Here’s an article from XOJane that I thought would make for interesting discussion.
In the story, the man and woman met online and are on their 2nd date. The first date goes really well. The second date, however, takes a bad turn. The guy is 
European, with the sexy accent to boot, who works on Wall Street. Not only does he literally tell her at the beginning of the 2nd date that he’s an asshole, but he also reveals that he and one of his Wall Street brahs committed a teensy bit of white collar crime and got slapped on the hand for it. The minute the writer revealed that the guy worked in finance and had an accent, I knew this wasn’t going to end well. In the same vein, as soon as she admitted that she has a thing for men with accents, I knew why she was in this situation. Most women, at one time or another, want to date their own personal James Bond. Guys with accents are exotic. (Date a few and you’ll realize how woefully unimpressive they really are.)
He willingly presents himself in a negative light by copping to fraudulent behavior. Do you know what that means? It means he doesn’t care what she thinks about him. There’s your #1 Red Flag that you’re on a date with a douche.
Similar red flags include:
1. Telling you he has a girlfriend but still tries to hook up with you
2. Admissions of cheating or other indiscretions that denote poor character.
3. Telling you that he’s not looking for anything serious but thinks you’d be great f*ck-buddy material.
On her part, she came off like less than a slice of heaven as well. Look, it’s a second date. A good general rule of thumb is to avoid conversations about politics, rape and murder. Jesus Christ. Have a drink, tell a knock knock joke, run your hand up his thigh and flirt a little. But no. She felt compelled to show just how intellectual and well-informed she was instead of just dismissing his initial obnoxious comment. This guy was never going to concede, nor did he even care what her opinion was on the subject. He made an ignorant and obnoxious comment either to intentionally rile her up or to shut down the topic because he didn’t wish to discuss it. She has mentioned that she self-identifies in her dating profile as a feminist. So there’s your explanation right there as to why he’d say something so arrogant. Maybe he was teasing her because he’s still 12 years old emotionally. Or maybe he sucks. Who knows. Polarizing topics don’t belong in a profile any more than they belong in conversation on the first few dates. He was clearly baiting her and she fell for it. That’s because, I think, she likes the drama and conflict involved with dating an asshole, a red flag of its own. We’ve discussed this particular author before. This isn’t the first time she’s written about a man calling her crazy or irrational or where she’s humblebragged about dating a pick up artist or felt insulted by a date. So either she is, in fact, crazy or irrational or she seeks out or creates conflict, which then leads to men calling her crazy and irrational. In my opinion, these two both performed a little self-sabotage.
The first few dates are about gauging compatibility and enjoying the moment. They’re not cage matches. A date should never take on the vibe of some kind of Gladiator-esque showdown. If it does, you need to pull back a bit and re-group. Drop any heavy topics or skirt them in some way. If someone says something that completely offends or unnerves you, leave. Don’t sit there trying to have an argument with them to prove your passion or intellect. You don’t owe anybody that that early on in a relationship. If they offend you, first try to gauge if they’re just being socially awkward or not. If they’re being rude, walk away.
In my opinion, self-destructive drama-chasing = a form of crazy.
Like or Dislike:
6 
0
It doesn’t sound like he was intentionally pushing her buttons as much as just clueless (he sent her those “what happened?” texts afterward. I guess they could’ve meant he was sniffing around for sex, but if so, that displays quite a bit of cluelessness about her obvious lack of interest).
I do agree that confessing his crime is a big red flag showing he doesn’t care what she thinks. I’ve noticed the people most successful in relationships aren’t necessarily the youngest, fittest, most financially successful, but simply the people who waste the least time on drama and dead-on situations.
Like or Dislike:
6 
0
ETA: ….drama and dead-end situations.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
“The first few dates are about gauging compatibility and enjoying the moment. They’re not cage matches.” That’s hilarious, we need that on a t-shirt.
I actually think the guy does care what people think, her included. There was no reason for him to mention the white-collar crime. He likes to be provocative and get reactions out of people — for him, negative attention is better than no attention. (Also, I would say the #1 red flag was the unethical behavior, more than the fact that he told her about it!)
Like or Dislike:
4 
0
Maybe they should be cage matches, as most cage matches have drama, action, and satisfactory conclusions.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
WOW! I am amazed.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Read the link and the encounter.
The blogger does make points. It may sound judgemental but the guy sounds just as guilty as those he is trashing given his view of the “American” perspective about things and given his actions of admitting to a total stranger his white collar crimes…. Pure Eurotrash. Probably worse since he claims the higher ground on so much. In essence, his total attitude just reeks. Hope the SEC catches up with him to say the least.
The mettle of a man isn’t measured by his bespoke tailoring or his BBC accent, or any accent for that matter. The blogger called him on it and justly so. Kudo’s to her. I only wonder why it took her more than a few moments to bail.
Like or Dislike:
5 
1
I have an ‘accent’. In fact I’m from the same town as Daniel Craig (the comparisons end there though, I don’t even own a pair of blue trunks).
While we might all suffer from Woefully Unimpressive Syndrome for some reason of genetics, the psychological impact of the collapse of empire or maybe even a rather deeper trauma stretching back to King Harold getting an arrow in the eye in 1066, I think it is probably more likely we are just ordinary enough people of all kinds with a certain accent you think are exotic for some (insane, given NYC is packed with Brits anyway) reason.
I don’t want to discuss this here because it isn’t the place but there is a lot wrong with what she actually had to say as well that would be very annoying to have to sit through. She actually made the deeply offensive and disrespectful comment first, its there in black and white. See if you can spot it. He was just messing with her after that.
And of course, they shouldn’t have been discussing that shit in the first place.
Like or Dislike:
4 
1
He was totally messing with her, but because she’s as self-important and humorless as he is she didn’t even see that. What I hate about articles like this is that it just gives the authors a false sense of victory. Read this one article and no others by her and you’d think she was totally in the right. But read this side by side with other articles she’s written and it’s pretty clear she’s drawn to shallow douchebags and then acts surprised and offended when she comes face to face with their shallow douchebaggery.
The “I have a thing for guys with accents” is a red flag in and of itself. And I say that as a woman who had a thing for guys with accents.
Like or Dislike:
4 
0
I also loved how she was sure to so accurately quote herself,. That’s quite a memory and I’m sure the conversation went exactly the way she says it did. I’m sure she didn’t punch up that dialogue at all.
She’s regularly called out by readers for writing factually incorrect statements when she writes about women’s issues. Anybody can regurgitate facts gleaned from other people’s research and news articles. Her understanding and grasp of the topics on which she writes is noticeably limited.
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
>What I hate about articles like this is that it just gives the authors a false sense of victory.<
Yes, and that's your main point I agree with – what is there to "win" in these situations? Best to stay as neutral as possible about a bad date and just move on (both physically and mentally).
Like or Dislike:
2 
0
“she’s drawn to shallow douchebags and then acts surprised and offended when she comes face to face with their shallow douchebaggery”
Which then gives her a chance to call her girlfriends and complain about it. I think women would rather go on a date with an exciting jerk than a dull guy because they just want the drama, for good or for bad.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
11 
0
Some women are their worst enemy. I went out with a lady who kept talking to a guy who had her come visit him in Boston where she finds out he has a g/f. Coupled with her pathological need to have everyone like her, I surmised this relationship would not last as I treated her well. In summary, she liked to be treated like crap and did not know what to do when treated decently. Anyway, I just faded out. You can’t help someone who has issues based upon prior relationships.
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
Addendum to my previous comment: She just likes douches. Some women are like that and they can’t be helped until they help themselves.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0