Question: I met a man a year ago on the Cougarlife website. He contacted me and said he was very interested in meeting me. I’m 42 and he’s 26. I was surprised when he wanted a committed relationship about a month after we met. He’s from another country and doesn’t have his green card yet, although he’s been here for few years. He’s currentlY a grad student. He says he loves me and compliments me a lot and I like him a lot but worried if he’s using me, for sex or money or whatever!
I don’t have any real idea what his intentions are.
Personally, I don’t see what a 26 year old man would want with a 42 year old woman. I mean, you met him on a website for Cougars. Doesn’t that tell you what he was seeking? Most people don’t join Cougar dating sites or Sugar Daddy sites for real companionship.
As for all the compliments, I wouldn’t read too much into that. I’ve mentioned before that I find effusive compliments disingenuous. Especially when they’re coming from some 26 year old guy who met me on a Cougar dating site. He saying nice things probably because he knows you want to hear them. Complimenting you greases the wheel so to speak.I don’t know where this all began, but a punch of these pick up programs seem to encourage men to compliment women they barely know. To me, that comes off as trying too hard. Either that or the person freely doling out the compliments is angling for something rather than just being themselves and being upfront. I’m sure some women like it. I’m just not one of them.
I do tend to believe that guys like this are “using” women for sex. But again, you advertised yourself as a Cougar. So you essentially presented yourself as someone looking to “use” a guy right back.
I was surprised when he wanted a committed relationship about a month after we met.
As you should be. Why would a 26 year old guy in NYC (with an accent, no less) be so quick to make that kind of sacrifice for a woman almost 20 years his senior? This guy could get laid left and right if he’s relatively attractive. Even if he’s a poor student. The accent alone is a pantie dropper. So why would he be so willing to give up that variety for a much older woman? It doesn’t make sense to me. What does he get out of this? Sex? He can get that from a woman his own age or younger. So there has to be something more in this for him that is keeping him around. And I highly doubt it’s love or companionship. (Cue all the stories from women who have friends who married their much younger men and how omigod super happy they are. Super. Get back to me after they’ve been married 10+ years.)
It’s questions like this that women fail to ponder when their dream guy comes along and literally drops at their feet. They want to believe that The Universe has somehow delivered a gift to them as payback for all the disappointments and frustrations. Y’all know that I love me some God…but that’s not how God or The Universe works. We don’t accrue points that at some point get traded in for perks and bonuses. If something happens, it’s because it was either supposed to happen for a reason unbeknownst to us or it’s just a happening that occurred due to a series of conscious choices.
One of the most crucial dating skills someone can possess is critical thinking. You should not be opposed to challenging assumptions and questioning things that seem too easy or inconsistent with every other experience you’ve had.With experience you develop a baseline of what is “typical.”
For those who say I’m being cynical and jaded, need I remind you that the title of this column isn’t “And That’s Why We Take Things At Face Value.”
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