Question: What is your opinion of older women lying about their age on dating sites? I’ve heard some women take off as many as 10 years in some cases! I personally do not lie about my age, as the truth will come out eventually anyway with someone I end up being serious about. On the other hand, I recently called one of your frequent older posters on this matter because that is her MO (to fudge on the age). I mentioned that I felt it’s an “integrity issue” (the lying part is the “integrity issue”) and asked her what she is afraid of by not telling her true age. As you might expect, the air waves went dead with this person (she did not reply to me), so I must have hit a nerve.
The dating reality for older women is what it is. Sometimes it’s frustrating because of men wanting younger ones. But not telling one’s true age (which to me also is a form of game-playing) gets things off to a bad start. Oh, there may be some short-term gains/benefits in doing this, but I think for the long haul, honesty is the best policy from the get-go. Thoughts?
Well. Aren’t you superior.
Personally, I don’t see a problem with shaving a couple years off your age in a profile. 10 years? That’s just delusional. Especially if it’s clear to those viewing the profile that it’s not true. (This just in…IT IS. No, you don’t look 40, 45, 50. You look your age.) In those situations, the women ends up looking desperate and invites in every ne’er do well in her vicinity.
Honesty? You sound hella jealous of your friend. There’s nothing to be jealous of. Judging by her stories and comments, (I know who you are and who she is) she doesn’t have the luck she thinks she has. She, like the people insisting that the fact that they live in a suburb has nothing to do with the demise of their relationships with city dwellers, likely believes that her “white lie” isn’t the problem. It is a problem. 2-3 years? Not so bad. Anybody who says, “Wait. You’re 45 not 43?? Forget it!” is an idiot and they’re doing you a favor by dumping you. They would have dumped you any way. A person has a legitimate gripe when someone drags them out on a date only to look all of their 40, 50, 60+ years.
I’d say 50% of my female profile review clients fudge their age by 3-5 years. When I ask why they say that it’s because they want to attract guys who are more fit and active. That’s is utter bullshit. They want to attract younger guys so they continue believing they still can pass for 35, 40 or 45. The whole excuse about wanting guys who are more fitness/activity oriented is flimsy. Especially for the 40+ set. Look, how much longer do you think you’ll be kayaking and rock climbing? And, much like the women who insist upon men over 6 feet tall “so they can wear heels,” how much time do you truly think you’ll be devoting to these activities, and why can’t you do them alone given the fact you’ve been doing them alone all along? It’s not about wanting somebody fit or tall…it’s about wanting someone young or attractive because we don’t want to feel old or unattractive. That’s it. We want people to look at us with our partners and think, “Oooh. I want to be him/her!”
Taking a couple years off your age so you can come up in more searches is acceptable. In fact, it’s quite common. The only thing someone reveals by crying liar liar pants on fire is how naive and inexperienced and unlucky they are. A tell in the opposite direction is when people crow about how successful their tactics are. Read any blog and you’ll find a story of how a woman believes she’s devised a magic formula for finding Mr. Right because she’s managed to date someone for all of a handful of months. Only it’s not a a magic formula. That’s just something she tells herself so she can feel better than other women. Sadly, the minute she starts going public, the relationship typically crumbles. In those cases, the going public part most definitely contributed to the demise of the relationship. But no matter how many times that happens, the women who once connected imaginary dots suddenly loses her ability to do so.
What you’re doing is trying to make yourself feel better for not getting as much attention or response from men online. You tell yourself, “Well, if I lied I could get dates too. But I’m not a liar. I’m better than that.” Allow me to point something out to you: you came to this blog knowing your friend reads it and intentionally outed her and put her in a position to be slagged on by us. And you know how much we enjoy that. So, while you might be as honest as Abe Lincoln, you’re still a shitty friend. So get off your high horse.
Now go to your dating profile and change your age to 55, get some dates, and have fun. At the end of the day, nobody cares that you added or subtracted a few years. The only people who do are the ones who don’t date very often and don’t have much dating success.