This is what I call the stereotypical Manhattan single woman’s online dating experience. Woman meets a guy online. He’s employed and well educated with a good job and impressive package. He strings her along for months, but instead of cutting him loose, she kinda hangs on to him, afraid to let him go because what if he turns out to be sincere? (Hint: he’s not.) All of the women rally around her and tell her to kick him to the curb, girl, while regaling her with stories about how, when they met their man, they didn’t have to tolerate any nonsense. None, you hear me? I mean, okay, so some of them have only had “their man” for a handful of weeks or months. But still. They’re advice trumps that of anyone else because, you know, they have a manz. It’s just one ongoing circle jerk that would leave any woman dizzy.
What we have going on now is a number of women pursuing the same men. These men are all employed, attractive, educated and engaging. They are in no rush to pick just one woman because…why should they? Women refer to them as players, but is that really accurate? Or fair? Is it their fault that most women would rather pursue them than consider the guys with fewer options? For several months now we’ve been reading about how there are fewer and fewer “marriageable men” out there thanks to the economic downturn. Fewer men graduating college means fewer men are able to be the type of providers that women seek. That leaves us with a bunch of ladies all setting their sights on a smaller population of men.
As I said in the comments of this post:
It all comes down to supply and demand and the fact that women hold on
to antiquated rules and gender roles. For whatever reason, women have no
problem embracing the fact that they are now the breadwinners and are
more educated, yet they can’t wrap their brain around the possibility
that that means they now become the providers. They want equality in
every area – financially, sexually, etc – EXCEPT in the case of having
the burden of being the provider placed on their shoulders. That’s where
they want traditional gender roles to stay in place. If they could move
past this and broaden their horizons, they could find a man who wants
to commit. Instead, they all go after the Big Fish – the guy with the
degree and the paycheck – and end up becoming part of a harem. Why
should a guy pick just one when he has and endless supply of women who
pursue him? Cut off the supply to these men and the problem goes away.
The solution seems so simple in theory: stop going after men with so many options OR date multiple men at a time. Yet few women want to do either.They’d rather cling to the tales they here from other women on the internet, who I’m sure did not settle in any way, shape or form. Nope. Not even a smidge. Those women found their dream man and she can, too, with a little pluck and perseverance. Here’s the problem with that thinking, ladies:
1. I can assure that at least some of those women settled in some way.
2. Keeping a man’s interest for a few weeks or even months is not proof of anything.
3. You probably wouldn’t want what those women have.
I’ve said this before: what threatens our chances of finding what we want is that we compare our insides to other people’s outsides. So rather than hope against hope that your life will follow the blue print of some other woman’s life, why not design your own? Stop crowd sourcing your love life. No good will come from that.
I don’t know when or if we’re going to see any changes to the current dating landscape. Right now, the men have the upper hand. They have enough options to keep them comfortable for the foreseeable future. You can try and fight it or you can follow their lead and do what they are doing. Chastising these men a and calling them players isn’t going to help you. They don’t care. They don’t have to. The fact remains that they are in demand.
If it’s a relationship you seek then you need to focus on the men who appear to have fewer options. If you’re emailing a guy, chances are someone else is too. Lots of someone else’s. Those men would be the ones who email you. I realize that that prospect doesn’t sound terribly appealing, but it’s the truth.