Question: Earlier this year, an Asian American actress sued imdb over revealing her age as 40 online. She had been selling herself as 26-32 years old and stopped getting work after the imdb fiasco.
You have mentioned that no one looks 10 years younger and are deluded if they think so. I too, am skeptical of women who claim to “get hit on by younger men”.
I am mixed race/part Asian and did win the genetic lottery: very young looking for 40 and I use to be a model. I am in perfect shape an overall close to a solid 8/9 ( I would rank myself higher in looks than the actress mentioned here). And also, to be honest I’ve had some plastic surgery that has added to preserving my youthful looks (most people in the business do). I know I can pass for 30 because people who sell me insurance or have no vested interest in trying to sleep with me assume that to be closer to my age.
A few years ago,I was in a relationship in which we planned to have children. The timing was bad, so we decided to freeze my eggs and also some embryos. Unfortunately we broke up last year.
I started online dating a few months ago and initially used my real age. So-so results. I changed my age to 32 and it worked like a charm. My target age range is 35-43. I am getting dates with the younger men and they are continuing to pursue me. A few times I reveal my age with mixed results. Some bail. Some stayed.
Here’s my question: I have money and can afford all the ivf treatments to have my own biological children using my frozen eggs. I fall into a very small segment of the population that can realistically pass for a decade younger. ( this is possible if you are Asian).
Is it such a crime to lie about my age by 8 years online?
I am sitting on the cutting edge of science. To me, this is the only thing that levels the playing field for aging women. I’m not trying to land the hottest, most successful hunk. Just a regular good looking guy with a solid job who is still on the younger side.
Thanks for your advice.
I too, am skeptical of women who claim to “get hit on by younger men”.
Except you, of course. The other women who says stuff like that are crazy, amirite?
Do I think it’s a crime to lie about your age by 8 years? No. I just don’t think it will be productive for you. One or two years wouldn’t bother me. Eight years? That just makes you look sad and delusional. It’s not the dishonesty that would bother me. A revelation like that would literally make me cringe inside for you out of discomfort and embarrassment.
Of course the younger dudes that stuck around after The Big Reveal still pursue you. They think you’re sad and insecure and possibly a little crazy aka an easy target. They will take advantage of your indiscretion and use it to their advantage. That is, until they meet a woman who doesn’t lie about her age that much or is actually 32 years old. Because those are the women they want.
If you just wanted a baby, you could do that. You’re right. Science has made some amazing advancements that have helped reproductively challenged women and couples. You have the eggs. Now go get the sperm from a bank and go through with the procedure. That is, if what you really want is a baby. Personally, I think that’s crap. I think you want security.
Here’s what I hear when I read your letter. I hear a woman who isn’t sure how she’s going to take care of herself now that she’s no longer young and fresh. You had a career as a “model” at one point, but we all know that that industry favors youth. Which means you’re probably not getting as much work anymore if you’re still modeling. So now you’re having a, “Now what?” moment. The baby is more a way to land and keep the man/his paycheck. I know. I’m awful. The way you discuss your reproductive choices lacks the warmth and nurturing one typically hears when a woman laments the possibility that she might not have children. It all sounds like a means to an end for you. That reason alone is what will prevent men from wanting to make a baby with you.
I think by lying about your age that much you’re actually going to make what is already a difficult situation more dire. You’ll come off unstable in some way. No guy wants to have a baby with a woman they perceive as unstable. You will constantly be starting over with a new guy hoping this one will stick around. Maria, none of them will stick around. You want a man who might stay put? Go for the guys in their late forties to early fifties. You’re 40 and pursuing men who, sorry, simply don’t have to settle for you. They’ll date you and have sex with you, but they aren’t going to lock themselves into anything with you no matter how young you think you look. That doesn’t matter. What matters is how old you are. So learn to embrace your age and accept your situation instead of wasting more time swimming against the tide.