Where Are All The Financially Secure & Well Educated Single Men?

Name: Diane
Age: 40
State: TX
Question: I’m new to the dating world as I settled down with my high school bf, married(20+ yrs) and had children early. I’m newly divorced with very little dating experience. Where can I meet men who are professional, educated, and financially stable? I’ve seemingly only met men who are handsome, much younger,employed(mediocre income) but whose conversation is nothing but sexual. How and where can I attract the men I would like to seriously date?

PS. I’m currently pursing my PhD., I am a assistant college technology professor,financially independent,I have one child at home and 2 at college, I am tall, fit, healthy, African American woman, and told I look younger than my age.

 

Given the strikes you have against you (age, divorced, children) you need to focus on the divorced Dad market.They are more likely to understand your schedule and priorities. As for the younger dudes talking sexually, again, this is common place. Everybody attract those guys. You have to learn to ignore them. Most of them are hitting you up because of your age and because you’re single and divorced. Basically, they think you’re hard up. I’d guess the rest of them are contacting you because they’re just throwing anything at the wall to see what sticks.

I’m curious to read some of these “sexual” comments. I’d bet many of them aren’t actually sexual. They’re just overly flirtatious. That, too, is typical with men we meet online and off. They’re coming on strong because they think you’ll be flattered by it.

Evan Marc Katz had a post that touched on one woman’s similar concern.

I was at a speed dating event last night for the second time. Just like the first time, it was full of smart, pretty, successful women in their thirties and forties and men of similar ages with manual labor jobs (and a few running their own manual labor businesses) but no men of equivalent professional or educational status except for one doctor. Why he was there, I do not know, as he made it clear that he was not really looking to date anyone. He did however buy me a drink in the bar afterwards and asked me what I thought of the event. I said I would be unlikely to go again because I have nothing in common to talk about with the men that I have met at these events.

He proceeded to give me a lecture as to why I shouldn’t automatically dismiss dating the two guys who were responsible for service washes in the launderette as they may be perfectly nice people and that career women in their thirties get what they deserve if they don’t. I am just wondering how many other men think like this?

 

This will seem a bit brutal, but your days of requiring that a guy be professional, educated and financially stable are behind you. Honey, that is a younger woman’s domain.  It’s totally acceptable and understandable that those things would be important to you. But the men in our age bracket who are well educated and financially secure either aren’t looking to commit or are dating younger because they prefer to and because they can. If financial security and intellectual stimulation were that important to you then you should have stayed married. But since you also wanted companionship, that likely wasn’t an option. That’s the trade off when anybody – male or female – gets divorced. You tried it. It didn’t work. Now you want lightening to strike twice.

The only way that will happen for you is if you let go of any preconceived ideas of how things are supposed to be. We are living in very different times now. Fewer men are graduating from college and more men are working trade or labor jobs for the security and benefits. Men are being let go from their jobs left and right.

A job is a job. As long as the guy isn’t looking to live off of you completely, you really aren’t in a position to be so choosey. You’re having trouble meeting these unicorns because there are fewer and fewer of them out there. If you’re going to insist upon placing income bracket and education at the top of your list, accept that you will be one of a few that such a man dates. Know why they do that?

Because they can. Because they are in demand and they know it. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. The doctor in that story above can afford to be picky. (Make special note of the fact that he was surrounded by well educated and professional women and wanted none of them.)

OP, a man’s income or education shouldn’t be your focus. What should matter is that they can support themselves and their children if they have any. If you’re you’re looking for an intellectual equal, see above. Read. Repeat. Join a book club. You’ll hear a lot of woman say that my words simply aren’t true and they’re negative, etc. Blah blah blah. They’re in the same boat. Of course they’ll find these words harsh.

Men are everywhere. If you want to meet a specific type of guy, say well educated, then you need to join specialty groups and organizations that cater to such a crowd. Alumni events are a good start. If you want the higher end guy, you’ll have to pay for it. Charity events, wine tastings, etc. Just know that there will be some stiff competition for the attention and affection of those men.

The problem isn’t that you don’t know where to meet them. It’s that there aren’t many out there. So you can either:

1. Hold out for the guy who meets all of your qualifications.

2. Date a man with those qualifications without commitment.

3. Date men who might not fit your ideal.

4. Stay single. Which isn’t such a bad thing.

At the end of my step-mom’s funeral, we (the immediate family) all had to walk in a processional line out of the church. One by one my step-brothers and their wives/fiances walked down the aisle. Then my sisters and their husbands. I immediately got up from the pew and proceeded down the aisle alone. Behind me were my two sisters. It was the one who lost her husband and the one who is single. My sister who is single hated the idea of walking down that aisle alone. In fact, in a meeting we had with a family lawyer this week, the issue of how she was single with no husband or children came up as we were discussing various properties that my Dad owned. My father had bought her a condo “because he wanted her taken care of.” That’s where she lives. I’m pretty sure she hates the idea of growing old alone. Especially now with all of our parents – mother, father, step-mother – gone. This all has hit her especially hard. When she drove me to the train station, she said that she dreaded going home because she was going to have to deal with the whole coming down process by herself. That stuff never occurred to me. It didn’t even cross my mind that I’d be heading down that aisle alone. But for my sister, it was something she dreaded.

I guess what I’m getting around to asking is why being single seems so unappealing to some people? I totally get the idea of wanting someone to grow old with. I also understand wanting to build a life with someone. There are obvious benefits to that. Plus, having someone in your life to help you through harder times is just..nice. I do get all that.

But what’s so bad about being single and unattached?

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63 Responses to “Where Are All The Financially Secure & Well Educated Single Men?”

  1. Horace Says:

    Men, in general, don’t think being single is bad at all. Men think that not having sex somewhat regularly is bad. We’re biological “seeding machines,” and thus screwing machines. It’s our core biological motivation, often overriding even our survival instinct. Ultimately, the emotional need to feel like valid men (by having regular sex) is what drives us to relationships, because for a lot of guys the casual sex game is much more daunting than it might seem, with what can end up being months of either failed attempts or no attempts at all (maybe years?). For some guys (and maybe for most guys at one point or another), even a mediocre relationship is better than a potential extended period of failing at being single ;)

    If we were honest, most men would choose the perfect single man’s sex life (lots of sex with lots of women) over the perfect relationship any day. Without question. Immediately. “Yes, sign me up for that bang-a-lot-of-chicks thing.” I said MOST men, not ALL. It is what it is.

    All this being said, I can’t really contribute much on this post, as my experience is far too different from that of a woman. Being single has never made me sad, nor could I ever imagine it doing so.

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    • Howard Says:

      Interesting comments Horace. There is much truth in that. What compounds things, is the negative experience men have had with women providing less sex to them after they have given their commitment.

      However men do change over time. As a parallel, women change too, as some of the privilege mindset is abandoned as they get older. Obviously the OP is not quite there yet.. Regarding education, there are a lot of us divorced guys out there. I meet women all the time who assume I am just another uneducated black guy. When a woman does that, I feel no need to correct her.

      Then there are times, so called educated successful women meet that educated successful guy. But somehow they just can’t help themselves in regards to feeling the need to be confrontational and challenge the very guy they spent so very long looking for. The guy of course does what she would do if challenged that way early in meeting someone. Quietly fade!

      Then there is the never satisfied mode. No one is perfect, especially these women who claim to have high standards. They might actually meet a guy who meets most criteria. However the first flaw they encounter, everything changes in their mindset and behavior.

      There is something we over forty guys say, “There is a reason this woman is over forty and alone” I suppose one could say the same about men. However we pay no mind to figuring this reason out as we proceed hell-bent in over-assuming, over-judging and over-criticizing.

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    • Maya Says:

      “But the men in our age bracket who are well educated and financially secure either aren’t looking to commit or are dating younger because they prefer to and because they can. If financial security and intellectual stimulation was that important to you then you should have stayed married.”

      Bullshit! What makes me all the time irritated is generalization in negative way. Yes , men are attracted to younger women that is natural biological true. Yes, eligible men have a lot of choices. But do not forger that chemistry is unpredictable that does not care about age. I am 43 years old, attractive, mature, well -educated and world traveled woman and I think I am happily single. What author wants to prove is that all well educated Ive league and not non Iive league eligible men chase after women younger of your age? It depends on men. This city is full of eligible single, be lonely men and married men who picked up average looking women or women of their ages.

      Very often Moxi’s comments are negative and not useful in practice . Can anyone suggest me how can I unsubscribe this link? lot of her comments push to pessimism, discouragement and negative attribute to life.

      Although I agree that man must be just wonderful bonus in our lives. In other words. when our life is complete and happy without men that makes us more confident, datable and not just age. Age is just numbers and my life experiences shows me that only immature and shallow men care much about it

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      • coptic777 Says:

        Maya please go ahead & unsubcribe because you are just not willing to hear the truth. I am a 35 yr black male that owns 2 businesses & by next yr will have a six figure income. Trust me the woman giving advice that owns this site is on point. Whatever you need to tell yourself Maya so you can sleep at night lol.

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      • LostSailor Says:

        Age is just numbers and my life experiences shows me that only immature and shallow men care much about it

        Spoken like a true 43-year-old spinster who is whistling past the graveyard. How many cats do you have…?

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        • Maya Says:

          My point is that generalizing in negative way is wrong. There is no count on taste. Some men like skinny women, some like curves, some like younger and some like mature. No all educated successful men taste are the sane. Some like possession girl friends and wives. some want soul mates and partners. That was my point. Life is luck and lottery as well and you never know who gets what:)

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          • mindstar Says:

            Is English not your native language? If it is your poor grammar negates your claim to being well educated.. Also you appear to have a great deal of hostility. This is a turn-off to men.

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            • Matt Says:

              Posts made on the internet are not indicative of intelligence or education. Which is good news for you, I suppose.

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      • larain Says:

        maya you have a point..
        so does moxie…
        sort of a question of whether the glass is half full or half empty…
        you choose to see it half full which is perfect for you.

        I am around 50 and new to online dating as of june this year… I find moxies advice useful, and followed it for taking it offline as soon as possible for a coffee or drink to meet in person. You cant date anyone who doesnt feel right for you, but as moxie recommends, slightly relaxing standards in weight, looks, baldness, degree level might pay off if you find they have the right personality traits or chemistry with you. Even perfect Kristin on Sex&the City ended up with a bald, fat, not-so-handsome lawyer that she had to change her religion for… trade-offs…

        I find dating equivalents of who I am works for me (men out of long term relationship, professional of some sort, with mostly grown kids)… and yes, moxies correct in that its best to keep an open mind on all of your “standards”, as in weight, looks, balding, degree level (i found the non-degreed techie way smarter than the masters degree manager, but the electrician had trouble when i accidentally made a reference to my degrees at the end of the date, turns out he flunked out of that program after one year of college :) …. In 6 months Ive had 2 family oriented men get very serious within a few weeks… maybe they look to replace what they lost? Moxie looks at this as a bad sign, but i think things are a bit different for the “dating again after long term relationship” crowd. I wish moxie could include info for that(my) group, as it seems to be a slightly different catagory, but seems like a big one.

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  2. MrWombat Says:

    ‘My sister who is single hated the idea of walking down that aisle alone.”

    Hopefully it was her step-mom, not her actual mother who an entire church full of people were mourning while sis is walking down the aisle thinking about herself, thinking that all the people were judging her for being single. Maybe it would have helped her to point out that the people there would have something else on their minds, that the funeral in fact wasn’t all about her.

    I’m sorry, atwys, It’s your family and all, but Jesus – once you start noticing this sort of thing, you can’t stop.

    Maybe the fact that she can’t walk down the aisle at someone else’s funeral without thinking about herself is why your sister is single.

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    • The D-man Says:

      Agreed. Someone who thinks even negative thoughts about herself, is still thinking about herself.

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      • Matt Says:

        Now, I’m not condoning it, however I know that at funerals and pre- and post-funeral activities (and any gathering of family, really), relatives always ALWAYS ask the single family members “So, you seeing anybody?” or the like. So, there’s a very good chance that if her single status was on her mind then it’s because she may have been reminded of it very often during that time.

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        • The D-man Says:

          So what? You can’t control the outside world, but you can control your reaction to it.

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          • Matt Says:

            In normal circumstances, yes. In a time of severe emotional stress, such as the kind you might have DURING A FUNERAL, it’s a touch more difficult.

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  3. mari Says:

    I think you have to be happy with your life and yourself, and then it wont’ matter whether you are single..single is not the end of the world, it opens up all sorts of opportunities..but some people are so freaked out by the whole thing, they can’t see the advantages. BTW, very sorry about your StepMom Moxie. As for the OP, open your mind to all sorts of choices..and continue to go out and date. Eventually, you will find someone that you connect with. That said, you probably need to lower the bar, or go older – and I agree with Moxie date divorced Dads..as they get the college/teen ager “thing”.

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  4. Speedy Says:

    I don’t think there is anything inherently bad about being single. Its always about something else really in my opinion. See all the things you list there as ‘nice to have’? Depending on the individual, they can be terrifying *not* to have. Support is nice… but then if you doubt your ability to cope with the world alone, not having it is terrible. Marriage is nice (if you are into that kind of thing)… but then again, if you struggle to define yourself it must seem like the answer to all life’s problems.

    Possibly this is why men find it easier than women to be single. It isn’t an inherent weakness or anything, its just more likely women are brought up to doubt their abilities more and we do to some extent still live in a sexist society (or at best a recently post-sexist society) that is inclined to agree. I bet your sister had a miserable evening but survived just fine, nothing but the fear of fear itself in the end.

    More widely, this is of course why dating and relationships are interesting and so difficult sometimes. Its the place where a lot of insecurities, desires and concerns come to a head. Sometimes people are in the position where it is incredibly hard for them to try and do it and incredibly hard for them not to do it, no wonder we see such bizarre behaviour, self sabotage and detachment from reality. All that emotional rocket fuel under titanic levels of pressure and there the two of you are, sipping cocktails and trying to sound relaxed and interesting. When you think of it like that, and I often do, I find the very ludicrousness of the situation rather comforting in an odd way. A visiting alien would wonder why couldn’t figure something else out instead.

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  5. LostSailor Says:

    Diane:

    Heed Moxie’s words.

    From the post, you’re at least 38 and probably over 40. You’re new to dating, which is nothing like you might have seen when you were younger. I surmise that you want a real relationship, not just serial short-term things, because that’s what you are used to.

    I don’t mean to be harsh, but you’re a babe in the woods and have no idea. But on the upside, you haven’t necessarily been jaded by the experience yet, just a bit bewildered and maybe just a little bit scared.

    The professional, educated, financially stable guys in Texas are probably already either married or seriously involved. You’re seeking a pool of men that is not only very small, but in which you have much younger competition. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

    That doesn’t mean you can’t find a relationship and happiness, but you need to be realistic.

    Men don’t care about your Ph.D. Don’t bring it up. Men will care that you still have a child at home and 2 in college. Elide the references. It’s good that you’re fit–assuming you’re not looking through rose-colored glasses.

    Moxie’s right: to meet the men you are seeking, you’ll need to have standards only of character, not of outside trappings. If a man has his life together, and is of good character, that’s what you’re looking for. It doesn’t matter his profession, job, or income. You’ll need to broaden your criteria.

    Seek men by living your own life and putting yourself in activities and situation where such men are likely to be found. Church, if you’re into that; volunteering, youth groups that your kid might have been in that you can contribute to, etc.

    Online dating will be a minefield for you, one that your inexperience will find hard to negotiate.

    You will need to be very feminine and project the attitude that you are open but you have standards. The men are out there. Give the guy that may not be cool and confident a chance and allow them to warm to you. If they’ve been dating a lot, they’ve likely encountered women who have rejected them quickly and are wary, but they’ll respond well to someone who will take some time and respect them.

    I’m not saying you should ignore gut instinct and your own judgment, but realize that your options are going to be limited and have an open mind. There, you’ll find success.

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  6. The D-man Says:

    As a 44 yo man, divorced, financially secure and ambitious, with no children, I agree 100% with Moxie. While I have dated women my own age and even with kids, I prefer younger and childless, or even younger with a child.

    Online is where it’s at for OP. I still do online dating because it’s easy to reach out to a lot of women quickly, but I definitely meet more attractive women offline.

    For example, lately I’ve been seeing a smoking hot young woman who’s 24. That’s right: 20 years age difference. She’s not well-educated, but she’s smart and quick witted.

    Beautiful? Smart? Good sex? Not gonna lie, I love it. Only downside is she has a young child. But I still prefer that to teenagers.

    That’s an outlier for me — most women I date are 30-39 — but it’s still a possibility and so I’m going to keep looking for women like that, always mindful that I can settle for women I meet online.

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    • The D-man Says:

      Ooh, downvotes galore! Would love to see the gender breakdown of them.

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    • Trisha Says:

      I am not sure that online is a good idea for the OP, although I wouldn’t rule it out entirely. I am very attractive, fit, financially and mentally/emotionally stable but I am 48 and as a rule have not had the best luck online since I’ve tried it on and off since 2009. Even though I am not necessarily even looking for long-term, all I’ve ended up with are guys who wanted to sleep with me because I am heavily tattooed and I guess they wanted to add “exotic” notch to their bedpost. I guess, as Moxie says, younger guys go for older women because they think we’re all desperate and easy. Only one older man showed interest but at over 60, that is a bit too old for me. I don’t know what else to suggest for the OP other than meeting men through work; that’s how I’ve met almost all my boyfriends past and present, but then again I work in the computer field which is heavier male. Good luck to her.

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      • coptic777 Says:

        No offense but heavily tattooed women does not say “exotic” to us men. It says you have a lot of miles on you. I am 35 & actually tried to take mid 30’s to 40 plus yr old women seriously. Most are delusional though w/ either high demands or are on some sort of mental medication (1 out of 4 women take some form of mental stabilizing drug) etc. This is from a guy who is fit not ugly at least (depends on your view) self employed not rich but going somewhere. I actually tried to get a relationship going w/ a woman like you in her 40’s & no luck. Why bother when I can go to a bar & get a 26 yr old to go home w/ me? Even the overweight women seem to have high standards half of them online actually request “athletic’ men??

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  7. VJ Says:

    Excellent response from Moxie here. The OP, needs to figure out what she really wants here too:

    From ‘Diane’ the OP: “I’m newly divorced with very little dating experience. Where can I meet men who are professional, educated, and financially stable? I’ve seemingly only met men who are handsome, much younger,employed(mediocre income) but whose conversation is nothing but sexual. How and where can I attract the men I would like to seriously date?”

    OK, we’re talking about an African American woman in TX? Are you willing to travel? How far can or might you go to make a serious relationship work? Because the pool you’re working & fishing from is awfully small. It’s even smaller in TX, and smaller in TX for AA women. (Sorry about that!) Mediocre income is actually doing quite well in TX, save for the oil patch jobs & associated industries. Sad to say, but the average & median net worth for African American families Nationally is scarcely above a few $1000, and likely <$20K almost everywhere. [See:http://thegrio.com/2012/06/20/behind-black-americas-disappearing-net-worth

    I'm betting that's not your definition of 'financially secure', indeed it's again likely that few actually would. So again given the miserable stats here [http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2011/07/26/wealth-gaps-rise-to-record-highs-between-whites-blacks-hispanics/], I'm also betting you're open to dating interracially too. That's fine, but again in TX, for the type of 'older & more settled' & well educated bloke you're wanting, that's again a pretty small pool of 'targets'. And the competition is quite keen for them, all the time & all over.

    But all this notwithstanding, the Very Same advice would still apply to almost anyone here too. You can & might consider yourself 'quite the catch', but mostly the dudes you're looking to date are looking past you & wanting to start a new family with someone younger & without that many kids (or childless). Or they're also newly divorced & not looking to get married or tied down too quickly. And if they're paying any child support or alimony they're less likely to be all that 'financially secure' either! Ideally, some of the market here is also guys who are 10 & yes 20 years older than you too, and I'm betting you're not even looking there either!

    So why, oh why do women, all sorts & kinds of women, even women 'financially secure' themselves still feel the need to demand this of even a Dating Prospect? There's plenty of smart, funny & reasonably successful work a day guys out there who've just never gotten rich, or who are not quite 'rich & financially stable'. And how exactly would you know or find out? I happen to know quite a few 'high net worth' individuals. Many of them are certainly NOT all that 'financially stable' and are in hock up to their ears to support a 'lifestyle they've grown accustomed to'! So the actual pool of 'financially stable' individuals should always include those 'lowly' work a day 'service guys' who make a steady income but manage to live within their means. Which is really hard for most women to either understand or even comprehend. Many of these guys never went to college per se, and are just as smart as many who did, but without that all important paper & scads of student loan debt you might never be able to discharge.

    So bottom line? Why make it more difficult on yourself? Your 'stipulations' for your dating pool basically come down to mostly white divorced dads with kids. And you easily could be fine with that. But it's still a really small pool to work with. How about just sticking with 'friendly, smart, diligent, employed, loyal, respectable & decent looking'? I'm betting your church is filled with some of those dudes (widowers too). Me? I've got a friend who did just that this past year. It's not difficult once you stop making it so hard on yourself! Cheers, 'VJ'

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      To me, “financially stable” means not having to work if you don’t feel like it.

      Money in the bank, house paid off, no debt.

      A small pool indeed.

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      • Crotch Rocket Says:

        “financially stable” means not having to work if you don’t feel like it.
        No, that’s “financially independent”.

        “Financially stable” merely means that you aren’t living paycheck to paycheck, don’t borrow money you can’t afford to pay back, aren’t late on your bills, can consistently afford to save a bit for a rainy day, etc. And that can be had (or not had) at any income level.

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  8. Matt Says:

    “College-educated” does not always lead to “financially stable”. I have a Bachelor’s Degree in English, and surprisingly, there aren’t that many high-paying jobs where one is hired to analyze the socio-political subtext of Philip K. Dick novels.

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  9. Snowflake Says:

    Moxie, you are so right. Either be happy being single or compromise on the hollywood prince charming/knight in shining armour ideal. Sorry newsflash, he don’t exist.

    The right guy for you should not come equipped with all the material crap in life. Because at the end of the day the right person for you will be able to weather all of life’s hurdles/problems/realities together with you as a team, his MBA ain’t gonna come in handy when there is health issues/hardships thrown at the both of you. Strength of character. That is what should be at the top of everyone’s list.Not education, annual income, car, lineage etc etc etc.

    Another thing we are all human, not perfect and neither are you so give the people who approach you a break and stop judging them on what brought them to this point in life. All that should matter is they are good people and treat people around them well.

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  10. L. Says:

    Your finding handsome, much younger, whose conversation is nothing but sexual because that’s what you are attracting, and that’s what appears to hang out where you hang out. You need to change your venue and your objectives. Stop going to these places where you have been going and target your activities to places where a different age range hangs out. And be willing to compromise a bit. True quality men aren’t usually the hot looking ones that walk up to you with charisma and charm … those are the ones that invariably will start talking dirty or whom will end up hurting you. You are going to have to learn to look deeper.

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  11. Kristen Says:

    My uncle passed away last month, and his passing really opened my eyes in a surprising way. I have an MS, own my home, and have a well paying job. I always looked for someone who had at least those things. When we were holding a memorial for my uncle, I realized those things are not important when looking for a partner. He was a great man, former marine, worked blue collar jobs all his life after his service. But he was 100% committed to my aunt. He loved her more than anything in the entire world, and would do anything for her. They were financially stable, but weren’t living high on the horse. He was giving, loving, and a gentle man. A lot of highly educated men don’t hold a candle to the kind of man he was. As a result, I have been looking for men that I think emulate the kind of man my uncle was, and it’s making the process a lot easier.

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  12. chillybeans Says:

    OP, what I don’t get is this: You are “newly divorced” after “20+ years of marriage” but yet you want to “date seriously?”

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    Take it from been there, done that, you are not ready for “serious dating”. You may THINK you are, but you are not. If cell phones were something new the last time you dated, this is a brave new world that you are not especially well equipped to deal with (news flash-men are SEXUAL and most of them could give a rat’s ass about your being a professor or PHD. They would be much happier dating a low maintenance waitress with a nice rack etc. You do come off as a bit snobby mc snob snob. This reads as high maintenance) What is wrong with casual dating(really all someone freshly divorced should be considering as you get your bearings), and dating guys that are not quite at your educational level?
    Know also that there are many different kinds of intelligence, and I feel that being able to build a house, or rebuild a car, or fix machinery, knocks the stuffing out of my BA in History. Live in the real, practical world for awhile.

    Why is it so many freshly divorced people want to recreate what they fought so hard (and paid so much for) to get out of?
    That said, I agree with church and professional clubs as places to meet the intellectual men you crave. Just don’t count on them to help when a hurricane takes down a tree in your yard. (increasingly a frequent event at least in my neck of the woods)

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      Why is it so many freshly divorced people want to recreate what they fought so hard (and paid so much for) to get out of?

      Because they want to show it wasn’t them, or they want to “get it right this time,” or they’re having second thoughts…

      lots of reasons.

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      • chillybeans Says:

        I think that they might miss the “good” part of what they had, and want to recreate that part. And you miss the companionship.

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  13. Lidia Says:

    Can you not read people? She said she is not looking
    For younger men. She also never said that she
    Was looking near her age range. That could mean
    Someone who is 50 or 60. Are 60 year old guys
    Going to look for 20 year old women?

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 4

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    • The D-man Says:

      That’s a good point. I wonder what OP’s upper age boundary is?

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

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    • chillybeans Says:

      60 year old guys look at 20 year old women all the time LOL. And if they thought they could get them, they would go for it.

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  14. Jef Says:

    I am financially secure and well educated. Why does every low class bimbo think men are obligated to subsidize a lifestyle they feel entitled to? If a woman enjoys fine dinning and travel she should get a good job instead of looking for Daddy Warbucks. I tried to explain to my leech of an ex-girlfriend that if I SPEND all my money on her I will never HAVE any money. I am so happy I found a wonderful woman who is not materialistic. She enjoys simple things like movies, circuses and bowling. She loathes fancy restaurants because she is a very picky eater. And she is nervous about traveling. She is absolutely terrific. She could teach many women a thing or two.

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    • anon Says:

      “Why does every low class bimbo think men are obligated to subsidize a lifestyle they feel entitled to?”

      Because men like you used to be choose and enable such women, overlooking women who can support themselves. Perhaps you can explain why you didn’t ditch your ex at the first sign of her leeching.

      I’m so glad you’ve found someone who enjoys simple things. Hopefully your wounds will heal, and you’ll stop bringing up your own financially unstable, leeching low-class bimbo exes whenever a woman wants to avoid a financially unstable man herself.

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      • Jef Says:

        I am not sure why I tolerated my leech of an ex-girlfriend so long. The straw that broke the camel’s back was actually her verbal abuse. She was also clingy. Doesn’t she sound like a winner? She presented herself as very sweet when we started dated.

        I am not cheap. I always pick up the check. But I refuse to be used. Having to pay through the nose just to have the company of a woman sounds a lot like prostitution and I don’t believe in that. Anyone who doesn’t like it is cordially invited to eat the peanuts out of my poop. That is all in my rear view mirror. My current girlfriend is terrific. I am generous with her because she does not expect or demand it.

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    • Janine Says:

      You sound like a peach.

      Hot debate. What do you think? Thumb up 9 Thumb down 5

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      • Jef Says:

        But I’m not a fool. My father worked hard for my money. Where does it say I am obligated to waste my money on women who feel entitled. If a woman wants financial security she needs to get a good job.

        Like or Dislike: Thumb up 4 Thumb down 2

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        • Crotch Rocket Says:

          My father worked hard for my money.
          Considering that you admit to mooching off someone else, it’s surprising you’re offended that other people might want to do the same thing.

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    • Maya Says:

      Jeff you are so right. Why these women expect financial support from men?

      I often hear from women ,especial;;y from non American ones : i want a rich man who would support financial land I do not want to work ; Then they spread all negative energy and attitude complaining how hard is to find a right man, how lot of men are cheap here an so on. Basically such women are average looking with poor linguist skills in English Even pretty looking and gorgeous women are loser in this way, because if women is too materialist and .is oriented only on finical she is desperate . So such women do not have realistic expectation,. It is not easy to stand on your feet in this country I worked very hard to be financially independent and did not jump into dating life right away as many women from other countries do.. Nothing is wrong or bad to want a good life and financially secure man, but bargain with feelings and soul is very mean.

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 6 Thumb down 3

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      • Jef Says:

        At least the immigrant woman are willing to earn financial support from a man. Many American women feel entitled. Hasn’t there been a feminist movement for the past 50 or so years? Or was that just a crock?

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        • Maya Says:

          No one is entitled to get financial support from men unless it is deserved. By the way, if you hate immigrant women let me tell you that women, especially from Eastern Europe have 2- 3 degrees and strive to have a successful career in this country . But still we enjoy to be a woman. What a hell is to compete with men like American women do? What is to work like men and have sex like men? Mother nature set up natural gender line between women and men and whatever woman is successful she is a woman and man is still a man:) Do not get me wrong, I hate shovivinism ,but I am just conservative and also love to be a woman !

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  15. paula Says:

    there are worse things than being alone…like being in a relationship and wishing you were single! Happiness is a choice….

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    • Maya Says:

      It is even worse when you feel alone in relationship. In other words relationship does not make you happy. I am happily single and if the man is not the right one for me prefer such life. Be single has a lot of advantages..

      Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 2

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  16. Craig Says:

    Where Are All The Financially Secure & Well Educated Single Men?

    The single ones are all in the major cities where most corporations, law firms, and hospitals are. The ones in the suburbs are usually married because suburban living is the living death for the social life of a single person. So if the OP is in the ‘burbs, it’s time to move to the big city and find that deluxe apartment in the sky.

    Once she gets there, the question the OP then has to ask herself is: what does a 40 year old divorced woman with 3 kids have to offer an attractive, financially secure, well-educated man that a 30 year old woman with no kids can’t provide? Once she can answer that, she’ll know both how and where she can attract the men she would like to seriously date. I look forward to hearing the answer she comes up with.

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    • Joey Giraud Says:

      The one thing any woman could offer any man that almost no other woman would or could offer,

      the thing that would set that woman apart from nearly all her sisters, and make keeping that man a sure bet,

      Acceptance.

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      • LostSailor Says:

        And respect.

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      • Eliza Says:

        Acceptance of what though? Infidelity?! LOL. That’s a loaded question. Acceptance of what Joey?
        Acceptance of other shortcomings…sure, we all have those. But there are some things people can’t overlook. There has to be mutual respect, consideration, ongoing interest and not taking the other for granted.

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    • LostSailor Says:

      This. Agree completely, Craig.

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      Once she can answer that, she’ll know both how and where she can attract the men she would like to seriously date.
      This bears repeating. The same applies to everyone who has trouble attracting who they want, not just this particular OP.

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  17. Nancy Says:

    To the original post: you might be living in town with limited choices. Go online, stay positive, there are plenty of guys out there who want companionship of mature, sophisticated lady ! Look for guys 10 or more years older in nearby towns. Good luck!

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  18. Eliza Says:

    Where are all the successful, financially-secure and educated men? They are married to successful, financially secure and educated women in the more family-oriented suburban neighborhood – with a home and/or kids. Or they are single–and living in large cities – amongst very successful, financially secure and educated YOUNG women. Apparently, in places like NYC, a man with such credentials has a lot to choose from…couple that with him being in shape, having a great personality and obviously the discretionary income to go with his corner office or stable position. Not to say – you may not meet one of them. I actually met someone very accomplished, educated and successful–we were together for o ver 3 years–but he had an ex-wife who was extremely disgruntled by their divorce. Nothing is “picture perfect”. There is always some compromise one must make.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 5 Thumb down 1

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    • Crotch Rocket Says:

      all the successful, financially-secure and educated men … are married to successful, financially secure and educated women
      No, not all of them. Some are happy being single, others are happily married to young, beautiful baby factories, and others are single because they’re socially inept and/or physically unattractive despite their financial and educational success. People are not as simple and one-dimensional as you paint them.

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  19. Jef Says:

    Where are all the financially secure and well educated single men?

    They all have boyfriends.

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  20. Sarah Says:

    Q: Where are all the financially secure and well educated single men?

    Cynical answer: The 1990s.

    Slightly less cynical answer: Married.

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  21. Jules Says:

    I am a 37 yr old female, very petite (5’1 and 96 lbs) not a 10 but attractive enough. I married right out of high school and was married up until 2 yrs ago. I am JUST NOW in the place where I would like to date again possibly and I will be honest, that is exactly what I have come across with most men as I have been just testing the waters figuratively speaking. If they are successful & intelligent, they are dating much younger and prettier ladies, and if they are working as a laborer or in some job that most people see as “not secure enough” or one that isn’t considered a “career” then women usually look right past them. I personally don’t know if I even want to date now after reading some of the things I have seen on here, it just seems scarier than I remember! lol.
    All I want in a man is someone that can support HIMSELF financially and not expect ME to take care of him! Someone to grow old with, my best friend if you will and that understands how important my children are to me. If that is too much to ask, I am definitely not jumping back into this shark tank of a dating pool! lol ;)

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