Servicey! – How To Meet People Offline

I was reading this blog post this morning about’s newly rolled out Stir Events.

But I want to try something new. I’m so over online dating (for now), speed dating makes my skin crawl (sorry but it does) and most events are poorly produced and/or aimed at youngins.

Let’s talking about getting offline.

I mentioned recently that I changed the copy of our speeddating events to read:

Aren’t you tired of emailing back and forth with that person from or OKCupid only to end up being blown off or disappointed? Here’s a fun and easy way to cut to the chase, save time and have fun all at the same time.

Join other single professionals for an early evening happy hour, topped off with about 7-10 rounds* of “mini-dates.” You’ll meet each member of the opposite sex for 5-7 minutes each (depending on the size of the event), turn in your dating card and then we’ll send you the contact info of your mutual matches 48 hours later. On average, 80% of those who attend end up with at least one or two mutual matches.

Why only 7-10 rounds? The more choices in front of someone, the less likely they are to  choose and focus on one specific person. We like to avoid replicating the “shopping cart” mentality that occurs with online dating.

Once this copy kicked in, our speeddating registrations in both Boston and NYC doubled. That is not an exaggeration. I am convinced it has to do with the reference to the shopping cart mentality that online dating creates.

I’ve also mentioned that I am one of those people whose attractiveness is more noticeable in person rather than on paper. I doubt I’m alone in that. I think now, more than ever before,  people need to incorporate both online dating as well as offline events into their rotation if they hope to meet someone new or special. Online dating has become intensified. People are much more likely to say “Next!” now. People are also becoming very insulated to the point where they think of nobody but themselves.

So, because I’m so servicey, I wanted to offer some suggestions, guidelines and recommendations to make your offline dating as productive as your online dating.

1. Attend an event alone - I know. You don’t want to show up alone in case you, like, get forced to make 5 minutes of conversation with someone unsavory. Come on. Grow up. Polish off those Big Girl Shoes and brush up on small talk and learn how to work a smile. The reason why singles/social events tend to draw more women than men is because women always bring friends because they can’t be alone. Guys attend these events by themselves all the time.

2. Learn to read signals - If you’re making conversation with someone and they excuse themselves, let them go and leave them alone. They’re being gracious. Don’t follow them around and hound them. If they wanted to talk to you, they would.

3. Learn how to make a graceful exit - I’m not going to lie. Singles events do attract a percentage of people who are socially awkward. But you meet those types of people everywhere. As an adult, we all have to learn how to deal with people like this. If you have to resort to being rude, then you’re as stunted as that person trailing you around the bar.

4. Remember – You get what you pay for – If you want to meet quality people, then attend an event with an admission fee. Free events tend to attract a lot of the people you don’t want to meet. If you’re someone who doesn’t like spending $25-$35 on an event in a major city, then you need to hang out in the suburbs. Nothing irritates me more than when someone attends an event with no concept of what was actually spent to develop it. (Granted, most people don’t.) The bottom line is that if they meet someone, it was worth it.If they didn’t, it was “poorly produced’ or some other excuse. To be fair,sometimes that is true. Things happen. It’s happened to us. But usually, the person complaining came to the event with a rancid personality/attitude.

5. Respect the age ranges - Ok. Buckle up. This one has bite. Ladies, if you’re in the high end of a specified age range of an event, you’re wasting your time. You will be surrounded by women younger than you. Yeah, I know. You’re a young looking 40, 45, 50. Guess what? Those 30 year olds are young looking 30 year olds. Guys? If an age range is, say, 37-49 and you’re 57, then you’re too old for the event. You can attend, of course. But you, too, will be wasting your time, as the women who register are looking to meet men in that age range. You will be considered that ‘creepy’ guy. People pay for these things to meet potential dates.It’s our job to provide that. When someone ignores the rules, they not only make themselves look bad, but they negatively affect the experiences of others and that’s not fair.  I get emails all the time from people asking if they should register for an event even though they’re X amount of years outside of the age range. What they’re actually looking for is a private invitation. Just by asking, they know the event probably isn’t for them. They want the organizer to tell them that they’re welcome. You have to understand that hosting an event for the over 50 crowd can be difficult in that it’s very, very hard to get men to attend. Especially when you have disgruntled 40something women running to the internet complaining about the dearth of “decent” single men. Also not helping, like with the case of Match’s Stir Events, is having a bunch of women who do nothing but gripe about dating and who never seem to meet anybody up to snuff promote your parties. The Evangelists are an important and telling part of a marketing plan. Just FYI.

Now, as for where to go:

*Both OKCupid and have launched a series of offline events. Great. My guess is that both of these sites are using the event channel to generate new subscribers/profiles. The events themselves aren’t going to generate much revenue. But the subscriber fees that come from outside members that want to attend will, which is what I believe the true goal is. (I think both Match and OKCupid allow for people to register for themselves and friends without requiring that the friend create a profile.) Supporting that theory is that I logged into my Match account, clicked the Events tab and was told that I had to be a subscriber to attend an event. I clicked the link that said “subscribe now” and was directed to a page that listed the various paid membership tiers. Apparently, you have to pay to see a list of upcoming events as well. No, that’s not a “small fee” that people will have to pay. That’s a big fee of anywhere from $40-$100 something dollars.  I tend to think that the “interest based” events will be few and far between and they’ll focus more on the free happy hours, as that might get them more bang for their buck. If you’re a paid member of Match you’ll see that, for NYC, all they have posted are two free happy hours. Like I said above, keep your expectations low for anything that is free to attend. But you should attend.Try to get in on one of their smaller, special interest events if you can. They appear to fill up in an oddly quick fashion.

*Niche events - Cooking classes, snow boarding classes, etc are all a great way to meet new people while learning something new. The fewer the people participating, the less likely you have that shopping cart mentality working against you.

*Speeddating – I’m not just saying that because that’s part of my business model. When I deal with an online dating client who appears awkward or shy or struggles to make conversation, I suggest speeddating. Speeddating provides you with multiple opportunities to talk to strangers. That is a key social skill. If speeddating “makes your skin crawl” well then guess what? You’re a social fail, too.

* - I would suggest the groups that focus on hosting small gatherings or special interests. Not the ones that have the free to get in blow outs at clubs and trendy lounges. They’re nice every once and a while, but they are meat markets and usually draw the non-city people. The reality is that if someone lives in a big city, they expect to pay for something and don’t complain about it. The people who regularly to exclusively attend the free events are usually the people who live outside the city or who don’t like to pay for anything. Yeesh all around.


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33 Responses to “Servicey! – How To Meet People Offline”

  1. Carlos Says:

    For what it’s worth, I went to two events hosted by OkCupid and despite being more expensive than the norm, they do put on very enjoyable events and attract a lot of, in my opinion, quality people. I didn’t feel the aura of desperation for finding someone that I normally get when I’ve gone to singles events, which makes it a lot more fun for me. I will definitely do another one soon.

  2. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    The reason I’d be more likely to choose an OKC event is because they *haven’t* hosted one of those huge free happy hours that I can tell.

    With Match, I don’t trust the fact that someone has to subscribe in order to see the list of events or attend. OKC is a free site. If people have to create profiles to view events, at least the platform is free.

  3. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    I’m skeptical about these online dating sites taking things “offline.”. To me, the very purpose of online dating is to maximize social opportunity while minimizing immediate competitive social pressures and resulting anxiety. A singles “mixer’ is the exact opposite. Sure you know everyone is single, but its a smaller group, and I can imagine such a scene to be very competitive with lots of overly confident guys spitting “game” and shy people standing in the corner. Thanks, but I don’t need to pay for that experience. That was just life before online dating. The people who benefit don’t really need to use online dating to begin with.

    What I like about speeddating is that it eliminates that competitive social pressure. Sure, everyone will want the same few people, but at least you’re not elbowing people to get an opportunity to speak to them.

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      I think the event channels are added mainly to draw in new members/profiles. So it’s not like they’re turning away from their core business model. They’re just finding ways to add to the original business model by creating a new way to drive memberships.

      If I had to speculate, and this is purely speculation, Match’s memberships are decreasing. People are jumping ship because they’re tired of paying for something that doesn’t deliver much return on investment. I signed up for HowAbout We a few time sover the past 2 years, and lasted maybe a week each time, because everybody on there is on OKC. Why pay for something that I can get for free? I also tried Nerve and had the same experience. Plus, it’s free to create a profile, but you have to pay to message. I think people create free profiles all the time to see who is on these sites, thinking they’ll pay *if* someone spectacular messages them. And then they never pay the membership fee. So people are contacting folks who aren’t capable of replying.Very frustrating.

      Leaving me more convinced that this is just a way to drive revenue is this quote from one of the blogs I linked to in this post:

      They [Match] also revealed that they’re actually not focused on using events to create a new revenue stream but instead want this to be a perk to boost membership.

      Right. Match is the first business in history to *not* do something to make money. How altruistic. Technically, what she’s saying is the truth. The events themselves are not going to generate revenue. Things like sushi making classes and wine tastings are pricey to produce. $45 admission fee will cover the event overhead and maybe a host fee. The memberships created to view and attend the events will generate the revenue for the site.

  4. alan Says:

    These are all good suggestions. I would also add: go out alone to a decent restaurant in your neighborhood (frequently so you are a regular)serving food and drink at a large bar and be friendly (to the servers and the customers) and see what develops. You can just have a cocktail or a glass of wine and stay for 40 minutes if there is noone to interact with that evening.

    Changing the subject, personally I have disregarded the “respect the age ranges” suggestion here and seem to remember Moxie’s events have had slightly different advice about that in years past (I haven’t gone to one of her small mixer events in three years ). If you are outside the age range and don’t want to be the creepy old guy, you have to be very careful not to intrude on anyone’s time at these events “uninvited”. That means being sensitive to social cues and if you aren’t wanted, promptly bid your adieus. Some of the crowd will consider you creepy no matter what. Just don’t waste their time or yours. But I met my girlfriend (more than a decade younger than me) at a Moxie-sponsored event (I was 56 and I think the date range was to 45 plus or minus) and that wasn’t the first time I met someone and had a good dating experience. To me it was a low cost way to begin an evening. If I sucked or there was noone there for me I moved on to Plan B as described in the previous paragraph.

  5. alan Says:

    one last point about attending fee-based small format mixer-type events including speed dating events. You cannot discount the importance that substantially all the attendees are “qualified” shoppers. They are paying money and investing time to meet people in the flesh. This is a true advantage versus random shopping at a restaurant.

    • VJ Says:

      I think there’s something to that sort of ‘sliding age’ requirement thing Alan. While many of us can and will be self delusional about this point, (I look younger/Don’t act my age/Feel a decade younger/People tell me all the time that I look like a teen), there are others who can play the course & venue reasonably well. This does not mean the well known ‘corner creepster’ or ever reliable ‘lurking ageless cougar’, but perhaps a circulating cast of slightly older characters that might ‘try on’ the venture and see what comes of it. I’d even suggest this for some ‘mature’ members of the younger set perhaps too.

      But be that as it may, all the ‘algorithms’ have more to do with managing the cash flow, and warm bodies into the event than any other aspect of ‘behavioral engineering’. The cash comes first for consideration, then throwing together anything slightly plausible and less likely to cause a riot or severe disappointment.

      But I’m also a great believer in some sorts of serendipity too. Not of the insipid sorts, (‘cabbages & kings’) but of the more inspired ones. There’s plenty of older gents out there who can and have mastered the art of conversation. This seemingly is a truly rare development in many folks under the age of 40 say. Well I recall being at some all too loud & raucous college mixer stuck in a hard corner with a fellow grad student, a proverbial ‘tall dark & handsome’ engineer, foreign born, and talking away about his recent sintering project. We had a good laugh, and there was likely not a gal in the place who’d understand a wit of it. So no ‘babes’ were snagged on the night, but it still proved to be entertaining enough. Now sure, that’s not really ‘the task at hand’ here. But the secondary object is to have a good time and be entertained by something other than the TV or the limited confines of the net, with real human contact & interaction and all.

      So if you were betting men& women, you’d more than likely find someone your own age and with similar interests and goals to play with. But it never quite works out like that. Despite her growing up with music, I know far more about it in many aspects than does the wife. Many couples are not matched precisely on ages too, and there’s quite the range of possible & real matches out there, up & down the scale.

      So if everything was working perfectly fine or even reasonably, you’d not be in the ‘over 35/40+’ group set looking for a LTR/BF/GF etc.. But the ‘set’ of coupled folks who’ve been stable for 20+ years is now a minority of the adult or even adult married population. It’s not exactly that we’re freaks, but that perhaps we’ve seemingly found unlikely solutions to some of the common problems that plague the rest of the ‘seeking’/looking population. Sure like myself, much of that came in the pre-net era (it did exist). Hell for some of us, it came before the advent of cheap long distance calling too!

      Be that as it may, no algorithm is going to replace human intuition. No profile is going to tell you even a fraction of what needs to be known. You just need to get out there and start interacting with more people. Real live people. And that’s more helpful than almost anything else. This is not to knock the usefulness of online dating as a sort of Introduction Service, and even for a kind of meta ‘grocery store’ mentality either. You can sort though a larger range of likely prospects more quickly if you truly know what you’re doing and are dedicated to the proposition that the search Does have an end point and it Will End someplace, & Soon.

      The numbers tell us that about 1/4 to perhaps 1/3 of married partners met ‘online’ somehow. That’s quite a lot of people. Somehow they all stumbled into each other in one way or another. Creating opportunities for this to happen ‘naturally’ is well but another opportunity to monetize another aspect of everyday life. SSDD. Not every puzzle piece has a logical solution or even a logically sounding one. If you’d told me oh 30 years ago that I’d be married to the woman I am, and that 30 years hence I’d wind up where I’d wind up, I’d not have believed any of it. It’s just so damn unlikely. Not fairytale unlikely, not even unicorns unlikely. ‘Deliverance’ (James Dickey) unlikely. I now live in a small mostly rural county down in Ga. We’re famous for our snake handling ministries. The BBC made it one of their only stops worth of mention in Ga. Go figure.

      So life’s strange. My wife’s stranger & I’m perhaps stranger still. I led her way down south towards perdition, and we’ve somehow thrived. When we met, her offices were in Princeton. We now still have offices in NYC. Cheers & Good Luck, ‘VJ’

  6. AP Says:

    I actually went to a Match happy hour stir event last month. It was listed from 7-10pm. It was pretty dead until 8pm, after which there was a huge influx of people, and the room became quite packed in a span of 20 minutes. There was no age requirements for this event, so it was all over the place in terms of how old or young people were. Most were casually dressed but appropriate, but a few guys wore full suits (tie included) in comparison to others who came under-dressed in flip flops & shorts.

    As someone described above, there was definitely a lot elbowing going on. Of course, the more physically attractive were sought out by many, while others were wallflowers or better yet stayed engaged by playing with their phone. You could also tell some people just came to have fun & hang out with their friends, and there were others who completely expected to find their spouse right then and there. It was a VERY meat market environment.

    Funny story: my friend had a date with a guy at 930pm and chose to come with us for the start of the event. And guess who ALSO shows up…her date! Kind of awkward they were both wandering around at a singles event right before their date, which was on the other end of town. They pretended not to see each other, and apparently did NOT bring it up when they did meet up for drinks later. However that turned out to be their last date. So YES, there’s also that horrible scenario of when you’re in the first few dates of seeing someone, and then you both bump into each other at a singles event, which gives the impression you’re hoping to upgrade. Hilarious for the friends involved though and very entertaining to watch :)

    • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

      There was no age requirements for this event,

      I thought that all of the events were developed according to some algorithm that the site designs? From the blog:

      My favorite thing about this – each Stir event is customized through a group matching algorithms in terms of age, gender and interests so that singles will be attending events with like singles.

      In theory, that sounds great. In practice, it’ll never work. These events will not be a targeted group of people. Not even the special interest ones. It’ll be comprised of whomever signs up.

      • AP Says:

        Oh really?? I guess that means only people who fall under this certain algorithm can even “see” the specific event and choose to RSVP then? It’s quite possible. The event listing had no age requirements, so I assumed it was open to all. I didn’t realize you had to be “chosen” However, you are each allowed to bring 3 friends, and there are no age requirements for these friends. So my friend who invited us was 32, but his 3 friends he brought as his guests ranged from 27-41. That kind of skews their algorithm.

        ps- this also explains why my friend emailed me about a pizza making event, but when I went to my Match tab of events, I didn’t see it listed today. thanks for solving the mystery, detective moxie!

  7. Eliza Says:

    to AP–so since people are not able to see events based on their age…there will now be an added reason to lie about being older! lol Just what is needed.

    • AP Says:

      Well, I don’t think people have figured out that much detail about the Match events yet. I actually did NOT know about the whole algorithm until this blog post by Moxie. If you see 2-3 events listed for you, you just assume that’s all everyone is seeing. If people are going to lie about their age, they just will…it won’t be because of these events!

  8. John Says:

    The most informative post I think you ever did was titled “How to Win at OKCupid”. Would you ever consider doing a similar post on “How to Win at Speeddating” ? You have the vantage point of seeing what types of questions to ask, what not to ask, etc. For instance, is it better to ask the standard questions such as “What do you do for a living, ever married, etc. Or is it better to ask non cliche questions such as “What was last book you read or last movie you saw, etc”

    Are the members of opposite sex more inclined to be impressed with the different approach as opposed to the standard? I imagine that due to the time constaint, you would talk different topics than if you just started chatting someone up at the bar. But again, thats just a guess on my part and therefore the request.

  9. Eliza Says:

    I find it much easier, to go out with friends, and meet people face to face, without resorting to these events or speedating. Keep it simple. You go out, you smile, and you are outgoing, and if it’s meant to be and you meet someone you connect with–great. if not, there is always another time. I find that these events attract mobs of people and they all feel pressured to meet that special someone. Not fun. And as for on-line dating, it’s too time-consuming, and just back and forth emailing/texting or stupid IM’g–like an endless ping pong game. No thanks.

    • John Says:

      “I find it much easier, to go out with friends, and meet people face to face, without resorting to these events or speedating”

      The problem with this approach is that you dont know who is available and who isnt. For example I went to a bar recently with some friends to see a band. The group of people I was with had around 10 of us. I knew 3 of them. The other 7 that were there were either married or had boyfriends. So I met 7 new people but they were off the market. From a social perspective that was fine. But from a dating perspective it wasn’t.

      The thing about speeddating or online dating is that in the majority of cases, the people truly are available and presumably dont have significant others. So it isnt about just meeting people. It is about meeting avaialble peple. Big difference.

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        So I met 7 new people but they were off the market.
        And how many single friends did those seven people have that they could have introduced you to? Or did you tune them out because there was no immediate opportunity?

      • Eliza Says:

        John: “Presumably” being the key word. It’s a shame, but given the circumstances…even if you are in what you would consider “singles-oriented events”…if people want to be deceitful, they will be – about their status. They may be sincere about wanting to “get out of their present dating situation”–or they may be legitimately looking for a relationship–yet technically–still married, or better yet “separated”–same thing. They have someone else in their lives, but they just go to singles events. There is absolutely no guaranty that you will come across honesty about one’s status – at a singles event. But yes, when you just go out – without an agenda, there is a slim chance you may meet someone, but often times, there are groups of people who are spoken for. I just find that in those situations, there is less pressure, and less expectations, and when you focus on just having a fun/great time, you are more attractive and relaxed, and may meet someone.

      • Eliza Says:

        John – also you state: “The thing about speeddating or online dating is that in the majority of cases, the people truly are available and presumably dont have significant others”.

        You may be right about the speeddating scenario–since that still puts you face to face with a stranger–albiet for all of 5 minutes–but still. And in most cases, one has to pay for those events, and go out of their homes and steps away from their comfort zones. But you are dead wrong – about online dating having people who are sincerely available! So wrong. Tons of peoples on those sites–especially free dating sites, which are NOT single, they may be unhappily married, or separated–sleeping in different beds…but they still have ties with someone. They bring drama to the table. And they have unfinished business…yet logging into a computer is easy enough to forget about their troubles. And they feed their egos by going online–and pretending to lead a life that is not reality. That’s the truth, my friend. I am sorry to break you bubble of hope with online dating.

        Which is WHY most people online–go on endless emailing, and some people are unable to meet up. Why? Because they are not truly unspoken for. They have ties. One can easily lie about their status in person, and they can online. The only difference is – you don’t actually see who the other person at the other end of the monitor is! That person can lie about so much more..their looks, their age, weight–even gender! They can even post a photo of their own child, and deceive others…as has been featured recently on 20/20. Resulting in the death of someone.

      • Eliza Says:

        Then, just ask if they are available. That easy. Also, if you did meet 7 “unavailable” women or men, great…they may not be a match for you–but you don’t know who they know. The more you network, the better and more likely it is that you may meet someone, through an acquaintance. At least, when you are actually out and about–you SEE that person’s face, and talk to them, get an idea of their personality. With online dating, it’s so impersonal, and so much typing, and endless back and forth annoying messages. Absolute absurdity. Questions, such as “so, how is this online situation working for you”? Such a lame question. Obviously, if that person is still online, there’s your answer. Again, you don’t know if you are corresponding with some 80 year old toothless pedophile from Arkansas either! Or you may be talking to you neighbor! Who is married. Too much anonymity online through those sites. Again, not to say that nothing positive can come out of it either. Just unlikely.

  10. John Says:

    Eliza-“But you are dead wrong – about online dating having people who are sincerely available! So wrong.”

    I think that is a rather harsh assessment. Granted, I have only been doing online dating a few months, but most of the ladies I met were available, went beyond 3 dates, etc. I have talked to them prior to meeting and after meeting at normal hours of the day such as 8pm at night. I think if they were hiding something, I would not have been to their place and gone out multiple times and talked with them during prime time hours.

    Maybe its a gender thing, but I have not met any ladies that seemed deceitful about their availablity. I overanalyze a lot of things, but I can sincerely state that I do not feel that the ladies I have spent time with were duping me. Maybe I am naive or just plain lucky and that is skewing my vantage point about female availability.

    • Eliza Says:

      John. Perhaps you have been fortunate. Because I hear from many members, both men and women, that online dating experiences for them has revolved mainly around texting, and emailing on those boards – endlessly…and ultimately either never meeting up, or meeting up on a weeknight and never seeing them again, yet the continued emailing and silly texting continues. Which is a waste of tiime. This is not to say, there are men that are legitimately available and not dishonest about their status on those websites. I’m just stating that by being behind a monitor the ability to conceal one’s status is that much more easier.

  11. offensivedan Says:

    I went to a Match “stir” event in my city. It as okay and what you would expect. In summary, it is just a bunch of people in a medium sized bar room whoa re drinking alcohol. Nothing special.

    Regarding Match, I don’t believe anyone should be on that site based on Match’s business model. This is reflected in the class acton suit filed against Match, entitled “Robinson et al v., 10-cv-02651 (U.S. Dist. Ct. N. Texas, 2012) . In this suit, a couple of match subscribers sued for breach of contract for not delivering on its promises. Essentially, they sued match for allowing fake profiles to exist on their site and not removing them, scams, robo-winks and emails, etc. Match filed a dismissal seeking to dismiss the claims based upon the contract language subscribers agree to when they sign up. Well, the Judge agreed with’s position and dismissed the suit. He opined that, because disclaims the accuracy of profiles and their content, does not have to check for veracity. In other words, does not have to check profiles for truthfulness or whether they are real b/c they disclaim this type of service in their agreement. “The language of the agreement does not require to vet, police, update the site content or verify the accuracy of profiles.” Interestingly, the Judge did not address the allegations regarding robowinks.

  12. Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

    From Match’s blog:

    jessie reyes
    Posted Sun Aug 12th at 11:18 pm | Permalink | Reply

    How much is the membership fee to and how much would it cost to attend these events?

    Posted Mon Aug 13th at 1:47 pm | Permalink | Reply

    Hey Jessie, thanks for your note. The events are included in your membership costs, and you can see the site for more details. Thanks!

    That’s not entirely accurate. The free happy hours are ‘included in the membership.” The specialized events are anywhere from $30-$50 in addition to the membership. That’s a shady way to try and get someone to subscribe to the site.

    • offensivedan Says:

      See, this is why I no longer utilize match. Their business plan sucks for ths consumer and it is, quite frankly, deceptive. I can’t believe, legally speaking, that companies like Match are allowed to run around like this. I get that they can’t guarantee you a certain result, but they are dishonest about several things on their sites including the amount fo profiles. I mean, that slogan of theirs, “1 in 5 relationships start online” is pure imaginary bullshit and is baseless.

      Also, in my city thye have yet to offer anything other than free happy hours which I can gind anywhere in this city.

      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        Like I said, they’ll offer a specialty event here and there that magically get filled quickly and they’ll list it as sold out, but they will primarily offer the happy hours. Those things will draw in enough new members who pay the membership fee just to attend or see the details. Total scam.

      • Eliza Says:

        Dan–actually sure 1 in 5 relationships start online can be true–they however did not specify “what type of relationship”! haha. It doesn’t have to mean a LTR or monogymous one at all. It can be a pen pal type of relationship. Or casual one at best.

      • Eliza Says:

        It’s only a matter of time, when sites such as will become a thing of the past…I can’t wait for that to happen. For to file Chapter 11, due to lack of membership. Why? Because indeed, it’s a farce. They do deceive people. I know for a fact that they have fake profiles on their. There was a guy that was on the news once, stating that his photo was on that site, without his permission, and a profile was created for him, yet he never joined or gave permission to use his photograph. That’s outright fraud. It’s a classic case of “bait and switch”.

        Think about it. The main reason why has that feature which enables others to see when an active member has “last been logged into” is purely to let the other person (who that member may have met on this website) know–“hey, I’m still looking”. We may have gone out for the past 2 months, but I last logged on – oh, about 2 hours ago! Why doesn’t disable that feature? Why? Because when you do meet someone on line, and things take off, the last thing you want to know and the last thing that other person wants you to know–is: that they have logged on and are STILL browsing around. is very clever. Deceitful — but clever.

  13. The Private Man Says:

    Actually, the business is quite perverse in that to be financially successful, it’s vital that individuals NOT find any dates/relationship. actually does have an online magazine/blog where some of the worst dating and relationship advice can be found. The last thing that wants is for its members to stop paying.

    • Eliza Says:

      Exactly, Priv. Man. and other websites like that are in business and hope to stay in business – when people are not “matched” or rather “mismatched”–and sure, they can meet people…just not the right person! see? So if they do connect–but eventually break off with each other–both parties may go back to “” or other websites. The same analogy goes for a gym in a way. They are business, based on how unsuccessful people are at reaching their desires goals. If everyone were in shape, and didn’t lose and then gain weight…they wouldn’t need gym, and they would go out of business.

    • John Says:

      “Actually, the business is quite perverse in that to be financially successful, it’s vital that individuals NOT find any dates/relationship”

      Unfortunately, this is the case with many industries such as healthcare. If people who took high blood pressure pills, high cholesterol pills, etc actully got better, then those companies would suffer financially. Same thing with chiropractors. If you got better, you wouldn’t need their services.

      Same thing with legal industry. Do you think the lawyers fighting for “asbestos reform” really care? They dont wish to transform anything. Because if they do the lawsuits will drop and will hurt them financially. So they dont want to fight for your rights. They market it that way though.

      So the business model is not as perverse or out of the ordinary as it may seem. Unscrupulous? Heck yeah but so are a lot of other business models. And the reason why is because it works in a capitalist society. You can either complain about it or accept it and adjust accordingly.

      • Eliza Says:

        Very true. Good analogy – with the pharmaceutical industry in such full swing. It’s a shame, but very true. When people continue “needing” these so-called services, business stays afloat and prospers, yet the consumer is really the one that is being manipulated here. It’s also about supply and demand. If there wasn’t such a need for said services, they would go bankrupt. Same model with these dating sites…same concept, different service.

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