June 13th, 2012
Coffee Talk, Dating
Just so y’all can keep yourselves occupied…here’s a post where you guys can discuss what’s going on in your lives. Vent, share, ask for feedback, etc.
Share articles, ask questions, etc.
You can ask me questions as well. I’ll be checking in regularly.
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Ok, since you want a funny story…
I’ve been trying to get my boyfriend to quit drinking soda. The night before, we talked about nutrition and how because of certain diseases in both of our families, how we should cut back on eating pizza and soda. It’s probably a twice a week habit for him, and a once every two week habit for me. He’s got a pretty strong Pepsi addiction. It used to be a 4 can a day thing, but now he’s “cutting back” so it’s like 2 or something. The day after our “health” talk, I was waiting for him to finish eating pizza (which triggers him to drink soda) so we could go for our run, but I was sitting in the living room. I heard the can pop open, so I quietly walked up the stairs to the kitchen and CAUGHT HIM TRYING TO STICK THE SODA IN THE FRIDGE. He sheepishly smiled at me, and I couldn’t stop laughing. The day after, people!
Ok, I hope it was as funny to you as it was to me.
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I seldom drink soda myself, but is twice a week really bad enough to feel guilty about?
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Yikes, I meant 2 cans a day.
What’s going on in my life?
Diapers. Lots and lots of diapers.
Actually, diaper changing is not so bad. The toughest parts are the lack of sleep, the pooping on the hand when trying to change him, and the fact that I am not as good of a soother as my wife. The kid quiets down instantly when mom holds him. Dad, after 5 minutes – bam, he cries and cries.
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I received some very tough love on here so I thought I’d check in. I appreciate Moxie and everyone who took the time to listen and respond to my problem and say what I needed to hear and not what I wanted to hear – hearing over and over again that I deserved better did me no good bc I didn’t believe it at the time. I had some crazy things happen and I lost my grip on reality. I am now in counseling and I’m doing a lot better. While I’m not looking to date at the moment, I hope that I will be ready someday.
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Ooooh. Sounds juicy. Do tell.
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It’s not super juicy but just that the guy before bananahead was an underwear model who was kinkier than I was used to. My birthday gift was a threesome with him and his hot male friend – I know all this sounds like an episode of Sex and the City. Problem with all this is that he was pretty free with his body and loved to tell me about it cos it turned him on. Eventually he got into swinger parties and that was that but I accepted a lot of things that I shouldn’t have. I needed to learn how to draw boundaries and that is how counseling is helping me.
But I knew you lived through what I had, Moxie, with Don Draper. Speaking of which, have you heard from him lately???
Oh no. You don’t get to tell that story , tickle our ass with a feather, and then turn it over to me. My DD story pales in comparison to a MFM threeway with an underwear model.
Was it a birthday gift that you gave to him or that he gave to you? Weird? Hot? I want details!
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Oh, also? I tend to think that most men who push for MFM threeways are gay and either don’t know it or haven’t accepted it. They throw a woman into the mix in order to justify being naked in front of another man.
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I’ll write about my experience later (nsffw) but I don’t think he was gay – just greedy sexually. In the meantime, I’m not letting you off the hook moxie with don draper. Details please!
I’m still waiting for an update from you, Moxie, but in the meantime here is my story.
Captain Underpants offered me a threesome with either a woman or a man – my choice – for my birthday. And I picked the guy. The man in question was also a model but earned his living mostly as a photographer as he liked to eat and party and these were work hazards. The guy I was dating was blond haired and blue eyed and Model No. 2 was his opposite with dark hair and eyes.
Once I told him my choice I didn’t hear much about it until he called me at 6:30 am from the airport (he traveled a lot). He was with his friend and they were both pretty drunk. They wanted to take a car to my place so they could give me my birthday gift.
I won’t go into too many details as this isn’t Penthouse Forum but for me at least, the fantasy was different than the execution. I found it very hard to relax and focus. I had no attachment to the friend emotionally so doing stuff with him was a distraction.The guys didn’t do anything with each other but they seemed pretty in tune with each other,
That’s my birthday gift experience. And why I went for a boring seemingly normal guy after that.
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My first month on Match.com:
44 emails sent, 1 very brief exchange, she flakes out
1 wink from someone who I was in no way interested in, 1 wink from a decent woman, but she doesn’t respond to my ‘thanks for the wink, (insert something about her profile here)’ email.
1 favorite, who doesn’t respond to my ‘thanks for making me a favorite, (insert something about her profile) email, and later ‘unfavorites’ me.
Re-establish email with flake above, after ONE exchange, she feels no ‘connection’ and wishes me well.
1 unsolicited email from an overweight woman, easily close to 250lbs
2 winks by two women that must not have read my ‘About My Date’
25 emails sent, surprisingly got a response back. Tthat’s the last I heard from her.
Four more months to go!
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Jesus, lol. Yeah, that’s match.com. WIth me, I was getting nothing, but this month it has picked up. It’s just so much eaiser for chicks as one of my female friends admitted to me who is also on match.
Am at opposite end, two teenagers – let them have party in my apartment..beer is REALLY sticky especially after hours of beer pong! And they eat A LOT..so lately feel stressed, juggling full time demanding job, general stuff that has to be done (pay bills, cook food, CVS), two hungry teens and relatively new boyfriend while living in 900 sq feet..arghhh…deep breath.
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The other day at work we had a online meeting that my manager was leading.and he was taking notes in the meeting – everyone could see. Someone else was speaking. My manager was trying to type “shift” but the “f” kept getting dropped.
I was the one who wrote the post on my Match prospects and how I shortlisted them down to my final one….and got a lot of flack for being so “clinical in my approach”
Anyway, I’m still dating my final choice on Match and we’re approaching the 4 month mark. I’ll say however I don’t see it lasting much longer. While on the outside we enjoy doing a lot of the same activities, we’re not really getting closer on an emotional level. I’m not sure we have that connection, and sometimes it takes a while to figure that out. I’m not sad though – I’ve enjoyed the past few months, learned a lot about myself in a relationship and know more clearly what I’m looking for or need in a long-term partner.
i’m glad to see CoffeeTalk back up!
Why would an ex-boyfriend want to get together and meet with his ex after he broke it off? Is it to see if he still has any pull, future fwb or a genuine concern of what’s going on in her life?
Are you asking for yourself? I’ve never stayed friends with an ex, so if any of them contacted me to get in touch, I’d decline. You’ve gotten along so far without them, no need to look back.
It varies, but I’d bet on the first 2 options as being more likely than the 3rd one. Sometimes they do care, but only in relevance of getting what they are looking for at the time. If you’re asking for yourself, and you are feeling the need to try to “solve the mystery,” do yourself a favor: don’t go.
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I was actually watching Miss Advised that came on Bravo last night. One woman’s ex called her and asked to meet since he was back in town. She seemed torn up about then cried after. She shouldn’t have met as she said she was breaking one of rules but I at the same time I was wondering why did he want to see her again.
Omg I saw that shitshow. I was more curious than anything, but it’s blatantly obvious that the reason these women are single is because they want to be. One of them is afraid of being hurt, the other puts a wall up by working as a matchmaker, and the last one is unhinged and just wants to be married, but doesn’t behave like someone anyone would ever want to marry. There, I just saved you from watching the next 7 episodes.
Didn’t watch it and won’t. The producers contacted every dating blogger on the planet about a year and a half ago asking if they wanted to be considered for this show. They never contacted me, and I’m damn proud of that. They were looking for trainwrecks, and they got them.
Well, I’m back in NYC. My dad’s funeral was today. The whole ceremony from start to finish was beautiful. They even had a few of the naval guard there to play Taps since my dad was a vet. I learned all kinds of things about my Dad, and heard story after story about how he got so many people jobs, got them work, helped school systems in other towns, etc. And these were all things he kept to himself and never told a soul. The word used most often by people who paid respects to describe my dad was “gentleman.”
So, if y’all have any good dating questions, please submit them via the submit a dating question link on the right hand side bar. Time to get back to work. Working on a good column for this. Trust me. You guys will love this one.
Marshmallow – Honestly, nothing terribly interesting to share about DD. Didn’t mean to get your hopes up
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It’s nice to hear about your dad as a person, and not as your father. It’s great that so many people saw what you conveyed to us.
I just wanted to give an example of where the guy trying *too hard* or *too witty* can backfire and make him sound like an ass.
-Guy sends girl an initial note on Match….a few mentions to items in her profile, ends it with what else is in her plans that week besides a drink with him. It’s definitely a confident approach but a well-written paragraph.
- She looks over his profile, thinks they have enough in common, and writes that she’s up for grabbing that drink with full intention of following through
- His reply this time is more pompous. “First off, there will be no ‘grabbing’ of drinks on my watch. I prefer the delicate lift, hovering the rim of the glass around my lips as I add one last quip and a little laugh” …and some more of this tone
- She then rolls her eyes and decides this dude is no longer bordering confident, but coming off as a cocky ass
- He sends her another follow-up email 3-4 days later saying ” I know, busy packing your parachute for the next skydive. Being an adventurer, doesn’t leave time for much else.”.
Seriously, keep it simple. No need for sarcasm or to try to come off as a comedian or a philosopher or Mr Wit & Charm so hard. Dude could have met girl to see if anything would spark in real life, ,but couldn’t keep it emails simple enough to get there.
Just trying to provide a real-life example of why it may seem women flake …. when really they were initially interested and then turned off by subsequent communication.
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Yes, but I also think people have become very touchy with things like this. I remember being like this and it was unnecessary. What I truly lacked was the ability to take the stick out of my ass. Still do.
I’d say the person is worth a “meet and greet,” because the guy was funny without being too persistent or annoying. Ok, corny, so what? Corny is cute. If women and men continue to dismiss people for things like this, there will be no one left. Online dating is awkward – making jokes with someone you don’t know? Even more awkward. But, the man is trying. He’s TRYING. That should be enough.
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You DO bring up a good point….I was rolling my eyes along with this girl, but I’ll tell her maybe to consider the fact that he’s TRYING….thanks for the perspective, Dimps!
Sure! It’s always worth giving that person the extra glance, and forgetting everything we define as romantic. What’s romantic to me? When my boyfriend checks my oil to make sure my engine doesn’t seize. And I’m a major cornball at heart.
I think she was turned off that in the course of trying to be playful he criticized her (“there will be no ‘grabbing’ of drinks….”). I would also feel like “WTF, dude, get over yourself, this is supposed to be fun.” Maybe you’re right that it shouldn’t be a disqualifier, a yellow light instead of a red light. Still, if you’re irritated and you haven’t even met the person, is it that you have a stick up your ass (possible) or your gut telling you they’re too much work?
You won’t truly have an answer to that unless you give the date a chance.
What do you guys think of a guy who keeps telling you over and over how attractive you are (at first meeting from online dating site)? I feel like once is enough…or not at all…but why keep saying it? It got embarrassing.
Assuming the guy otherwise seems pretty normal, is this a red flag? Overall, the guy has a slight tendency toward over sharing. Discusses things relating to income, a little about past relationships. Worrisome, or no? I don’t even know anymore.
I would probably think so as well, but I can’t say it’s a red flag. The oversharing could be due to nervousness, but I’d be careful what I tell him about my personal life, lest you want him telling everyone he knows. I would just take it slow and give it time to unfold.
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