Question: Had a date Friday with a woman from Match. We met for drinks then went to a comedy show and then had another drink after. It was getting late and I had to get home to walk my dog. I suggested she come back to my place with me and we could get my dog and walk her together. We get to my place and my date says she’s tired. I say she can crash at my place if she wants and that I’d walk my dog by myself and she could go to bed. I was gone about 15-20 minutes when she called me asking when I’d be back. I returned to my place about 10 minutes later.* When I got home my date told me she was going to go home because she didn’t feel right staying over after the first date. She said “we could do that on the second date.” I’m trying to figure out what happened and whether I should contact her again for a second date. Thanks.
*Edited – The OP emailed me and said he checked his phone to see when she called him. He said he wasn’t gone longer than 20-25 minutes AND that the woman in question is a dog owner herself.
What happened was that she changed her mind. You know that. The true question is why. The most probable answer is that she felt staying over on the first date was a bad move. What she failed to consider was that changing her mind and leaving after she agreed to stay over is the real bad move here. She didn’t have to have sex with you or fool around. She could have just slept there. If you were a dick about her not wanting to have sex then she’d have her answer and would waste no further time. Instead she sat in your apartment and analyzed the situation to death. She probably texted her friends, too, telling them the haps. Giiirrrl, go home now. He won’t respect you!
She wasn’t terribly interested in the first place and took advantage of the window of opportunity you provided for her by leaving her alone in your apartment.
She snooped around your apartment while you were gone and saw something that turned her off/scared her/made her think you have a girlfriend or are otherwise disingenuous.
She felt sick, got her period or felt she was too tipsy to sleep over.
I’m leaning towards the likelihood that she either over-analyzed the situation or found something in your apartment that turned her off. I can remember the first time I saw the apartment of a man I was dating. In his kitchen were an array of plastic, multi-colored steak knives hung on a decorative rack on the wall. He said that he used to keep regular steel steak knives there, but took them down after one woman he dated saw them, freaked out and left. The first time I stayed over, he said I was “free to look through his medicine cabinet.” Another woman he dated did that and found his Ambien prescription, which then led to an inquiry about why he was taking it, what else was he on, where there is smoke there’s fire, etc. My point is that people will create a back story if it suits them.
Oh, something else you shouldn’t do? You shouldn’t leave strangers alone in your apartment. You’re mighty trusting. While I don’t think she’d steal anything, she’s still likely to totally violate your privacy by snooping. Her rationalization would be that she was making sure you weren’t a serial killer instead of, like, just not going home with you. Leave a woman to her own devices and she will create a story in her head of how things will play out. It becomes a Choose Your On Adventure exercise, with multiple endings. Sadly, most women choose the wrong ending.
I’m not sure what is so magical about the second date other than it’s not the dreaded first date. Another illogical rationalization. First date sex is a bad move. Second date sex is totally better. If she knows she’d be comfortable after 2 dates, then why wait to stay over? Forget it. That’s a rhetorical question. I know the answer – because she’s immature.
Should you call ask her out again? Go ahead. Personally, this sort if behavior would turn me off completely. She didn’t own her choice. She is still dating by antiquated rules created by self-sabotaging women. Plus she kinda nagged you as to your whereabouts. After a first date. You’re a 39 year old man in Manhattan. There are plenty of other women to date. This has already stalled a bit. Now you’re going to have to “prove” you’re not just out to have sex with her.Your choice, though.