Question: I met someone on Match.com a little over a month ago, and we have gone on six or seven flawless dates. He seems to be a great match – smart, funny, self-sufficient, well-rounded, etc. The only issue so far is that other than a quick kiss and a warm hug at the end of the night, he hasn’t initiated any physical affection whatsoever. I have a history of becoming physical too quickly, so I was letting him take the lead, but I’m beginning to wonder what’s up. Last night I asked if I could snuggle up to him when we were watching a movie, and he agreed, but didn’t put his arm around me, etc. Just sat watching and enjoying the movie. My friends think perhaps he has ED, or maybe he’s ashamed of his size (he’s overweight). I’m not sure what to do…Make the moves on him? Talk to him about it? Let it just play out? It’s only been a month, after all. I really like this guy, and it’s clear he really likes me too. Any thoughts would be welcome!
I think the only thing you can do is try to start a conversation. I do agree that both his weight and possible ED play a part. That’s part of the reality of dating men in their forties and older. Everything isn’t as automatic anymore. And, yes, men have body issues, too.
I think the conversation should begin with you expressing a need for affection first. Then work up to the sex. It could be that he’s just not terribly affectionate. Whatever it is that is holding him back , you have a right to know. Sitting there and waiting for it to play out seems like a waste of your time. If he shuts down, then you need to decide what your personal tolerance level is for something like this.
This poses an interesting question, though.
Could you go without much sex in your relationship as long as there is a continuous supply of physical affection? Conversely, could you deal with a relationship where you have an active sex life, but little to no physical affection beyond sex?