Question: I went on a first date last night that was 30 minutes of small talk and the a 2 1/2 hour movie. The guy looks like a strong contender for me – we have a lot in common, he’s cute, etc… but I got the impression that he just wanted to go to a movie with someone, not go on a date, although he called it a “first date.”
Anyway, at the end of the night he said something wishy washy about we’ll talk soon blah blah. I told him (with a smile) that I’d really like another date where we can talk instead of just sitting quietly watching a movie, and he said yes, but still wasn’t specific about anything. He gave me an awkward hug and took off.
I would like to see him again, but I’m worried that (for whatever reason), he’s not interested. What’s a way to contact him again that might get him interested? I feel like if I ask for another date he’ll just do that guy fade away thing. Another idea I had was to tell him that if he doesn’t feel a spark we could be friends. I’m new in town and would like to make friends as well as go on dates (and it says so in my online profile).
Anyway, I’m just worried that I might scare him off. Help!
You can’t scare off someone who is genuinely interested. If he wants to see you again, he’s not going to change his mind just because you take the initiative and ask him out.
I know you say you’d be okay with being friends, but would you? Really? Even if you were comfortable with that, most guys really don’t have much use for random female friends. As Chris Rock says, these are just women they haven’t slept with yet. The worst thing you can do is to presume to know exactly how they’re feeling or thinking. Don’t email him and tell him, pre-emptively, that if he didn’t feel a spark then you and he could be friends. He’s going to take that as you trying to read his mind and he’ll get annoyed. Plus, you’ll pretty much be setting yourself as f*ck buddy material. He’ll take you up on that offer, and then you’ll hook up, and then he’ll say, “But..you said you were okay with being just friends!” I actually think that “If you just want to be friends, that’s okay” is now code for, “We don’t have to date. I’ll sleep with you any way.”
If you want to see him again, come up with a plan and email him and ask him out. I’ll be honest and say that this situation doesn’t sound promising. The awkward hug and vague mentions of a future date aren’t good signs. Neither is the suggestion of a movie on a first date. You’re right that a movie date is not a good first date idea, and most people know that.
I don’t think there’s any way to “get” him interested. Either he is or he isn’t. Maybe he’s just really shy. In which case contacting him and inviting him out for a drink will put him at ease. But if he just wasn’t feeling it or was just using the site to meet new friends, you might end up on another “date” that goes no where.
I’m thinking that you’re going to have to bite the bullet and ask him out and see what he says.