Here’s an interesting comment that someone left today in response to this post.:
I’ve only been doing this online dating thing for about a week and actually tried what you suggested from the start. I was contacted first by a gal in Croatia (I’m in the US) who just happened to like Asian men, so that was kind of intriguing. But I sent 3 messages out and got 0 responses. Granted, they were really cliche and stupid messages that just told the gal she’s pretty and if she’s interested. You know what I realized after looking at a few similar profiles of guys? Boring, predictable, creepy that he’d ask if I’m interested and not even worth replying to. Women can pick up on all the red flags when you lie, and obviously will if you ever meet them in person. So I figure, why not just go with the honest truth? Omitting stuff that would show your exact location and such of course. Updated my profile 2 days ago. The result?
Your profile is the only profile I’ve actually ever thoroughly read and been impressed by. Kudos!
I received this message from a woman about 30 minutes after I updated my profile. I was so shocked since I was rather insecure about my life right now, so I sent a message to another woman that said she is brutally honest and won’t hold back. She said she really respected the honesty and it was a breath of fresh air. These are opinions from WOMEN guys, so don’t lie if you’re after a real relationship.
Since you linked to your profile in your comment, I took a look. (I removed the link.) And, yes, for the most part you have a great profile. But you’re not understanding why these women are replying to you the way they are.
In your About Me Summary section you reveal that your “useless” father was abusive and didn’t work for twenty years. Then you share that you’re currently putting your brother through college and have become the head of your household and now have all the bills, car loan and house in your name. The piece de resistance is how you expound on how amazing your mother was for staying with your deadbeat Dad just so she could teach her children about how important it is to never give up on something.
You’re citing the 3 responses that you’ve received to this profile as proof that your “brutal honesty” works. You don’t mention actually getting dates from this ad, though. You just mention the responses.That’s the first hint that maybe your decision to overshare might not be the right one.
Basically, you’re pandering in this profile. You’re pretty much making yourself bait for every woman on that site who has an absentee/abusive father. These women aren’t impressed. They’re either identifying with you (Which, for the record, is a bad thing) or they feel sorry for you. Only a woman with an overly romanticized view of relationships/men would find those admissions “brave” and “refreshing.” You put your Mom on a pedestal (and I’m in no way saying you shouldn’t have great respect for her), which appeals and speaks to every woman who has been cheated on, lied to, abused, used or dismissed for being “too intimidating.”These women define themselves by these experiences, which is why they find your profile so great.
You mention your financial stability as a way to convey that you’d be a great provider. Again, this is a great thing and you should be proud of that. But you’re feeding into the distorted images of men that many single women have. You’re basically presenting yourself like some character from a romance novel or prime time TV show. You’re that guy who had the bad childhood and went on to support your Mom and family after you Dad left who has now decided to seek out love. Now, maybe that doesn’t bother you. That’s fine. But women (people, really) to whom this image appeals don’t typically have many healthy ideas or experiences when it comes to dating and relationships.Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t date them. I’m just giving you a heads up that dating them will probably be difficult.
Personally, I would immediately bail on your profile the moment you called your father abusive and useless. Drama. Issues. Lack of respect. That’s not someone I’d want to date. Having those opinions are fine. Sharing them on the internet, before I’ve even met you? Uh uh. No filters. No thanks. You lack boundaries and you appear to like/want an unusually high level of attention. The fact that you linked to your profile in your comment proves that to me. You wanted people to read your profile and tell you how refreshingly honest it was. You’re a liability, and there’s no way in hell that I would get myself involved with someone like that.
I would not hold someone’s childhood scars against them. That is, unless the broadcast those wounds before I got to know them. It’s not the experiences that would deter me. It would be the fact that that person couldn’t WAIT to share those stories that would make me think twice. That, to me, means either he has built his identity around those experiences or hasn’t worked through them.
Now let’s address these emails complimenting you for your honesty. Do you understand that people – men and women – say that all the time? I can remember once taking your approach and writing a “brutally honest” profile. I shared that I ran a business that offered blow job classes. Hey! Guess what? A bunch of dudes appreciated my refreshing honesty. Of course, they also assumed my head would be in their lap after a couple of cocktails. But they didn’t say that, because then I might not go out with them. Complimenting someone’s honesty/writing skills/detail etc is just a way to score points. It’s actually pretty disingenuous.
That, as well as everything else I covered, is why I wouldn’t get so excited about the results of your test.