Question: I meet a young man in June, we hit it off really well. A few weeks past of us hanging out constantly and so I finally “gave myself to him”. July passed every thing was great, I got pregnant(oops) and lost the baby at 7 weeks. Pretty much since I lost the baby my boyfriend has become distant, in the last few days hes been just telling me the things I wanna here, has nothing going on except taking care of his sibling and has not called or came over. He says I love you, tells me I have to be strong because of circumstances. My question is is this his way of saying he had his fun its over?
I would think so, yes. He’s in a no win situation. You and he got pregnant after dating barely 2 months. He likely never intended for things to get serious. Now he has to to stick it out for a period of time so that he won’t look totally heartless.
There was a letter a couple months ago from a guy who met a girl online, took her out once, had unprotected sex with her and got her pregnant. He did what it sounds like your guy is doing. He stuck around for a couple weeks until she got the abortion, gave it about another week and then broke up with her. He was going to end things anyway, but then she revealed she was pregnant. Now he’s stuck. No matter when he broke things off, he’d still always be the guy who got her pregnant and then dumped her.And when he did end things – a week after her procedure – you can be sure she immediately threw that abortion in his face. That was a last ditch effort to try and guilt him into staying with her. He did everything he could to prevent things from escalating and tried to answer every question she asked. Including the toughest question:
The answer was simple. He said he didn’t see any kind of future with her and that he was going to end things earlier, but he waited due to her pregnancy and because he wanted to do the right thing. When she pulled out the “but you got me pregnant” card a second time, he told her exactly what I instructed him to tell her. He said, “Well, I don’t really know that for a fact, do I? If you slept with me without a condom on the first date, it’s not a far stretch to assume you’ve done it with others. I could have just walked away from you and I didn’t.” And like I predicted, that shut her right up. As usual, women get the truth that they say they crave, and then realize they didn’t really want it.
What men fear most about being honest with women is that they know, regardless of what they say, most women will hear what they want and likely hate them any way. Be honest and the woman will accuse them of leading them on for their own benefit. Lie and the woman will probably still think they’re being deceptive in some way. That’s why many men avoid these tricky conversations all together. Cowardly? In some cases. But in most, the men know that they still will be branded an asshole. They take the hit regardless. They pray the woman will take the hint and go away quietly. And frankly, she should. Insisting upon an explanation is merely our ego talking. We must be acknowledged. It’s not enough to walk away with dignity. We need that acknowledgement to reassure us that we meant something to that man, even though we’re probably not even getting the truth.
Your guy is trying to detach from you as painlessly as possible. So let him. You knew the answer to the question before you hit Submit on the form.