“But…I respect women!”
You can respect a woman and still want to have sex with her. You can choose to believe that it’s your respect for women that prevents you from getting laid if you like, though. I mean, it’s not. You’re not getting laid because women don’t want to have sex with you. It’s adorable that you want to prove to us how you want us more for our brains and hearts. But what we want is for you f— us and f— us well. So work on that and stop trying to woo us with your mad skills at being our pals. Also cease desperately trying to differentiate yourselves from the PUAs. You both want to get laid. So get off your high horse. If you sit there and say that that isn’t a primary goal, then you’re lying. Or you just don’t like sex. Any guy who says that sex isn’t a priority in a relationship is suspect in my book. They are the same men who use their total lack of interest in sex as a selling point. It’s not. You’re either not very sexual, bad in bed or sexually confused. Only very inexperienced women will buy that schtick, and they will eventually wake up when they hear about all the sex their friends are having. I’m more annoyed by the “I respect women!” types. It’s just as disingenuous as the stupid Game crap. You can still respect me while your head is buried between my legs. So get to it. You don’t have to go the way of the PUA’s and neg us. Just don’t be so afraid to offend us. It’s okay to be a little bit dirty.
Women act like they’re offended by sex talk, but they’re really not. We want you to want us. We want to reply back with some saucy response laced with subtle sexual innuendo. What we’re afraid of is either disappointing you sexually or..
“But..I don’t want him to think I’m a slut!”
Sweetie, wanting to have sex does not make you a slut. Stop listening to your bitchy, asexual and perpetually single friends. Also tune out the men out there in whom you confide who warn you against letting loose too soon. Those guys don’t get laid. Sorry, but it’s true. They are that guy that every woman befriends because he’s safe. She has no desire to have sex with him.
PS? Men like “sluts.” Men even respect “sluts.” Know why? Because they are doing what they want and not what they think people expect. This idea that man don’t respect “easy” women is a myth perpetuated by every woman who slept with a guy and then blew up his phone with texts asking why he hadn’t called her. Respect has nothing to do with it. As long as you show that you respect yourself in other ways, you’ll be just fine.
Now, what is it about men and women that make the opposite sex desire them? Let’s see:
Mystery - If you’re someone who excels in writing but struggles to communicate in person, you’re in luck. The less you say, the better. This is another reason to make your date and then not communicate until you meet. People always screw this up. They keep emailing and texting and eventually you learn more than you want and you’re turned off. There’s a line between being coy and being a bore, though. You have to develop some level of communication skills and social aptitude. If we smell insecurity, our attraction wanes.You need to hint at your naughtier side without giving it all away. Ladies, take that little straw in your drink and put it in your mouth for a few seconds. Don’t treat it like a tooth pick. Treat it like a penis. You know what I’m talking about. No need to hit anybody over the head with your longing to get horizontal. A hint here and there will do just fine.
Vulnerability - I’ve brought up this example before using my imaginary boyfriend Jeremy Renner. Any man who can make Jeffrey Dahmer seem sympathetic has skill. His exterior is rough around the edges, therefore he poses somewhat of a challenge. What saves him is his ability to show his sensitive and raw side. He’s not afraid to look “weak.” It’s the outer, slightly dangerous side that draws you in. But it’s the accessible vulnerability that keeps you there. This is why so many women who believe they are “sassy” screw up. They end up coming off cold and bitchy. You have to offer softness with a side of teasing. Not the other way around.
What you shouldn’t do is make your whole interaction about sex. That’s when you appear desperate. And desperate isn’t sexy. Any guy that can’t get off (hah. see what I did there?) the sex topic reeks of desperation and social awkwardness. Guys with experience and skill know how to walk that line.
I can remember setting up a date with a guy last summer. I suggested a bar located between both of our neighborhoods. He countered with an offer to come over my place with a bottle of wine. Nothing sounds more awkward than having someone in my home that I do not find attractive that is clearly hoping to get laid. And that’s what the “why don’t we just hang at my place” first dates are – blatant, tragic attempts at getting laid. That person doesn’t even want to try to create any sexual tension. They just want you to have sex with them. Desperado. Or sex addict. No thanks. Anybody who would put themselves into that position is hard-up.
Ladies, too, need to save the “slutty” talk until after the clothes come off. I know you girls know what I’m talking about. The dirty talk. Once the mutual interest and participation has been established, then introduce it. Up to that point, you can hint, you can flirt…but don’t break out the big guns until naked. Once that occurs, you’re free to unleash your inner slut whenever you like.
That’s it. If someone you’re flirting with isn’t imagining what you’re going to be like in bed, then you might as well put yourself in the friend zone.