Question: This is not a question, but a suggestion: When you list the ages for a speed-dating party, it would be helpful if you listed for instance: Men 40-55 and Women 35-45. You have no idea how it feels to be a woman on the older end of the scale, and not get picked, even once, by any of the men, just because they only want to date the younger ladies. And these are men who in actuality, by looking and talking to them, cannot afford to be so picky.
Unfortunately, Susan, the men do get to be a bit more picky. Not much more. But they do have some wiggle room that women don’t. As I said in a comment today, men have more options now than ever before. Between the fact that fewer women are marrying and how more and more women are taking a more casual attitude towards sex, men have a bevvy of options from which to choose. They don’t have to abide by certain guidelines or expectations anymore.
I have to ask, though, why a woman at the very end of an age range of 42-52 would even bother going to such an event? Obviously, you are free to pursue men of whatever age you like. But if you know that most men will want the younger women, then why set yourself up for disappointment? Why not go to an event for an older age range? While some organizations, mine for instance, don’t offer events for the over 50 crowd because they are almost impossible to fill for men, some do. Try 8minuteDating or HurryDate for starters. I realize there is a dearth of events for your age range. It’s unfortunate. Filling events for that age bracket is daunting task. If the reason you chose that event is because you didn’t want to go to a social event with an older age range, then keep reading.
I just attended a 40-55 speed date event with another organization. All it did was re-affirm my perspective of not wanting to attended events for that age range.
As I mentioned before – [women in that age range are] not my personality, boring, home bound, not very active or adventurous… the most exciting thing they do is have dinner with friends and watch movies and take tropical vacations. Hey I’m all for tropical vacations, but lets go diving, or para-sailing or enjoy some local culture and by that I don’t mean visit the gift shops! I am not a person of stereotypes at all. I truly enjoy learning about culture, heritage and what makes a person unique but that doesn’t mean they match my lifestyle. I’m sure there are exceptions to my own findings but I need to focus my efforts where I get the best results and have the most fun doing it.
I frequently hear men and women in their 40’s say that they don’t like dating people too much older than them because they want someone with an active lifestyle. They wish to avoid the drudgery of dating a couch potato. Then they talk about how much they love hiking and biking and various other activities.
I think people need to be made aware of the fact that an activity does not count as a lifestyle. Healthy living is a lifestyle. Living in a city versus a suburb (or vice versa) is a lifestyle. Enjoying the occasional para-gliding outing while on your tropical vacation is not a lifestyle. An activity does not define one’s lifestyle.
A lifestyle is consistent behavior that centers around certain values. Exercise is part of a lifestyle. Veganism is a lifestyle. Do you see the difference?
Louis’s explanation as to why he doesn’t want to meet women “in that age range” rings false to me. I don’t think this is about lifestyle choices at all. I think it’s about not wanting to admit you’re not 30 anymore and accepting the reality that, if it’s a relationship that you want, your days of being picky over things like this are over. For reals. Time to pull up those Big Boy/Girl Pants and accept the fact that you got to be 40something and single for frivolous reasons like this.
This is similar to the women who are 5’4″ and refuse to date anybody who isn’t at least 5’9″ because they like wearing high heels. No, you just don’t want anybody – namely other women – to look at you and wonder if that was is the best you could do. Same goes for men and women who refuse to date people their age or older. They hate the idea that people might look at their partners and wonder why they couldn’t get anybody younger. The women guilty of thinking like this all believe they look 10 years younger than they do. They therefore feel they should be able to pull a man their age or a few years their junior. The men with trepidation about dating women their age fear that people will assume something is wrong with them that they couldn’t find a younger woman.
I understand the desire to want someone who is active or young at heart. There’s nothing that says you can’t introduce someone to your preferred hobbies. There are plenty of people who would love to travel or get outdoors more. Maybe they have an exhausting job, or kids to care for. Or maybe they just don’t have anything to prove and are perfectly okay with being their age.
I have no problem with people saying that they aren’t attracted to men or women in this age range. That’s fine. It’s a personal choice. But please stop using silly excuses that are really just a mask for your own fear of being judged negatively by people.