Dear Whiny Dating Bloggers….Shut The F*** Up

June 20th, 2012

Dating, Dating & Blogging


Apparently, this post got certain thin skinned and wildly dishonest and hypocritical dating bloggers in a huff. If I write about a  post I read on a blog it’s not because I’m trying to “attack ” the blogger. It’s because, to be quite honest, I don’t agree with much of what these people say.  I’ve left comments on your blogs. But because they weren’t words you wanted to hear, you wouldn’t approve them or deleted them.

Let me see if I’ve got this straight. If I say things privately, I’m wrong. If I say things on your blog that don’t align with your personal agenda, I’m wrong. And if I say things on my own blog, I’m wrong. So, really, I just can’t win. If you want to get on your soapbox about how we should all get along and support each other, why don’t you start with supporting those who refuse to ride your proverbial dicks by saying only what you want to hear. Furthermore, if you’re going to get all hand wringy and sanctimonious, howsabout you be honest about just why I feel no obligation to any of you? You won’t, though, because that would mean admitting to some fairly shady and juvenile behavior on your part. Yes, dear, that means you, too. It’s convenient of you to act all wide eyed and ask aloud why “certain people” aren’t more supportive of dating bloggers. You want to tell a story, tell the whole story, you phony. Don’t conveniently leave parts out just because you desperately need to cling to some moral high ground. I don’t care if it was two years ago or two days ago. You drew the line. From that point on, I owed you nothing. Why you seem so shocked that I might disagree with you after that point is puzzling to me.

Do you need me to explain to you how it all works? Allow me to break this down for you. People have opinions. Not all of those opinions are going to agree with yours. If you hate the idea of someone criticising you, then maybe don’t devote a large part of your blogging and tweeting time making fun of, berating and blaming every single guy who doesn’t do what you want them to do because you’re too god damn self-important and blind to your own issues.

It’s funny. Y’all are so comfortable trashing the people you date and putting down other women for their choices, but when anybody DARES to do the same to you, you curl up in the fetal position and run to twitter about your “haters.” No, that doesn’t mean you’re famous. Nor does it mean someone is “stalking your tweets” you self-important gasbag.

Someone disagreeing with you is not a hater. They’re someone with an view point other than yours. You people have bastardized that term as a way to bully people into never, ever, ever saying anything that doesn’t align with your personal narrative and to prevent anybody from speaking their mind. You want to out people and dump on them and share emails and texts and violate their privacy. All so you can have your personal insecurities validated. You’ve insulated yourself for so long that you can’t even distinguish between genuine feedback and constructive criticism and blatant cruelty. I don’t “hate” on anybody here. I certainly used to, was wrong a lot, and I regret most of it. I’m acutely aware of what I’m saying when I write posts based upon pieces dating bloggers write. And if I do say something pointed, I can assure you, there’s a reason why I feel free to do that. Trust me.

Boo hoo, you  cry babies. Somebody accessed things you wrote on the Internet. Somebody followed a string in a tweet and came to your blog. Somebody didn’t jump to defend you! Bad blogger, bad! Blogger Smash! You make for excellent analysis and blog content. You people pick apart stuff you don’t agree with all the time. You write your slanted opinions and views in response to articles you read on the internet all. the. time. I am not obligated to agree with you. Nor am I in the wrong for sharing my opinions.

If a guy doesn’t meet your ridiculous expectations, you manage to word vomit hundreds of characters dissecting his every wrong move, attack his masculinity and make it about how he’s the problem. Sorry, but you ladies play a big role in the outcome. Yet nobody is allowed to even suggest that without you people flipping out.

There wasn’t any commenting war going on here. See, over here, people don’t take things at face value. We question things so we can learn. I realize that’s foreign to some of you since none of you appear to have the ability to see yourselves objectively. I’m not mean spirited or petty. I write objective reviews of certain situations. I edit or delete comments that I feel go too far. The goal isn’t to shame. Nor is it based on a grudge. The point is to try and pull people back from the dark side so they don’t end up like that particular blogger. It’s to help. Just because it doesn’t help you doesn’t mean it’s not helpful to others.

That Twitter Boycott you all participated in (as well as the fact that you gave people access to a password protected blog without permission. Access you got under shady circumstances, btw) isn’t the cause of my dislike of what you say. I thought most of you were delusional egomaniacs well before that. But when you rolled that out, you opened yourself up. You gave me license to speak my mind about you. I had never been anything but cordial to most of you, and if I disagreed with you, I said it to your faces. Unlike you idiots, who did it behind my back.  But you’d have to have accountability to see that.  If you did, my guess is some of you wouldn’t have the problems you do.

So you can all join hands and sing kumbaya about your fantastic little community. You can write your blog posts and wax poetic about each other. Then you can head back to your Twitter and blogs and dump on people and expose your exes and call people ugly and impotent, all while telling yourselves you’re so above “internet hate.” The proof is in the social media pudding as to whether or not your way works for you. Get over yourselves. Doesn’t make what you do and say any different or less critical.

It’s all very simple. If you don’t want people saying things that might hurt your delicate sensibilities, don’t be an asshole. Or be an asshole, just not on the internet. If you hate the idea of people judging you, then keep your life off the web and write it in a loose leaf notebook and hide it under your bed.

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24 Responses to “Dear Whiny Dating Bloggers….Shut The F*** Up”

  1. Maruska Morena Says:

    What? People are at this again? Now I’m kinda glad I’ve quit blogging. Though I’d go back to blogging in an instant if I had any time to write anything good… or if I had some kind of life.. :)

    • Howard Says:

      “I am always right” That’s why these bloggers are always right alone in the end, yes alone!

      Victims vs Villians
      To play the victim, one needs to create villians. And we know just how much people like to play the victim.

  2. LostSailor Says:

    Oooh. I love a good blogging flame-war! I used to get down in the trenches back in the day. Epic flame-wars on the original, pre-Web usenet, then on Prodigy and Compuserve. (Yeah, yeah, I’m dating myself, but it beats staying home alone…)

    Then I got over myself.

  3. Dimplz Says:

    If you’re an attention whore, start a dating blog. If you want support, buy a bra.

  4. Alix Says:

    The hater thing needed to go away yesterday. If you can’t take the heat get out of the internet kitchen. They all talk a good game but none of them have the grit necessary to handle criticism.

  5. Angel Says:

    And the thing is, it is really not about hating! They are the ones making it about that. We are all children of God, trying to figure things out, and if someone had figured things out that I hadn’t yet, or knew what I was doing wrong, I would so want them to tell me. Especially if I had self destructive behaviors like letting men say disrespectful things to me, and then posting online about it so that other guys can see that I will tolerate that. If I do stuff like that, a friend should point it out to me!

    • dimplz Says:

      I’ve heard the hater thing so many times that I just chalk it up to insecurity. If anyone wants to see real hater sites, let me know. I will email them to you. However, if you have a blog and are allowed to spew your fucking opinions and have a comments section, that tells me you are open to criticism. However, when you delete a comment that points out how shallow or unfair you are being, then you’re just a thin-skinned over-sharer, not a writer. Real writers are quite used to receiving constructive criticism and don’t take it personally. The reason these people take it personally is because they are the subject in all their writing. Simple solution – stop navel-gazing and talk about something where you aren’t the main topic of conversation.

      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        The real irony is that here these people are saying things like “why can’t we all get along” and how dating bloggers should support each other, yet they were the ones to draw the original line in the sand. I don’t understand why they would even expect me to feel any sense of obligation to any of them. Why? Because 2 years have passed? You made a dumb mistake, you drew the line and that’s that. Actions have consequences. Don’t try to sweep it under the rug and hope people forget or overlook your hypocrisy and poor judgment. Why don’t you start by being honest instead of leaving out critical details so you can skew the responses in your favor, kids? The mere fact that they did that just shows what little integrity these people all have.

        But again, this situation is just another example of their inappropriate expectations and lack of accountability. Like I said, it’s not about a grudge. It’s about a lack of obligation I feel to any of them because of choices they made.

        • dimplz Says:

          Oh please. These people with their “community” speak is bullshit. They all pump each other full of delusion. If their attitude worked so well for them, they wouldn’t continue complaining about how they aren’t happy with their appearance or how people treat them badly in the same sentence that they are violating the privacy of others by revealing (very often I may add) identifying details about their dates.
          And being a hater implies that you’re envious. Ok, really? That’s just something your parents told you when you were a kid so you wouldn’t feel like a loser. There is such thing as people just not liking you for whatever reason, although I would think these bloggers would know by now, you’re not fucking Carrie, you will never meet Mr. Big, and you do need to lose the extra weight instead of bitching about it. I know I mentioned “Girls” before, but the best exchange happened in the season finale:

          Adam: You think that because you’re what, 11 pounds overweight that you know struggle?
          Hannah: I am 13 pounds overweight and it has been awful for me my whole life!

          Yeah, dating bloggers, life is so terrible for you. Cry me a fucking river. You sit behind a computer and kiss and tell, and then you get upset when we don’t think it’s deep. It’s not.

        • dimplz Says:

          Oh, and you have a lot more comments and this blog is much more alive than many advice/dating blogs, so I ask you, who’s hating? The ones who tried to boycott your blog and only get a handful of comments. They are the bloggers who seem to be hating on YOU. Why would you need to hate when you have a slew of regular commenters?

          • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

            No, the best part is in one of their little diatribes yesterday, one of them who was all “I’m above the hate!” finishes off her blog post by saying something like “I don’t presume to know why you’re in your forties and single.” See, cuz, she’s bawdy, smokes cigars and loves her scotch (such a guy’s girl!) but is above the hate.

            I love it. These idiots always do the heavy lifting for me. I don’t have to hate on them for people to know what they’re really all about.

            • Trouble Says:

              I just remember the completely ineffectual “boycott” with some degree of amusement. What a bunch of whiny nitwits.

      • SB Says:

        btw, it’s okay to have haters. Not everyone is going to like you, and if you stick up for anything you actually believe in chances are it will be unpopular. Voila! People who will disagree (“hate”) you – thanks to the rappers for redefining that word.

        So, if anything, Jess should be thrilled that someone is “hating on her.” I know I am when that happens.

  6. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    They’re making it about hate so they can all get up on their high horses and lecture everybody about how wrong and bad other people are and how above it all they are. They also want to distract from the fact that they all acted like childish sheep with that Boycott. If they’re bothered by anything, it’s that I brought that up, because they all ended up making fools of themselves.

    They’re not above the “hate.” All they do, day in and day out, is blast every guy who is stupid enough to take them out and make it about the man’s flaws. Or they critique women who succeeded where they failed. They feel totally free to do it, too. They post text exchanges and emails and profiles and it’s all a gas. That is, until the introspection is turned on to them. Then they run to twitter and play the victim so all the other sycophants can come in and tell them how awesome/brave/honest/real they are.

  7. Trouble Says:

    If you have a public blog, you are intentionally putting your words out there into the realm of public discourse, to be discussed, agreed with, disagreed with, and maybe even criticized.

    If you don’t have the stones for that, keep a journal, write in it, and put a lock on it.

    Good god, lady drama bloggers, could you please pull up your big girl panties and understand that writing for the public means that you have to develop a thicker skin than normal?

    It is what it is. If you don’t like it, write a private blog.

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      Just keep that password to yourself lest they get it by sneaky circumstances and distribute it to all their other dating blogger friends. You forgot that part, too, Taylor!

    • Trouble Says:

      p.s. Moxie’s stones are larger than most.

    • Mark Says:

      I follow this site from time to time so sometimes I miss out on things. Especially the nuances. So think I understand the reference but I had to look at the reference to see and to get a perspective. Hmmm.

      Her is the thing concerning the blogger:

      So what?

      I’m serious. If someone is caught up in something then so be it. I don’t know, but most people are not really concerned with what someone says unless it can directly impact them. Especially if it’s in a positive way that helps them with what is important to them.

      If you are finding fault with a great many of the people you go out with then what is the common denominator….You. That especially holds true if you are in a major metro area with a large pool.

      Do what you feel you need to do in an ethical manner. If you find that the pool of potential people to date is lacking then rethink your position. Either in who you are looking for or making yourself attractive to those you are interested in.

  8. Jeanne-Marie Says:

    Regarding the post that got the haters going. I agree with most of what Moxie says. We tend to believe what we want to believe instead of listening to our guts (most of us have intuition that we often ignore). Read the profile and believe what it says. If a man tells you he only wants to date, or he does not act invested move on, he is trying to tell you something. I think blogging or posting on the internet gives too much away. Who wants the whole world to know their secrets; learn to keep your mouth shut. Moxie is an exception since she usually has wisdom and insight into the dating world. If I did not agree with what she said I would just take what I could from her posting and shut up about the rest. If you put yourself in a public forum you deserve what you get.

  9. The Original D Says:

    I’ve been off the grid for a couple of weeks. Can someone fill me in on what’s going on?

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      You could, like, read the blog. Jesus.

      • The Original D Says:

        I did. Nothing in the last couple weeks of articles suggested who is calling you a hater or why.

        • The D-man Says:

          Ah, ok, I see now. I didn’t see that link at the top before. I read that post when you first posted it, but there weren’t as many comments then and that gal’s friend hadn’t jumped into the comment pool yet.

  10. The Private Man Says:

    I read female dating blogs for the lulz. They never fail me. Sometimes they provide excellent fodder for my own blog.

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