Name: Anon
Age: 37
State: UK
Question: I read your recent post about all the single ladies fighting over the same man, and the comments that ensued.One comment got buried, which I thought would be interesting for you and your regulars to address:
January 21, 2013 at 7:54 am
“The problem isn’t that you ladies can’t find someone that you’re attracted to. The problem is that you’re attracted to men who have an abundance of options”Moxie, you make some very good comments when read in isolation. However, I think most women reading red pill blogs know they’re never going to get the top 5% of men, and set their sights on an average man that they can find attraction and happiness with.
You also say in another post:
“Welcome to Dating 2.0, where even the uggos have more options than the single woman over 35.”
So, when average men, and the men you call “uggos” have more options, and aren’t following through with dates and commitment, where does that leave the woman over 35?
I’m not so sure that this comment got buried as much as people read it and felt the answer was self-explanatory. I’m guessing you wrote it which is why you’re following up and asking for your comment to be acknowledged. So here you go.
First of all, women should be reading the red pill blogs with a grain of salt. The mission of those blogs isn’t to deliver reality as much as it is to beat you down and make you pay for blowing off the type of guy who reads/writes a red pill blog. Guess what? Those guys are not in that highly sought after 5%. If they were getting laid and dating as regularly as they claim, they wouldn’t be writing/reading a blog.
So, when average men, and the men you call “uggos” have more options, and aren’t following through with dates and commitment, where does that leave the woman over 35?
I guess that leaves many of them shit out of luck unless they choose to settle a bit, doesn’t it? This is not rocket science, folks. Get your shit together enough to be able to meet and date people while you’re still in demand. Get enough experience under your belt and actually learn from it rather than repeating the same thing over and over. It’s simple. I’m beyond exhausted by these intentionally obtuse lines of questions and attempts to find contradictions where none exist because somebody has a hair across their ass.
Those average schmucks, should they wish to commit, will find someone long before the women who reject them do simply because they want to commit and that makes them in demand. If that “uggo” is educated and employed and ambitious and stable, he rises to the top of the list regardless of whether he looks like Channing Tatum or not. Trust me. There are women out their who see his value and will pursue him. Going after someone average looking because he’s average looking is no longer a good strategy because other women have caught on to that. They’ll take the guy with a great job over the hot unemployed artist because they have chosen to make settling down a priority. Where the challenge comes in is if that average looking guy decides to reap the rewards of this paradigm shift. If he has so many options, why settle for just one? It’s called The Law of Supply and Demand. If he’s in demand, he will have a constant supply of options.
This will sound particularly brutal, but the women who get into their late thirties and older who still can’t find a man are being weeded out of the pool for a reason. Same goes for the men who have similar gripes and complaints. It’s Darwin’s Survival of The Fittest at work. Again, this is a very simple concept. The weak do not survive and reproduce. They can either evolve with the changes in their environment or they can go extinct. Someone wrote a comment recently about how, in DC, all the frumpy girls who don’t brush their hair properly all manage to find men, which must mean that in that particular city, women have the upper hand. Wrong. Those women that other ladies like to deem “frumpy” aren’t high maintenance pains in the ass. That’s why they get the men and the other women, the bitchy ones sitting on the sidelines, don’t. Remember: women don’t get to decide what men find attractive. Men do. The woman with her hair out of place probably is just as concerned with making her guy happy as she is making herself happy. That’s why she has a man. That’s what makes her attractive. It’s amazing what a pleasant demeanor and lack of crazy can attract.
The women who sit and bitch about who pays and why doesn’t he call instead of text and oh my god I have to get passed 3 dates before I can touch his penis? Yeah. They’re perpetually struggling. While those women are sitting out at cocktail hour bemoaning the lack of “good men” and lying about how many dates they waited to sleep with whomever or how they broke up with him, all those sluts and frumps are getting their guys. Suck it, girlfraannnn!
“I’m beyond exhausted by these intentionally obtuse lines of questions and attempts to find contradictions where none exist because somebody has a hair across their ass.”
This is a simple case of blaming the messenger for the inconvenient message. These comments are really just the manifestation of frustration of being unable to cope with intractable problems. The contradictions do exist but you didn’;t create them.
I wrote an analogy in a comment to another post that is apt here, I think. A scientist is testing a new drug which he injects into a lab rat. The drug gives the intellectual capacity and imagination of a highly functioning human being. When the scientist returns to check on the rat, he discovers that the lab rat has proven, to an impressive mathematical certainty, that it is, in fact, a lab rat trapped in a cage.
Many of the problems identified on this blogs have no solutions because the limitations are inherent in our natures and cannot be overcome – not by discussion, imagination and not by therapy. We are highly functioning lab rats trapped in a cage. The effort in anayzing and disucssing the problem is interesting and entertaining for most of us. But, even the highest-level deconstruction and analysis of a problem leads to the conclusion that there is no solution. But, this is an advice column so you have to try.
“Supply and demand” and Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” are actually laws of nature, though not everyone accepts them, especially on the Internet. There are many people in the world that reject these axioms – they believe things “happen for a reason” or karma or god or that they “deserve” x, y or z because they did a, b and c. To me, these are delusions, at worst, and fortune cookies, at best. So, often, I think, people here are really speaking in different languages.
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While I largely agree with this, I do believe that certain types of limitations are not necessarily natural and can be, if not completely overcome, compensated for. While a lot of self-help and even professional help is a waste of time, 5% of it is very good (and that 5% varies from person to person).
The challenge is finding the 5% that works for you and being willing to go outside of your comfort zone to implement it.
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>5% of it is very good<
It’s beyond good, but the great ones will still be only as good as you make them, like you said, you got to put in the effort to get the results you want. The vast majority of behavioral “limitations” can be pinpointed and changed. The trick is that for most people, those same “limitations” are closely connected to the person’s presumed identity, as in who they think they are. And that makes it really difficult for people, they tend to get supper defensive. If you start to read anything new about the way our brain actually works, you will begin to see where most of this stuff comes from. The vast majority of people in the world are not in charge of their lives, they are on brain autopilot. The good news, there is a switch back to manual, but first you got to acknowledge that you have been operating on autopilot in the first place.
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On why an average guy in his mid thirties with options would want to settle-we want to marry and settle down too. Of course, we can keep exploring those options but marriage is work and it takes some time to get comfortable after marriage before kids so unless I want to be a 40 year father, not saying it is bad but not for me, I started looking seriously at 31. I didn’t have much dating experience in my 20s so it took me some time to date and find that someone. I finally married at 35.
I think what is hard for a 35+ year old women, at least when I had the opportunity to go on a date with a great one, is that if we date for two years, get married and settle down, it almost forces us to have kids quickly. I know not every guy wants kids but I am sure every guy with that great job is thinking ahead to the future.
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The mission of those blogs isn’t to deliver reality as much as it is to beat you down and make you pay…
There there, Moxie. I’m sure he’ll call.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Oh God. Shut the fuck up with your stupid red pill comebacks. You call women cupcake. You’re so sassy!
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Again – much of what’s written here is totally unrecognizable to me as a man who lives outside the NYC area.
All guys who, for example, live and work in I.T. hubs such as CA, MD, DC, Seattle, Denver, or whatever, have “great jobs” with nice 6-figure salaries. Every single male friend I know is employed and has a very stable, cushy job. Employment is not a problem for men in America, that’s why a lot of guys immigrate here from other countries. But all these males are struggling with women *despite* their high stable incomes. Some guys in their 20s are millionaires and are still extremely lonely, despite being family-oriented and stable and looking for marriage.
I get the feeling that NYC women over-emphasize “job” requirements in their partner and under-emphasize looks compared to everywhere else. Maybe it’s because the job market in NYC is unstable at the moment? All I know is that outside of NYC, looks are a lot more important to women.
You’re also wrong about the “frumps” in DC dating “up” thanks to their “personalities” or pleasant demeanor. No, it’s because of the numbers (outside of the black population, DC has a surplus of single men). I know this because they’re not even into the guys they’re dating. It’s their (very handsome) boyfriends who actually hold their hands and desperately look into their eyes trying not to lose them — I’ve seen that on multiple occasions here.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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If looks are more important to women outside of NYC than other places (Which I don’t think they are) and your friends are not getting dates, that would imply your friends are unattractive, no?
Anyway, if you can’t find a single woman in DC it’s most likely due to the fact that you are not looking in the right place. The thing with DC is that the traffic SUCKS, it’s transient with very few natives, and most 35 and under single people can’t decide if they want to be real adults or go back to college.
If your only looking online 80% of women fall into one of these categories;
#1′s) Those that can’t get a date. It doesn’t matter what they do. They can’t get a date. Size, weight, shape, whatever….it ain’t gonna happen.
#2′s) Those looking to see if they still have what it takes to get a date (They like the winks, blowing off e-mails, “just checking things out”, “doing this because their friends had success”, and all that B.S. They are basically attention seekers. Probably great in-person, but that’s not why they are there.
#3′s) Primma donna’s / Trophies – Close cousins of #2, only interested if one of the top 5%’ers contact her. Otherwise, she’s not interested.
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I find it quite easy to find someone to go out for drinks in DC. Long term date able material, a bit more rare. In almost four years, I’ve had one real relationship, a couple casual FWB situations, and a ton of short term dating stints that have fizzled out due to flakiness or indifference on my part.
(I do accept some blame for this. I’m half of the equation)
I do agree with you to some extent, in that there’s a large group of ‘never settle’ women in their 30s. There are also ones over 35 who are earnest and sincere.
What is tough to find here, in my opinion, are late 20 somethings /early 30 somethings that are not as checklist-y or mannish as the “DC Fembot” .
I really just want a pretty 30 year old woman who’s feminine and nice to me. (I’m 38).
Although I meet women from OKCupid, I’ve found that meeting them in bookstores has really helped me better present myself and get a better sense of them before meeting for drinks.
I’m hardly in the top 5% by the way, and I appreciate the red pill blogs. I’m always trying to improve myself.
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“First of all, women should be reading the red pill blogs with a grain of salt. The mission of those blogs isn’t to deliver reality as much as it is to beat you down and make you pay for blowing off the type of guy who reads/writes a red pill blog. Guess what? Those guys are not in that highly sought after 5%. If they were getting laid and dating as regularly as they claim, they wouldn’t be writing a blog.”
Men are learning the necessary Charisma to become part of that 5%. I encourage that and I write a Red Pill blog. Am I that highly sought 5%? I really don’t care. I simply want more men to join that 5% group.
Man are also sharing the Red Pill wisdom with other guys. As these guys gin up their masculinity, it becomes necessary for women to gin up their femininity. You know this. It’s a huge part of your business. Women should read Red Pill blogs and understand the knowledge that is shared.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Men are learning the necessary Charisma to become part of that 5%.
Any man who has to learn “charisma” will never be part of the 5%. They either have it or they don’t. Sorry.
I really don’t care. I simply want more men to join that 5% group.
That’s bullshit. Really? You write your blog for the greater good? Please. You do what you do to try and make money. Just like me. I really loathe all of these “coaches” who swear up and down that they do what they do because they found the love of their lives and want other women to find similar happiness or some other trite excuse. You do it to make money. Anything else is an absolute lie.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Disagree. Charisma can be learned, though some will be naturally better at it than others, just like any other talent.
This woman teaches it to high level corporate types: http://askolivia.com/
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Bah. I’ve been in show biz all my life. Confidence can be grown, but charisma is a gift.
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Ouch. Tough crowd TPM. As part of the 95%, I appreciate your writing.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Eh, I’m used to it. And thanks.
Moxie serves up Red Pill advice constantly and she’s good. Yeah, she and I have our issues but we also have a degree of professional courtesy towards each other.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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If your product is in over supply in your current location…go to another location!
The problem is knowing where a good location to move to is. The information one finds online doesn’t seem very accurate. Earlier this month I read that in my area there is a lot more single college educated women then men in the under 35 category. Maybe if that is true for under 25 and not true for 25<x<35…it is just swamping it. Or else they are hiding some place. There don't seem to hardly any single women.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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BRILLIANT plan. “Let me change jobs or otherwise rearrange my current employment status, leave friends, family, and loved ones, and uproot from the place I call home because MAYBE I’LL GET LAID.”
Hot debate. What do you think?
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If all you want is to get laid, then try doing some weekends away in area’s / cities that have many more women than men – in which case your odds of finding some one are a lot higher. And you won’t have to worry about bumping into your one-night-stands in your local pub because they don’t live anywhere near you.
And still keep looking for some one nearer to home in the mean-time.
You may find that a bit of out-of-town nookie will put a smile on your face and lift your spirits, which makes you a much more attractive person. The local ladies might appreciate you more & be more interested in spending time with you.
I reckon it’s worth a try!
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Easier said than done from a male’s point of view. Sure, the more nookie you get, the more confident you become, so you end up getting more nookie. A catch 22. On the other hand, attempts which yield no results lead to a negative feedback loop, less confidence, less attractiveness, and less nookie. The simple fact is, most attempts by males to lead to sex, relationships, or whatever are going to end in failure, except for perhaps a small percentage of guys. So you are saying to go for out of town nookie. If you are talking through in person offline meetings, this is very difficult without some kind of a social network, and high quality women generally don’t hook up with strangers in bars, for example. Most guys don’t even have the social skills, or personality type to pick up women like this anyway. And online is difficult anyway for guys, and as an out of towner even less likely. The other possibility is to go for women you aren’t attracted to as a confidence builder, but personally I wouldn’t be motivated to. Anyone I am attracted to is going to be in high demand, whether on or offline.
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high quality women generally don’t hook up with strangers in bars
Who cares about quality if you’re just looking for a one-night stand? They don’t need to be marriage material, just attractive enough to make it worth the effort and easy enough to get into bed before you turn back into a pumpkin.
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Let me clarify, as I opted for brevity instead of being clear on my point. Regardless of what you’re looking to get out of dating, if you’re not doing well in your hometown, you’re not going to do well in a new city where you don’t know anybody and have to rebuild social circles and grow accustomed to the local dating dynamics from scratch.
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Agreed, except:
>First of all, women should be reading the red pill blogs with a grain of salt.<
I'd replace "with a grain of salt" with "not at all." Also replace "women" with "men and women."
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Nope. A basic rule is always know what the other side is thinking. The red pill blogs will give you insight into what the men who read them are thinking the same way reading women centrric blogs gives men insight into what the women who read them are thinking. You dod your self a grave disservice by ignoring potential sources of information.
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If I want to date men, then some insight into how men think would be helpful, sure. I don’t need to listen to every last misogynist with a dick to do that.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Perhaps the situation is not as bleak as it appears to be:
“Those average schmucks, should they wish to commit, will find someone long before the women who reject them do simply because they want to commit and that makes them in demand…
Where the challenge comes in is if that average looking guy decides to reap the rewards of this paradigm shift. If he has so many options, why settle for just one?”
Because if he does not want to commit he is not desirable anymore, since his willingness to commit is his only attraction.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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There’s a difference between “unwilling to commit” and “being selective about who you commit to”.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Yeah, there is a difference. The “unwilling” ones are dating below their league, while the “selective” ones are trying to date above their league. Perhaps that is why they are single.
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What’s a red pill blog?
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The “red pill sites” refer to the red pills used in the film Matrix to wake humans out of a false world. Red pill blogs supposedly do the same in the real world.
You can see TPM’s blog link as a good example. Basically, these blogs offer supposed “tips” and “insights” on how to dominate the opposite sex. Most of these are through a few superficial style clothing changes, shortcuts and verbal tricks–most aimed at supposedly “knocking a woman off balance” or “keeping her in suspense,” etc.
These shortcuts, tricks, and all-around buffoonery are supposed to make you feel superficially “confident” and “masculine.” That’s so you don’t have to do the real work of actually becoming masculine and confident, which is a gritty, up-and-down, years-long effort. There’s also a very large dose of misogyny on these sites, some of it coded, some of it blunt.
I can’t imagine any of it actually works on women, although (as in any get-rich scheme), there are always a few ringers who post how these techniques “changed their lives.” These red pill sites are supposedly more sophisticated than the Pick Up Artist (PUA) “get any woman you want in 30 days” sites, but not really.
If you’re truly into self-improvement as a man, I recommend subscriptions to Men’s Health, Fast Company, GQ, stuff like that. Most importantly, get out there and make real-life life efforts to improve yourself. That’s my motto and that’s my effort, anyway.
Incidentally, women have their own such sites, such as Jezebel, which seemingly aim to dominate men through teaching a woman how to use a few harsh barbs and witty slashes that supposedly emasculate us or at least tame us to their wishes. Likewise, I imagine that they have little real-world luck with that.
In short, regardless of gender, it’s hard to be “awesome” just by following a few blog tips. It takes a lot more effort to make an impact in the real world.
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“If you’re truly into self-improvement as a man, I recommend subscriptions to Men’s Health, Fast Company, GQ, stuff like that. Most importantly, get out there and make real-life life efforts to improve yourself. That’s my motto and that’s my effort, anyway.”
And mine, too. I don’t sell anything. I don’t have a system like so many others do because there is no system. There’s only hard work and serious introspection. Moxie knows this. Evan Marc Katz knows this. Any good dating coach knows this.
I offer more than just tips and insights. I give men (and women) real and serious information about the nature of attractiveness. It’s not easy. There is no “watch this video and get laid tonight” except for the shysters pitching bullshit to suckers. I simply want men to reach their relationship goals, no matter what those goals might be.
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Any good dating coach knows this.
A few things:
1. I’m not a dating coach. I just wanted to clarify that. I give advice. I don’t coach people.
2. With all due respect, Evan and I have been doing this for a very long time. Your blog was merely a glint in the Internet’s eye when we started. Just because you’ve put up a blog and call yourself a coach doesn’t make it so. You have to earn the right to do that. Writing a blog for a year or so is just the beginning.
3. Evan and I are not pseudonyms or personas. We’re not anonymous. You’ll understand the sacrifice involved with what we do when you post under your real name and put up a photo and are otherwise held accountable for your words and advice. It’s pretty god damn easy to be a rebel when you hide behind the cloak of anonymity.
I genuinely wish you luck as you begin to build a clientele. I’m not being snarky when I say that. But you have barely had a taste of what it’s like to do what Evan and I do every day. I’m not being melodramatic when I tell you that you will pay a price for what you say and what you put out there. So you can come up with all kinds of ways to try and slip under the radar. Until you put a real name and a face to what you do, you don’t have a clue what’s involved.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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This is part of the reason I started posting stuff under my real name on my personal blog. I don’t intend to be a coach or make money, just be real.
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Moxie, I am “out” with my real name. It’s Andrew Corbin Hansen. I am not hiding. I’ve been blogging for almost two years now and I know that’s nothing compared to you. Just know that before I blogged I had a long history of journalism and talk radio. I paid the price decades ago. I don’t know what you were doing in 1992 but I was fretting over Arbitron ratings long before the Internet was even a thought. Ever had someone bang on your door because of your “public” personsa? Been there, done that. And yes, firearms were involved.
I’m willing to put out my name and identity to the Interwebz and deal with the consequences, as are you. I’m not the Private Man any longer. Oh, the irony!
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Moxie, I am “out” with my real name. It’s Andrew Corbin Hansen. I am not hiding. I’ve been blogging for almost two years now and I know that’s nothing compared to you.
But you don’t write under your real name. You don’t contribute to other websites under your real name. You don’t do interviews under your real name. Nor does it appear on your website under your About Me page. Also missing is your photo on your website. Somebody who is going to berate women for being overweight or crack on their looks should have the balls to put their picture on their website. Time for you to back that shit up with a photo that will go along side the things you say. You just recently decided to reveal your name. And we have no idea what name you give to women that you meet.
Ever had someone bang on your door because of your “public” personsa? Been there, done that. And yes, firearms were involved.
Why yes. Yes, I have. I’ve had people come to my home, call my private number, approach me in public and follow me around the internet. I’ve also had people dump me for what I write and use me for what I write.
Like I said, you’ve barely scratched the surface of what it’s like to do what Evan and I do.
Being attached to a radio gig 15 years ago is far different than being attached to a red pill blog now. Again, I genuinely wish you the best. But please don’t talk like you have endured or experienced what people like Evan and I have, because you haven’t.
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Ad hominem. You’re close to it.
I like you, Moxie… I always will. You are I are alike… we send the message, not the messenger.
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I read and really enjoy this blog, Moxie, and I get a kick out of many of your insights. What I find amazing is how you, your readers, and even your co-bloggers think these meeting and dating things through so thoroughly. When I was dating forty years ago I don’t think we, well my age group, ever thought so hard and so deeply about these issues, and yet somehow we managed to find love, intimacy, commitment, and even happiness. But looking back, I see we could have used at least some of your and your readers advice and insights. I appreciate your delightful and helpful read. So does my wife of thirty plus years!
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“where does that leave the woman over 35?”
With a lot of hard choices and some sole searching. I am sorry to tell you this but the marriage/kids boat probably sailed away a long time ago for you. What did you expect? Life does not stand still waiting for you to make a decision. I am sorry to have to break it to you but the marriage/kids type of guys that you would be seeking are either already married and/or already have kids. You are not going to find a stable single man looking for kids (that does not already have some) older than 35 that would interested in you. And I really emphasize stable.
If you want marriage/kids you might have to look at divorced dads. All the never married men in the 35 and up age range are probably that for a reason. Men 35 and younger are going to be looking for someone younger. Now if you don’t want kids of your own, you have more options.
Some tips for younger women. Ideally if you want marriage/kids then you really should be seriously looking for that partner between the ages of 22 and 28. Look for someone 2-8 years older than you. Don’t go for the really flashy and extreme extrovert. Look for a man that has a stable job, not an artist or band member. Be realistic on your looks and go for someone of the same level. And this is probably going to be hard to hear, but be very selective with who you have sex with. Men that are marriage/kid focused really do care how many men you have had sex with. A woman with numerous one night stands and uncommitted sex partners in her history just screams unstable for marriage. Some women may not like it but it is the view of a lot of men.
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I don’t know that it’s as dire as all of that, but you raise some good points.
The marriage/kids boat hasn’t sailed, but it’s filling up VERY quickly and is about to leave shore. I’m a 35-year-old never-been-married guy, looking for marriage and kids, and I’ll be honest here: I think twice about dating a woman who’s 36 or up. That’s primarily because of the kids thing. You’ve got to figure that you’ll be together at least a year or so before you get married (realistically speaking), which means you’re having your first kid somewhere when she’s 37-38. Is that impossible? Of course not, but it’s a lot more complicated and involved a process (or can be, anyway). So, I’d expect that guys who are roughly in my position would simply look to date someone younger. Say, between about 28-33.
This isn’t to say it’s impossible to find a guy like that, but it’s a lot more difficult, and he probably isn’t a chiseled male-model investment banker with a $300,000 salary or whatever, so maybe it’s better to be realistic about who the available guys are at that point. It’s also not a binary “unicorn vs. uggo” situation where dudes are either one or the other. If you’re looking at things in such black-and-white terms, though, that’s probably a big part of why you aren’t finding anything satisfying. I guess what I’d say is sit down and really think about what it is that draws you to a guy, and what you really want in someone that you’d settle down with. How much emphasis is placed on real, substantive, personal qualities that are likely to be relevant in a MARRIAGE, and how much of it is extraneous bullshit that’s more about some fantasy life?
For the record, guys can just as easily do this, too, although they may get hung up on other things. I think one of the issues that people get screwed up by is looking for some of the more obvious extremes, instead of figuring out what is ENOUGH for you. So, for example, as a guy, I could only look at absolute 10s with Ivy league degrees, who are rolling in dough. And I’d be looking for a LONG fucking time, because those women are in high demand. But that begs the question of whether I NEED to be with a girl like that, or whether I’d be happy with something less than that. So, at the end of the day, I think part of the self-analysis needs to be what do you NEED to be happy, and what’s just gravy past that? I don’t NEED to be with a perfect 10. I need to be with someone to whom I’m attracted, and that’s a lot more fluid than I think people tend to realize.
As for the “Be selective with who you have sex with,” I can’t speak for every other guy, but I don’t really care as long as the woman in question is healthy and we’re good in the sack together. Frankly, I don’t ask people’s number at this point. I figure it’s largely irrelevant. If she’s really a basket case, I can figure that out pretty easily irrespective of the “number.” Besides, everyone has a past. I’m more interested in who she is today than who she was as a 24-year-old libertine.
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Moxie and company can give all the sound, reasonable, logical and practical advice in the world but all too often it won’t do a damn bit of good. There are too many woman and a somewhat smaller number of men who believe that any hint of “compromise” in their wish list as they go unicorn hunting is a sign of weakness and failure. Many people would rather be “right” than be happy. They won’t acknowledge the actual situation on the ground because that would require they admit they’ve been wrong all these years. It’s too ego damaging so they continue with the same behavior expecting a diffirent result.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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True, but there are people out there who are open to hearing the hard cold truth and are ready to change. It is those people that, in my opinion, benefit the most by reading blogs like this one.
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I still say doc love has it for men to better understand woman. Men and woman need to work out to keep them selves in shape. Both men and woman want to meet a sexy person in there eyes. Lets face it no one wants a fat person. and it is sexy to see a person in shape, to see they have muscle tone not fat or bones. to the brain it states unhealthy and unsexy when the clothes comes off. I have met woman in there 50′s and they work out 4-7 days a week. I have to say they are sexy as hell. but me that I am 36 years old they are just too old for me. I prob shouldnt date a woman older then 5 years or younger then 5 years of my age. we just would be to out of content for us to work out a long term relationship.
Lets face it a mans manhood is being taken away. We dont go kill a bear or sabor tooth to bring in a meal home. We go to the supermarket buy it cook it and eat. We dont worry about a larg group of men coming into town raping woman and stealing them away from a man in this time and age. So now men are left with I can buy a big gun and go hunting and go start a war to be manly ( i hope I spelled that right ). Woman make as much as men do if not more today. So finding that manly man who makes the big bucks can wrestle a bear and beat the shit out of a group of guys are just not happening.
So everyone men and woman need to lower there expectation of people. Woman will go out with guys for just going out and be treated to dinner( dinner dates suck guys dont do it ) Some woman I see that are over 35 are professional daters. And guys need to learn that if a woman does not have 51% interest in you its hopeless. But if she has 51% interest in you she will go out with you, but you have to have a good time to build up her interest higher then 51%. Woman cannot be demanding or forget about a guy when he calls. Its rude and a big turn off.
Look I can keep writing more but I will leave it at that for now. Oh and a dating coach for guys is Doc Love. Guys listen to him and he will teach you to avoid the divorce. Its cheaper to take a woman out then get a divorce.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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While generally decent advice, it’s confused here with like, real science. This is profoundly silly conjecture:
“It’s Darwin’s Survival of The Fittest at work. Again, this is a very simple concept. The weak do not survive and reproduce. They can either evolve with the changes in their environment or they can go extinct”. Moxie
There’s plenty of pretty abstract assumptions subsumed inside that simplistic rank supposition. But suffice it to say that on one very simple front, we all might stand more humility and less hubris all around. Chance plays a huge role here. Always has & always will. That storm that blows a portion of your lizard population away to populate an otherwise desert island 100′s or even a 1000 mi/km away. The planes that bring invasive snakes to HI to ruin and decimate your otherwise well adapted bird population. The feral & domestic cats that unknown to most are killing Billions of song birds a year. Chance may favor the higher nesters in one place (NAmer) and provides not much protection at all in another (HI).
So although favored and cited favorably by many, ‘survival of the fittest’ does not well explain our common ‘mating market’ in the US or many other Western nations. And do note it’s mating here not dating. Anything else is not measuring direct ‘Darwinian fitness’.
‘The weak’ and ‘sub-optimal’ reproduce all the damn time. It’s a very carefully drawn assessment on whether or not they’re actually ‘outproducing’ the more seemingly ‘optimal’ members of society, and why. Think on that a bit. Spencerism gone riot. No one’s going extinct in our modern society, traditional ‘tribal peoples’ may be, but modern Americans? Much less so, even with sub replacement levels of fertility.
Supply and demand too takes a beating here. There’s a plentitude of real supply for anyone’s needs. It’s the Market Desire for Particular set of goods that are skewing the results as in ‘assortative mating’. But very few folks think much about it all. They like what they see as attractive from models in the media. It may take a decade or more of some practice for many to come to any conclusion about their own desires & needs too. But again, not original, and has been covered here & elsewhere before. Again, Chance plays a huge role here.
But please leave Darwin out of it. Unless you’re counting offspring, and the survival numbers of subsequent generations. That’s Darwinian fitness. Anything else is as they say, ‘Just styling’. Cheers, ‘VJ’
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