Name: Kelly
Age: 45
State: DC
Question: I am a thick girl (size 14). I know it.I know it’s not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. I don’t particularly like it myself, but that’s my own issue to work on.In my OKCupid profile, I have posted one face shot and 2 full body shots so that guys can get an idea of what they’re getting into. In the body type section of my profile, it reads, “A little extra.” I’m really trying to avoid any feelings of deception or bait and switch that I’ve so often heard reported from guys.
I get a fair amount of emails from men on the site. The last one I went out with seemed a good match, and we had a good email exchange before he asked me out. On the day we were to go out, I was reviewing his profile and noticed in his questions and answers some response that indicated that (over)weight would be an issue or deal breaker for him. Ugh. I almost wanted to call off the date then. But I went ahead with it, trying to be optimistic. I felt it went well, we extended just drinks into a comedy show afterwards, but I never heard from the guy again. Can’t say I was surprised. I realize that there could be some self-fulfilling/defeating prophecy in play, since I don’t like me being fat either, so there’s self-esteem issues at play. But it’s probably more likely he doesn’t like fatties (hey, at least I’m not in denial).
Since then, every time I’ve gotten an email, I go read the man’s Q&A to see if he’s answered something related to a woman’s weight. And almost every time, he has indicated that he’s not interested in someone overweight and it’s a deal breaker.
So why are they contacting me? It could be I’m not as large as they consider to be “too big.” Maybe they didn’t really read my profile or look at all my pics and just thought I had a cute face so they wrote. Maybe they think I’m desperate, ergo an easy lay.
What should I do with these emails? Should I ignore them completely? Should I respond and point out that we are likely not compatible? Or respond as if I didn’t see what I saw and meet if/when they suggest it?
It could be I’m not as large as they consider to be “too big.”
Bingo. Surprising, right? That’s the problem with answering too may of those OKC questions. People can misinterpret your answers. Many people tend to project their insecurities on to others.
I did the same thing you did when reviewing profiles of men. I used to looked at their questions to see how they answered the questions about weight. Also like you, I was hesitant to contact them or meet up with them. But if these men are emailing you, and you have full body shots, and you list your body type as “a little extra” then the majority of these men like your body. Side note: change that body type to Average pronto. Size 14 is average. You are not obligated to throw yourself under the bus for these random dudes. You’re way too self-aware in this regard. Okay, we get it. You’re not a size 6. You’re not a criminal or hiding some dark past.No, you shouldn’t point out to a man that you fear you and he aren’t compatible. Most men don’t appreciate being told how they feel or think. Plus that will just make you seem insecure.
Don’t assume that that guy didn’t want to see you again because of your body. The one and done date is a staple of online dating. Just like women who like to craft “how to” tutorials on why their relationship works based on isolated experiences that prove nothing, you’re trying to rationalize why these men aren’t asking you out again. You’re making illogical leaps based on no concrete data other than a tape you choose to play over and over in your head.
Trust me. They looked at your photos. Yes, it could be that these men prefer women with a little more junk in the trunk. That doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t date them. There are blonde fetishists, red head fetishists…all kinds. Some men like women really thin. Some men like women with a little extra. Don’t automatically go to that place in your head where you wonder if you’re being duped in some way. You’re the one labeling yourself a “fattie.” That right there speaks to how you see yourself. Don’t take it upon yourself to decide why these men are responding or how they will react. That’s not your job. Could some of these men be looking to use you? Yep. But you’re never going to learn the difference between them and guys who aren’t unless you meet and interact with them.
So why are they contacting me?
Got big boobs and an ample ass? There’s a guy for that. Trust me. Size 14 isn’t as big as you think. Would it be easier if you were thinner? Yes. If you want to work on it, then do it. Don’t just talk about it. But do it for you, not for male approval.
I somewhat disagree.
I think your weight is a huge factor because I know in my life it has been for me no matter how confident I am or dress it up makes little difference to men.
Men meet women online all the time and dating for them isn’t as attached as it is for us. You being cute is enough to want to date them. Also I have had friends that were an absolute mess and did everything wrong, did I mention they were size 0 – 6? And yes, they got asked out AGAIN 90 percent of the time.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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What exactly did your friends do on their dates that were wrong? Did they go on a coke bender and fight the bar? Or does “did everything wrong” mean 9 out of 10 of your friends slept with the dude then got a call back for more…
I don’t think the OP mentioned her height. If she’s 6’0 (like me, who wears a 14) then she has a distorted self-image which needs to get checked. Confidence is key, ya know? But if she’s 5’0 in a 14, then ya, that might be a turn off for a lot of men.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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What exactly did your friends do on their dates that were wrong? Did they go on a coke bender and fight the bar? Or does “did everything wrong” mean 9 out of 10 of your friends slept with the dude then got a call back for more…
Hah. Bravo. Exactly. “omigod my slutty, crazy friends did EVERYTHING wrong and still got a second date” is Girl Friend speak for “that bitch. why don’t I ever get asked out on 2nd dates?”
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Most people don’t like my answer and it is bitter reality pill to swallow. Go look at Men’s magazines and tell me they prefer women is big women.
Things I was referring to my friends doing wrong; sleeping with men on first date, getting drunk on first date or initial meeting, saying they have a bf (to the guy!) but still making out/dating other men, being insecure, not having good fashion sense, unambitious. But the point is, the MEN continue to talk to them and hold most of the conversation. Why? Because they are interested in them and these flaws/faults mean nothing because sexual attraction trumps everything for a man.
I have been the fat friend in more situations than I can count. Guys have come up to me, talked to me for 15 mins only to then ask me to introduce them to friend.
And before you say “WELL JENN YOU MUST BE UGLY HAVE A BAD PERSONALITY” blah blah blah. I have a lot of features people spend money at the plastic surgeons office to acquire. But I am a size 14/16, have read many books on flirting, great fitting clothes, very feminine, and you know what? None of that matters to men. I don’t make the cut.
At least I realize the truth and doing something about it instead of complaining or blaming men, lost 80 lbs and still losing. I will know when I lost enough because men will talk to me and not my friends for once.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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I agree with GI Jane. People find it so much easier to blame the unattractive woman for doing or saying something wrong, or for projecting negativity, when the reason why she doesn’t get dates is because she’s not as attractive as other women.
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Things I was referring to my friends doing wrong; sleeping with men on first date, getting drunk on first date or initial meeting, saying they have a bf (to the guy!) but still making out/dating other men, being insecure, not having good fashion sense, unambitious. But the point is, the MEN continue to talk to them and hold most of the conversation. Why? Because they are interested in them and these flaws/faults mean nothing because sexual attraction trumps everything for a man.
Wrong. The reason why men continue to talk to them and date them is because men don’t care about those things PERIOD. Guys like girls who “get drunk” on dates because it shows she doesn’t have a stick up her ass. Guys like women who have sex on the first date because guys like sex. Fashion sense? No straight guy gives a shit. Unambitious? GUYS DON’T CARE unless the woman is leeching off of him.
The reason why none of those things don’t work for you isn’t because you’re overweight. It’s because you probably come off unpleasant and difficult. And yes, you are jealous of these women because they can get away with these things and you can’t. My guess is these women just don’t measure up to your distorted standards. Really? Judging their fashion sense? Yeah, you’re not a catty bitch. PS? guys HATE that.
Women like you like to use your weight as an excuse for why you can’t find a man. That way you can blame it on the shallowness of men and not take any responsibility for being unpleasant or uptight.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Wrong.I am not catty at all actually, have been the nice girl for way too long sitting on the sidelines watching others live and smiling waiting for “someone to talk to me” . But now I just accept the truth. And men like women who sleep on the first date? Really? As in relationship material? Your delusional.
I haven’t tried these methods that my friends do because I am not that kind of girl, but I have TRIED and failed. Also most girls who get approached don’t need to try, they just stand there and men strike up the conversation. I volunteer, take care of a physically challenged aunt, work in a social service career. Degrees, none of that matters.
I don’t care how you slice up my argument, looks will get you in the door and keep you there until you royally f*up.
My issue is not jealousy it is that I don’t get a chance in the FIRST place. I am constantly overlooked. Men don’t really try hard with me, they ask for sex pretty early on, which contradicts your point that I must be stuck up, because that is not how men act around Paris Hilton types.
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” And men like women who sleep on the first date? Really? As in relationship material? Your delusional.”
No, no. Men “like” women who sleep on the first date in that they call them back for a second date. For more sex. And maybe a third and forth date. Then they put them in the little black book of “sure things” and don’t call them except when they run into a dry spell and want sex.
Yeah – it’s true. If you want to date men, you have to be willing to be sexually active Fairly quickly. But first date sex is slutty, and doesn’t lead to LTR’s. At least, not with the guys I know.
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OK, let’s deal with the thousand pound elephant in the room. We all project ourselves in the best possible light. We choose photos to make things seem better than they are. I have had women tell me that I am slimmer than they thought. So I guess I chose photos that made sure I didn’t look too slim. See, it’s really that easy.
We create the monster. So we have to deal with it. Nothing wrong with a little illusion, just be ready to deal with any fallout that it creates. And while we are at it, maybe don’t take the illusion too far. Some overweight people take the illusion way too far. Spanx, good angles, two year old photos and photo shopped photos can really be taken too far. We see the same thing with balding men or people with really bad or missing teeth.
The other key ingredient is energy. While it may sound wishy-washy, outcomes are often self-fulfilling from the energy we present. People buy into exactly what we project. Insecurity, depression, anger, and defensiveness will be easily read off of you like a bestseller.
The third issue acknowledges the OP. Yes men can be the problem sometimes. Online dating is competitive even more than real life dating. Women gravitate even more to the “chosen few” online than in real life. This happens because they have way more choices. Some men have great difficulty getting women’s attention, so they become a little desperate, and will often try out a few that they might otherwise eliminate in real life. The proof of the situation is however often too much for them to stomach, especially given the person having a bigger stomach than they thought. It’s not so much the weight sometimes, it’s often more the size of the stomach that shuts down the boner.
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I’m going to go ahead and invite a lot of thumbs down and say that I’d wager that everyone who gave GI_JANE’s comment a thumbs down are most likely women who don’t actually understand men, but swear they do. As a man who knows other men, I know when it comes to dating we can be generalized. We’re visual creatures. Sexual attraction trumps everything. That means body shape, body fitness, and age. You can boo hoo about it, but we’re just animals. Women do the same thing, but just with different standards.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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GI Jane speaks a truth that is too hard for some women to bear. The kindest, sweetest, most positive and sensual woman in the world will be overlooked if she is visually unappealing to men.
Suggesting that her personality is unpleasant or uptight shows a fundamental lack of understanding about men and dating, and does GI Jane more harm than good.
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You’re right. If you’re not visually attractive, you’re not getting in the door. But I’ll go a step further. Fat is the first thing we see. Yeah, dressing well, nice hair and makeup all matter. But a ton of money, time, and energy spent on those three items is wasted if you are fifty pound over weight.
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AGREE 99% and curves should be appreciated
However I don’t think its wise to change the profile from “a little extra” to “average”. I am NOT disagreeing with size 14 being average; at this point that is average. Guys have also complimented myself that its nice that I’ve “filled out” a little more (I guess I was under filled before LOL ). I guess its just more a testament to the rampant shallowness and stupidity that I can see the description change backfiring 
and guys giving you crap about it.
I guess media has to do with it. I do not miss the “Waif/heroine chic” look of the 90′s. I just saw a 90′s movie the other day a it brought a huge flash back to the Kate Moss/Calvin Klein/Gwyneth Platrow/Ally Mcbeal icons. This film had Ashely Judd at the thinnest I’ve ever seen her, kinda creepy.
I also agree that any change to yourself should be for your own interest and health. Be reasonable and don’t go to extremes. Love the lady lumps!!!
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I’d say just don’t put anything in the body description slot. Let them look at you and decide “fattie” or “average” or “sexy” or whatever they’re gonna think.
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I like all kinds of body types on women, as long as they look… proportional if that’s the right word, and healthy. If I can’t discern where your neck ends and your chin begins, then I’m probably not going to find you all that physically attractive.
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Women like women skinny. Fashion designers like women skinny. Men like women to be healthy – muscle or a little adipose tissue. Be healthy. We don’t want a corpse or a coat hanger.
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First of all, having “a little extra” isn’t what is standing in your way of finding a partner…it’s all about your attitude. I’m a big girl…over 200 pounds at 5’4″, so I’m way more than “a little extra.” Yet, I have no trouble getting dates, and I’ve had several long term relationships. Why? Because I’m happy with myself, happy with my life, have a good attitude, and am active. Confidence is what men find sexy. Now, of course, I’m not every guy’s cup of tea, but then again, not every man is mine. I post head shots and full body pictures, and on OKC I listed as the first thing that people notice about me is that I’m full-figured, but that I’m also healthy and active. And then I post pictures of me hang gliding and hiking and mountain biking. Anyone who is going to be turned off by my weight ought to be self-screened by reading/looking at my profile. And if I go on a date and don’t hear back, I do NOT assume it’s because of my weight. Would it be easier if I were thinner? Undoubtedly. But, believe me, there are plenty of men out there who won’t consider a few extra pounds to be a deal breaker. However, I think that extreme self-consciousness and lack of self-confidence are deal-breakers for most men.
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“Confidence is what men find sexy.”
I disagree. That’s projection, in other words, that’s what you like in a guy, so you assume that’s what guys want in girls. I don’t know any guy who has confidence anywhere in their top 10 important things list. Be weary.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Agreed. Confidence is not necessary for a woman to attract a man. However, lack of confidence is not good for a relationship. Even then, however, men will put up with a lot. When’s the last time you heard a guy say “she was really cute, but her lack of confidence forced me to leave her?”
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Confidence is attractive in both men and women, but women value it alot more than men and it turns women on, it doesnt for men..
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I think men are more quickly turned off by over-confidence in a woman then the other way around.
Maybe that’s because men spend more time playing the confidence game and so are more aware of the over-compensating variety.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Gosh, I’ve heard lots of men say that insecurity is a turn off. Especially if it’s accompanied by a need for reassurance or if the woman is clingy because of her lack of confidence.
What I meant by confidence in this context is that a woman is comfortable in her own skin and in her own sexiness.
There are plenty of beautiful and thin women who are insecure about their looks, and from what I’ve seen, they don’t last long in relationships. They may attract a lot of guys with their looks, but the men don’t stick around.
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If you’re being straightforward with pictures and honest that you’re not a stick thin girl, then I highly doubt that most of these guys aren’t taking you out again because of your weight. Sometimes I think that the ONLY thing a guy looks at on a dating profile are the pictures! Most don’t take a lady out without checking her out first.
I think you best summed it up yourself: “I don’t particularly like it myself, but that’s my own issue to work on”. You put yourself down more times in this letter than any man possibly could. You seem very self aware but I’m not sure there is much reason to be. Look at Queen Latifah, she’s a size 14 and she’s gorgeous!! Men do pick up on it when we are self conscious. They notice when we check out other women and compare ourselves to them on the street. Small girls with low confidence have problems with this too. I think the way to improve your call backs is to either get your body or your mind into a place where YOU think you’re hot stuff. Then the men who originally asked you out will likely agree
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Truth. If you’re showing honest full-body pics (e.g., decent lighting, not wearing difficult-to-discern-shape clothing), and the guy is asking you out, then you’ve made it past whatever physical attraction threshold he has. At that point, it’s all about your personality, and if he’s picking up on you being nervous, insecure, or otherwise having serious baggage, he will likely move on.
In the end, looks only get you past the front door. They won’t keep a guy around indefinitely if that’s all you’ve got going for you.
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My 2 cents as a guy – most guys do not find “a bit extra” to be dealbreaker. If anything they like it (although some have trouble admitting it). What most men don’t want is a woman with massive issues related to self-esteem, or a very high maintenance woman, or a control freak.
I’ve personally dumped an overweight woman, not for her weight but all the control-freak issues that came along with it.
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Two words: discernible waist.
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OP here.
To answer Jennifer, I am 5’6, so average height. I’m proportionate and have always been told I “carry my weight well”. I try to dress well and flatteringly so that my waist is discernible
Regardless, I don’t think I’ll be changing my body type to Average. I live in DC, and I believe it to be very much like NYC in that dating is very, very hard. Hot girls are everywhere, and I don’t think the men here would consider me to be “average” size.
I concur with GI_Jane’s sentiment above. Men will put up with a lot of shit from a hot chick. And let’s face it, if a girl has a hot body, that makes her hot to a guy, even if she has a butterface.
I know some will slam me for these beliefs and say that these are my problems, not my actual weight. And yes, these beliefs do result in my having lower self esteem. Not low self esteem, in general. But certainly lower now than when I have been thinner. For the record, I’ve battled weight my whole life and have ranged from size 10 to size 26. Even at size 10, I felt too fat and not as attractive to men as I wished I were. At this point in my life, I don’t see how I can ever shake the “feeling fat” syndrome, no matter what size I am, so I’ll never be the thick girl strutting and proclaiming how fabulous I am. I am confident in many, many other attributes I possess. But a man will never get to know of them if 1) he can’t see past my weight (and I don’t blame them, you can’t help what you’re attracted to), or 2) they don’t want to get to know me further because of my less than absolute confidence and esteem.
Mia, I envy you and don’t know how you do it. I have never had no trouble getting dates. I appreciate the advice to just go for it. I know there will be failures, but I also know there can’t be a single success if I don’t try.
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Two things:
1.) Yes, men will put up with shit from a hot girl….for a time. That’s not indefinite, though, as I said above. If she’s got nothing else going for her, guys will stick around until they tire of her, and then they’ll move on. Ask the hot girl how she feels about that. Chances are, she’ll tell you “At least you aren’t getting built up and let down constantly!” or something similar. The grass is always greener, I suppose… This also ties into the gripe about second dates. Ask the people who only get 2 dates how they feel. Or only 4 dates. The bottom line is that it isn’t about the number of dates but the ultimate result and how it all makes you feel.
2.) Go to therapy. Seriously. If you want to get past the self-esteem issues, that’d be a good place to start. I don’t say that in a judgmental or dismissive way, either. Personally, I think everyone would benefit from a little therapy. Maybe you won’t be the thick girl strutting her stuff. Maybe you’ll just end up being the girl who’s no longer hung up on whether she’s thick.
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Kelly, you sound very reasonable and self aware. I live in DC and if it works for you, I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine.
She has completely transformed herself over the past 2 years and developed a very healthy sense of self. I suggest you talk to her before shelling out a ton of money on therapy.
Moxie, is there a way to exchange emails without making them public? (Of course, only if Kelly wants to)
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“big boobs and an ample ass”…… Nothing wrong with that
OK… am off to OKC to look for my dream girl 
Hot debate. What do you think?
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I think the guys are talking to you because you are pretty, and not fat enough to seem gross. and plus you probably seem like a cool person the way you presented yourself. also, because you are next down from the hotties. the extremely hot supermodels, are just online for ego boost, and they don’t respond to regular guys. so they keep on going down the attractiveness and decency list until they get to you. You were decent looking, and you seem like a good person, and you spoke to them!
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I can’t edit my own reply but I want to say…yeah you can have a big butt and chest, and it’s fine, as long as it’s FIRM. so do squats and flys at the gym or at home all the time, and wear a push up bra 24/7 so they don’t fall. btw yes it’s true that a push up bra will keep them from falling. I’m 43, I have bigger chest and wore a pushup bra for the longest time, without realizing that it saved them! they don’t hang low, and in fact a 24 year old told me they are extremely nice breasts. So ya! The thing is, here’s me, I am 5 foot 5, and weigh 160 pounds, and I go to the gym a lot so probably am heavier because of muscles, but I have fat on me, and I have a “normal” looking weight. I’ve had fitness tests and no one thinks I’m obese. or approaching it. but ya, I have fat, and I have young guys telling me I’m gorgeous. soooooo don’t worry too too much.
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Online it’s common for men to want the perfect or fantasy woman they have in their minds. But these are the immature ones, who just want arm candy or to get laid. They also never think about their own imperfect physiques or hairlines – it’s all about wanting perfection in the woman. Men who have had real relationships with real women know that attraction is crucial but that it’s not about ruling someone out because they do not have an ideal body. There are lots of bodies that aren’t perfect that are still very attractive (and incidentally, perfect bodies don’t always mean great sex).
I don’t mean people should go for dates they are physically turned off by, but just that most of the time, men who move on because a woman is not skinny enough for them tend to be limited in their ability to be a good partner. If a guy is just looking for something casual, that’s one thing, but if he is actually wanting to date someone, he’ll learn that a woman’s body type only goes so far in terms of having a good relationship.
Lots of men assign positive personality traits to women they are attracted to, even when those women don’t have those traits – and then they are annoyed and disappointed when they find out she wasn’t everything he assumed she was. More evolved men look for women they find very attractive but also know it takes more than that to enjoy someone’s company. There are a million reasons these guys might not have followed through for Kelly, but plenty of smaller women are also wondering why they didn’t hear back from a guy – especially after things got physical because of their bodies. So she should keep at it (and yes, if the issue is that she comes across in person as uncomfortable in her own skin, that would be much more of a reason to not go out again – men like confident women no matter the size).
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Only life doesn’t really work that way. It sounds nice as a consolation but it isn’t true. Physical attraction does matter and there is no reason why attractive people shouldn’t have all kinds of other good qualities, just like sometimes unattractive people have unpleasant qualities as well. There is no reason to think that someone who passes someone up because they don’t find them especially attractive can’t form an excellent relationship with someone else. People aren’t shallow for having options and preferences, hot women are as ‘real’ as anyone else etc. etc.
Anyway, I’m Jean-Paul Satre and I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitresses.
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Maybe you do carry your weight very well and in addition are very photogenic. It is a possibility that upon meeting you these men do find you larger than they expected and that is why you are not getting second dates. That is a very real possibility. My niece is a beautiful girl with your proportions and it is amazing how well she photographs. The reality is she does not look like that in real life. And just like you, I have seen my niece go from a size 24 to a size 14. I applaud your effort but you still have to keep going to improve not only your physique but also your self esteem. I’m sorry but 200 lbs on 5’6″ is not pretty. And it is not healthy. You cannot attract a height weight proportionate man if you yourself are not. Unless you are willing to date someone who is also heavy maybe you should work on yourself before working on dating online since that is even harder than dating in real life.
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@ yb – I think you’re on to something with the OP probably carrying her weight proportionally and being photogenic. . .it explains a lot. Well, OP, your beauty is a gift no matter how it presents itself. Size 14 is not so big, but keep at loosing to increase your self esteem. Online Dating can be so cruel (like the real world).
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Oops! I am so sorry! You are not 200lbs! I confused you with Mia.
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Personally, I like my women a little more “renaissance style.” I don’t like to be able to make out too many of a girl’s bones. It freaks me out. I like somewhere between “fit” and maybe 25lbs overweight. But I gag at all of this “curves” and “thick” talk. I call reality avoidance. Let’s not act like they’re not euphemisms (and in the online dating world, understatements) for various degrees of overweight. I’ve seen curvy women before. It has nothing to do with the presence or absence of body fat.
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Horace,
Isn’t “renaissance style” a euphemism too? Unfortunately, in our society, “fat” is a bad word. I remember one time, I was over a friends house, and her 3-4 year old came up to me. She was at that age where she was just noticing that everyone is different. She came over, and said, “You’re fat.” Her mom went ballistic and tried to get the kid to apologize, but I calmed the mom down, and said to the daughter, “Yes, I am fat. And I have brown hair.” And she went away happy. After the daughter left, I said to the mom…your reaction is why people think that “fat” is a bad word. It’s not, it’s descriptive. It’s society that makes it negative and an insult and links it with lazy.
I’m one of the most active women I know. As I mentioned before, I’m over 200 pounds, but I hike, and bike, and sky dive, travel, and am social and, well, (at the risk of sounding boastful), I’m FUN.
But on dating profiles, I’ll list myself as “curvy” because there aren’t good options in a pull down menu. I’ll refer to myself as a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman), a big girl, plus sized, full-figured. In real life, I’m fine saying (without putting myself down) that I’m fat or obese or morbidly obese. Those things are true. And other than extra stress on my joints, I’m the healthiest 49 year old chick around. My cholesterol is fine. Blood pressure is good. I’m healthy. Just fat.
And, as I’ve said before, because I’m straight-forward and comfortable in my own skin, I don’t have trouble meeting guys and getting dates and getting relationships. My trouble with dating is finding the right guy that I WANT to be with. I have to weed through the players and the idiots, the controlling types, the non-intellectuals, the ones with clear emotional problems, the 20 year old studs looking for older women (this has been an eye opener for me…I even had to put on my profile that I’m looking for someone “age appropriate”). I know, the men out there are having the same problem finding the right woman, but hopefully, we eventually do find someone who makes us happy.
But the bottom line is that people are attracted to all types, so the OP being a few pounds overweight doesn’t have to get in the way of meeting people, unless YOU make it an obstacle by focusing so much negative energy on it.
P.S. I just met someone through OKC, and have a third date coming up.
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Just for curiosity’s sake, what would you categorize the woman whose photo Moxie used for this post? I always wonder what people’s concept of body types is.
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I’d consider that curvy. Her waist is defined and slim. That is a classic hourglass shape.
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Curvy for sure. Va-va-voom and all that. The kind of build that makes cartoon characters temporarily levitate, eyes bulge and then steam comes out of their ears.
Although its a hateful rag of a newspaper, the problem over that term is summed up in the first set of paired pics.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1213475/Whats-happened-bodies-Womens-figures-transformed-past-60-years–huge-implications-health.html
The one who’d called herself curvy in a dating ad doesn’t, if you look, appear to have any.
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OP again – to be clear, I wasn’t writing to lament my lack of second dates. I was relating the one story because of the element of knowing that the guy had answered an OKC question about weight, and thus, how should I handle emails given this pre-date “recon” that OKC provides. I haven’t responded to any more guys who’ve answered questions similarly since that date. But I’m going to now!
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Kelly, I’m glad to hear that you are expanding your choices! Go forth and have fun!
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“Got big boobs and an ample ass? There’s a guy for that. Trust me. Size 14 isn’t as big as you think. ”
That is true, I’m one of them and I had to write an explanation when I answered that question (“If one of your potential matches was overweight would that be a dealbreaker?”) because “overweight” is a really subjective term and my answer was due to an ex who became overweight.
I think you should consider that the men who are contacting you are probably like me and they prefer a woman with your body type. They just answered that question with a yes because they don’t want a woman who will let herself go once she is in a relatiionship.
Remember that they looked at your photos and liked what they saw. They want you to always look like that. They may also want you to not lose wegiht (!)
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At the end of the day it isn’t about how much confidence you will have. Women are naturally drawn to the best possible men who will date her. Online dating is a place where it creates the illussion.
At the end of the day no matter what size you have to find one who finds you attractive. They aren’t just going out with you in order as something to do.
My experience it is the decision making who leads you to what type of men.
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If that picture at the top is an accurate representation of a size 14, then you’ve got nothing to worry about. That’s not fat, that is the real “curvy.” Yum.
In my opinion at least. Of course it’s possible that men in NYC prefer female walking sticks.
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