Men Aren’t Intimidated By You. They Just Don’t Like You.

Name: Sarah
Age: 37
State: NY
Question: I have been going to singles events for the past year and have found that the men are nice but that most of them are less educated and make less money than I do and that it is an issue for the men.  Any recommendations on affordable ways to meet men between the ages of 35-50 in NYC who have a six or seven figure annual income and who want to have a serious relationship?

 

Is it really an issue for the men..or an issue for you? Because most men couldn’t care less if a woman makes more than them or who has a “better” education. They just don’t like to be with women who lord it over them in some way.

To answer your question, the very harsh reality is that if a man is making seven figures, he’s not looking for a woman who is looking for a man who makes seven figures unless he’s just looking for a trophy. In which case, that was about 10 or 12 years ago for you. Men who make that kind of bank are probably beating women off with sticks or serially dating with no intention of settling into anything serious. Why should they? They have their money and their freedom. Why would they want to risk losing both just to have one woman? Answer: They wouldn’t.

You could join a high end gym if you’re determined to meet these guys. That’ll cost you, though.  There is no such thing as an “affordable” way to meet men pulling down 7 figures. Those guys aren’t chilling at Jamba Juice or at the local New York Sports Club. They’re at expensive places. Of course,  you’ll have to take a number and wait your turn in order to talk to them, let alone date them. You will have some stiff competition from the hostess at the latest trendy restaurant and girl who works at Sephora or Victoria’s Secret. Yes, that’s right. These guys don’t care about education or money. They care about one thing – that you’re hot. Little else matters.

I doubt these men you’re meeting are bothered that you make a lot of money. My guess is they don’t like your expectations and demeanor because of it. Are you not offering to pay the tab or contribute? Are you frequently trying to plan expensive dates? Do you always need to go out? There’s your answer.

If you’re chatting up some guy at a singles event and talking about where you work and where you went to school and about all your not at all interesting but you think they make you sound cultured/educated hobbies,  you immediately pegged as one of “those” women. The ones who can’t make conversation without asking, “So, what do you do?” In short, you’re deemed uptight, shallow and boring. Hot or not, nobody cares. Men with money are happy to spend that money on women they genuinely like to be around and who show appreciation.

If it’s a relationship you seek, then you’re better off looking at the five and maybe six figure guys. Those guys are every where. Public transportation, Starbucks, they gym, etc. There are plenty of six figure guys who attend wine tastings and speeddating events and singles events.They also join athletic groups and gyms. If you’re looking for the 200K+ a year guy, I think you might be out of luck. Most of those guys aren’t looking for a relationship. The ones who are, I’d bet, aren’t ones you would date. Funny how that works, amirite?

You probably have options. You just don’t like any of them. So I think you need to decide what it is exactly that you want and then ask yourself if you’re being realistic.

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Share
, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

152 Responses to “Men Aren’t Intimidated By You. They Just Don’t Like You.”

  1. loveliee Says:

    OP, I think you’re focusing on the wrong things in a guy. Is money nice? Hell yes it is, but you know what’s even better? A guy who’s considerate and genuinely cares about you. These two things (and a bunch of other things) are what you should be looking for first if you want a relationship. His income and education don’t necessarily mean that he’s a great person to be with, and they shouldn’t be the deciding factor when you ask yourself if you want to date a guy.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 77 Thumb down 4

    • Howard Says:

      Well the guys who make that money, fall into a couple of categories. There are the ones who advertise it and they are going after hotties as Moxie so clearly stated above. Some other guys making that type of money make it an issue to keep it secret. They will let you know that they are doing ok financially, but just not alert you to the fact of how much they really are making. They do this to weed out the whores. Yes I used that word, after all what other word can you use for a woman that will only sleep with a man because he has money or fame.

      About education, most guys don’t care much if a woman is Ivy league or has advanced degrees, especially if she does the pseudo intellectual thing on them or try to lord it over them. I always find it funny when I meet one of these women and really have an intellectual conversation with her and find how unintellectual she is. They merely got their stamp of approval from some university, but their brains are still not really thinking on that level. Lots of regurgitated nonsense keeps spewing from their mouths with no real derivative or original insightful thought taking place.

      Let’s get back to the crazy under-selling guys. Seven figures or six figures, its still the same behavior. I tend to fall into that category, somewhere in the six, some years better than some, given recession issues. We seem to want to insist that a woman likes us for us, not being Ivy League or advanced degrees or whatever money we make. We insist on not putting too much out there. We will joke around or make some insightful comment about a serious issue not the regurgitated talking point.

      Every once in a while we get lucky, and someone gets it from our presentation. We absolutely should change the way we do things, because we don’t score as much as the loudmouths, but we just can’t bring ourselves to do it. And somewhere back there we scored enough to not care about that anymore. It’s a real quality issue over quantity or hotness. In the end no woman is that bad really because she wants to be with a quality guy, as measured in material things, and that’s something we have to get into our skulls, but somehow we miss out because on our stupid insistence on under selling.

      That word ‘Assume’ is always the killer. It really means you are making an ‘Ass of u and me’. I hate to say it but in our society we make judgements too quickly. And most women’s radars are totally off. Unfortunately, intuition in our modern society is compromised by a misguided wishlist. Men are subject to some of the same issues, but generally do better, or when they screw up, own it. It’s women who bitch and moan at most of these blogs. It’s women at work or at the hair salon that keep disparaging men and complaining. It’s always the guy’s fault, never a case of enough blame to go around.

      Modern women in our society are possessed with their over the top need for certitude. Sometimes they are indeed right, but just not big enough to leave it alone; they have to let everyone know they are right, and it’s with the attendant obnoxious attitude.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 85 Thumb down 18

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        Some other guys making that type of money make it an issue to keep it secret. They will let you know that they are doing ok financially, but just not alert you to the fact of how much they really are making.
        Agreed. After being burned several times, I learned not to flaunt my money. I drive a nice car, but it’s not flashy. I own a nice house, in a nice neighborhood, but not one that screams money, and I have enough socked away to pay it off today, though I don’t for tax and liquidity reasons. I dress comfortably, except on the rare occasions that work requires a suit. I don’t spend money on things I don’t need or spend more than necessary on things I do need. As a result, my net worth puts me in the top 10% of Americans (within my age and marital status bracket, top 1%), yet the OP would never give me a second look–and that’s exactly the point.

        I always find it funny when I meet one of these women and really have an intellectual conversation with her and find how unintellectual she is.
        Indeed. I’ve been distinctly unimpressed with the “intellectuals” I’ve met, because most of them just don’t seem that intelligent; they just regurgitate dogma and expect their degrees from pricey schools or job titles as proof of their correctness. I get more intelligent conversation from my hair stylist.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 103 Thumb down 4

        • Alex Says:

          I didn’t need to get burned first, it just comes naturally to me to not spend money on anything except travelling. (Being a programmer helps here a lot mind you, actively sneering at the concept of dressing presentably is taken pretty much for granted in this field…) So I get to enjoy from the perspective of being invisible in plain sight the spectacle of women like OP approaching those of my peers in the high 1% that actually bother to look the part…

          … and yeah, their problem is not intimidating anybody. Their problem is that people full of themselves are not attractive under any circumstances. And a pretty darn good clue that you’re obnoxiously full of yourself is if you think your accomplishments intimidate anybody.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 33 Thumb down 2

          • Crotch Rocket Says:

            I didn’t need to get burned first
            I broke six figures when I was 21 (and that was a lot more money back then), so I didn’t have the experience to know that flaunting my new-found wealth was a bad idea. Also, I didn’t have much luck dating in HS and college, so I spent a few years enjoying the female attention that a flashy car, clothes and apartment got me. Deep down, I knew that those women were only interested in my money, but I was getting laid every night, so it took a while to really care.

            Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 17 Thumb down 4

            • Marie Says:

              Geez, for a bunch of guys who don’t like to flaunt their money, you all sure are talking a lot about it in a public forum…

              I don’t agree with this woman’s outlook at all, but I find it kind of funny how she says she’s intellectual and you all pounce on her assuming she isn’t. However, at the same time you brag about how you can get laid because of your money and judge women who actually make the effort to approach you. Hmm…Interesting.

              Also, it is thouroughly amusing that you express your distaste for women who bitch and moan on blogs….by bitching and moaning about their bitching and moaning? I have a degree in math, but I guess I’m just not “intellectual” enough to understand how that makes sense.

              Her ideals might not be great, granted, but in my mind, this thread doesn’t make you look any better.

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 27 Thumb down 33

              • Crotch Rocket Says:

                Geez, for a bunch of guys who don’t like to flaunt their money, you all sure are talking a lot about it in a public forum…
                We’re talking about it anonymously, when it is actually relevant to the discussion at hand. The point is that you never know how much money someone has. In my experience, those who look like they’re rich are generally deeply in debt and only one or two paychecks away from bankruptcy, while the wealthiest people I know prefer to hide in plain sight. (Also, note that there is a huge distinction between “rich” and “wealthy”.)

                I find it kind of funny how she says she’s intellectual and you all pounce on her assuming she isn’t.
                I didn’t say anything about whether she was intellectual. I insulted the entire class of people who call themselves intellectuals. That’s not the same thing as being intelligent. Nor is being educated. I prefer intelligent people, many of whom were not lucky enough to be born into rich families and go to prestigious schools.

                Also, it is thouroughly amusing that you express your distaste for women who bitch and moan on blogs
                Where did I do that? I do find people who bitch and moan distasteful in general, though, regardless of sex or medium.

                Her ideals might not be great, granted, but in my mind, this thread doesn’t make you look any better.
                You assume that my goal in commenting here is self-promotion. It’s not.

                And, regardless of what people may think of me, 81 ups and 2 downs indicates that what I’ve said resonates with a lot of people. So go stuff your ad hominem attacks.

                Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 25 Thumb down 7

          • C Says:

            i fully agree with a degree or multiple degrees being something that intimidates no one nor is it a sign of intelligence. on a semester break from my grad studies at a top school, i worked as a bike messenger. bike messengers at the time were largely substance abusers and guys who had a criminal record and couldnt get a job at a place like mcdonalds.

            i had quite the elitist attitude until i realized the proportion of smart-to-stupid at the bike messengering jobs was exactly the same as the smart-to-stupid ratio at my foofoo overpriced college. not only were many of those convicts and addicts smart, some were very articulate, well read an resourceful but lacked the opportunities and scope of vision that i was born into.

            in my experience, just like moxie said, guys dont care if you have more degrees or cash. in the last couple of years, i’ve had a relationship with two guys who never finished college. one of those guys made 1/2 my income, the other made 5 times my income. neither was intimidated. most guys ive met like dating up financially.

            as for not flaunting income, my wealthier boyfriend never told anyone what he did. if asked what he does, he would always reply, ‘im in finance’.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

      • foundher Says:

        Underselling is the way to go. A guy with resources knows he can have a certain class of women by flaunting $. A guy with resources who wants a relationship wants to find a woman who doesn’t value him for his resources, and the surest way to find her is to not let on that he makes bank.

        When I met my wife, I owned a 6 year old German car and lived in a house that cost less than my annual take home (decent neighborhood though). She is educated and successful in her own right (check), intelligent (check), witty (check), a blast to be around (check), with a great set of friends (check) and a great dynamic with her family (check). It wasn’t until after a few months of dating (and really knowing that I only wanted to be with her) that I let her know my comp, and that was only because she always insisted on paying for every other date (check).

        What’s my point? Most guys with resources are smart enough to avoid marrying a gold digger, or smart enough to acknowledge the trade offs (I suppose some gold diggers bring a lot to the table).

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 35 Thumb down 4

      • J1 Says:

        “They do this to weed out the whores”

        Amen. Unless whores are what you’re after, there is absolutely no upside whatsoever to letting other people know you’ve got money. And whores are the least of the irritants that come out of the woodwork when people find out you do.

        “most of them are less educated”

        Two problems here:

        1. Unless you’ve gotten to know him pretty well or have college transcripts, you don’t know whether he’s less educated or not.
        2. Let’s assume you do know his educational background. If he has a bachelor’s in math or engineering, don’t try to tell him with a straight face that your masters in philosophy makes you more educated unless you’re trying to demonstrate that you’re an idiot.

        “and make less money than I do ”

        See the first paragraph. Unless you’ve seen a tax return, you have no idea how much money he makes.

        Finally, a semi-off topic tip if you’re looking for a 35-50 YO man. I work in an industry with an astronomical divorce rate, and know a lot of single guys in your age range and at least the center of your income range. A general rule you should know if you’re looking in that demographic: with respect to long term relationships such as marriage, tatoos are an automatic blackball. Hopefully this isn’t too late, but don’t get any.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 27 Thumb down 2

  2. Ailenka Says:

    The ugly truth hurts. But, she’s, yet again, right. Now, I don’t always agree with Moxie and on those threads, I tend not to comment because, well, it’s her blog. But like it or not, with this one she’s right.

    Those seven-figure men don’t like complicated. And just by the way you phrase your question, I can tell that you are probably layered and complex and wants a man who appreciates all that. I can relate. Believe me, I can! Well, those men usually aren’t rich. Those men usually aren’t college educated, or adults for that matter. You would be better off becoming a puma and getting a young one and training him the way you want him to be when he grows up and prays he doesn’t leave you for some hot girl when he does.

    Really, what you sound like is a lot of unwanted drama by men. And, I don’t mean yelling in the street drama but high maintenance, never is pleased, drama.

    Sadly, women of higher stature must play their position to men and their egos. In the boardroom you can be the boss, but in the bedroom, HE is ALWAYS the boss (unless you are into dominatrix stuff). If you take that away from him, a la, I am better educated, I make more money so you must be like XYZ, he will leave your ass for the chick who blends his coffee at Starbucks. So sad, but inevitable.

    My suggestion to you, take your high salary and splurge on yourself. Make yourself happy and content and you will attract the same to you. Stop worrying about how much he makes, how educated he is because you could probably learn a lot from a man who has graduated from the Hard Knocks of Life Academy.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 80 Thumb down 18

    • Zammo Says:

      “You would be better off becoming a puma and getting a young one and training him the way you want him to be when he grows up and prays he doesn’t leave you for some hot girl when he does.”

      I love the attitude of “training” a man. The more a woman “trains” a man, the less respect she has for him. A trainable man is the leading source of dry vaginas.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 89 Thumb down 7

    • kiapita Says:

      What makes you think this woman is “layered” or “complex”? Whiny, strident, self-centered, and spoiled, yes, but these characteristics do not result in complexity. Complicated maybe, but notice how that word does not carry the positive connotations as your choices do.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 2

  3. Trouble Says:

    It’s not an issue for the majority of men that you’re more educated or make more money. In fact, in this economy, a lot of guys would be happy to date a woman with a reliable and sizable paycheck.

    What I suspect is that it’s an issue for you. You see yourself as better than them, you make a big deal about your income or your prestigious degree, so it becomes an issue for them, because you created it.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 100 Thumb down 0

    • Steve From the City Next Door Says:

      A lot of guys have had to deal with it so many times that even if she is not showing the attitude we are going to assume it will come. Particularly if you are finding it out on the first couple of dates and is not just inferred (e.g. Marketing Director must make a lot of money) or apparent somehow (wait, Ms. Gates, did you just say your father’s name was Bill?).

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 1

      • Trouble Says:

        To elaborate a little, I live in the south, people are very traditional down here, and sometimes guys are put off by what I do for a living (I work in a law enforcement-related field).

        So, at first meetings, I gave a very brief job description in one sentence: “I work on grants.” Lots of people here do, I live in a government town. Also, it’s just boring enough that it doesn’t then shift the conversation to be about me, and my job. I mean, I like my job, but a date is not a damn interview. The guy isn’t looking to know what my GPA was in college, what degrees I hold, or my annual income. He just wants to know if I’m cute and we have some chemistry together, and enjoy each other’s company. And basically, that’s the same stuff I want to know about him. Let me put it out there like this…I think that If you’re asking guys this stuff on early meetings, you look like a total gold digger or some kind of elitist snob who’s screening for a certain income and professional level.

        And, at age 37, you better either be dating significantly older or really fucking hot to pull those guys.

        I think some people treat dating like a job interview, and feel that they have to present all of their credentials up front in order to do well. That’s not impressive, to anyone. It just makes you look insecure.

        I have a fortune from a cookie taped to my computer monitor to remind me of this: “The superior person is modest in his speech, but exceeds in action.” I personally think that do something similar when dating…under promise and over deliver. Post a picture that’s attractive, but a real representation of your looks (not something that “over promises” on reality). And then be cuter than the photo in real life. Be a little humble about your accomplishments on your dates. You’re not there for show and tell, you’re there to make a connection with that other person. Use the time to make that connection, not brag about your achievements.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 58 Thumb down 4

        • Eliza Says:

          Trouble–I fully agree. I actually met a guy once (at a local bar) in NYC…and upon meeting–all we actually spoke about was travel and favorite vacation spots, hiking, and yes, he even mentioned his children. He was upfront about that. Something I do respect. Not once did we talk about titles or work. He simply made great conversation–very unassuming, not going into all the upscale places he knew about or that he lived in a great bldg in NYC. Didn’t matter.
          We eventually did get together–and yes, I eventually found out he was a managing director of a consulting firm. Very goal-oriented man, that didn’t brag about his accomplishments. A great quality. However, most men upon meeting a woman I find – ask “so, what do you do”?
          yes…it feels like an interview. And in the dating arena…interviews are not fun at all.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 24 Thumb down 0

          • Crotch Rocket Says:

            most men upon meeting a woman I find – ask “so, what do you do”?
            If so, they lack imagination–and they’re probably copying from women, who do the same thing (in addition to asking where he lives, what kind of car he drives, what school(s) he went to, etc.). My usual opener is “what do you want to be when you grow up?”, though I’ll use “what do you do for fun?” if I sense the former wouldn’t go over well (usually a bad sign anyway).

            We spend a third of hour waking hours at work, so it’s not unreasonable for people to discuss that, but it’s really not that important except as an indirect way of measuring someone’s income. I’d much rather learn about what they do with the other two-thirds of the time, i.e. time we might be able to spend together.

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 4

  4. RM Says:

    It’s funny how the “what does he/she bring to the table” frame of reference (FoR) screws us up. That’s what’s going on with the OP. If instead, she adopts the “what do I bring to the table” FoR and brought more to the table each time, her life will change. The first step, however, is to get realistic about what she really does bring to the table.

    Material things count, but she is vastly overvaluing them. Any rich but unhappy person will attest to how much they don’t count.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1

    • Rich Vail Says:

      Money won’t buy you love, but it will sure as hell rent it for a while…that being said, the OP is a highly insecure woman, who wants to rule a relationship. That’s a recipe for failure. A relationship/marriage is a partnership…and both sides HAVE to be equal for succeed. The OP wants to be the boss…OR…she want’s someone who is supremely wealthy, but those men, want eye candy…and @ 37, she’s a fading flower, and unlikely to attact that kind of man, unless he’s 70…

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 27 Thumb down 1

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        both sides HAVE to be equal for succeed.
        Actually, studies show that it’s the “unequal” relationships that last longest.

        As I prefer to put it, you can be “equal” without being the “same”; being human makes you equals, but pretending that both people bring the exact same capabilities and resources to the table (when that is never true) and should have the exact same responsibilities puts too much unnecessary stress on the relationship. Revel in the differences; that is what makes a couple stronger than two people standing alone.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 0

  5. D'Alias Says:

    OP, I think it’s the kind of thing where if you don’t know, then you weren’t invited to the party.

    That being said, have you tried the therightstuff dating sight (for Ivy and prestigious college grads)? What about whatever club from your undergrad or grad school (like the Harvard club, etc)? Alumni events? Exclusive gyms like Moxie said? Professional seminars or associations? The Ivy Plus Society?

    Honestly, if you don’t fit the criteria to belong to these groups then I think that should be enough to let you know that they are out of your league. If you CAN walk in these circles then I suggest you get out there and do it if that’s what you’re looking for.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 0

    • Howard Says:

      It’s actually not that great at right stuff, or the Harvard club, been there done that. Too much name dropping, over-fixation on the material things. It’s a continuation from the same stupid I found at Ivy League business school. I used to look through the resume book when I was there and wonder why they let me in. Too many undergraduate valedictorians and “I was talking with Mr Super Duper the other day”, or whatever they seem to have achieved that makes them wonderful. And for her, lord forbid, she would have to deal with the competition from other women like her.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 3

      • D'Alias Says:

        Haha. I don’t like that scene either but the OP might.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

        • asdfasdfa Says:

          OP almost certainly will. She seems status-obsessed in that special way that only people who insistently deny that they’re status-obsessed can be. That’s moxie’s crucial observation here.

          Plus, if she’s making so much money, why the emphasis on “affordable” dating options? Is there a debt load or a divorce settlement eating away at all that income? Or is she not doing quite as well as she says?

          I’m extremely well-educated, and I can’t tell you how many “intellectual” women I’ve met who simply aren’t. Name-dropping novels they haven’t read, or ripping political/philosophical opinions straight out of recent op-eds. Even the ones with credentials aren’t necessarily all that well-informed.

          Moxie’s other crucial observation is that, at 37, she doesn’t exactly have a lot of options left. Men looking for a committed relationship probably want kids, and even if she gets married tomorrow, it’s a high risk pregnancy. Then there’s the “hot factor”. Finally, how exactly did she get to be 37 and single? Prior marriage? Fine, that’s one thing. But if she was single all along, then she’s going to have to ask herself some hard questions about how she got here in the first place. I’m betting it’s pickiness and/or selfishness, and you can’t turn that off like a light switch.

          She’s got to face the reality that she won’t snare someone even as good as the men she used to date 15 years ago, the men she might have dumped in the search for The One.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 2

          • Doramin Says:

            Don’t be too hard on Moxie and assume she’s single at 37 because she’s a selfish harridan. My guess is that she was taken in by the Cosmo Girl/Sex in the City life plan, in which a woman fashionably dedicates herself to her hot career and has crazy sex throughout her twenties and then expects Mr. Right to ride in and sweep her off her feet somewhere around age thirty when she’s good and ready.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  6. VJ Says:

    Q: “Any recommendations on affordable ways to meet men between the ages of 35-50 in NYC who have a six or seven figure annual income and who want to have a serious relationship?”

    A: Hit on your rich friend’s husbands and try and steal one of those yes, fat cats away.

    This has been another episode of short answers to stupid/silly questions. Thanks, ‘VJ’

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 28 Thumb down 3

  7. Kay Says:

    ‘I have found that the men are nice but that most of them are less educated and make less money than I do and that it is an issue for the men’

    Seems to be an issue for YOU! Are you looking for someone to date or someone with whom you can compare resume and paycheck?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 25 Thumb down 2

  8. MrWombat Says:

    “who have a six or seven figure annual income ”

    ‘Cause six and seven are almost the same, right? Only one different? Ms Educated and Intimidating clearly is very slightly innumerate. She should go google “order of magnitude”.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 42 Thumb down 4

  9. Helena Says:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 42

  10. Deborah Says:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 64

    • Steve T. Says:

      @Deborah, you must be fucking kidding me. Men are so selfish? Her requirements are bluntly mercenary: a six-or-seven-figure income and between 35 and 50. Nothing about his personality, his looks, his morals, his suitability as a father, you name it; in her equation, it’s all about big cash money from a man that isn’t on life support. I lived the unselfish male life: I set my so-called wife up with a full-time nanny, a cleaning lady, unlimited retail therapy, and spent my life slaving in the pits of high finance. My reward was my divorce papers. Now I’m out from under, and because I have no interest in being financially raped again, no interest in bankrolling some fading gold digger’s golden years, I and other men like me are selfish?

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 85 Thumb down 8

      • Kristen M Says:

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

        Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 46

        • Kristen M Says:

          spending* time with her, growing* your relationship.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 1 Thumb down 18

        • Howard Says:

          Kristen. We don’t know what happened. Give him the benefit of the doubt. I know about enough of these set-up women who are sleeping with their hot personal trainer, or some hot young guy to know it’s not always the case of time neglect. When younger, I used to be heavily around sports and even trained some of these guys, and I am tired of getting pissed off at them for sleeping with these women. It’s often an excitement issue for these women. As the Prince song from the eighties says, “Why are you like my mother, always never satisfied…..When doves cry”

          People have this crazy thing about calling people bitter and still needing to heal. When a rape victim says “Execute all rapists”, women either give her the utmost compassion or cheer. It’s none of the “You’re bitter and/or need to heal.” Now neither position is entirely right or entirely wrong. There is middle road between the two perspectives. And no where is your response, Kristen, was even a hint of compassion or giving him any benefit of the doubt.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 5

      • Brad Says:

        Steve T: What are you doing?!?! We JUST got Deborah out of the dating pool, she was taking the OP with her. Who cares what their rationale is, we added by subtracting.

        Deborah: You are correct, men a SO solipsistic you shouldn’t bother with them anymore. GIRLPOWER!

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 4

      • Deborah Says:

        well, I would have to debate this one. Some men feel that women who have low income chasing them are just after their money. I am sure that’s isn’t too far off from the truth! So they try to find women who are equal in monetary range so that they know that the woman is on equal footing. I do have at least one person who is a multimillionaire I know, who stated this bluntly. He can’t trust women who can’t hold their own. I don’t think all men are selfish, and I don’t think that just because there is mention of money, that that’s the only thing they are asking for. It’s just that it’s a root element to have BALANCE in give and take in a relationship. Whether that is money or anything else, money is often a huge element. People who make more money are a different breed of person, and so therefore they want someone similar. When one person is able to give more than the other, it creates an imbalance and that imbalance will cause a disturbance throughout the entire relationship and never cease. you can’t be in a position where it’s off balance. It will feel unfair to one person and they will call it quits eventually. I don’t think she’s exhibiting that the only thing she cares about is money. What she is talking about is the men are feeling intimidated. Men want a woman they can provide for, and if the woman makes more it obviously puts more pressure on them. This wouldn’t be the case if they are on equal footing.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 25

        • Deborah Says:

          Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

          Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 25

          • Deborah Says:

            Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

            Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 28

          • asdfasdfa Says:

            So she says. I’m skeptical. Why an “affordable” way to meet men with ultra-high incomes. There’s a very big difference between six and seven figures… and people who make that kind of money tend to work with other people in the same field. Attorneys know other attorneys, consultants know other consultants, etc.

            So I’m smelling someone who maybe isn’t quite making the money she says she is.

            And the reality is that even if her intentions are pure, she’ll be blending in with a pool of many, many other women in her shoes who ARE looking for a payday. Divorce laws in this country make it very risky for a man to take a chance on this. Plus the fact that all those hot women in their early 20′s aren’t ignorant airheads or slutty cocktail waitresses as moxie implies. Many are well-educated professionals in their own right, just starting their careers but already knowing they want to share their lives with someone.

            What the OP needs to understand is that not only will she have to settle, and also that the guy who picks her is probably settling as well.

            Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 24 Thumb down 2

        • Howard Says:

          In responding to you Deborah, all I need to do is quote you from your lengthy diatribe.

          “People who make more money are a different breed of person”

          Nothing else needs to be said. That phrase speaks volumes about your elitist and arrogant attitude.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 26 Thumb down 2

    • LostSailor Says:

      I think the person writing the question is fully aware of what’s happening. She noticed that men are intimidated by her income

      No. As Moxie noted men are not intimidated, they just aren’t attracted such superficial, mercenary women.

      Women trot out the “He’s intimidated!!” canard as an ego-soothing palliative.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 39 Thumb down 4

      • Deborah Says:

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

        Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 26

        • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

          I’m 43 and I’m not looking for a bag of money, I’m looking for integrity,

          Whenever I hear a woman in her forties (or any age, really,) use an indisputable argument to explain why she’s not married or still single, that’s an immediate red flag to me. Well, duh, we all want someone with integrity. That’s a given. The implication of your statement is that there just aren’t any decent men out there with integrity. Of course there are. You just didn’t want them. But rather than confront the possibility that you just way over estimated your options and value in the market place, you make it about the dearth of decent men. It’s a cop out.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 43 Thumb down 2

        • Howard Says:

          Deborah you got yourself all confused about the whole thing. After you get around a guy like this, you better be cool, no reason to still be in overdrive. After all, he now probably trumps you on the material scale, and guess what, he aint laying that bull on you.

          If you have to say it or hint it, even covertly, then you discount the power of it. Whatever you are, has to be grasped by the other person from the way you present yourself, with class and breeding (a word, I truly hate, but folks that you are looking for, like to think that way).

          No wonder you are so unsuccessful with this type of guy. You really don’t know how to handle yourself around these guys. They know they are a bit arrogant. The last thing they want is a partner who is just as arrogant.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 2

    • Zammo Says:

      Yes, please do forget about us. You won’t be missed. There are younger and more feminine women in the demographic pipeline.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 4

  11. Eliza Says:

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.

    Poorly-rated. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 33

    • LostSailor Says:

      Ah, the NAWALT makes an appearance. The problem is that enough women, like the OP, are like that. Steve is rightly bitter about running into one.

      Mercenary women, like women looking for their “soul mates” are to be avoided at all costs.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 6

      • Trouble Says:

        So, what about the women who aren’t like that? The OP, Deborah, and Helena represent a minority perspective on this thread, at least.

        I would suggest that the OP is the one who is unlike the norm, rather than vice versa. Most women in the U.S. aren’t looking for a man who earns “6-7 figures, ” or at least, they don’t settle down with one, because less than 10% of FAMILIES have an income that size in this country. Those men are rare, and most women seem to find men who earn less.

        So is 10% (or lower) the NAWALT? Or is the 90% the NAWALT?

        I think you’re unduly negative about the norm.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 5

        • LostSailor Says:

          The NAWALT argument is usually deployed to suggest that any woman who is “like that” is somehow an outlier, an aberration.

          I agree that the majority of woman are probably not like that, but since a significant minority are like that, a wise man will screen carefully and drop any woman who seems “like that.”

          But by “like that” I don’t mean women who are looking for men with 6-7 figures and multiple university degrees. I mean women who are more interested in a man’s income or net worth and, to a lesser degree, a certain level of “education” rather than intelligence. And that group is much, much larger than 10%.

          I don’t think I’m really being that negative. Experience bears it out.

          So what about the women who aren’t like that? Those are the one’s men would be more attracted to…

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 19 Thumb down 1

  12. DowntownAngel Says:

    Moxie’s response is partly correct in that the single most important factor for attracting men (any men, not just 6 or 7 figures men) is looks, youth, freshness and a positive demeanor.

    Moxie’s dead wrong on “over 200K guys” not wanting to get married. The fact is, the absolute majority of them are married with kids or have serious girlfriends. This should be obvious to everyone working in finance or corporate environment. How many CEOs, senior bankers or fund managers do you know who are single? Hellooo, they are all married.

    The OP may want to read “Become your own matchmaker”, which gives good advice on how and where to meet successful men, and also how to attract them. Like Moxie said, there really is no “budget” way to do it for a 35 year old woman, unless she’s exposed to such men at work (in which case this is exactly where she should be hunting). Expensive clubs, events, first class airline seats and lounges, expensive sporting events (triathlon, tennis), art auctions, all can work… starbucks – not so much

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 4

    • Mary Says:

      I agree with DowntownAngel. There are definitely men making this type of income that want to be in relationships, but most of them are married. The majority of my male colleagues are these men and they aren’t just out for some trophy young wife. They want (and some have) smart, kind women who are age appropriate. I think making the generalization that most guys who make over $100k are only looking for young, hot, 20 somethings is inaccurate. First off, making 6 or 7 figures in NYC isn’t that much of an achievement…it’s pretty much the norm here. I think the OP should look at attending charity events and then maybe she can meet someone who meets her financial requirements in addition to someone that has similar interests. But, in the end, money isn’t going to keep you together.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 16 Thumb down 7

      • Andthatswhyyouresingle Says:

        I think making the generalization that most guys who make over $100k are only looking for young, hot, 20 somethings is inaccurate.

        That’s why I said that the ones who *are* looking to find a relationship or get married are likely men she’s overlooked. This city is overrun with men who make six figures. I find ti hard to believe she can’t find any men who fit the 2 requirements she listed. The city is full of them.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 1

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        making 6 or 7 figures in NYC isn’t that much of an achievement…it’s pretty much the norm here.
        Try again. The median household income for NYC is $50,285, and even for Manhattan it’s only $64,971. (Source: US Census Bureau)

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 2

        • Trouble Says:

          That’s what I’m saying. Even in NYC, the majority of men earn under 100k.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

          • DowntownAngel Says:

            This statistic is not an accurate representation of reality. Of course there’s a lot of urban poverty in NYC, and there’s also a ton of students and “artistic” types and it all drags down the average/median values. When you’re looking at “regular” white collar crowd, their salaries basically start at 100K for 1st year associates (plus bonus if there’s such a thing anymore), which is really not a lot, especially when you’re not relying on government-subsidized housing or rich sponsors of your “art”.

            Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 10

            • Mary Says:

              Correct, it isn’t an accurate representation. I don’t know anyone living in Manhattan making less than $80,000 because you can’t and still live here. 1BR’s cost around $3K/mo now. You’re not affording that on 65 G’s. Most twenty somethings I know make 100K plus. I guess maybe I’m used to financial services salaries as that’s been my career experience. I just read an article today that stated: “The average salary in the securities industry in the nation’s financial capital, New York City, is now $362,950, according to New York State Comptroller Thomas P. DiNapoli” and that average is definitely dragged down by many people earning well above that figure.

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 17

              • Jack Says:

                LOL – Mary is just here pissing everyone off with her skewed finance industry salary info. Dude, most men in this city make under $100K.

                That said, there are plenty of well off men who are single. And they are single for one reason – NYC is a playground for any successful man. Hell, for any halfway desirable man.

                And as Moxie said, men are interested in LOOKS. Who gives a crap about what you make or what you do? Plus you’re 37….Are you kidding me?

                Here’s a dose of painful truth – If you are a woman over 35, you better start to get realistic about your dating options. From 19-30, women are in prime position to attract a man. If you spend that time fooling around and flaking out on guys just because you’re getting all this attention, you will find yourself looking for successful men and not finding them.

                Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 3

            • Crotch Rocket Says:

              This statistic is not an accurate representation of reality.
              “Median household income” means that 50% of all households (most of which have two workers) have an income lower than that number. Period. Households with only one (or zero) workers will be even lower. Your denial just shows how out of touch you (and your expectations) are with the reality around you.

              When you’re looking at “regular” white collar crowd,
              They are a small fraction of the total population, i.e. not “the norm”. The “norm” in NYC (in fact, all across the country) is somewhere between poverty and living from paycheck to paycheck.

              Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 19 Thumb down 3

              • DowntownAngel Says:

                Fascinating facts, thank you for putting me back in touch with the reality (rolling my eyes). Your point, though factually accurate, is moot. People hang out for the most part with the members of their own socioeconomic class. People living on 50K in Manhattan? To me (and the OP) they may as well be living on a different planet. I don’t socialize with them, I don’t live next to them, I wasn’t dating them (back when I was dating) and the fact that there’s a lot of them did nothing for my, or the OP’s, or any other white collar woman’s dating prospects.

                Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 7 Thumb down 25

                • Crotch Rocket Says:

                  People hang out for the most part with the members of their own socioeconomic class.
                  True, but if you only see one (highly abnormal) socioeconomic group, that results in a warped perspective of what the “norm” actually is–and therefore warped expectations for yourself and others. For instance, the OP thinks she’s fishing in the top 10% of men–but she’s really fishing in the top 10% of the top 10%, i.e. the top 1%–and she’s competing with nearly 100% of single women also interested in those same men. The odds are not good, so perhaps she would be better off “settling” for “only” the top 10%–which is still quite an achievement, even if it may not seem like it when you make a point of ignoring the other 90% of the population.

                  Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 18 Thumb down 1

                • Trouble Says:

                  People living on 50K in Manhattan? To me (and the OP) they may as well be living on a different planet. I don’t socialize with them, I don’t live next to them, I wasn’t dating them (back when I was dating) and the fact that there’s a lot of them did nothing for my, or the OP’s, or any other white collar woman’s dating prospects.

                  So, cops, firefighters, military personnel, guys in the skilled trades, degreed men who work in social services/education/criminal justice, etc. would all be beneath you?

                  Because I’ve worked with some really intelligent, well-educated, caring, ethical guys from NYC in all of those fields because of my job. Apparently, working in finance equals greater intelligence/character than teaching kids to read or prosecuting crimes or arresting criminals.

                  It’s interesting to see how people think, sometimes.

                  I can see why several of you are single now.

                  Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

                • Snowflake Says:

                  I missed the memo that stated a person’s self worth, integrity, dignity and basic sense of being a decent human being equates to their ability (or inability) to earn a 6 or 7 figure annual income.

                  Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

              • Mary Says:

                And the census bureau provides an ESTIMATE of the median household income so the numbers you are quoting as being pure fact, are not…they’re estimated. I bet you also think the September unemployment figure is correct.

                Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 15

                • noway Says:

                  Looking over your arguments, I suggest quitting when you are far behind.

                  Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

        • Howard Says:

          The median figure is that lower number. But never forget the sheer numbers of people living in NYC. Even if the number of guys making six figures is only 20%, that would give you 20,000 men out of a pool of 100, 000 men. And 20,000 is a big number. And as we know the number of men in NYC are way beyond 100,000. So the number of men making six figures is way beyond 20,000 men.

          The other issue is where one hangs out. In certain places, almost everyone in the room is over six figures. If I go to an event we affectionately dub the liar’s ball, there are over 2,000 people there and over 90% are making more than a $100,000. Probably like 5 to 10% of the room is seven figures. That event is actually over 80% male. I guess Deborah should be there. If she were cool, she would do extremely well. A lot of these guys are good at making money and sometimes not as sharp with women.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

          • Crotch Rocket Says:

            never forget the sheer numbers of people living in NYC
            A larger population means more desirable men, but it also means more women competing for those same desirable men; the percentages still matter.

            Even if the number of guys making six figures is only 20%
            OTOH, the percentage of single men making six figures will be way lower than your alleged 20%, because that statistic I gave includes dual-income households and because single men have lower incomes than married/coupled men in general–and much less disposable income (and therefore ability to build net worth) because they’re not sharing expenses.

            I guess Deborah should be there. If she were cool, she would do extremely well.
            There’s probably a reason she hasn’t been invited to join the club.

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

        • LostSailor Says:

          Sorry, CR, but I have to agree that median income is not a good metric, especially given the topic of a dating pool of a certain income. New York City is a widely varying population. You’d have to adjust for geographic location and the age group of your dating pool. Skew it younger and the median will be less. In the OP’s dating range, men with advanced degrees and mid-30s to upper-40s there are going to be quite a lot of men who pull 6 figures. Apparently it’s not enough.

          I know several single guys who are in the age range and make 7 figures. Two are divorced, one has never been married. I can absolutely guarantee that if a woman they met and were even interested in started digging around for information about their income or net worth, they’d drop her in a moment. They all work a lot and would prefer women who will provide loving support, not just help them by spending their money. They are all very wary of mercenary women.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

      • Brad Says:

        “There are definitely men making this type of income that want to be in relationships, but most of them are married. The majority of my male colleagues are these men … They want (and some have) smart, kind women who are age appropriate.”

        You’re in a perfect position – ask these wives if their guy *already* made $200+ when she married him, or did she marry a guy who made very little but supported him on the way up?

        That wouldn’t surprise me – the the union of a smart, kind woman and a man open to a relationship resulted in a *family* that clears high-six or seven figures.

        The OP is looking for a guy that did it on his own, and that’s where her plan falls apart.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 24 Thumb down 1

        • DowntownAngel Says:

          You hit the nail on the head here. The OP is too late in the game to marry a guy with potential (you marry potential at 27, not 37) and she is probably too old to be a second wife for a guy looking for an upgrade now that he’s made it. There’s no clear cut scenario for her and she has to be very creative, do her homework, and go older (50 yrs) where she can still pull the 2nd wife thing if he looks allow

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 21 Thumb down 0

        • Mary Says:

          Most of my colleagues didn’t marry until they were in their mid thirties and they were making well over $200K by that point. These women fell in love with the guy and honestly I don’t think any of them would have felt differently if their guys were making less…they just loved the man in question and rightly so…they are fantastic guys. My point is, there are guys out there, decent ones, who make a very good living and would be candidates for the OP. I just don’t think she’s looking in the right place AND I think she must be giving off some vibe that tells her would be suitors that she is only after a certain bank account level.

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 12 Thumb down 3

  13. K Says:

    First, in order for Sarah’s income to be “an issue for the men,” they would have to know what her income is. They would have to *know* that they are less educated and make less money than she does, and for that to be the case, she’d either have to tell them directly “I have X degree and make X money,” which seems very inappropriate to be telling guys you just met at single events, OR she’d have to make it really obvious she’s used to a certain lifestyle by talking a lot up front about the expensive things she owns and likes to do. Right? How about NOT doing that?

    I can’t speak to the 7-figure men, but it should not be much of a challenge to find a man who makes 6 figures and doesn’t have a problem with how much you make, if you’re not obnoxious about telling him your income and what kind of lifestyle you expect to have. Why not just cool it with that and get to know him before you get into detail on finances. In the early stages of dating, he’d be asking you out and setting the agenda for dates, so you can get an idea of what kind of lifestyle he likes to have. You can start contributing to dates and such without being obvious about how much money you make.

    Also, guess what, you can have an awesome functional relationship that makes your life better *with a guy who doesn’t make as much as you.* I actually don’t know how much my boyfriend makes, but I would guess it’s not as much as I do (though it may well be 6 figures). But we like to do the same things, he’s generous, I contribute without making a point about income / finances, and it works out great. He’s extremely good at what he does, I’m good at what I do, and we’re not intimidated by each other.

    I’m having trouble seeing why this is an issue… As others pointed out, you can go on Match or a number of other places and meet nice guys with 6-figure incomes. Don’t talk about finances in the early stages of dating, and let things unfold!

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 0

  14. Jess Says:

    it’s 2012, I don’t think a man has an issue with a woman making more then they do. I sure don’t. I think it’s cool. I just think she’s looking in the wrong places.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 2

  15. LostSailor Says:

    I have been going to singles events for the past year and have found that the men are nice but that most of them are less educated and make less money than I do and that it is an issue for the men.

    No, your income or degrees are not an issue for the men, they’re an issue for you. First, how do you know these men are less educated and make less money than you do, all from a singles event? I suspect you’re asking them, and that’s the issue men have with you. The fact that these are your initial concerns when meeting men at a singles event screams “gold-digger.” I imagine that they are nice…as they slowly back away from you and engage someone else.

    Sarah, you aren’t really looking for a man. You’re status-seeking. You are looking for an idea, but unfortunately that idea is just a sparkly unicorn. You’re a victim of credentialism: the idea that the more degrees you have, the more “educated” you are. But degrees do not correlate positively with education or even success; usually the correlation is a negative one. Education has nothing to do with intelligence, either, though credentialists like you often confuse the two. Some of the most successful men in the world have no degrees at all.

    You are looking for “affordable” ways of meeting high-status, wealthy men who want to have a serious relationship? Sorry, you can’t find unicorns on the cheap.

    The guys you meet at these events are quite likely your ideal dating pool. They are “nice” but you’re not looking at them as human beings, just credentials and bank accounts. You’re 37 and still chasing rainbows; tomorrow you’ll wake up at 47, still single, and notice that the rainbows and unicorns have lost their sparkle.

    Time for some serious life reappraisal before it’s too late.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 42 Thumb down 1

  16. DrivingMeNutes Says:

    If I’m being honest, there are women that intimidate me. For the most part, those would be women that are really physically beautiful so I feel they are out of my league. I can’t imagine being intimidated by intelligence or economic status. On the other hand, I’m SURE some guys would be. Guys who are not rich or intelligent or successful may actually feel inferior to a woman who is. I don’t think its as simple as “he just doesn’t like you” because that view obscures real motivating anxieties and prejudices.

    That said, it is true that women do falsely tell themselves “oh the guy must be intimidated” just as a guy might, after getting rejected, think “oh she’s a lesbian.” But, that doesn’t mean there aren’t lesbians.

    The real issue is that the woman saying this are never as rich, intelligent or successful as they believe. As someone else noted above, the “six or seven figure” comment belies a complete oblivion to what those incomes mean. To me, its similar to comments about “men in finance,” or lawyers, or “doctors.” It just comes off as naïve. As someone else said, if you don’t already know where these men are, its because you weren’t invited to the club.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 22 Thumb down 0

  17. mindstar Says:

    I absolutely agree with Moxie on this and Steve T. hit the nail on the head when he noted that the OP comes across as purely mercenary. BTW there was a article yesterday originally from the New York Post about a wealthy Wall Street type (Larry Greenfield) who’d spent $65K on matchmakers and has been on 250 dates without finding a single woman he felt compatible with. His matchmakers observed that he had an extremely long wish list and was “a 6 looking for a 10″ My point is even the 7 figures earners are not necessarily good picks even when they are are hunting for “the One”.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 16 Thumb down 1

    • Doramin Says:

      Yoicks! I think I read that article. This Larry Greenfield had a bizarre list of “deal-breakers” that he would not accept in a prospective mate. He came across as a ludicrous caricature that even Candace Bushnell would not have dreamed up for one of her novels.

      Apropos of Ms. Sex and the City…her stuff has been getting better in recent years. I think as she ages she spends less time partying and more time writing and researching.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  18. India Says:

    We are all shallow and superficial about something. Men living in San Jose (where i lived shortly) bemoan the lack of physically attractive women: they are not bashed for being shallow, and we just accept that as it is. We do not tell them they are chasing after the wrong things.
    The op is at least honest and upfront about what she wants. She wants a guy who can provide a certain life style. This is not any more superficial than a man looking for a blond bombshell.
    Some of you will and have dismiss a potential partner who live outside of manhanttan : who are you to lecture the op on superficiality?? Maybe where somone lives is as disconnects to intelligence and charActer as educational status?
    I suggest the op to look into the age category between 45 and 55. Golf and ski are great way to meet people.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 9

    • LostSailor Says:

      We do not tell them they are chasing after the wrong things.

      Completely wrong. Men are told all the time that they are superficial and chasing the wrong things if they prefer a woman of a certain weight and physical attractiveness.

      The op is at least honest and upfront about what she wants. She wants a guy who can provide a certain life style. This is not any more superficial than a man looking for a blond bombshell.

      The OP can be “honest and up front” and still be superficial. If she’s looking for a man who can provide a certain lifestyle, she’d better be bringing a whole lot to the table. Since money and “education” are the only criteria she mentioned as desirable in a man (oh, and one who “wants a serious relationship”), it’s fair to say that it’s just as superficial as a man who want only the physical beauty of a “blond bombshell.” He’d better bring a lot to the table, too.

      In their late-30s, both are likely to be quite disappointed.

      Some of you will and have dismiss a potential partner who live outside of manhanttan [sic] : who are you to lecture the op on superficiality??

      Aaand the point of that thread goes over your head. For someone to be a potential partner, you’d have to already know them. Someone unknown to you who lives outside of your area isn’t necessarily a good dating prospect.

      Sure, the love of my life may live outside my local area, but that’s irrelevant. Dating someone unknown outside your area is taking a flyer on a large extra investment that is statistically unlikely to work out.

      And who am I to lecture? An anonymous commenter on an internet blog. If you don’t like what I have to say, feel free to not listen.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

  19. Crotch Rocket Says:

    I agree with everything Moxie said–and I’m one of those “six-figure” guys you think you’re looking for.

    I have no problem with a woman who makes more (or less) money or has more (or less) education than me. I do have a problem with a woman who has arbitrary financial or educational standards for the men she dates–even if I happen to meet them. I’m looking for someone who is happy, fun and enjoys life and who is looking for the same in a man. Your letter doesn’t mention any of those things, so I get the sense you really want to date my wallet and my diploma, not me, and that’s just not something I’m interested in. If I were in the market for a trophy wife, I’d be looking for someone in her early to mid 20s, not mid 30s, so you wouldn’t even get on my radar in the first place, not matter where or how we met.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 20 Thumb down 2

  20. Bill Says:

    Put most basically, if I’m making high-six-or-seven figures, I want two things from a woman – really hot, and really low maintenance. If I’m making that kind of money, I’ve got a lot of things on my mind pretty much all the time and, honestly, whether her dress makes her look fat or not or which of us is better educated or how the guy at the corner store didn’t talk to her with sufficient respect just isn’t on that list. I’m really not going to have time for a relationship like that. I’m going to want to show up, be entertained, and go about my business. Now, maybe Sarah wants the same thing here. But at 37 and claiming to want “a serious relationship”, I’m betting not.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 6

    • Deborah Says:

      Ok so clearly some men figure that women who look good are something that can be bought. There are men who have beautiful wives who aren’t rich though. I think they came to love these women and impress them in better ways. However a man who just bought something…that’s not a task worthy of praise. Society won’t applaud. In fact it seems more of a shame.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 15

      • Trouble Says:

        Oh. i see. So, it’s fine to evaluate a man on the basis of his earnings or educational credentials alone, but choosing a wife on the basis of her looks is superficial.

        Noted.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 27 Thumb down 4

      • Bill Says:

        Look, Deborah, it’s just a fact that men prefer beautiful women to ugly ones. Don’t blame me. Blame God or evolution. But, buying has nothing to do with it. Sarah’s the one who brought up six-to-seven figure earnings, not me. The fact is that a guy making that kind of money, even if he’s single, is already married, to his career. He isn’t going to have the time or bandwidth to be be looking for his “soulmate” (When you’re in this status, you meet them before you’re on top of the world and you’re out of Sarah’s market.). He’s going to be looking for someone who can show him a good time on the moments he has to wind down.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 3

        • Scott Says:

          Being married to the career is a pretty accurate statement. One of my best friends sold his company for $300 million back in 1996. Prior to 1996, he spent almost all his time working. One year, he was only “home” for 35 days the entire year. Even he is shocked that his wife stayed with him through all that. But they have been together since 1986 – long before his company exploded in value. Nowadays, he drives a 2004 pickup truck and lives in a typical suburban 3-2-2 house with her. She still works (and makes about $250,000 per year.) He piddles around in his office/warehouse buying, repairing and selling used restaurant equipment because it makes him happy.

          Yes, he has a big boat, but he hasn’t taken it out for two years. Yes, he owns a condo in Belize, but normally, when they go on trips, it’s to visit her family in Iowa. He prefers living across the street from school teachers, merchant marines, and normal middle class people – which is cool, otherwise he wouldn’t have anything to do with me. He even took a job (his first paycheck since 1977) teaching at a technical college to train air conditioning technicians for just $20 per hour. The Director of the school had to call him into the office and complain because he wasn’t cashing his paychecks. He was just throwing them into his desk drawer when he got home.

          I guarantee you that he wouldn’t have anything to do with a gold digger like the woman in the OP. I had lunch with him today, and the waittress was flirting with him. She had NO IDEA she was talking to a guy worth 9 figures, and that is just fine with him.

          They did splurge last week, and traded in her 10 year old Oldsmobile for a brand new Camry – but they had to work to find one without leather seats because she prefers cloth.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 1

    • Doramin Says:

      There is that little matter that big-earning men tend to be workaholics who mainly want a woman who can raise their kids, keep house and maintain their social profile.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  21. Bill Says:

    And a “by the way” for Sarah, if she’s making sooo much more money than all the guys she goes out with, why exactly is she looking for an AFFORDABLE way of meeting a guy with six-seven figure earnings?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 23 Thumb down 1

    • gooch mango Says:

      Well, if I had to guess, I’d say it’s because she got that 6 figure NYC job… and it went to her head. Now she is slowly sinking under the weight of too much apartment, too many trendy things from trendy boutiques, and too many nights out. Throw in the student loans for her wonderful education and you have the perfect picture of the modern, entitled debt junkie. NYC’s crawlin’ with ‘em.

      Enter: The Seven Figure Man… he’ll make it all right.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 14 Thumb down 1

  22. Craig Says:

    I’m a dude between the ages of 35-50 in NYC who has a six or seven figure annual income and who wants to have a serious relationship – actually I’m already in one. But if I were single, my reaction to the OP’s wish list would be the same as a woman’s reaction to a man who states he’s looking for women with big tits. Suffice it to say, I would not be interested. Anyone who reduces men to little more than a balance sheet is so not hot. Such women are what I call firecrackers – good for one bang and that’s it.

    Even less desirable about the OP is that she’s apparently cheap. Bill makes a valid observation above – If she supposedly makes so much bank, why is she concerend about finding an affordable way to meet high-earning men? One would think she’s already running in their high-cost social circles.

    Secure, confident men aren’t intimidated by women outearning us. On the contrary it would be a welcome relief to have someone else take on most of the financial load for a change. I dated plenty of women who outearned me without issue. What is an issue for us is when a woman feels the need to constantly brow-beat us about it or compare us to her friends’ men. Women should look for a guy you’re attracted to, who treats you right, puts in a honest day’s work, and is good at what he does. That’s all you need to be happy.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 29 Thumb down 0

    • DowntownAngel Says:

      ” But if I were single, my reaction to the OP’s wish list would be the same as a woman’s reaction to a man who states he’s looking for women with big tits”

      … but wait, that’s what men DO want, don’t wait? Big tits, small ass, you name it. Were you dating women that did not fit your beauty standard just because they were oh so beautiful on the inside? Any obese but nice ex-gfs? If yes – my respect, if no – you’re a typical male hypocrite who doesn’t want to be reduced to a balance sheet (or more like income statement in this case) but is perfectly fin objectifying women.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 20

      • jthc Says:

        You assume a lot. Where does he say he’s looking for a particular beauty standard?

        Regardless, everyone has *preferences*, superficial or not, but it’s disastrous to approach dating with your superficial preferences at the top of your list. I doubt many men get anywhere saying “Yeah, I want a girl with a perfect body.” Similarly, women should expect to get denied when they say “I’m looking for a man who makes a lot of money.”

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 1

        • Crotch Rocket Says:

          I doubt many men get anywhere saying “Yeah, I want a girl with a perfect body.”
          Every guy wants a girl with a perfect body (note: ideals vary). However, we’re realistic enough to know (a) not to say that, (b) we’re probably not going to get it, and (c) it won’t last anyway. You don’t see many guys choosing to go home alone because they could only pull a 9, not a 10 like they wanted. We know that the longer we wait, the worse our options get–and the more willing we are to settle for what’s available. OTOH, women seem to think that the longer they wait, the higher their standards should be, which is absurd.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 1

      • Bill Says:

        “… but wait, that’s what men DO want, don’t wait? Big tits, small ass, you name it.”

        Not 100%. As much as I acknowledged the hot factor above, it’s pretty specific. When you’re in this position, you’re not looking for a soulmate. That’s something you do when you don’t have anything to negotiate with but your worth as a human being. When you’re in the six-to-seven figure income range, you’ve got to assume that your money is part of the package she’s looking for. Not fair, but true. So, if you have to assume she’s looking at you as an annuity and you have limited time and bandwidth to devote to finding the perfect girl, you’re going to make a rational choice.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

      • Craig Says:

        I don’t think so DowntownAngel. Different men have a variety of different tastes, and not all want what you describe. Yes, I did in fact date a woman who was a little on the chunky side for my tastes. I actually sometimes regret letting her go because she was awesome. I dated women too dark, too light, too tall, too short – because you never know who your best match may be, so I kept an open mind. I never cared what size my girlfriends’ breasts were. Sure, bigger ones are nice when you come across ‘em by chance, but it was hardly a required factor in whom I chose to date. I’m confident most men feel the same. So I think you got some bad intel there. For either gender, physical attraction is a reasonable part of the equation when selecting a mate, and it’s hardly objectifying people to prefer certain physical traits one is attracted to. For example, if you prefer men with fair skin or blonde hair, how is that objectifying them?

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 0

        • DowntownAngel Says:

          .. so if I prefer blond men with blue eyes it’s ok, but if I prefer men who make XX amount of money it’s not? Cudos to you for dating all sorts of girls. Most guys, I found, have a very specific type that they go for, and not really interested in dating outside of that type.

          Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 6

          • Craig Says:

            Exactly. There’s nothing wrong with preferring certain physical traits, because you have to be attracted to the person you’re sleeping with. But if it’s a lot of money you want – make it yourself and you don’t have to worry about what your partner makes. It’s the 21st century – there’s nothing wrong with females being the providers. It’s the equality you all asked for.

            Most ladies have a specific type they go for too – and I speak from experience in saying they aren’t interested in dating outside that type either. So what’s your point?

            Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

            • DowntownAngel Says:

              My point is that you’re a hypocrite, sorry. You don’t get to say that your brand of shallowness is “better” than my or OP’s brand of shallowness. I for one do not have a physical type. I would probably pass on morbidly obese, but I’ve dated tall, short, skinny, chubby, athletic, blond, brunette, bald, you name it. What I do have is a personality “type” and I like high driven alpha males that usually come with money (and I am worth 7 fig myself btw). Me and the OP are entitled to seek out our “types” just as you are entitled to seek out a tiny 100lbs asian girl for a wife ;)

              Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 5 Thumb down 13

              • Craig Says:

                You are certainly entitled to seek out whatever you want. I just hope for your sake that you don’t die alone because your reach exceeds your grasp.

                Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 2

                • DowntownAngel Says:

                  you don’t need to worry about that – I am a happily married woman. I am married to the kind of guy the OP wants… i hope she reads the book I suggested and makes adjustments to her strategy as landing that kind of guy at 37 is no easy task…

                  Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        … but wait, that’s what men DO want, don’t wait? Big tits, …
        Actually, I prefer average to smaller breasts, but I wouldn’t disqualify a gal with large breasts if she was otherwise a good match. How many women prefer a man with a small paycheck?

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

        • India Says:

          How many men prefer a woman that is obese? Look, we are all superficial in our own ways. If it is not social status, then it is something else.
          I prefer people being honest with themselves about what they want and need. As opposed pretending to be “better than thou” and all into “character!”, “humility!” When was the last time a man asked a girl out because she has “omg inner beauty.”

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 6

          • Crotch Rocket Says:

            How many men prefer a woman that is obese?
            Have you never heard of “chubby chasers”?

            we are all superficial in our own ways.
            Of course. However, there is a difference between preferences and demands, between compromise and entitlement.

            Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 0

  23. joe-f Says:

    I also fit into your criteria-35-50 with a seven figure salary and interested in a serious relationship. Sorry, I am already married. The woman I chose to be my wife is the most humble person you will ever find. She would never look down on people who make less than her.

    I grew up poor. My parents worked fourteen hour days seven days a week to raise me. Millions of Americans work just as hard as them but never make more than minimum wage. What makes you think you are better than them? Because you have a bigger number on your paycheck? Your arrogance sickens me. I would rather date a skunk than you.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 31 Thumb down 3

    • India Says:

      You should chill out. We would all be kidding if we pretend all we care about is inner beauty. We are all superficial about something.
      The op wants date someone who makes a good living – she may be totally respectful to those who are not, she just chooses not to date them.
      All women care about financial security. Trust me, your wife does too. Unless you met your wife when you were unemployed and penniless, it was a factor in her decision making.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 9

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        The op wants date someone who makes a good living
        No, she doesn’t. A “good” living is upper five figures. Six figures is a “great” living, and seven figures is a “magnificent” living. Most people will barely make seven figures in their entire career; to describe it as merely “good” to make that much money in one year is ridiculous.

        All women care about financial security.
        True, and so do nearly all men. The difference is that (most) men go out and get the level of financial security they want for themselves–and don’t arbitrarily demand that any woman they date needs to be in the top 1% of earners to be eligible for a date.

        Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 19 Thumb down 1

        • Craig Says:

          All women care about financial security.

          True, and so do nearly all men. The difference is that (most) men go out and get the level of financial security they want for themselves–and don’t arbitrarily demand that any woman they date needs to be in the top 1% of earners to be eligible for a date.

          Amen brother. You want security – make your own paper and you’ve got it. Then you have as many options as men when it comes to potential lovers because you don’t have to worry about your mate providing it for you.

          Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 0

      • joe-f Says:

        I am superficial so I care about your looks but not how much money you have. My wife does care about financial security so that is why she makes her own good living. I live a very modest lifestyle so my wife, who isn’t familiar with my job, never knew how much I made until we were married and decided to join bank accounts. I believe a good woman is someone who looks for a man who can take care of himself financially but not necessarily, someone who can pay everything for her. Trust me, you don’t need to live at one57 to be happy.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

    • asdfasdfa Says:

      Add me to the list. I fit OP’s criteria perfectly and I’m already married. I wouldn’t even consider her if I were single.

      My wife and I met when I was still in school. She and I built our lives together, and I know she loves me for more than my status and cash, because we fell in love before I had any of that. We’re a team, and if all that went away tomorrow, we’d still be a team. Among my family and friends, many make low five figures, and several don’t have college degrees. It doesn’t come up, and it’s not an issue. So why is it such an issue for the OP?

      One thing that might matter is her age, and not just for Moxie’s reasons. Guys looking for a soul mate are probably interested in having kids. At 37, any pregnancy she has will be high-risk. Give her a few years to find someone and get married, and she’ll be nearly at the end of her child-bearing years. Someone who wants to build a family is going to think about that before asking for her phone number.

      Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 12 Thumb down 0

  24. RJ Says:

    I don’t know if I agree with the idea of “money people look for money people.” But I think what is important here is the way you treat others is what you get in return. “Be the kind of person you want to be with.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  25. Chuck Pelto Says:

    TO: All
    RE: Too Phoney

    <b?If you have your priorities in their proper order, everything falls into place automatically.

    It’s too bad that most of the comments….as well as the principal article, seem to ignore that fact.

    Regards,

    Chuck(le)
    P.S. This after observing the CINC FORSCOM relieve for cause a brigade commander for having his priorities bass-ackward……

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 5

  26. Keith Says:

    To be the bearer of bad news to “Sarah”, but she needs to know.

    Her genitalia are NOT lined w/ gold. Many, if not most, of the single men with those high incomes will only view her as another trophy fuck – of which, they have had many.

    Years ago when I was a lifeguard, a fellow lifeguard (female and not really that attractive) said she wanted to marry a rich man. When I replied that made her a high priced call girl she had no logical response.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 4

  27. Richard Says:

    Hey, guess what? I’m more educated than you and I make more money than you, and I don’t like you.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 3

  28. mari Says:

    Thanks Bill..I am completely confused by the affordable requirement. OP, if you make so much money, why do you need an affordable way to meet men?? Would think you could meet them thru work, sporting events, skiing, golf, vacations..tons of places especially since you have plenty of money to do these things? I like dating someone in my “economic status” because then we can do things together, and I can contribute my share without stress..since your income bracket is presumably 6 to 7 figures, start doing the things that 6-7 figure earners do and don’t be cheap.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

  29. Scott Says:

    I was married for 20 years to a woman who is a well educated high earner. She works in investment banking. It was a miserable existence. I was constantly being compared to every other “high status” man out there. After her little sister married an oncologist, it got even worse for me.

    If a woman can imagine being married to someone who comes home every other night talking about the beautiful, sexy women they spent time with that day, and oh, by the way, “why aren’t you as beautiful and sexy as those women I meet in the course of my business are?”, then you can imagine how awful it is to be locked in a relationship with a woman who is constantly comparing you with the high status men she works with.

    I’m no slouch. I was a Division Manager in a construction and Engineering firm, and even bought her a nice red Jaguar sports car for her 39th birthday. But my social status (Engineer) didn’t compete well with the social status of investment banker, or her sister’s husband (doctor.) So, she eventually acted on her fantasies, and destroyed the family. Four years later, she is finally dating the doctor. Good luck to him.

    I say good riddance to social status conscious women. I own a business now, and don’t have to worry about making sure my house has the latest marble floors/wood floors/$10,000 couch/granite countertops any more. I don’t have to go shopping with her for the next $400 dress. Hallelujah!

    At age 47, I have 20-something and 30-something women chasing me, and they are thrilled to get dinner. I am much more interested in the secretaries, the waitresses, or the dental hygienists of the world. They don’t turn their noses us a $95,000 sports cars. They are thrilled to be invited to a live show that costs me $20 bucks apiece. They are GRATEFUL, APPRECIATIVE, and ADMIRING. Why would I ever want another shrill social climber when I can have the 29 year old, 115 lb brunette that enjoys riding a bike with me for 20-30 miles, and making out in an isolated park along the side of the road along the way?

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 30 Thumb down 2

    • martinkh Says:

      My hero (I am also an Engineer).

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

    • brad Says:

      I hope you cleaned her out in the divorce.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

      • Scott Says:

        HA! If only. It cost me $250,000 in child support because she got my daughters for the last 4 years.

        Now, with all 3 kids in college, I am not paying child support anymore, but I still have the college bills. She told the kids that they were on their own for college because she didn’t have enough money to help them – even though she makes over $200,000 per year. Fortunately, my oldest will graduate this December, so that leaves me with just two daughters in school instead of all 3 at the same time.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 0

      • Denise Says:

        “I hope you cleaned her out in the divorce.”

        Perhaps this attitude is why the OP and similar women don’t want to date men who earn less than them.

        No one – male or female – likes the idea of someone “cleaning out” what they have legitimately worked for.

        Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 10

        • LostSailor Says:

          Nice sentiment, but most of the time it’s the men that are being cleaned out. Not that there’s much hue and cry over it, though…

          Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 1

    • Ashley Says:

      Scott, I’m sorry about the end to your unhappy marriage, but I’m going to give you a hard reality check. Any 20-something woman who is dating a 47-year-old man has deep issues. Period. She either has “Daddy issues” or is seeking someone to pay her bills or foot her boring lifestyle. I might also add that YOU have issues dating 20-something women. This is reflective of a classic mid-life crisis. Sorry, but dating a 20-something won’t make you any younger. You’re getting older by the day, and I guarantee you any 20-something you might be dating will drop you just as quickly as she came around once someone hotter and younger comes around. I consider myself to be a healthy, sane 26-year-old. My DAD is your age. There is nothing attractive to me about a man in his 40′s. No 20-something woman wants to date a divorced, middle-aged Dad unless she herself does not have a “Dad” to turn to. No 20-something girl wants to be a Stepmom!

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 6

  30. Sarah Says:

    I know where you can find men who make six or seven figures: The 1990s. Since you’ve obviously been absent these last 5 years, let me be the first to welcome you to the everlasting Dutch oven of our Recessiolypse.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 15 Thumb down 0

  31. Bill Says:

    I’m going to stipulate that, like craig or joe-f, I’m on (in my case lower) end of that market, but taken. In my case, though, it’s complicated by the fact that my wife may well be dying. My wife fell in love with me (and I her) when I wasn’t making bupkis. She’s always been the one who’s more reticent about spending money. And that makes me want to deliver for her more. I look at a girl like Sarah and I think “I know how she’s sizing me up.” If worse comes to worse, I might be thrust back into the market of girls like her (I pray to god I’m not). Am I going to go from a woman who I know loved me from the depths of her soul unconditionally to someone I have to expect is judging me as cash flow? Maybe so. But, don’t think for a minute that I’ll not be making similarly mercenary judgements.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

    • SB Says:

      So sorry to hear about your wife, Bill :( That’s gotta suck

      One option, though, if you are thrust back into the dating market (hopefully not too soon), is to not let on that you are so well off until you are sure the woman at least has some interest in you for You. As in, cheap dates, don’t pick her up in some swanky car, reasonably priced restaurants, walks, visiting pretty towns or historic sites, movies, cheaper shows, etc. Maybe even bring her back to your place when you know each other well enough, for home-cooked dinner and a movie. It is romantic, but doesn’t reek of “lots of money.”

      Don’t reveal salary or other wealth information until you know her better. These are the types of dates I am taken on by those who make 5 and barely-6 figures, and I enjoy them quite well! I even went out with one guy where we could go to the gym or a local park to shoot hoops, play volleyball – he was teaching me that one, weight lift, run, etc. so much fun and free! Or the beach, the possibilities can be fun and endless for cheap things.

      Good luck with all

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 0

      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        Alternately, if you feel the need to “make up for lost time” or console yourself with meaningless sex, definitely flaunt your money–and there will be no shortage of women offering sex in return for a shot at it. Just don’t take any of them seriously, no matter how convincing they may be.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

    • Doramin Says:

      Yes, like SB said. I’m sorry about your situation but for God’s sake when it’s all over please get your emotions in order before you do something rash on the rebound. Remember Sir Paul McCartney and that monster Heather Mills. His children tried to warn him but he was smitten.

      Think Clint Eastwood.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

  32. Mike M. Says:

    I’m another professional with a 6-figure income…and the OP sounds like an interesting date.

    Mostly to burst the bubble of her ego. Never try to flaunt Ivy League snob credentials in front of an engineer, we don’t impress that easily.

    Now, if she ever got her arrogance under control, I’d suggest fencing classes. Most people are exposed to fencing in college, and it’s a sport martial enough to interest men, non-contact enough not to drive off women. And there are some excellent fencing clubs in New York.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

    • Bill Says:

      trying to break 200 lbs. on the downside. Then I’m thinking of taking up that and shooting.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

      • Mike M. Says:

        Me, too. But start fencing now.

        And shooting is a sport that truly is independent of physique. I’ve been doing THAT competitively for 35 years.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  33. Reaper63 Says:

    To start this off, yes our initial subject is single because men don’t like her attitude. But are her criteria that far out of line? Is it bad to want a relationship with an “equal”?
    We are ALL superficial to a degree, and to say otherwise is to lie to yourself.
    It won’t matter what degrees he has or how much he makes if you find him physically unattractive or boorish. Likewise if he is an underwear model for Calvin Kline, it probably won’t matter that he has no degree, isn’t rich, and can barely put together a coherent sentence.

    To pretend that a male with an afinity for Asians, blondes, a certain cup size, or a given weight range is some how “degrading” to females is silly!
    We all have things we look for in a potential mate. We call these things “standards”, and they are generally positive things. But standards should also be somewhat flexible to avoid becoming negative things that kill an otherwise good relationship. What trade offs are you willing to make for “the one”?
    How up front are you with your standards, and how do you present yourself to those who don’t meet them? Our 37 year old lady friend is a bit too direct, and comes off as elitist or mercenary at best, as the tone of her message states quite clearly. So even men who actually DO fall into her catagory of potential suiters dismiss her as a possible partner. By the way, men strongly identify with what we do for a living, so asking about it up front really shouldn’t be that off putting. (Asking how much you get paid for what you do on the other hand…not such a good impression)
    For an alternative example, I have a male friend who is looking for “Ms Right”, but constantly turns down potential companions due to his desire for something “outside the norm” for him (read: not blonde mid-western). And due to how he presents this, his lack of social skills, and an inability to relate at all to his target audience, he is stymied in his quest so far.

    I have dated very wealthy ladies, and I have dated lower income ladies. I have had girlfriends with and without college degrees. The amount of money made or degree achieved was NEVER an issue in any of these relationships. We had other things in common, and were attracted to one another on physical, emotional, and intellectual levels that superceded things like income levels and paper certificates. I have dated women who were short, tall, and in between, A to DD. All of them have been athletic and enjoyed physical activity ( my physical standard, athletisim, is pretty much the only one) of some sort. All of them shared my values and beliefs to a large extent, and we could laugh together. Do I have friends who are, shall we say, less athletic? Yes, I do. But no matter how well we may get along on other levels, there is no chance of anything more than a friendship due to my physical standard.

    My wife has some funny quirks. One of them (this does annoy me) is to say that I should have married a tall Nordic looking girl, due to my tall Nordic looks. She has dark hair, olive skin, and is 5’7″, while I’m blonde, fair, and 6’3″. I am phyically attracted to her because of her toned yet curvy figure that she works very hard (and successfully, even post baby) to maintain. She expects me to maintain my figure as well, which I’m mostly successful keeping to her satisfaction. But what has kept us together is our shared values, mutual appriciation of one another on an intellectual level, and a compatible sense of humor (can’t stress that enough!). We have our differences too. She went to technical school for dental assisting and has just completed her degree in history. In contrast, I do not have a degree, nor do I intend to pursue a traditional 4 year college education. I make the majority of the income, but she loves her job as a dental assistant.
    So I found a woman I can relate to on many levels, who meets my physical standards of attractiveness, and who likes me for me despite my weird uber geekdom tendancies. We’ve been married for over 8 years now, and are planning on many more. It can be done!

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 10 Thumb down 5

  34. martinkh Says:

    A 37 year old never married woman is not marketable, sorry. You spend your best years either tramping around for the guys who are the most fun, or else you burned them being Ms. Tough-as-nails at work and/or Ms. Set-in-her-ways at home. When I was 37, post divorce, I didn’t even consider a woman my age. I wanted kids (plural, not one that you get to be an expensive martyr over), and I didn’t want someone who has been around the block (and bedpost) too many times.

    Trust me, when men see you and your type, they go for the mail order brides, party time or FWB until one of them sticks.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 15 Thumb down 12

  35. dustydog Says:

    37 is a great age for a woman, if you are celebrating your 10 year wedding anniversary. Your youngest child should be born already.

    37 and dating? You’re done – get a bunch of cats, and live vicariously through your siblings (if you have them) or coworkers.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 22 Thumb down 18

    • Scott Says:

      Dustydog, you take a presumptuous attitude that makes it sound like you’re a Mormon, a Muslim, or live in a rural area. In NYC, it’s not unusual to have never been married in your mid-thirties. I’m 36, I’ve never been married, and would prefer to date women who have never been married. Like the original poster, I live in NYC.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 4 Thumb down 6

      • Ceer Says:

        Biologically speaking, a woman looses most of her fertility by the age of 37. By that age, it’s more risky to have children in terms of birth defects too. Wanting to have children early isn’t at all unusual. I dated a woman who was in school to be a doctor, and she told me all about women’s fertility.

        Acknowledging biological fact has nothing to do with area of the country or religion.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 3

  36. Chianti_Z Says:

    All I can say to all these posts is lord have mercy!!! LOL

    I feel sorry for OP. I agree with most everyone here in that she is single because she is too picky and elitist. I also feel that people should date their equals. If she’s making bank, she should be attracting men that are doing the same. She’s ridiculous in asking them what they do, or how much they make. Certain hobbies, habits, gyms, restaurants frequented screen people out. If she’s into that, more power to her. I don’t think she’s making the money she’s claiming to make, another point I agree with.

    I also feel that she’s unhappy. She has to find herself. I suspect there is no “self” in this situation. She sounds shallow.

    Me? I’m divorced. I’m in banking. What I find funny is that, I love the artsy types. They appreciate the little things more. Funnily enough, most men I date make less than me and I don’t mind. I guess its what your needs are and how you decide on getting them met.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 9 Thumb down 0

  37. Kim du Toit Says:

    Bah. Any woman who brings up the income / job issue on the first date should be ignored with all dispatch.. “So… what do you do?” = “I’m looking for a husband.” Ugh. How crass. You’ll discover all that sooner or later during the course of the conversation anyway, so why ask the question?

    With my current (and last) wife, the first time we knew exactly what we each made at our respective jobs was after we moved in together. Let’s just say we were both pleasantly surprised…

    Al I can say is: thank gawd I’m out of the dating pool, forever. Most women today don’t frighten me; they disgust me.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 11 Thumb down 2

  38. Mastro Says:

    Some peoples lives are completely built around consumption. Certain groups take great pride in consuming expensive things- then pretending it makes them more important than the rest

    I’ve noticed that stuff is being replaced by travel and education the last few years.

    I’m not “intimidated” by these women- I received honors at a state university that I could barely afford. I’ve traveled as much as I can afford- I overheated the credit cards once- can’t do it like some can. I can hold a conversation with them- but it eventually becomes less a cultural one than an economic litmus test.

    The sad thing is that many of these women have no self awareness- maybe they will figure it out- oh well.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 7 Thumb down 1

  39. Hisoj Says:

    a lot of guys like the idea of uplifting a woman out of a bad situation also. a man can love a poor woman, no matter what. a woman cannot love a poor man unless she is more poor, and even then she will still be looking for a higher status man to cheat with.

    a toxic personality is not a preferred trait in a woman.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 8 Thumb down 2

  40. Ken Besig Says:

    For me the age 37 sends out all sorts of alarm bells immediately indicating that there is something seriously wrong with this woman socially and personally. Of course she will eventually “settle” for someone, bur I cannot imagine any sane or reasonable gentleman “settling” for her. Especially if he wants a family.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 4

  41. CK Says:

    This isn’t completely relevant to the OP’s post, but: my boyfriend and I recently discussed our financial future — how/when we’re going to invest in real estate, how much we’re estimating to spend on care for each aging parent and each child, etc. Towards the end of the talk, he grew quiet; when I asked what was wrong, he said he didn’t know how to feel about the fact that my earning potential will always be higher than his. (I’ll be a doctor; he, a writer.) At first I thought it was a pride thing, and I assured him that no matter what I’ll always consider him the leader of the couple (which is true). But he clarified that what worried him was not the potential blow to his ego but rather that he would disappoint me or be unable to provide for me/us. This from a confident, feminist, liberal man in his early twenties. I just want to point out that there are men who genuinely are confused/concerned about dating higher-paid women. My boyfriend assured me later that it’s not a huge issue for him; but I imagine that it would be a bigger deal, had we met in the middle of our careers.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

  42. Steve T. Says:

    Hey ladies: post-divorce, I’d love to get into a loving, mutually supportive relationship with an intelligent, educated (not necessarily credentialed, there is a difference) woman whom I find attractive. But golddiggers, just to let you know, as a consequence of the divorce, I’m now an effectively very-high *five* figures guy, and will be until my children make it through college. Any takers?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 3

  43. Scott Says:

    I have an advanced degree but I’m broke. I’m convinced that it turns women off. Would this woman consider dating me? Probably not. Im 36.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  44. Al Russell Says:

    Rather than immediately make the assumption that you’re shallow, the way some other folks on her have done, I’m going to take what you’ve said at face value. First, education and money CAN be a problem for a woman. There are still an awful lot of men out there who are uncomfortable around a smart, successful woman. This isn’t necessarily because they’re intolerable jerks. Men are as hampered by societal pressure as women are. We tell men that to have value they need to be stronger, tougher, better providers, etc… We may know intellectually that this is nonsense, but as with the pressure women feel to be thin and beautiful, these things linger in the backs of our minds and effect our self-esteem. So, a man may feel intimidated by a strong woman simply because the disparity makes him question his own worth. Setting that aside, being compatible on an intellectual level is extremely important in a relationship. If one person is markedly more intelligent than the other, it usually leaves one partner bored and the other feeling disrespected. Best to try to match that one whenever possible. Intellect and education are not the same thing however. You shrink your world when you assume that only those who’ve been able to shell out for college are “smart” enough to hold their own. If you make a good living count yourself lucky that you have more freedom to choose your mate from a selection of socioeconomic backgrounds. You can choose the hot young trainer at the gym, or the poor but brilliant grad-student you run into at the coffee house. I’d recommend that you worry less about the money a man makes and find one that makes your heart race. You have your own money.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 8 Thumb down 0

  45. Roxy Says:

    Sarah,
    I met a guy online who was completely different from the men I tried to date. He wasn’t a millionaire. He was still working on his bachelor’s degree late into his 20s. Overall, I was incredibly underwhelmed.

    Six months later we got engaged, and now we’re happily married. I couldn’t be happier with a wonderful man who lifts my spirits, supports me 100% in everything I do and loves me unconditionally. He never thought of my education and salary as intimidating. He found it motivating.

    When you’re ready to open your eyes and let go of your ego, I’m sure you’ll find someone who will treat you the same way.

    It’s not easy, but if I can do it so can you.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 11 Thumb down 1

  46. DWK Says:

    So, if I understand this question correctly, this woman approaches her prospective partners by finding out whether or not they have gone to the right schools, or make six-figure salaries? Talk about a boring beginning! Seriously, after reading this post I am thankful that I married a broke, nerdy guy 32 years ago, because I would never make it in today’s dating world if a dull, “business transaction” is what is expected!
    Get a clue ladies! There are some sparkling gems out there, that don’t always glitter, but are priceless men who can give you a lifetime of love and happiness, great sex and fits of laughter, if only you could see past
    your ridiculous ideas of the “perfect man”. Hint: There is no such thing! All I can say is that the men are right to play their cards close to their chests when meeting these awful women who would suck the life and soul out of them. So keep your granite countertops, your dumb fancy cars, and your boring conversations, ladies, because you’re not looking for a partner, as much as you’re looking for another status object to make yourself feel good.

    Well-loved. Like or Dislike: Thumb up 13 Thumb down 1

  47. coptic777 Says:

    I am a 35 yr old black male planning on making six figures this yr. due to 2 business ventures I am pursuing. With that said given the legal environment (no fault divorce, alimony paid to women 94% w/ 90% of “independent” women demanding it in family court) marriage or any real commitment is now off the table for me. I was pondering the idea of getting into something serious BEFORE I became established. Not now. I am just going to do the pump & dump w/ condoms.

    Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 6 Thumb down 5

  48. LJ Says:

    I think that the response was pretty on spot on some things, but also a little bit in denial. Nobody likes an arrogant narcissist. But that’s kind of the problem. The article assumes that “Sarah” is an arrogant narcissist. A ton of assumptions were drawn based on one little question. It’s like, they painted her as this whole character but don’t even know her. It assumes that if any woman is looking for men making that amount of money, she has to be arrogant and shallow. What if she really actually is nice? Even humble? She clearly indicated that she makes a lot already, so why would she need a man for his money? She just needs a man who can handle the fact that SHE makes a lot of money.

    Did you ever think that maybe it has nothing to do with the money. I bet she didn’t “initially” want to look for guys that make that much money, but based on her past experiences, she has now come to the sad realization, that men making less money than her have a problem with that. Maybe she thought if she could remove that “issue” off the table, it might be the answer to her problems. I mean, isn’t that the whole reason she has asked for advice? And you basically just told her she is screwed… Gee that was some great advice…

    But instead you label and judge her and assume she is running around telling everyone how much money she makes and where she went to school first thing out of her mouth. Gee, I don’t know her, but she must be a crap person because they ask her what she does for a living. WHAT?! That doesn’t even make sense. Most people who become interested in somebody eventually will ask those questions. So are you saying if somebody is interested, they would only want to know about your hobbies, but not want to know what life profession you chose.???

    Basically, the response was just filled with a lot of assumptions that actually drill in Sarah’s main problem: That men (and the author) do not feel comfortable around, nor respect successful women and judge them for it.

    And I don’t mean to offend, but the harsh reality in this modern world where women are enjoying more successful careers and making money, it is causing men to feel emasculated and resentful. The male ego is very fragile, and surprisingly more so than most men will ever admit. So if a guy suspects that you think he wouldn’t be able to bring home the bacon, they worry that they won’t meet society or your expectations, so they’d rather not even bother to bear that responsibility and go find somebody easier to impress (even if we would be impressed regardless of the amount of bacon brought home).

    Women aren’t dumb. We know this, so successful women like Sarah and myself don’t throw it in a man’s face before they even get a chance to know us. But at some point they will eventually find out, and the stereotypes come flooding in and the man gets overrun by all these misguided assumptions that society has drawn. It’s almost like we are facing an uphill battle from the get go to fight these stereotypes that have been strongly ingrained.

    I understand where Sarah is coming from. She worked hard to get where she is and although she may not flaunt it, she should feel very proud of her accomplishments. Men flaunt their success and get praised for it, but women must downplay their success at all times or we will be labeled narcissistic arrogant bitches. Maybe some women are, but the majority of us truly aren’t. We just need a man confident to realize that.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 1

  49. melissa johanknecht Says:

    Whew! WTF? All these men hiding their money because they don’t want to be wanted for it but, they only care about youth and looks! Thats not shallow? Maybe women should hide their looks, dress dowdy, not fix their hair or wear make-up… Make themshelves look ugly until they get a ring on their finger and know they are wanted for themshelves…

    These men don’t marry the Victoria’s Secret Cashier, they f-buddy her for awhile, thats not a relationship.

    If what you’re saying is right, women should not go to college because no one cares anyways and She should just invest all her time and money into her looks and lose them at 30…

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

  50. Female Motion Picture Director Says:

    I just don’t get the woman who is posting the question. I am a woman, and make six figures, and I just don’t understand the need for “a man who makes six or seven figures”. That requirement plays into a sad female stereotype. In my opinion, it’s as offensive as a question where a man asks where he can find “a woman with a 25-inch waist, 40-inch breasts, and blonde silky straight hair and blue eyes”.

    By being who I am, unapologetically, and following my career courageously, I found a great man who loves me and worships the ground I walk on. He too has a high-powered career, but we find time to do the little things with and for each other. When I come home from work, the work hat comes off, and the feminine woman comes on. I divide the two because the feminine woman is not necessarily “what men respond to” but what men need. They need it the way we need the romantic, take-charge Alpha Guy. Why is this so difficult to understand?

    Original poster, stop a moment, re-read your question. If you need a man who makes six figures, what about you is unique that would draw such a man to you? Ambitionless women who want his money, success and portfolio are a dime a dozen. Believe me, they swarm him at parties.

    Be instead the woman with game of her own who can take him or leave him, and can demonstrate she knows the secret of leaving Career Woman in the office at 5 and bringing Feminine Woman home to him at 6. Then go on with your life. He’ll then be chasing you, and so will his rivals, and then it is your pick which is the best and most suitable man to walk beside you in the game of life.

    Girls who want the name, money and portfolio guy sicken me. Please stop, ladies, you are making things bad for us all. :(

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 1

  51. Mr Big Says:

    ‘If you’re chatting up some guy at a singles event and talking about where you work and where you went to school and about all your not at all interesting but you think they make you sound cultured/educated hobbies, you immediately pegged as one of “those” women. The ones who can’t make conversation without asking, “So, what do you do?” In short, you’re deemed uptight, shallow and boring. Hot or not, nobody cares.’

    Props for recognising that. One would think that it wouldn’t be that difficult to notice but apparently it is.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Self-improvement « Reckless Yet Refined - January 6th, 2013

    [...] Changing gears, I stumbled across an amazing website that I highly encourage all single ladies to spend some time on.  Most dating advice columns that are written by women are just flat out hot garbage because the women writing them don’t understand a damn thing about men, and so they just further ideological separation between the sexes.  Girls may feel good reading these columns, but you’re not helping your cause or improving your chances by doing so.  In contrast, And That’s Why You’re Single takes a brutally honest look at dating from the female perspective and more importantly, Moxie (who runs the website), actually understands what makes guys tick and calls other women on their bullshit. [...]

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0 Thumb down 0

© 2013-2014 And That's Why You're Single All Rights Reserved