The theory which seems to me to fit the evidence best is that social media for women is like porn and video games for men. Watching that “like” counter tick over gives them a little shot of dopamine. They don’t post profiles actually intending to meet a partner, to actually go through with it. They are content with just that little hit of validation. All of the comments directed at men about how porn and games are wrecking their ability to relate – especially to the opposite sex – apply to women and social media.
Between this and the ‘bots, dating sites are a waste of time for men.- Mr. Wombat
You know, I read comments like this and just roll my eyes. Seriously..when did you guys get so whiny? Not just whiny but annoying and weird.
Please tell me where this misconception came from that women have it easier online? Are you so self-absorbed and self-victimizing that you actually think women don’t deal with the exact same crap you do?
Here’s an example:
So, Mr. “I want to worship your ass” emailed me again with the same exact line. “You should really let me worship your ass.” This time, I replied:
I’m genuinely curious…
Other than the shock factor, what do you get out of sending messages like that? I mean, I doubt anybody takes you up on it because every woman knows that men only send messages like that because they have a twisted idea of what is attractive and sexy. The gusy who actually do worship our asses are smart enough not to be so obvious, which is why they get laid.
Plus you’re probably emailing women who think nothing of posting your photo allover Twitter, Facebook and blogs mocking you. You do realize women do that, right? You’re spoon feeding women across NYC with status updates.
My life doesn’t revolve around Facebook or twitter. So I could care less.[Footnote: Be careful of statements like that, my brahs.]
He then followed up with:
How old are you really?
Want to meet for a drink?
Oh. Then there’s this charmer:
Hey, I admired your profile and pics.. especially in that Black dress..maybe we can connect some day soon.
[NOTE: My profile clearly states that I don't reply to people who don't show their face in their photos. The 3 photos this guy has were all ones where the entirety of his face was obscured.] I replied:
I was pretty clear in my profile that guys who didnt have clear photos shouldn’t contact me. Maybe read the profiles instead of just the photos.
bye good luck! LOL your attitude probably warrants the reason why you are alone and why you are on this site.
I am here just checking out the losers.. GOOD LUCK
Then there was this string of insanity from another guy. I have blocked this guy numerous time. He pops up every few months with a different profile, so I’m guessing I’m not the only one who has blocked him. Oh..and bonus? This is a guy I met several years ago on another website. He ended up sending me a text after we hooked up to say that I “wasn’t the right size for him.” Get it? A fat reference! Here’s the string. He said:
We’ve met on lavalife
Stop emailing me. It’s not charming or cute. It makes you seem incredibly creepy and weird and makes me uncomfortable. I’m asking you politely to please stop.
Uratool, the sex sucked
Oh. Well then it makes total sense that he continues to email me.
So, sorry brahs, but cry me a river. We all have to deal with clowns and few responses and faders. It’s not exclusive to you. You don’t have a monopoly on the frustrating/annoying online dating experience.
I can hear some of the comments now.
“At least you get emails!”
Yes, aren’t I lucky? Aren’t I just blessed to have 98% of the 20 or so emails I receive a week be from:
*Guys from Turkey, Greece, Amsterdam, etc?
*Guys in their twenties offering disingenuous compliments about how sexy I am?
*Guys from bordering states who are “in town for a few days” and “want to meet for a drink?” (Get a freakin’ escort!)
There’s this false belief out there that “all’ women get off on getting all these emails. Let me tell you something: this makes the whole online dating process inordinately time consuming and frustrating. You might not think much of someone having to log in and access a message. It takes all of 30 seconds. But multiple that by, say, 3 to 5 a day. The time lost is not the issue. It’s the overall toll it takes on the user. I’m including men in that, by the way. People don’t use those sites looking for pen pals or just to chat.
The point where I will agree with Mr. Wombat is that social media is the having a drastically negative effect on women’s ability to relate to the opposite sex. I wholeheartedly co-sign on how some (some!) women get this distorted perception of how the opposite sex views them based on the responses they get to their attention whoring tweets and status updates. These women begin to believe that men are supposed to constantly offer sympathy and attention and praise for every thought and opinion and emotion that they have.That becomes the man’s function. They become dehumanized to some degree.
I don’t know when this started, but the whole obsession that some women have with rolling around on the internet with their legs splayed while they have all these feels has gotten way, WAY out of control. Get some fucking dignity, ladies. Stop being so proud of being wounded and damaged and messed up. Everybody needs an attaboy from time to time. As humans, we’re conditioned to require some level of validation in order to grow and recoup from disappointments. But now the internet provides an endless supply of such attention, to the point where women’s ability to build their own identity and self-esteem has become crippled. Every twisted and distorted belief that women (and men) have about the opposite sex becomes their reality because they manage to find or develop some vacuum inhabited by other walking woundeds. (Yes, bros, I’m talking to you too. The blogs and forums dedicated to whining about women are just as bad as the dating blog and columns written by women.)
Here’s how it goes. A man or woman writes a piece about how they were abused, abandoned, victimized, lied to, etc. In come alllll the other people who have had similar experiences. Or a story breaks somewhere and then a stream of posts and articles come out wherein the author decides to “tell their story.” People rush to marry themselves to a certain cause or issue so that they can pull the focus on to them. Comment threads become jumbled with side-line conversations for the people who didn’t have the ability to write a whole article about it but still wanted to share their story. Comments like “you’re so brave/honest/real/raw” flood the comment stream. That, in turn, encourages other people to share their “brave” tales.
Dare to go against the grain and speak your mind constructively, and you’re a hater. You’re not being supportive. The upside is that people get to use the critques as an excuse to pander for validation and attention.
But where this trend is really useful is to declare that you love yourself more than to settle. “You go girl!” was invented for cases like this.
I guess what my little rant is really about how all this bravery and phone introspection and rawness is actually hurting us, not helping us. These women begin to exist in a vacuum.They don’t learn or grow and they egin to believe that their being accountable and introspective when really they’re just being whiny and self-obsessed.