Is Your Dating Profile Photo(s) Keeping You Single?

We need to come up with a term for people who continue to look at your online dating profile…over &over again, but won’t email or respond to your emails. – Dark Sarcasm

 

I once had a guy tell me that he continued to look at my profile because “I seemed really cool, but he wasn’t 100% on attraction. Though it’s hard to tell from just a few pictures on here.”

Translation: Plead your case. Tell me why we should meet. I took a look at his questions. He said that he usually needs to email with someone for a couple days before meeting.

Delete. Block.

I think that’s the main reason why people do this. They’re not quite sure what you look like, and they’re not willing to just meet you to find out. People want to know exactly what they’re getting. The last thing they want to do is spend a whole 60 minutes with someone they don’t find 100% attractive on paper. The worst thing in the world for them is to meet up with someone and not be attracted to them. Personally, I think people like this are on these sites because nobody is ever good enough. Expecting immediate and palpable attraction from a one dimensional profile is setting yourself up for failure. I’d say you should meet anybody that you find at least moderately attractive.

People want to see a full face shot and a full body shot. Without those two things, they aren’t meeting you. You need to have, at minimum, 3 photos where you look objectively attractive. You also have to look like the same person in each of your photos. (You can thank all the people who post really old photos for that.)You really shouldn’t have more than 4-6  photos on your profile. 5 is a good number. Why? Because the more pics you have, the more reason you are giving someone to not meet you. Nobody is that photogenic. All someone needs to see is that one shot where your face looks chubby because your head is tilted at a weird angle and you’re tossed into the reject bin.

If you have a lot of people who do view your profile multiple times and don’t email you, that should be a sign to you that you need better photos. Obviously something is attracting these folks. But there’s not enough of whatever it to get them to contact you. Get better photos.

I’m one of those people that is far more attractive in person than in photos. I’m not comfortable having my picture taken. I don’t know my angles, my hair looks crazy if shot from the wrong direction, etc.  Looks-wise, I’m the same in person. It’s my personality that takes me from “moderately attractive” to “sexy.” (If a man is particularly submissive, then my demeanor absolutely puts me over the top.) While I hate the term sexy,  sexy works. Sexy gets you the second date. My features are nice and proportioned. I look good for my age. My curly hair sets me apart somewhat. But only in person do men see the total package. And people need to see that total package. But they won’t see it if your photos aren’t flattering.

Now, for those of you often complain that you never get responses from the emails yous end, you’re being spared a lot of wasted time. A lot of the people rejecting you are people who reject everybody. Again, it’s not about how many responses or dates you get. It’s about the quality of those responses. You should be more concerned with your 1st date to 2nd date conversion rate than how many emails you send versus how many replies you receive.

 

 

 

 

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11 Responses to “Is Your Dating Profile Photo(s) Keeping You Single?”

  1. Allan Says:

    I think it’s unrealistic to sell yourself based on a photo. I could set up a picture of myself on the deck of my boat, sailing in NY bay, but that’s not what I want to sell. I want to meet a woman I enjoy talking to; someone I enjoy being with. Instead I have met emotionally broken women who have thrown themselves at me. Later on when I am not the man they wanted me to be they are angry.

    The pressure is ridiculous, and it comes to early as well. In the space of thirty minutes I feel that I must either be the perfect mate or I sense frustration that I am wasting their time. It would be much better if people did not expect any romance at all when meeting. So the photo should just give one an idea of general looks. It exchanging a few notes doesn’t reveal show stoppers, then two people decide do something that they each both enjoy, meeting at the same time and place. If both people have gone to Ozzy’s for coffee on their own, then there is no hardship going at the same time and using the opportunity to swap stories.

    The stress of expecting romance is absurd. This is why I am much happier doing group activities (hiking, sailing, camping) and then chatting with the women I meet there. If I am interested, I give the woman my card and think no more of it. Whether she is “taken” or not simply doesn’t enter into it because if she is free, and interested, she can call (or email).

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 3

  2. Christina Says:

    People have highly unrealistic expectations, and a deathly fear of wasting their time. Personally, I don’t see how you can truly gauge attraction based on an online dating profile. There just isn’t enough information there. At best, it’s a way to screen for dealbreakers.

    Considering how hard it is to get most people to meet, I don’t see the harm in spending a half hour once or twice a week with different people to see how you hit it off in person. Don’t spend weeks emailing, and if setting up a time too meet turns out to be complicated, forget about it and move on.People pile on way too much pressure and expectation.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 0

  3. Philly Gal Says:

    I completely agree with everything here. There do seem to be more people online now who are obsessed with finding someone just right who are unwilling to do the 1 drink meet and greet. I’m also way more attractive in person. I photograph pretty well, but in person you get my bubbly personality too (and I swear the curly hair does add a certain je ne sais quoi that men dig). I’ll have to cull down the photos and see what happens from that.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  4. John Says:

    Moxie
    This quote from above has me stumped… “He said that he usually needs to email with someone for a couple days before meeting.

    Delete. Block”

    I understand your personal preference is not to email back and forth, but isnt it a bit harsh to be a complete dealbreaker? There are many women who dont mind a few emails or phonecalls. I think to be fair to the guys, you can send your own email (after they initially contact you) stating that you are interested but dont want to talk or email beyond setting up a date. Give them a chance to meet your requirement.

    I would most likely answer that question the same way as far as preferring to have a little back and forth. But if I contacted you and you told me you dont like to operate that way, I would respect that and just look forward to the meeting. If on the other hand the guy still emails, texts and tries to call you, then you have good reason to delete him. He didnt honor your request. But at least give him the chance to see if he does the right thing. He shouldn’t be penalized for crossing the line if it wasn’t made clear to him what that line was.

    Do you state that you like minimal electronic contact prior to meeting in your profile? That would be a way of defining that line. But if you didn’t, it just seems unfair to the guy about your rule when that rule wasn’t communicated.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

    • Angeline Says:

      I think the key here is “he states he needs a couple of days of emailing”. What is he possibly going to get out of that (this goes for either gender) that he wouldn’t get from actually meeting? I did this, wanted lots of time to get to know the person via email first, and you know what? I was in no way ready to date, be open to meeting people, make a mistake or two. The prolonged contact was all about trying to determine if everything was perfect up front. Time wasted, because then there’s so much more invested in the in-person meeting, which loads up something simple with a lot of expectations. Someone who states that they “need” all that interaction online doesn’t get that the real stuff happens in person anyway.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      He was deleted and blocked because he needed 100% attraction and needed to email for a couple days before meeting. Yes, for me, those two things are deal breakers both independently and collectively. That’s indicative of someone afraid to waste their time or someone who has an atypically distorted perception of themselves.

      But at least give him the chance to see if he does the right thing. He shouldn’t be penalized for crossing the line if it wasn’t made clear to him what that line was.

      I don’t have to. There are plenty of guys that aren’t afraid to have a whole 60 minutes of their life “wasted” by having a drink with someone. It’s a drink. This is why I don’t have bad date story after bad date story. I filter.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 2

      • peppermint Says:

        I just don’t get why he had to let you know that he “wasn’t 100% on attraction.” What was the point of that, did he really think that would help his case? If he wanted more reassurance, all he had to say was, “I think you’re cool, let’s chat on email for a bit.”

        I’ll share whatever information you need, within reason, to make a decision but not if you hold it up as a challenge. The burden of proof is not on me to overcome your doubts and reservations. Either you want to meet up or you don’t, we’re both taking a chance here.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 10 Thumb down 0

      • M Says:

        That’s indicative of someone afraid to waste their time or someone who has an atypically distorted perception of themselves.

        If you are deleting and then blocking him, it sounds to me like you are the one afraid of wasting their time. You say its only 60 minutes. But how much time would you spend reading/writing emails or on the phone prior to meeting? Combined, I bets its less than 60 minutes.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 1

        • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

          If someone says something like “I’m not 100% on attraction” they either aren’t interested or are baiting you. Nobody should ever take such bait. The only people who would take that bait are people without options or don’t know their own value. I am neither.

          This is why people get so frustrated. They spin thir wheels and devote energy to people that were neverall that interested in the first place because they feel they have no other options.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  5. LostSailor Says:

    I usually hate photos of myself. The other problem is that I simply don’t have that many good digital photos of myself to choose from. I’ve put up a couple of the best available, but they break some of the “rules” (sunglasses). It’s kind of silly, but I also put up a formal portrait my folks had done when I was six or seven, but that’s gotten a number of mentions in responses. One date a couple of weeks ago did say when we met that I was more attractive in person, so I guess I better discretely ask some friends to take photos of me this summer. And just pray I don’t look too goofy in them…

    Till then, I’ll have to rely on amazingly witty and engaging first mail messages.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  6. fuzzilla Says:

    Did anyone else think “this guy’s photos keep him single because he looks like Jeffrey Dahmer” (the photo up top with article)?

    In the interest of a more substantial comment:

    > “I seemed really cool, but he wasn’t 100% on attraction. Though it’s hard to tell from just a few pictures on here.” Translation: Plead your case. Tell me why we should meet. I took a look at his questions. He said that he usually needs to email with someone for a couple days before meeting.
    Delete. Block.<

    Yeah, that's different than dates taking a while to arrange because of work/family/travel stuff (i.e., legitimately being busy and having a life). Telling you up front he's on the fence on whether you're good enough? The commenter who thought you were harsh seemed to have missed that part. Yep, block 'em and move on.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

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