose that event is because you didn’t want to go to a social event with an older age range, then keep reading.

 

Name: Louis

Age: 47
State: MA

I just attended a 40-55 speed date event with another organization.  All it did was re-affirm my perspective of not wanting to attended events for that age range.

As I mentioned before – [women in that age range are] not my personality, boring, home bound, not very active or adventurous… the most exciting thing they do is have dinner with friends and watch movies and take tropical vacations.  Hey I’m all for tropical vacations, but lets go diving, or para-sailing or enjoy some local culture and by that I don’t mean visit the gift shops! I am not a person of stereotypes at all.  I truly enjoy learning about culture, heritage and what makes a person unique but that doesn’t mean they match my lifestyle. I’m sure there are exceptions to my own findings but I need to focus my efforts where I get the best results and have the most fun doing it.

I frequently hear men and women in their 40′s say that they don’t like dating people too much older than them because they want someone with an active lifestyle. They wish to avoid the drudgery of dating a couch potato. Then they talk about how much they love hiking and biking and various other activities.

I think people need to be made aware of the fact that an activity does not count as a lifestyle. Healthy living is a lifestyle. Living in a city versus a suburb (or vice versa) is a lifestyle. Enjoying the occasional para-gliding outing while on your tropical vacation is not a lifestyle. An activity does not define one’s lifestyle.

A lifestyle is consistent behavior that centers around certain values. Exercise is part of a lifestyle. Veganism is a lifestyle. Do you see the difference?

Louis’s explanation as to why he doesn’t want to meet women “in that age range” rings false to me. I don’t think this is about lifestyle choices at all. I think it’s about not wanting to admit you’re not 30 anymore and accepting the reality that, if it’s a relationship that you want, your days of being picky over things like this are over. For reals. Time to pull up those Big Boy/Girl Pants and accept the fact that you got to be 40something and single for frivolous reasons like this.

This is similar to the women who are 5’4″ and refuse to date anybody who isn’t at least 5’9″ because they like wearing high heels. No, you just don’t want anybody – namely other women -  to look at you and wonder if that was is the best you could do. Same goes for men and women who refuse to date people their age or older. They hate the idea that people might look at their partners and wonder why they couldn’t get anybody younger. The women guilty of thinking like this all believe they look 10 years younger than they do. They therefore feel they should be able to pull a man their age or a few years their junior. The men with trepidation about dating women their age fear that people will assume something is wrong with them that they couldn’t find a younger woman.

I understand the desire to want someone who is active or young at heart. There’s nothing that says you can’t introduce someone to your preferred hobbies. There are plenty of people who would love to travel or get outdoors more. Maybe they have an exhausting job, or kids to care for. Or maybe they just don’t have anything to prove and are perfectly okay with being their age.

I have no problem with people saying that they aren’t attracted to men or women in this age range. That’s fine. It’s a personal choice. But please stop using silly excuses that are really just a mask for your own fear of being judged negatively by people.

 

 

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43 Responses to “Lifestyles Of The Over 40 and Single”

  1. Joey Giraud Says:

    The men with trepidation about dating women their age fear that people will assume something is wrong with them that they couldn’t find a younger woman.

    The fear is that they won’t be able to perform with a woman with marginal sex appeal. Older ladies may be lovely people, but are generally not sexually alluring.

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    • Gorbachev Says:

      Despite the negative comments, this is absolutely true.

      I dated an older woman for some time; I was at my wits’ end to keep myself sexually interested.

      My current mate is 11 years younger than me. I’m so radically more attracted to her it’s obvious.

      Age has terrible effects on how attractive men see women. It doesn’t have as damaging an effect on men.

      This signal truth is one of the keys missing from this post. While it may be true that women want to signal social status through the right mate, most men are interested in attractiveness, full stop.

      You can gloss this over however you want, but there it is.

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  2. Selena Says:

    “The fear is that they won’t be able to perform with a woman with marginal sex appeal. Older ladies may be lovely people, but are generally not sexually alluring.”

    Alas, the same can be said of many older gentlemen.

    And even if an older gentleman finds a younger woman sexually alluring, he still may have difficulty performing. Or has “special needs” in order to perform. Which can be a turn off to the younger woman. Or women of any age for that matter.

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      Indeed, the same can be said. But the person doing the saying would be whistling past the graveyard.

      It’s not fair or just, but it’s been common knowledge for thousands of years; men are sexually attracted to young women, young in absolute terms, while women are sexually attracted to older men, how much older depends on complex factors.

      Combined with the fact that while female performance is nice, male performance is essential to what most people think of as sex.

      I welcome your lowered thumbs, as Truth is usually unpopular.

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      • Leah Says:

        “…it’s been common knowledge for thousands of years; men are sexually attracted to young women, young in absolute terms, while women are sexually attracted to older men…”

        That’s nice. In which 1950s psychology textbook did you read that little gem?

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        • The D-man Says:

          All you need to read is this blog. So many women complain about how they would never date a guy younger than them but are willing to date older.

          There are differences in boundaries i.e. some women won’t date a guy more than 5 years older.

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  3. L. Says:

    People need to stop being pre-judgemental about others, but I don’t expect that realistically to happen. You can’t judge a book by its cover. You can’t know whether someone is compatible with you before you invest some time with them. That’s just the way it is. By making generalizations about people in a certain age group and by jumping to conclusions that someone is boring just by meeting them for 3 minutes at a speed-dating event, you are short-changing yourself of possible meeting “the one”. Stop expecting your knees to wobble so quickly. Solid LTRs are built on more than this.

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  4. Dark Sarcasm Says:

    I’m calling BS on this whole ‘I lead an active lifestyle so I want to date someone younger.’ You want to date someone younger because they’re YOUNGER and that’s that. We’ve been conditioned to chose younger from the beginning.

    If you’re a woman and you can choose between dating a 26 yr old and a 35 yr old, who has the advantage?

    If you’re a man and you can date a 35 yr old or a 40 yr old, who gets the advantage?

    This has been part of our ‘dating DNA’. The younger person holds an advantage. Kayaking, swimming, skiing and jumping off rooftops and being ‘active’ has nothing to do with it.

    As a side note, people who note that they need someone ‘active’ in all of these activities crack me up. You looking for a date or a play pal?

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  5. AJ Says:

    Truthfully, why go to a speed dating event when you know you are at the top of the age range. There is no way you can compete with the looks of a 20 or 30 something woman when you are 50 something. But, whatever makes you happy. On The other hand, I think we all need to keep an open mind and not stereotype. I dated a 49 year old who was a couch potato. And before that a guy who was 56 who had tons of energy. Some guys look older when they are either the same age or a lot younger than myself.

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  6. Howard Says:

    I personally believe the root of the problems for women over 40 dating, is a severe failure to adapt to changing realities. As we age, we lose things, all of us, men and women. Rather than beating our heads to change the world, it may be easier to change ourselves.

    I can personally attest to men changing as they get older. Many men have problems adjusting too. It certainly seems men get away more with inflexibility in this department than women. Such disparities may indeed be the source of angst for women as they age. But let us not forget, there was an advantage for women in the earlier years, where men with ridiculous testosterone levels seemed willing to do almost anything.

    Men are just not as desperate as they get older, as really they should be. Women who are perturbed or disappointed by that, may need to take a long hard look in the mirror, and realize that what’s happening is what they always asked. “Why can’t men be more like women?” Yes, Susan, men do become more like women as they age.

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      Men are just not as desperate as they get older, as really they should be.

      Why in the world do you think mature men *should* be desperate? Makes not a lick of sense.

      And please do tell; just how do men become more like women as they age? Cause I’m not seeing that.

      Can’t deny I’m not as horny or aggressive as my 20-year-old self, but if anything, I feel more masculine then when I was 20.

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      • The D-man Says:

        just how do men become more like women as they age?

        They become more sensitive to emotions and less defensive. IOW they mature, which women generally do a little more quickly than men, starting in grade school.

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        • Joey Giraud Says:

          Fair enough, I suppose, if we’re talking about age over 40, not the teenage years where women ( girls ) outpace boys in general maturity.

          Although I would say that men mellow with age. I don’t consider women as a group to be more emotionally sensitive in general, just more free to behave emotionally.

          And I don’t think of women as less defensive then men. Guess I’ve known too many emotionally walled-off women.

          So I guess I am disagreeing after all.

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    • AJ Says:

      Let’s hope are dates aren’t with us because they are desperate. I’d rather be by myself.

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  7. JC Says:

    I don’t get the whole young vs old. I am a 45 year old woman and I find it creepy when a man 10+ years younger then me hits on me. I have nothing to offer them except sex. I am looking for a man who is emotional mature. I want someone who I can share the aging process with and understands that over time its not about who looks good on your arm but who is holding your arm when you need their help. Men are delusionall to think a young woman will stick around when the going gets tough…if you are in your 60′s and start suffering some old age downfalls but your wife or gf is in her early 40′s and getting hit on by much younger men do you really think she wants to come home and have you make her feel old by taking care of you.

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    • Selena Says:

      JC,

      Interesting observations. I had a partner 15 yrs. my senior for several years. During our time together I never thought the age difference significant, much less gave thought to being his caregiver in later years. When we are healthy and ‘active’ we tend to believe we will always be that way. It can be an eye opener to see your parents, neighbors, older friends become “professional doctor go-ers”. And realize that may the course of your own future. And may come sooner than you expect.

      Those who believe they have more in common with younger people might consider if the younger people themselves will feel the same way as the years go on. If YOU prefer someone 10+ years younger than yourself, might not they also when they get to be your age?

      “Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I’m 64?” :)

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    • LostSailor Says:

      Men are delusionall to think a young woman will stick around when the going gets tough…if you are in your 60′s and start suffering some old age downfalls but your wife or gf is in her early 40′s and getting hit on by much younger men do you really think she wants to come home and have you make her feel old by taking care of you.

      Kind of a rather large, sweeping generalization there, JC. Men are delusional and women are so shallow that they’ll bolt at the first sign of adversity. I’m glad I don’t live in your world.

      While there are many variables involved in making such relationships work, they can and do work. I’ve seen them work. A lot depends on how large the age difference is. Your example of a 20-year difference is an extreme. A difference of, say, 10 years isn’t so extreme. But there has to be a solid emotional basis for that relationship. If it’s a strong relationship, the age difference isn’t going to matter whether it’s 5, 10 or 15 years. If it is a superficial relationship, it would likely fail anyway.

      It may be that you have nothing to offer the man 10 years your junior other than sex, but if that’s true, then you may not have anything to offer men of your own age other than sex. Rather, what I think you’re trying to say is that you don’t think you have anything to offer–other than sex–to a man 10 years your junior that you think he could possibly want. So you find his approach “creepy” because you can’t fathom why he would interested (other than sex) and you discount him. Perhaps he is more emotionally mature than his peers and looks to women older than himself to find the same. Or maybe he’s just looking for some cougar lovin’. You’ll never know unless you ask.

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      • JC Says:

        Lostsailor aren’t all these posts somewhat sweeping generalization and when a comment is made it is not meant to mean everyone. If you are the exception instead of the rule take pride in that and don’t go on the attack it only makes one wonder if you yourself have been dumped by someone younger because she realized she didn’t want to potentially become your caregiver. And I have inquired about younger men asking older women out and the overall consensus was that it is just about sex. Now again are their exceptions to the rule YES.

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        • LostSailor Says:

          JC, it’s hard to read “men are delusional” as anything other than “all men are delusional” rather than “most men” or “some men.” I have no idea whether I am an exception to any particular “rule” but I generally automatically suspicious of such generalizations.

          Like I’m sure everyone else who has ever actively dated, I’ve been dumped plenty by women both older and younger. But as far as I know, none of them feared becoming my caregiver 20 years hence. I find that a somewhat peculiar idea. Frankly, if I were dumped by a younger woman based on the idea that at some nebulous point in the future, she might have to give care, I wouldn’t have wanted a relationship with such a shallow person anyway.

          Your comments indicate you think that this is a widespread phenomenon where women with older partners abandon them in their moment of need. I disagree. While such a consideration might prevent a woman from being interested in an older man in the first place, it would have to be a pretty poor relationship for that to happen in an LTR or marriage.

          As for your younger admirers, I’ll take your word for it. I really don’t see that happen much, but perhaps we move in different circles. Nearly all of the “May-December” relationships that I have seen succeeding have been a younger woman with an older man. But instead of calling the young dudes “creepy,” you could just take pride in the attention and leave it at that.

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          • JC Says:

            Yes creepy might have been harsh and I will pick my words better and perhaps our circles are different. But thanks for your input, its what makes a post like this so much more interesting.

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            • Joey Giraud Says:

              I think you find them creepy because it’s obvious they’re only looking for an impersonal sexual whirl, and that creeps you out. Perfectly natural.

              Don’t let sensitive men prevent you from speaking what you think.

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    • Mike Says:

      I’d date a woman of ANY age so long as she is outgoing, engaging, and cool. The older you get the more baggage we all carry, however in my experience women just cannot get over the burned relationship and so when you date an older woman it’s a drain. I don’t sit around complaining about how my divorce went and what I lost, so I don’t want to hear it from a woman. But that’s all an older woman offers a narrative about how badly they were burned / hurt / whatever. Contrast, a younger woman finds a guy like me interesting and worldly (as I am), and does not have all of the past negativity. A younger woman has interests and wants to learn and share mine as well. So ladies, just stop living in the past. Put on a sexy outfit, do your hair, forget about the past, be sexy, and the men will come I guarantee it.

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      • Bob Says:

        “I’d date a woman of ANY age so long as she is outgoing, engaging, and cool.” – Absolutely!

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  8. Maryanne Says:

    I would like to share a story that might help people understand that being picky and worrying about what other people think will leave you lonely. I work the night shift as an ICU Nurse and I’ve been caring for a 49 year old man who came in a few weeks ago from a motorcycle accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down. Caring for this handsome man I learned he was a scuba diver, rock climber, runner and just bought a sailboat. He has traveled the world and has been to more places I can only dream about. I thought he was charming and funny and couldn’t understand why a woman wasn’t coming up to see and care for him. Late one night he had a particularly bad day in therapy and wanted to talk. He asked me if I was married and I told him yes, second marriage to a wonderful man for 10 years. I smiled and said we both feel we hit the jackpot when we found each other. He smiled also and I asked him if he was married, he said no. Without probing he said that he always lived his life looking for the next best thing – cars, houses, jobs, women. He only dated younger women and even that he was always looking around the corner to see what else was out there. He said he lived a very active lifestyle and younger women always came along for the ride and it didn’t hurt they looked good. We both laughed at that. But now, he said, I lay here paralyzed needing assistance to help me eat, bathe and go to the bathroom, I never thought for one minute that what laid around the corner for me was this. He said he had a 35 year old girlfriend before the accident but she said that the accident was way too much for her to handle, he heard she packed up her things and left. He laughed and said I guess GOD has a way with showing us what’s really important and when you build relationships on vanity the mirror will always get broken. His story touched me and I realized how thankful I am for my husband because he knew what was really important when he went searching for a mate…it was someone who would catch his fall if he ever becomes too weak to stand alone.

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    • Howard Says:

      That was really beautiful. We have a society based upon strength, material possessions and attributes. We chase all the wrong things.

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      • Maryanne Says:

        When you work as a nurse, especially in ICU you get a good dose of reality checks throughout your day. If more people saw what I saw on a daily basis they would rethink what’s important. I understand men are driven by their sex drive especially when you are young and that a good looking girl is a status symbol amongst the “group”. But there has to be more to it than that. I remember one time my husband’s brother brought his then girlfriend now wife over for dinner too meet us for the first time but before he did he was telling my husband that she is not very good looking and a bit overweight – I was appalled he would say this right before we met her but my husband explained to me that men judge each other by their choice in partners and he was basically telling me not to judge him. I was still mad and thought why he is dating her if he is so harsh on judging her. When she walked in the door I realized why he was – she was warm, funny, smart and just adored my brother in-law. Later on he said that for the first time he was really ready to meet someone he can grow old with and would be there for him. He said when he made that statement to himself in she walked. He said if he wasn’t really ready to settle down he would have never asked her out but her warm smile spoke to him and he realized that this women would stand by him for better or worse.

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        • Cheater Hater Says:

          Maryanne: You sound like a very special woman. Thanks so much for sharing your insights. And keep it up. Your point of view is so optimistic for the rest of us….who aren’t thin, rich and beautiful. Hugs.

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          • Leslie Says:

            Maryanne,
            Thanks so much for sharing your story.
            I am 49 and hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will I can grow and share life with and who will be the last person I see when its time for me to close my eyes for the last time. Real love does exist…thanks for reminding me that its not just on tv!

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            • Maryanne Says:

              Real love does exist and nobody should give up on it no matter what age you are. I have seen miracles happen because of it. I just think if someone is truly looking for it they just have to close their eyes and listen with their heart. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. So what if 20 men/women don’t find you alluring they just cleared the path for the one who will. Be honest with yourself and your limitations, be positive, and take care of yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. I didn’t know this website existed but my two friends who are in their 40’s were talking about it and showed me this post and I felt compelled to share my patient’s story. And I hope I don’t sound so “pollyanna” because I know it’s hard to meet that right person. My first marriage ended when I was 36 and I was scared to death I was never going to find someone again because I wasn’t a size 6 with long hair and perfect boobs. But I knew I really wanted to be with someone again – bumps, farts and dirty underwire (lol). I did have physical standards and there were things I wouldn’t accept (bad teeth, obese). But I did accept a lot more things than what I see my single girlfriends accepting. When I met my husband his first marriage dried up his bank account, he was balding and his tables manners where appalling. But he was warm, funny and always, always, always made sure I was okay and happy. Fast forward ten years and his salary has tripled, he proudly states he can sit at a table with a King and Queen without being thrown out and as far as the balding, well I just call him Charlie Brown ;) So you see what you see upfront isn’t always what’s so important. If you met someone and they are 20 pounds overweight but you just adore them – nudge them to go walking with you at night, join a gym together, and play golf together. You will help them feel better about themselves which may in turn lead to healthy lifestyle choices.

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              • LostSailor Says:

                Maryanne: Thanks for sharing both stories. It’s a reminder that even though Dating 2.0 sometimes seems like a battlefield, the end goal, hopefully, isn’t.

                Yes, real love exists, though in my experience it’s not much like one sees in films or TV. I had it with my now-ex-wife, and even though the marriage ended, we’re still quite fond of each other and each want the other to find love and happiness again.

                I have to keep reminding myself of a lesson I learned long ago when I first met the ex. After a couple of heartbreaks and a lot of one night stands in my mid- to late-20s, I was a bit burnt out and made a conscious decision to simply stop looking for love. I didn’t look for dates, didn’t really care about meeting anyone. And about two months later, I met her in the usual course of my day, had a single date with her 3 days later, and we were together for nearly 20 years. I guess the lesson is that while you need to be pro-active, things happen when you least expect but are still open to them happening.

                I feel sorry for the girlfriend of the man in your original post. I suspect that her decision to leave is going to haunt her in years to come.

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                • Selena Says:

                  I wouldn’t put money on her decision to leave haunting her in years to come. Is it a surprise shallow people choose other shallow people?

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        • Bob Says:

          The brother in law story? Sounds like an 8 marrying 4 so she will never leave him.

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      This isn’t a touching story, it’s a warning, a morality tale.

      It’s the Ant and the Grasshopper.

      “Marry someone nice or there will come a day you will regret being old and sick with no-one to care for you.”

      This may be good advice, but the story has a strong dose of shadenfreude and is hardly “heart-warming.”

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      • The D-man Says:

        Yeah, I agree. I don’t think you should make decisions about your life based on some far-in-the-future potential anxiety.

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    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      Um….I call so much bullshit on this story. This sounds like something you’d hear on TV. All the women are swooning over this guy’s supposed moment of clarity. Please.

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    • Marco Says:

      This is a great story about what really matters in life.

      We are not indestructible although most of us live our young years under that assumption. I was never that shallow. I guess, because I only had my first girlfriend when I was 18 years old. I blame that on my clumsiness, the fact of being one of four brothers, lack of womanizing role models, and a lot of time to think about life and how life should be…etc.

      For better or for worse, that shaped my values and made me very keen on finding real love. I did find it at 18 years old, but life has its own designs.

      Later, I lived a life pursuing achievements, goals, knowledge. Now, I face myself with the fact that I want a family and that will require someone in their 30′s or early 40′s (pushing my luck).

      This is another reason that makes age an asymmetric factor in relationships. Women doesn’t want to hear a biological clock, have a Peter Pan Syndrome, Queens of Denial, want everything under the sky for a mate. Well, that is nice negotiation posturing, but if it fails, it will leave you in a not so nice position.

      I believe that is what happens here and to most women who face life alone after 30′s. Life has a tempo and that is reality. I am at fault for not hearing my own clock, but I might still have a chance.

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      • Eliza Says:

        People can still adopt. It is an option, you know? Life doesn’t have to end when you are past any age. Or due to any “biological clock”. Who’s to say–just because a man meets a woman in her early 30′s…that she may not have problems conceiving. I know of plenty of women that have issues getting pregnant. It is more common in your 40′s–certainly. But nothing is a guarantee in life. That’s life. You love someone through thick and thin. When you love somone anything is possible…where there is a will, there is a way as they say. I have come to the realization that some men and women will never really know what they want out of life. As many have stated, there are sacrifices for every decision you make. You want a career–you have to make that financial sacrifice and commit the time. You want a relationship–there is work involved, and yes, you sacrifice some freedom…not all of it, but to a degree, you do have to compromise. The question is whether–it’s worth your time and effort. Then, it’s actually less of a “sacrifice”. For the men that always seem to think that the grass is greener, or there must be a better option around the corner, their reality is growing old in some nursing home–alone. That’s the truth. You base your choices purely on what is on the outside, you can’t expect that level of shallowness not to swing back at you like some boomerang. And yes reality has a way of hitting you hard–when you least expect it.

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        • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

          People can still adopt. It is an option, you know?

          Sure, it’s an option. It’s also not something that happens over night. That process can take years.
          Most men want their own children.

          Women need to stop with these childish notions of how anything is possible if there is love between two people. No, anything isn’t possible. If it were, there wouldn’t be so many divorces. Life comes with limitations.

          For the men that always seem to think that the grass is greener, or there must be a better option around the corner, their reality is growing old in some nursing home–alone.

          Somethign else women need to stop is trying to fear men into marrying them. Sorry, guys don’t look at dying alone as some form of punishment.

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        • Kurt Says:

          Women do seem to mention the fact that adoption is an option if a woman cannot have children, but as Moxie mentioned, few men want to go down that route. I suspect that if a man is sterile he would be far more open to adoption than he would be if the woman is unable to bear children.

          Also, if the couple is white I don’t know how easy it is to adopt a white baby. A lot of white couples probably aren’t going to want to adopt a black kid.

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  9. LostSailor Says:

    I’ve never done speed-dating [insert joke about meth-heads here], so I can’t really comment on it.

    But having crossed the Rubicon of my half-century, I am well aware of my age and that my options are more limited than my younger brethren. I do what I can to eat right, stay in relatively good shape, and have an active and social lifestyle. Between work, dating, and social obligations, it’s nice when I have a night or two at home just to chill. And I don’t make apologies for preferring women younger by at least 5 years; actually it used to be the norm.

    I have dated a number of women my age or older, and I can honestly say that there was only one that had really made the effort to keep up her appearance and was comfortable in her own skin and with her age. Of the handful of others, there was frankly an air of desperation, of trying a little too hard. (I’ve also found that half of the visitors to my OKC profile are women older than myself, and perhaps 3/4 of the women who message me–not a huge number in total, but not negligible–are older. So the ladies are looking for younger, too.)

    In the end, I really don’t care much about age if I find the right woman and really hit it off. But my experience has been that I have more fun dating younger women.

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    • Bob Says:

      “I have dated a number of women my age or older, and I can honestly say that there was only one that had really made the effort to keep up her appearance and was comfortable in her own skin and with her age” and “In the end, I really don’t care much about age if I find the right woman and really hit it off.” – I couldn’t agree more!

      Age: 49

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  10. Eliza Says:

    And then people wonder by we all LIE about our age(s) on these ridiculous profiles!
    There is so much agism out there. Maryann–your story is so touching. Hopefully, it will motivate others to think differently, and it will be an eye-opener for those shallow people ou there — that think with the little head, or shut out others based on looks alone. As I firmly believe…beauty is on the surface…but ugly is rotten to the core. And if someone is pretty on the surface, but has a rotten nasty disposition…they are “ugly” all around.

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    • Kurt Says:

      There is a lot of agism out there. However, agism would be a much smaller issue if women had a more realistic approach to dating and weren’t so ridiculously picky when they are young and hold most of the power in dating. If more women found a man at a younger age, they wouldn’t be trying to dating in their 40s when the power balance swings back to men.

      You mention that some people (presumably men) shut out others based on looks alone. That is true, but a large percentage of the female dating population also shuts out men when they are young simply because those men are inexperienced with respect to dating even if the men are otherwise professionally/financially successful and physically attractive.

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