Couple weeks before you posted ‘My inner fat girl’ in May 2012 I made a profile on OKC. I described myself as ‘curvy’. At that time I was 5’3′, 180 lb. My profile generated some responses, but not the ones you (or even I) would describe as high quality. After about a month I got frustrated, deleted my profile and started working on weight loss.
So as I am getting thinner and planning a triumphant return, here is the question. OKC gives the following options for body types:
A little extra
Describing oneself as Overweight/A little extra/Full Figured seems to indicate self-deprecation/low self-esteem, i.e. I would be shooting myself in the foot. I like ‘curvy’ (I have DDD bra size), but is it true that ‘curvy’ is just a euphemism for obese? At which weight (BMI? Waist to Hip ratio?) can a woman honestly describe herself as ‘average’? Would you consider commenting on the body types definitions and deciphering the OKC-speak?
I don’t think describing oneself as overweight, full figured, etc is a sign of low self-esteem. It’s a sign of self-awareness. How other people perceive that admission isn’t about you. That’s about them. As for whether or not I would actually select that body type option, the answer is no. Select average. That way you’ll come up in more searches. If you post accurate and recent photos of yourself, then you won’t be misrepresenting yourself too egregiously. Guys will see what they’re getting.
Yes, “curvy” is just a nice way of saying overweight. It’s unfortunate that that’s how most people, even many women, interpret that. But they do. Select Curvy as your body type and the majority of people who will view your profile will be the fetishists and chubby chasers. Which isn’t necessarily bad as long as you understand that those people are attracted to you because of your weight/size and not in spite of it.
Hip to waist ratio is irrelevant when it comes to online dating. No reasonable, well adjusted man is going to look at your photo and do some sort of math in his head trying to determine that. Thankfully, the other 98% of men on those sites doesn’t give a shit what your BMI or waist to hip ratio is as long as you look reasonably healthy and attractive to them. Being overweight, you’re not going to be everybody’s cup of tea. Accept that first before diving head first into the OK Cupid waters.
As we said in a recent post, online dating isn’t about 100% honesty. (Hell, dating isn’t about 100% honesty, 100% of the time.) It’s about getting the interview. Of course, you don’t want to say you went to Harvard when you really attended Small Town State University and that you had a 4.0 instead of a 3.4, There’s an acceptable fudging curve. You can’t say you’re “Fit” and then post up to date pics of yourself where you’re clearly a good 30+ pounds overweight. You very well might be quite healthy. But to the majority of people looking at your profile, you’ll look delusional. Selecting average is safe. It will get you enough profile views to make a difference. Learn how to figure out which guys are genuine and which ones are just hitting you up because they’re desperate, though.
I’m not being cynical when I explain that dating online when you’re a bigger girl is fraught with landmines. If you know your audience, you’ll manage to avoid a lot of the frustration and embarrassment that many plus sized women experience due to online dating. Many of the dating bloggers out there who have wacky story after wacky story of bad first dates wherein guys mysteriously ditch them, hook up with them and never call again, refuse to pay the bill or make crude and obnoxious comments are also chubby. That’s not a coincidence.
As for the body type breakdown, I’ll give it a shot.
Thin – To me, this means healthy and slender.
Overweight – For me this means excess weight in the belly area.
Skinny – My interpretation of this is that the person is unhealthy in some way. Skin and bones and little else. Gaunt.
Average – This could be assigned to just about anybody who doesn’t too chubby or flabby up to and including people who could stand to lose 20 pounds or so. It also means – to me – that they don’t work out or aren’t very healthy/fitness conscious.
Fit – Self-explanatory, I think. Evenly proportioned and mostly toned. This descriptor says, “I work out regularly and am health conscious.”
Athletic – See above but add some thickness. Thick legs, big arms, etc.
Jacked- Gym rat. The guy with the muscle tees who groan when they lift.
A little extra – Self-explanatory. The person is carrying around slight but noticeable amount of extra weight.
Curvy -Curvy has been taken over by the plus sized gals. The woman on the far right of the photo above, to me, is curvy. Curvy used to mean hourglass shaped with a larger breast, thin waist and ample but not out of proportion with the rest of your body hips. Now it’s a label used by plus sized to obese women.
Full-Figured – Overweight with no noticeable waist line.
Used-up – I don’t think anybody uses this, nor do I think it has a definition.