I’m an attractive mid-20 year old male from a large east coast city. Last summer, amidst the beginnings of the end of the recession, I took a promotion two steps above my previous position. However, in doing so, I had to move to the middle of nowhere for a year. To me, this didn’t seem like it would be too much of a problem to deal with this until July when I can relocate back to my major city (I’m a Federal Employee). I routinely drive 3.5 hours back to visit friends/old haunts and engage in activities and consider the effort completely worth it.
I currently put in a lot of time, effort, and money to keep up appearances and network, but I’m at a severe disadvantage when it comes to being “on top of my game” after going through what I go through to get places. (1 hour drive on back roads, followed by 2.5 hours of interstate driving, plus I work at 5 AM – 5 PM 4 days per week)
Due to that, and the fact that I live in the middle of nowhere, I really don’t have any other option for dating besides looking online. I would prefer to date someone back home where I will return this summer after completing my year here. This is for a number of reasons, but mainly because I get along much better with them than the people I am surrounded by currently in the boonies.
I have explained my situation in the profile I that I created. However, I get no responses from the people I message. I am figuring the reason for this is that they don’t want to deal with someone who is currently this far away. I find it frustrating that someone who is more than willing to make the effort to accomplish this and come to them, plus will be living back there in 5 months anyways, gets brushed aside because of the perceived distance factor.
What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are that you are at a severe disadvantage and therefore should not try to date until you are back home. Regardless of whether or not you are willing to make all of the effort, you come to the table with a high degree of difficulty. People want simple and easy. They want to be able to meet up for an impromptu drink or dinner or even late night booty call. They want that as an option. They don’t want to deal with someone who has to drive a couple hours to see them, especially when they’re surrounded by people who live but a stone’s throw away. Throw in weather and traffic and hectic work schedules and you’ll soon amass a number of canceled dates and plans re-arranged in order to accommodate someone’s travel schedule. It’s a hassle and nobody wants to deal with it, especially when they have plenty of other viable candidates so close by.
In general, I don’t know why anybody would want to put themselves through the agony of starting a relationship off this way. It would be one thing if you were dating someone and they got transferred and you wanted to try and make it work. But to begin a relationship at this kind of disadvantage? Nah. Not going to work. Sure, everybody has that story of their friend, colleague or college roommate who found love over state lines. That’s adorable. Those are the exceptions to the rule and not the rule. Between the financial wear and tear involved to the huge time and energy suck, eventually the relationship pays the price.
Unless you’re with someone on an ongoing basis, day in and day out, you have no idea how truly compatible you actually are. There’s this big void of unknown going on because you have no idea what your partner is doing in those times they’re not with you. That buffer provided by the distance will convince you that you and your hunny bunny are super-mega-compatible. Then you move to the same city and the magic and mystery is gone. True compatibility is determined after the mystique is no longer as prevalent.
Overall it’s an issue of convenience and desiring someone with a similar mentality. You can cry foul and say that that’s an elitist and shallow decision based mostly on a desire to date “high earners” or some other such nonsense, but that’s just your way of trying to make yourself feel better for not being able to live in a city.
If you’re casting your bait into a city pond, those people are going to want to date city people. That’s it. Whine about it if you like, folks.People live in cities for a reason, and that reason is to be around people who think like they do