What Are The Signs of Sluttiness?

Ladies–if you don’t think a man can tell pretty reliably if you’re a slut or not then you’re fooling yourself.  Its a sixth sense to men with at least a moderate amount of experience, especially if they’ve been exposed to the red pill.  Women have a sixth sense when it comes detecting beta behavior or weakness in a man.  Men have a radar for detecting the sluts.  A slutdar. – Gannicus


Oooh. Is Slutdar like Gaydar?

This comment has me muy intrigued. I want to know the signs of sluttiness. I even created a whole new slutty post just to discuss this slutty topic.

For real. I want to know how a man “knows” a woman is a slut. I want to hear alllll about this Sixth Slutty Sense. How does a man tell if a woman is “well ridden?”

Is it that she talks a lot about sex? The funny thing is that I’ve always believed that is was the women who talked about sex the most that actually engaged in it and/or enjoyed it the least. So when I hear a woman yammer about her omigod so amazing sex life or about whatever dude she’s boning or her super power of not getting attached after sex, I tend to think she’s either lying or delusional or both.

Is it because she actually has sex with you? That seems a tad hypocritical, don’t you think. If you’re sleeping with a woman you think is a “slut” then doesn’t that make you a big fat flaming slut yourself?

Even if a woman doesn’t talk about her sex life, she can still be accused of “spreading her legs for any guy who takes her on one or two dates.”  That’s female talk, though. Shaming language borne of personal self-hatred and misery for doing that very thing and being pumped and dumped more times than they like to remember. Or an expression of their own loneliness, as no man wants to have sex with them. Women make such accusations. They need to believe that any woman who puts out before they would gets dumped. If a man does stick around, it’s because she’s a slut. Because, see, sluts aren’t supposed to find love or be happy. They’re supposed to be used and discarded. Like they were. They’ve been told their whole lives that men don’t want a slut. Nothing would shake their foundation more than to realize that that was a lie. That it wasn’t the sex that got them tossed. It was their personality, or their emotional instability, or their neediness. Or, and this is the real donkey punch to the ego, that those men had sex with them despite not finding them attractive. It would mean they’ve wasted years of viable dating experiences. These women convince themselves that, because they don’t get blown off after sex (but they do get blown off), that they’ve somehow spared themselves some form of ridicule. They’ve won. They’re alone and they’re miserable. But at least they can say they didn’t have sex with a man who never called them again. That would be the ultimate humiliation.

So tell me, kids. I want to hear all your slutty theories as to how you tell a woman is a “slut.” I want to here quantifiable ways someone can tell that a woman is a slut. None of this “we just know” bullshit, either. Because my guess is that this is a case of over-programming and too much exposure to the wrong people.

Share, kids. Share!



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72 Responses to “What Are The Signs of Sluttiness?”

  1. Matt O'Neill Says:

    I think it all has to do with their personality. When you first meet a women, how quickly is she wanting to move forward with you? The old saying you “can talk the talk but can you walk the walk”, holds true in this situation (the same for guys). If they suddenly feel so attracted that that person is inviting you back into the bedroom after a first date, don’t be surprised if she’s doing the same with others. Men know this because many do the same thing. People are more easily skeptical if they preform the same bad habits and sly moves.

    • Howard Says:

      Slut is a strange word that women use to describe each other much more than men use to describe women. I am a people person and have come into contact with a ridiculous number of people through sport and dance over the last 40 plus years. Believe it or not, it is extremely rare for me to have heard a man call a woman a slut. On the other hand the number of times I have heard women call other women sluts are countless.

      My ex-wife did it all the time. My current love interest does it, and I am sure to never do it. I don’t even bat an eyelid at it anymore when women feel inclined to disparage each other like this. And that indicts me. Maybe I should speak up, but I am more concerned about keeping the peace and leaving conflict for battles that really matter.

      Now a man is very wary of the woman that may cause him embarrassment. And there are many types that fit into that category. I think this is the radar that you want an insight into. Our mamas warned us about loose women. In spite of that, we like sleeping with loose women if we don’t have disease worries floating around in our heads or looking stupid in front of our friends. There are two types of loose women. The ones that let it hang out there and the sneaky ones. The sneaky ones scare the living daylights out of us.

      People do figure it out. I never imagine why women think they are that smart. There is not a single woman that I have had a relationship for more than three months that I have not figured out her somewhat number of past partners and what sexual acts she has engaged in. I don’t advocate full disclosure or anything that foolish, but don’t try to play the hypocrite and play a guy for a chump. And close to all women feel inclined to do that, because they fear being mistaken for the loose woman. So guys are partially to blame.

      Most men realise their woman is smart enough to figure out what they have done in the past and stay away from the stupid misdirects. There is no need for full disclosure, but also no need to deliberately misdirect. In fact, women calling other women sluts, is a often a form of misdirect. They are trying to put themselves on a pedestal and trying to divert the guy away from thinking that they could be loose.

      I don’t believe there is any special radar about this. Both genders do it equally well. Women play themselves into imagining that the ability they have ends with them and men are somehow stupid. Men let a lot of things slide if the sex is good. But don’t think, he doesn’t know.

      I know quite a few men who are with formerly loose women who are great lovers. The key piece for the men is that they feel there was no overt attempt to play them for fools. Many of us have explored in our lifetimes, but it doesn’t mean we want to continue in that pattern. Now some guys are not mature enough to deal with this. I wish they would grow up. My question to women is this. Do you really want a guy like that where you continually feel the need to play hide and seek with your past?

      I still believe the key denominator in relationships going anywhere, is prizability. People want to believe they have a prize. We all have different things that are important to us. People definitely don’t want to be embarrassed by their significant other, wheter it’s through unexpected loose behavior, or that person somehow seeming to be below their league.

      • Chris Says:

        Howard I couldn’t agree more about the prizeability factor and men not wanting to be embarrassed by their partners actions. I, too rarely hear a man call a woman a slut except when a woman embarrassed him in some sexual way. Example: My cousin is going through a divorce – his favorite name for his soon to be ex is “The Slut” – why? – Because she got caught giving her coworker a BJ in the parking lot on her lunch hour, a company that employs a lot of their friends and neighbors. He now goes to school meetings, grocery stores, church and gets the pity look from everyone in the know. She publicly embarrased him and his own sexuality and for that she will always be a slut in his mind.

        • Dimplz Says:

          As embarrassing as it is, he picked her. I’m sure she didn’t suddenly become indiscreet about her sexual activities overnight. But it was probably ok when she did sexual acts for him in public when they were a couple, because he was the other party.

        • LostSailor Says:

          The thing men value most above all is respect. Indiscretion is the heart of “sluttery.” Public humiliation is the worst thing a man can experience.

          And Dimplz, yes, public sex with her man is hot; public sex with another man is the worst insult.

          I can’t fathom that this is difficult to understand…

          • Dimplz Says:

            And it’s not hard to understand that if she did it with this guy, it wasn’t her first time.

            • Chris Says:

              Dimplz that’s not the arguement – she proably did do a lot of stuff with other men during that marriage that made her a “slut” but she didn’t get caught out in the public until now. The point asked was what makes a guy call a women a slut. And LS nailed it – Public humiliation is the worst thing a man can experience and that’s why she will always be a slut to him and perhaps to lots of other people.

              • Dimplz Says:

                I’m just stating that it was probably a pre-existing condition. There’s no excuse for her behavior, nor do I excuse his. I believe the succinct phrase is “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

  2. wishing u well Says:

    I’m guessing that this pretty much falls under these lines:


  3. dimplz Says:

    I don’t use the word slut or whore in a serious way. I couldn’t give a shit about someone else’s sex life. Women who say things like “Even if a woman doesn’t talk about her sex life, she can still be accused of “spreading her legs for any guy who takes her on one or two date.”” are usually bitter because they think that taking care of their bodies and hitting the gym should mean that they’d be crawling in dates or have men lusting over them, but they’re usually vapid gym rats and freak out if they go over their calorie limit for the day and are boring and insufferable. They think “I’m doing everything right! Why can’t I find someone who can see that?” and the answer is because they’re too superficial and annoying that people can’t stand them for more than a couple of dates.

  4. HB Says:

    I genuinely despise the term slut. The term is used as a way to degrade women in the quickest way possible. I don’t think a woman who has frequent sex with different partners is a slut. The word conjures a dirty/diseased aspect to me. Like a slut would likely engage in unprotected sex with an undiscriminating count of partners. Which I am sure there might be some women out there that do that, but I think it is probably the exception not the rule.

    Being from the south getting a label as a slut in high school wasn’t that hard; you either had to have sex with a guy that wasn’t your “boyfriend” or had sex with your boyfriend and then get dumped. Any exploration by a girl seen as a threat got the label. If you didn’t put out…the ones that did were sluts, regardless of the actual truth.

    A few years ago a friend and I were discussing the stigma of sex when you live in the Bible belt. She was raised in a very conservative Christian family. In her house, it was marriage then sex. Sex was dirty and only sluts or whores had sex…because it was dirty if you weren’t married. So her whole life she believed sex was the awful dirty thing. Then she got married…and instantly the rules changed. Now she was supposed to love sex. Something she had been taught to despise and fear her entire life, and now she needs to be a good wife and “perform”. She said it took several years to get out of that mindset, and vowed that she wouldn’t raise her daughter to fear and hate sex.

    My parents were pretty open when it came to the issue of sex. Unlike most of my friends, they actually sat me down for “the talk”. Sex was never taboo in my house. More than anything it was embarrassing to me to have my parents talk about it. They talked about safety, responsibility, actual aspects of sex ::shudder:: (I also got a book that showed what the make anatomy looked like and how to put on a condom). That being said I also was the last one of my friends to lose their virginity (I was 20). All I knew was that I didn’t want to sleep with some douchebag in the backseat of a car or with someone who would tell everyone I knew the details of that wonderful first time (cause as you know it’s really great for the girl).

    • dimplz Says:

      When I think of the word, I also associate it with having sex indiscriminately and irresponsibly (unprotected, multiple abortions, always having sex under the influence) and since I don’t know anyone who does that (or at least they aren’t telling me about it), I don’t have room for it in my vocabulary.

    • The D-man Says:

      I grew up in the South too. I don’t remember any girls at my high school being called sluts, BUT I do remember there were a couple of white girls who were known for dating black guys, so they were called “n***er lovers.” Ugh.

      This was back in the mid-80s. I asked a girl from there who’s much younger if interracial dating is still a taboo and she said no. Now that I think about it, my sister’s boyfriend is black and she’s never mentioned getting dirty looks.


      • HB Says:

        Well slut wasn’t as popular as “whore” and I remember one girl they called “ally cat”

        It’s the same thing though.

        • Crotch Rocket Says:

          I can’t recall any girl in my HS (early 90s) being called a “slut”, “whore”, “alley cat”, or any similar term of disparagement. OTOH, plenty of girls were reviled for being “prudes”, though most of them were Baptists or Mormons and therefore took it as a compliment.

          I very, very rarely use the term “slut” myself, since my definition is similar to Trouble’s and I rarely happen to associate with such women. Likewise, I only use “whore” to refer to prostitutes, and I rarely associate with any of those either aside from coworkers’ so-called “trophy wives”.

  5. LostSailor Says:

    Moxie, you’ve got two different themes here. How men can tell if a woman is a “slut” and how women use the term.

    First, as I mentioned on the other post, men like “sluts” though most men don’t really use that term except for the more outrageous examples of indiscriminate sexual behavior. There are many “tells”:

    * talking about sex with man soon after meeting him, such as on a first or second date.
    * talking about past partners early in an interaction with a man.
    * overly sexual mannerisms and behavior very early in a relationship.
    * aggressive flirtation
    * sticking your tongue down my throat seconds into a first kiss.
    * sleeping with a man on a first or second date.

    Beyond that, there are other subtle cues that men pick up on that indicate a woman is DTF. We can pick up pretty quickly if you’re into us that way or if it’s going to take more work.

    For guys looking for a short-term thing, all of these are good signs. The more of those signs a woman exhibits, however, the shorter the term is likely to be. Yes, it’s a double standard of sorts, but there is a reason behind it. If a woman is ready and willing to put out early with us, chances are she’s ready and willing to put out with someone else as well. When the prospects are high that she’s going to be stepping out on you, you’ll have your fun and move on.

    Now, I’ll defer to your greater knowledge of how women use the term as an accusation. The problem is not that “men don’t want a slut” because they do, but yes, it’s the pump-n-dump routine. Men don’t want a “slut” for a long-term relationship, for the reasons I mention above. Sure other factors like personality, emotional instability, or neediness could factor in, but it’s the promiscuity that is likely the more important factor.

    It amazes me that more women don’t see this and I blame the “you go girl” culture. I have a friend I’ve know for years who is in her late thirties. Like many, she’s a little overweight, but quite pretty, blonde, funny, with a kind, up-beat personality, and great social skills. But for all the time I’ve known her, she’s had a string of short-term relationships with many men in what I’ll term a very extended social circle. She’s really nice, but is baffled on why she can’t seem to get a guy to stick around. We were chatting a while back and we were talking about dating (she wanted advice on her Match profile) and she outright asked me that question. I pointed out to her that all of the guys she’s dated or had STRs with over the last several years all know each other and thus know her history. She had kind of an “ah-ha” moment, but I don’t know how far it sunk in. I helped her with her Match profile and she says shes getting better responses from guys and has had some dates, but I recently learned that she’s been hooking up with yet another guy who knows all the others. Old habits die hard.

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      Okay, but if a woman did NONE of those things, how would a man know she was a “slut?” That is the question. And the answer is: he wouldn’t. So all of this blather about slutty slut slut sixth sense is just a way to shame women and take them down a peg. It’s bullshit.

      Men don’t want a “slut” for a long-term relationship, for the reasons I mention above.

      Correction. they don’t want to know she’s a slut. That’s the difference.

      • LostSailor Says:

        If she did none of those things and was not DTF quickly then, no, a man would not know that she did the entire Yankees bullpen during the 7th inning stretch last night. But the chances are, if she really is promiscuous, she will do some of those things. Which is fine by me. I don’t know any men in RL that use the word anyway. I don’t and don’t like it as it is shaming language. You asked for examples, I tried to provide them. If a woman wants to sleep with me on a first date, fine with me, I’m her man. And, barring any other personality problems, I will probably like her.

        Smart men don’t want to know a woman’s past, insecure men absolutely want to know and will dig for clues. But the point is not whether she has a past, but what she’s like in the present. If she’s giving the tells and puts out easy, she’s not going to be considered relationship material.

      • Ameru Says:

        they do want the girl to be a slut in the bed, to look great a to show to the parents/friends and a great cook for him and kids. this is a dream girl. my grandma used to say that.

        the questions is – how do you become a slut in bed in you never practice? how do you become a great cook – you cook/practice, correct? So how a girl is supposed to become a slut in bed w her man if she never tried it? if she didn’t practice? are you born being great in bed an knowing the tricks? do books teach/show you? I do not think so..

        and how come men have a radar for sluts? if they sleep with them – they r sluts themselves. I can never understand the sh.t that women get for sleeping with men. If you are single and dating and looking for a partner – how is it possible not to sleep with a man if you want to try to see if you two will work? if you are attracted to him? what really makes me angry is the fact that men can sleep w as many women as they want – and they are proud of it. if a woman does the same- she is immediately a slut. this is just plain wrong.

    • Trouble Says:

      * talking about sex with man soon after meeting him, such as on a first or second date.
      * talking about past partners early in an interaction with a man.
      * overly sexual mannerisms and behavior very early in a relationship.
      * aggressive flirtation
      * sticking your tongue down my throat seconds into a first kiss.
      * sleeping with a man on a first or second date.

      Hate to break it to you, bro, but I didn’t do any of those things when I was single. I work in a male-dominated field, and I’m in the habit of being extremely careful of my image (I travel a lot for work, and if you put off vibes like that with men, even men you know well, you get put into uncomfortable positions as a woman). But, my sexual history probably exceeds yours, because getting sex is easy for women.

      So, am I a slut? Or not a slut?

      I await your answer with bated breath. And amusement. Much amusement.

      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        If all we had to go on were your comments, then id say you fell on the slut side. Ou seem to find excuses to talk about your sex life, you frequently throw aroud innuendo and aggessively flirgt withmale posters. All while insisting that you’re so happy with your marriage. I’m sorry to be so confrontational, but you’re talking out of both side of your mouth here. I mean, how woulld your husband feel if he fread some of your comments?

        • Trouble Says:

          Did I say somewhere that he was a total beast in bed? There. I did. Now I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.

          Actually, we’ve had a lot of open conversations about this stuff. He’s not judgemental. He knows my history (not numbers, but the general shape of things). I do throw innuendo around at times, often in front of him, but it’s generally in the context of sarcastic humor. I think he’d be okay with almost everything I’ve posted here. And, I work in a male-dominated environment, there is probably a higher degree of sexual banter that happens on my job versus other environments, but the guys I work with all know where my lines are drawn, and I’m careful about making that suff clear. Good point, though.

      • LostSailor Says:

        Actually, I’d say non-slut. To me the big part of being considered a “slut” in today’s culture is more about discretion than partner count. A woman who is openly indiscriminate is going to get the label where a discrete woman won’t. Unless we’re considering high-partner count automatically equals “slut.”

        [Whips out sexual history] Oh, yeah? Let’s see…

        I’m sure you have a colorful and varied history. Mine is much higher than the average, but I’ll defer to your greater experience.

        I’m glad I can amuse. I’ll be here all week. Tip your servers and try the veal…

      • HB Says:

        The assumption as I am seeing it; a woman vocal about her interest, and experience with sex is a slut. And those interests can’t be addressed early. I mean that is what LostSailor is saying.

        But how about how a woman dresses, that has to come into the equation too. It’s not just what she says…it has to be what she says, how she acts (maybe drinks and dances), and how she looks.

        If sex is never discussed…does the Slutdar go off?
        If she dresses provocatively, and never talks about sex do you assume she’s a slut?
        If she is vivacious, do you get a vibe from that?

        I think there are men who look for signals that a woman wants to have sex. And they do it early on. If they garner the right feedback they encourage the behavior in order to fulfill their particular desire. If they lose interest early on, they then have the “slut” label to fall back on.

        I am not saying women are not responsible for their actions, but men engage women for casual sex all the time. It takes two; all of these casual partners are viewing the men the same way. However society says its okay for a man and not okay for a woman.

        What makes it worse is that other women support the label and use it against one another.

      • Howard Says:

        Trouble, other women may call you a slut, but men save their judgement for their feet, not their mouths. If he is still around, you have all the answers you need, anyway the ones that really count.

  6. Trouble Says:

    I think it’s interesting how men devalue sexual women by calling them sluts, and promote asexuality of women outside of marriage, and then complain when their wives won’t have sex with them. You know why some women aren’t sluts? They have low sex drive and don’t like sex…even with you. THAT is one of those ultimate forms of karma.

    Is it because she actually has sex with you? That seems a tad hypocritical, don’t you think. If you’re sleeping with a woman you think is a “slut” then doesn’t that make you a big fat flaming slut yourself?

    Male sluts are good. Female sluts are bad and dirty.

    This is probably long, but I think it warrants being said. I’ve had a lot of sex in my life: some of it good, some of it not so good. None of it impacted the fact that I was always faithful in my marriage to my ex-husband, and I’m faithful to my husband (and will be for the rest of my life). Fidelity is in my wiring. I have learned–from my experiences–that I prefer sex in the context of a committed relationship.

    I guess I would say I’m a recovering slut, but not really. I’m still slutty, I just save all that slutty goodness for my man. My total commitment in our sex life is to pleasing my husband sexually, and he’s extremely reciprocal. I’m lucky.

    And, I know how lucky I am, because I had a lot of not-so-lucky sex. I’m not tempted to stray, I know how good I have it. I’m incredibly loyal to him, because he’s worth being loyal to, and that’s how I’m wired.

    The mythological assumptions that men make about women’s sexuality are, much of the time, based in their own insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. It seems to me like a huge percentage of the time, the basis for this territorialism over a woman’s sex life and history comes down to: “I need to be the only one, because if I’m not, she might compare me to others, and I might fall short.” That’s not a strong position, guys. You’re not operating from a basis of strength and confidence.

    It’s one thing to say that you respect women less when they give up their sexuality easily. Okay. If that’s you’re ethical position, get on with your bad self, I can respect it. But, be ethically consistent: If you don’t like women who are easily and openly sexual, don’t sleep with them.

    And if you do, who in the fuck are you to judge yourself as superior? Goose/gander and all that.

    For the record, your judgements don’t affect me personally. I’m married to a guy who likes me as I am, history and all. And, they didn’t affect me when I was dating, because I am sexually selective and I was unwilling to date men with sexual insecurities and hang-ups. A guy who asked my number was, no questions asked, kicked to the curb. I learned that shit the hard way after dealing with my ex-husband’s mental crap

    Anyway…it’s good to express your views. Sometimes, they warrant a rebuttal/counter message. Get on with youd bad selves, and I wish you all the best.

    • dimplz Says:

      As old-fashioned as my mother is, she judged men and women the same way sexually. I guess I picked that up from her, because I have never viewed a man having many sexual partners vs. a woman as being ok. It makes absolutely no sense, and I realized it very young, probably about 16 years old, when I had the revelation that who the hell were boys fooling saying they wanted a virgin, but then going around sleeping with girls? Are those girls the sacrificial lambs who help boys satisfy their desire so they don’t taint the pure virgin they are going to marry? Men are constantly telling women that they have to be the person they want to attract. For example, if I want a fit, hot guy, I have to be fit and hot. Well, if you want a woman who is sexually selective and doesn’t have many partners, YOU CAN’T HAVE MANY PARTNERS EITHER. It’s that simple.

    • Kurt Says:

      Male sluts are only “good” because a lot of women prefer men who sleep around. I don’t know any man, on the other hand, who prefers women who sleep around.

    • The D-man Says:

      “I need to be the only one, because if I’m not, she might compare me to others, and I might fall short.”

      I agree with this 100%. I have my fair share of insecurities and they have popped up in relationships in the past, but fortunately sexual jealousy isn’t one of them.

    • Kurt Says:

      Men do devalue women who are sluts because it is so much easier for a woman to sleep around than it is for a man to do so. Men assume that a woman who sleeps around does so because she enjoys sleeping around and does not want to limit herself to one man. Of course, this type of behavior raises a red flag in the minds of men, because no man wants to commit to a woman like that, as the man would have legitimate fears that the woman would cheat on him and be disloyal.

      Also many women who sleep around do so with men who are out of their league. Men also tend to assume that a women with a slutty past who now claims to want to marry is settling and will always feel as though she is settling.

      • dimplz Says:

        If you learn nothing else from this blog, you and other commenters should know that a person’s sexual history doesn’t directly tie into whether they will cheat. Also, a man/woman who is hot is not more likely to cheat. People cheat because they give in to temptation. You can be fat/skinny/old/young/religious/atheist. Cheating knows no bounds. The only people who are most likely to cheat are people who are dishonest and lack self-control, or are immature and don’t know how to deal with a dry spell in a relationship, or people who don’t value their partner or relationship. How many people you fuck doesn’t matter. You could be trying to sow your wild oats because you only had one woman, or you can want to continue to sleep with more women because you’re insatiable. There are no guarantees in life. I wish people would stop trying to make excuses as to why they won’t date this person or that person. The reason is because you’re Judgy McJudgerson and think you’re superior to them in some way. We all do it. Own it.

      • HB Says:

        It’s funny that you say that a man wouldn’t want to be with a woman who he deems de-values herself. I totally get that.

        However a woman with no self-respect is more obvious in certain ways that sometimes presents itself in ways other than sexual innuendo.

        Like say a woman who is overweight. Say what you will but often times the perception of someone (often female) overweight doesn’t take care of themselves; hence red flag. Do you need to go on a date with this woman to find out if she is a slut? Or are men who pursue overweight women looking for low self esteem?

        Of if a woman dresses provocatively; do you assume she is a slut? Do you need to go on a date to be sure or do you just click “NEXT”?

        By saying that you don’t want someone who de-values themselves…it’s more than just sex.

      • The D-man Says:

        “no man wants to commit to a woman like that”

        Speak for yourself.

  7. Lou Says:

    There’s a high correlation (in my experience) of a girl who gets drunk often in public and a girl who is constantly dtf. A woman who can’t control herself with something as basic as alcohol doesn’t control herself with something as primal as sex.

    • dimplz Says:

      If she gets drink and then has sex, she might be using the alcohol as an excuse for sleeping with men. Lots of women can drink and get shitfaced, and have absolutely no interest in sex. I think you may be watching too much Jersey Shore. :)

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        she might be using the alcohol as an excuse for sleeping with men.
        This is quite true in my experience. Women in our culture are afraid of being seen as sexual creatures, so they generate all sorts of excuses for why they have sex–and alcohol is one of the most popular. However, if they didn’t really like waking up in some strange dude’s bed after every night out getting drunk, they would stop drinking. This is also the motivation behind the faux-lationships we see: it’s an excuse for a woman to sleep with a series of men, usually only a few months each, even though everyone knows there is absolutely no future potential. Yet, by pretending there is potential, it becomes socially acceptable for her to sleep around.

        Lots of women can drink and get shitfaced, and have absolutely no interest in sex.
        I’ve seen a few examples of this, but that’s usually reserved for merely “tipsy” women; the overwhelming majority of “shitfaced” women I’ve met were interested in nothing more than getting laid–which they wholeheartedly denied when they were sober. (Hint: alcohol doesn’t change what you want; it just removes inhibitions blocking you from going after it.)

  8. Ashley Says:

    I also dislike the word slut. Why do we have a derogatory name for the amount of sex a woman is having? This shouldn’t even be an issue. The entire argument of whether or not a woman is a slut is no one’s business but the woman herself. I don’t even feel like reading anyone’s serious response to the concept, or put effort into thinking about it myself because it should be a nonissue. How much sex a woman has should never ever be up for public discussion. It’s that woman’s personal business and who is anyone else to theorize anything about her in that way?

    • LostSailor Says:

      If a woman is discreet and makes sure to keep it her personal business, no one will know how much sex she has in the first place. If she is indiscreet, well, human nature being what it is, the world can be a cold place…

      • Ashley Says:

        I agree. A part of me feels like anyone (man or woman) should be free to talk about their sex lives on their own free will to whomever they like, and whoever they are telling can sit there and listen but it’s still none of their business to judge or inquire further. On the other hand, I do think if you are open about your own sex life, then you are bringing the discussion to the table and people are going to think what they want to think and say what they want to say about it.

        In addition, I know of women who are sexually active and they keep it discreet, but word between men gets around and they share and compare stories and judge her for being a ho. On that note, I would say maybe her mistake is dating too many men who know each other.

        • LostSailor Says:

          We should be able to do a lot of things without being judged, but in real life, should’s got nothing to do with it

          If you talk about your sex life with anyone, you are inherently making it their business of your own free will.

          On that note, I would say maybe her mistake is dating too many men who know each other.


    • John Says:

      I agree it is no ones business with one very important exception- the man that you want to have a relationship with. That’s the catch. the amount of men that have sex with you doesn’t matter until it does. Make sense? And that’s where the frustration kicks in. men care about how many other men have been inside of the women they love. It’s that simple. It’s just an instinct. I simply could not be a proud man and feel like sex is special with a woman who has given her body to many other men.

      As for the amount of sex she has or whether she likes sex? That is irrelevant. I don’t care if she has sex twice a day for 10 years straight, as long as it was in a relationship. Have you ever heard a guy ask how many times you have had sex? No, we only care about the amount of different men and the things you have done with all those men. If its with a man that truly caresfl for you, it’s a complete non-issue.

  9. The D-man Says:

    I think the sixth-sense thing is BS. At best you can say a woman dresses slutty, but you rarely see them except at clubs, which is kind of the whole point.

    At the same time, these girls often have a bitch shield up because so many guys want to get in her pants. And I’ve met plenty of DTF women who don’t give off a slutty vibe. They dress relatively conservatively, often are a bit shy and have professional jobs like teacher, journalist, acupuncturist, business analyst.

    Not that I care one way or the other. I personally love sluts. Guys who get hung up on this are just showing their own hangups.

  10. offensivedan Says:

    I think if the woman is American then she is likely to be slutty in my experience. Women from abroad tend to be classier than the “Samantha Mitchells” of this country.

    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      That’s because, in many countries, a woman who is neither married nor a virgin is deemed a “whore”, which can earn them punishment ranging from being a social outcast up to being raped or stoned to death (aka “honor killings”, as the Bible prescribes). Fear drives their behavior, not “classiness”.

      Women from more evolved Western cultures than ours tend to be more sexually confident, emotionally mature and discreet, so they do act “classy” by our standards–even if they’re having more sex than our “sluts” do.

      So, it’s not really about what you do; it’s about how you think, feel and talk about what you do–and where you do it.

  11. Selena Says:

    For those who evaluate this kind thing: so how many partners does one have to reach slut status? Does it correlate in any way to how many partners you yourself have had? Do you factor in the number of years a person’s sexual history encompasses? Any other factors? Age, etc.?

    • LostSailor Says:

      I think it varies from person to person. And I do think that the number of partners you have affects your evaluation of your partner’s number, assuming you know it.

      Some statistics might help. The Kinsey Institute reports that the average number of lifetime partners for men (30-44 years of age) is 6-8 and for women (same ages) it is 4. For men at the top of the range, 16% have had 11-20 partners, and 17% have had 21 or more partners. For women at the top of the range, 6% have had 11-20 partners, and 3% have had 21 or more partners.

      So, would it be fair to say that a third of American men and 10% of American women are promiscuous? (Assuming the guys aren’t pumping their numbers, so to speak, and the ladies aren’t discounting a few old flings…)

      As I said elsewhere, it’s more about the discretion someone shows while spreading their favors far and wide. Since the word was always used as a shaming word, if it’s not generally known, the term can’t be applied, can it?

  12. Craig Says:

    I for one don’t have a “slutdar”. My focus was on how hot a chick was and how much I enjoyed her company. If she’s banged a lot of guys before me, that has nothing to do with me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I don’t mind being with a so-called slut as long as she meets two conditions:

    1. She’s only a slut with me during the time we’re coupled up.
    2. None of her past partners are anyone I know.

    As an aside, I think it’s totally hot that Trouble finds excuses to talk about her sex life, frequently throws around innuendo, and aggessively flirts with male posters, as Moxie put it. It’s all annonymously done on a message board and thus totally harmless. That’s what makes her fun. Trouble, don’t ever change baby. Haters gonna hate.

  13. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    Right. I’m sure you’d be thrilled to hear that your wife panders for male attention on the internet. Really? You’d want your wife going to blogs talking about how she likes to be called a naughty girl and likes to be spanked? Please. And you’d be okay with her sharing personal details about your sex life because it’s anonymous? Okay. Sure.

    • Trouble Says:

      He already knows that I talk about sex on the internet, Moxie. We talk about almost everything. Say I wrote titillating stories about former sexual encounters up and posted them on the internet…I don’t think he would care, as long as it was anonymous, there was no way for it to be linked back to us in real life, and I brought the sexual energy home to him. You have written erotica using your actual identity and posted it in your blog, so why the sudden fit of self-righteousness?

      My husband knows I’m a flirt and a smart-ass. He knows I post comments on blogs and forums, he’s read a lot of them. We knew each other for years when we got married, and we don’t have secrets. I’ve been on dozens of business trips while we’ve been together, and while I’ve often met my male co-workers for a drink and a laugh, I’ve always excused myself by 9 p.m. to go upstairs and call my husband and go to bed. And, I tell him everything that happened, what was said, what was done, who acted the ass, and then I always tell him, “and now, here I am, going to bed alone, thinking about you. I can’t wait to get home and fuck you silly.”

      This is fluffing. I’m not going to lie, I’m a total cock tease. I don’t have any intention of becoming emotionally connected to anyone here. I love playing around with Craig because he’s totally safe–he’s a married guy who is crazy about his wife-but really, every man who posts on this forum is safe to flirt with, because we’re all anonymous. No one knows who I am, there is no opportunity for people to hook up, we’re just playing around here. Personally, I like a little wink, a little laugh, to remind myself that I’ve still got it, and then I save that shit up for my man.

      I’m sorry that my conduct as a newlywed doesn’t fit your image of how married women should act. But, you should ask yourself…how do people keep it interesting, creative, and fun for years on end? We’ve been together for five years now and we’re in our late40s, and we still have sex 3-5 times a week, if not more, depending on our schedule.

      With married people, you either find a way to keep it interesting, or your sex life fades into obscurity. I’ve already lived that dream and have no intention of repeating it. To me, all that matters is that ultimately, everything belongs to me and him. Talking about sex turns me on, which gives me something to share with him. That’s win/win.

      Plus, I’ve always loved talking about sex. Must be a former slut thing.

      • Trouble Says:

        I do apologize, though, if I’ve been a little over the top recently. He’s been on a boat in the pacific for the past month, and all we do is e-mail. I’m a little pent up. Fortunately, he will be home in a week.

    • Craig Says:

      Moxie – If my wife is having a little anonymous fun on a blog, I have no issue with that. As long as it’s me alone she comes to for her actual physcical release. When you’ve been with someone for years, a little harmless flirtation outside the relationship keeps things fresh and exciting when it comes time to meet in the bedroom. I have no delusions that my wife is always only thinking about me when we’re doing the deed. But I’m the one who benefits. Women are allowed to have a spank bank too. As a fellow married person, I totally get where Trouble is coming from. I’m on the same page.

      As far as the Mrs. sharing details of our sex life. I wouldn’t mind that either – as long as she’s telling everyone what a superstar I am in bed along the way. Who doesn’t want that reputation out in public?

  14. Jada Says:

    I figure guys know I’m a slut when the alarm on my phone goes off every 4 hours to remind me it’s time to take my valtrex, and when I tell them I take cash or credit cards. No checks, please! Or does that me a whore and not a slut?

    Fuck all you PUA douche bags and I hope you choke on your red pills. I don’t give a good god damn that you think I’m a slut because I like cock and I like to fuck and I’ve been known to do it within hours of meeting someone.

    Words only have the meaning you assign them. Call me whatever you want.

  15. EnTAOwed Says:

    Slut should only be used as a subverting, empowered self expression, erotically between affectionate parties, & as a good natured joke. Really defining woman in a shaming & pejorative way as a slut is a vicious immaturity.

    Insecure men might want to know a woman’s history out of jealousy. Some absent any insecurity just wants to know the whole lady Needing not to know is a kind of insecurity.

    It is unbelievable (I am a guy) that we still have such strong sexual hypocrisy & shame that we critique woman who are like US in desire. Sure, some act from neediness for sex-should they be condemned? But we fantasize & pray for grrrrls who love cock & are attractive & available.

    Yes, having many partners does not show that one will be worse with monogamy. Because of hateful stereotypes it may be in the self interest of woman to wait just a bit to be with men. Not because there is anything wrong with it, but because many “boys” who otherwise might be good relationship material will devalue & disrespect a female for doing exactly what he loves & will routinely try to do. Instead of being grateful.

    • John Says:

      Well, why we are it, we should do away with this terrible inequality in access to sex. Why should women have such easy access to sex while men must compete for it? I think it’s totally sexist and awful for this inequality exist.

      Lol, get my point? There is no double standard, it’s merely a different standard because of our biological differences. Pick your poison. Both sexes have powers and weaknesses that are inherent. Want to change this? Great, I’m all for it. I’m sure if women got a healthy shot of testosterone and grew a penis, had to perform, had to be bigger, faster, stronger, smarter, more chamomg, confident, talented, funny, successful or handsome then the gal in order to have sex with a decent looking guy, then their would be no double standard. But nature doesn’t work that way.

      Do I care if a women has had sex with tons of guys? No, if she is just a good time. But if I am too devote my heart and soul to her do I care? Yes, I have no choice. Why would I fight my natural instinct? It’s like asking a gay person why they are attracted to men. It’s just innat
      Of course, circumstances are relevant as well. At 32 and iny peak attractive years, I absolutely care. If I was 45 and I met a young women who has a promiscuous background, them well I may not care as much because I understand my position and where I stand on the food chain.

      You are probably a single dude, right? When I was single and just looking for a good time, I could care less and women probably thought I was confident
      And secure. Lol, of course because I didn’t care about their past. I just wanted to have some fun and get laid on the steady.

      Look at facebook. There is a new phenomenon- the union between promiscuous alpha female and beta “nice guy”. It’s a perfect union because both are settling for each other. Both are less desirable to the most desirable men and women. Less attractive beta males get accesss to sex with a women that they would otherwise be invisible to sexually, and promiscuous women get access to a guy that will treat them in a way no alpha males will. It’s natures way of balancing things out.

  16. mair Says:

    Haven’t even read all the comments but I’m a success story brutally rapes as a teenager many issues had sex with a guy who literally spit on me lately I was ‘too good’ fuck anyone like that what morons. He works with me and mocks me to the other losers I find it hilarious i find the ‘slut’ thing homoerotic

  17. mair Says:

    Haven’t even read all the comments but I’m a success story brutally rapes as a teenager many issues had sex with a guy who literally spit on me lately I was ‘too good’ fuck anyone like that what morons. He works with me and mocks me to the other losers I find it hilarious i find the ‘slut’ thing homoerotic

  18. mair Says:

    Still hurt though-

  19. Maargen Says:

    This is so strange. Whole site devoted to discussion of human mating behavior with rarely any mention at all of the effects of human physiology.

    Do you all really think that the term ‘chemistry’ is purely metaphorical? It isn’t at all metaphorical! It’s the foundation of human sexual interaction.

    If you’re all so interested in discussing human sexual behavior, why not spend some time on sites that give scientific information about the subject? There is a LOT of it out there, yet I rarely see actual information reflected here – most often there’s a lot of judgement based on ignorance.

    Women who don’t understand themselves and their bodies behave in ways that cause confusion for themselves and for men.

    Learn something:



    Then think. If MOST people out there are behaving in total ignorance of science in general, and human physiological science in particular, should we be surprised that they don’t know why their relationships fail?

    To discuss sexual behaviour and relationships whether long term or short term without discussing physiology is like discussing why the tides come in without having any knowledge at all about gravity. It’s not really discussing reality, it’s discussing ignorant perceptions of reality.

    Sluts. Really. Because if a woman is attracted to one guy, she’s attracted to all guys equally. And all guys are basically the same to a woman, they only differ in how they treat her and how much money they have?

    Or maybe a woman who has sex with one guy based on her physiological attraction to that specific guy won’t have sex with another guy, since he leaves her cold. How can a guy know what her level of attraction to other guys are based on her level of attraction to him??

    If he thinks he knows, it because he knows nothing about female physiology. Unfortunately, too many women don’t either.

  20. Jaylin Says:

    The way she dresses/what she wears and how she wears it (wearing a necklace that says sex doesn’t exactly spell decent or innocent), dances, walks, poses for pictures, the type of pictures she posts on facebook to people she doesn’t even know. The way she carries herself. The way she looks. I can spot a “slut” a mile away just by the way she looks, its like some girls are born to be a slut, they have like the facial construction of a slut… Or maybe its just the way they apply their makeup.

    Oh lord the way they stand, the way they talk, their habits. The things she says, her attitude. Hair style also can contribute to it. Too many fake stuff. Also being too open when I barely know you, telling be the size of your boobs 1st off.

    Oh and most likely she makes the 1st move, she’s one of those eager sluts high in confidence and sexuality she knows what’s she’s trying to sell works because she’s tried it with a 99% success rate.

    I’ll get crucified for this one a lot of them (NOT ALL) smoke and/or drink sorry. And sometimes the laugh. I can also spot a sluts laugh and what hair colour she has when I hear her over the phone.

  21. L Macbeth Says:

    This argument would benefit from a dictionary definition of ‘slut’, as the semantic meaning appears to have shifted?

  22. Lele Says:

    There is no reliable “slutdar”. Men who trust their “slutdars” are the easiest to fool. Only background checks work. Or trying to catch her red-handed, if you are the cunning kind.

    I remember a conversation with a guy from a Muslim country, where I asked him why men from his country go back to their country to look for a wife when “their” women are here, too. His answer: because that way they will know her history. Wise man.

    A smart Western man who doesn’t want to commit into sluthood, knows that we are in a market for lemons and assumes she’s a slut until proven otherwise, and he acts accordingly (he may be or not fine with that).

    Women who try to persuade men that sluts are viable long-term partners will only succeed with naive ones. Nature hardwired men with an instinctive repulsion towards promiscuos women for a reason. Likewise with men who try to convince women that women should be happy with beta men. Nature has got millions of years experience, what about you? Ignore her wisdom at your own peril. Yes, nature is a bitch. That’s because life is a bitch. Grow up and accept it.


  23. GM Says:

    Sorry, there are double standards..

    One small example would be crying… Acceptable for women over many small things, not acceptable for men..I doubt many women would be attracted to guys who cried almost daily over any small thing.

    I am pointing out that sex is vastly different for men and women.. That is how we are made.. Even the girl who says she has casual sex without emotions points out the sex she had was with people she was already emotionally connected to, her friends.

    I have found that the most insecure women are the most sexual. Making a guy cum seems to be a quick fix for their insecurities. of course aftewards they feel like trash, or are so cold that they lack feelings completely.

    I have NEVER met a secure, balanced, confident woman who could just have sex, get up, leave, and feel happy never seeing the person again. And with HPV today, its also a matter of life and death-cancer.

  24. Billy Budd Says:

    I don’t use the term slut, or whore. I don’t know many men who do actually. I think this is part of an anti-male, feminist stance some women have embraced that men are basically shitheads. I am not interested in dating women who are reputed to be promiscuous. For reasons that seem so obvious to me that I won’t natter on about them here. And I most certainly don’t have any such sixth sense about how many men a woman has been with in her life, or last six months. If a woman is non-discriminating in matters of sex, then they will invariably acquire a reputation for it. That’s how men know. And they get those reputations because many men talk. It’s adolescent and insecure I agree, but it’s reality.

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