Name: Kayla
Age: 25
State:
Question: A few months after the end of a multiyear relationship I decided to start dating again, but I’m afraid of putting up an online profile. My teeth are very crooked. Otherwise I’m fit, and my face isn’t terrible, but I don’t know what to do about my teeth. I smile with my mouth closed in pictures. Should I indicate in my profile that my teeth are crooked, so as not to disappoint any prospective dates?
A couple of weeks ago I was looking at profiles on OKC for a profile review session. A woman had sent me the names of three men that she was communicating with on the site. One of the guys had a photo of himself smiling, showing off the fact that he was missing one of his front teeth. Underneath he wrote a disclaimer saying that he’s getting the tooth fixed, but that he felt full transparency was important. Hence the photo. I admired his moxie.
I was born about a month and a half premature and was sickly throughout my childhood. I was put on various medications consistently for years. The upside was that that’s probably part of the reason I have the immune system that I do. The downside was that I developed what they call tetracycline teeth. Some of my baby teeth grew in as black studs. My adult teeth were/are abnormally soft. Braces destroyed many of my front teeth and an accident in third grade didn’t help. I was tormented throughout my early teen years because of how discolored/chipped my teeth were. I was diagnosed with acid reflux when I was about 25. I wear a guard over my teeth many nights to protect them from the acid. I also wear a flipper on my bottom row because two of my teeth are crooked. My father, God bless him, spared no expense for me. I have a mouth full of bonding, crowns, implants and had about a dozen root canals. I’ve been having dental procedures and oral surgery since I was about 8 years old. So I feel your pain.
I’m going to say to you what I said to the woman who had lost a great deal of weight and was considering having a surgery that would tighten the excess skin she had from the weight loss. Get your teeth fixed. Spend the money and get your teeth fixed. If you have dental insurance look into what it covers and what it doesn’t. You have options. You can get braces or you can get a flipper (or Snap on Smile) to be fitted for your mouth. I love my Snap on Smile.* SOSs are affordable and don’t require invasive surgery.
Crooked or imperfect teeth are one of those things that people see and usually can’t get past. I can remember playing softball with a guy once who had horribly crooked teeth. They were so bad that I actually thought he was wearing a set of fake teeth just to see if anybody said anything. All I could think while he was talking is how he could allow his teeth to stay that way. Bad teeth make a statement about someone. That is an imperfection, a visible one, and many people have a hard time getting past such things.
I’ve done a few profile review sessions for people who have various types of speech impediments. Many of them express a total confusion over why they get so many first dates but few ever go further. I ask them if they get on the phone with their dates. They say no. Their profiles don’t mention the issue, either. That would be why they rarely get any second dates. They’re not necessarily being blown off because of the impediment. They’re likely getting blown off because they didn’t reveal it upfront. I delicately point this out to them if I feel they can handle that kind of feedback. I hate that I might be making them self-conscious, but the truth is that our external/physical presentation matters quite a bit. Especially in the online dating world. That extra weight, the problem skin, the ragged nails, the dry hair, the sallow complexion. These are all things that we notice without even really focusing on them. What we sense when we are presented with such things is that this person is not healthy in some way. That’s where our brains go. It’s instinctual.
My suggestion to you, if you don’t get your teeth fixed, is to post a photo that shows you with a wide smile. Like the guy I mentioned in the beginning of this post, transparency is important. Nobody wants to show up to a date thinking the person they are meeting looks a certain way only to learn that they don’t. Not only that, but you do not want to walk into a potentially psychologically brutal situation. Some people, unfortunately, just don’t know how to handle themselves and might actually express their frustration over feeling mislead.
*I was given a complimentary Snap on Smile appliance in 2009. I was not compensated for mentioning it in this post. I just truly, genuinely like this product and recommend it.
Along with six figure salaries, perfect bodies, and the confidence and ability to give everyone of the opposite sex ‘the tingle’ within seconds, we’re all supposed to have perfect, Hollywood white teeth. As far as I can tell, that’s the expectation. These are the big reasons why lots of us are single. We are holding out for that unicorn.
Well-loved. Like or Dislike:
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You can complain about the system, or you can do what you can to improve your own chances. The choice – for me – seems obvious.
Hot debate. What do you think?
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Your reply to me roughly translates as “you’re bitter”, a standard ad hominem-an insult instead of an argument.
All I was saying is that “it is what it is” , and I thought the smilie expressed a playful tone to soften the realism.. because, if you must know, I’m not bitter. I’m a realist who knows all his flaws, accepts them, improves what he can, and lives with the rest.
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Get your teeth fixed, not for dating but for yourself. I had a huge huge gap and buck teeth when I was younger. I wore braces thru highschool, and till this day I get told how beautiful my smile is. You’ll feel so much better about yourself, but again, do it for YOU not anyone else.
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Find guys from the U.K.; they don’t care as much about straight teeth over there as us Yanks do.
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OP, as far as I have experienced it in America, almost nothing is more important socially then having clean straight teeth and a nice smile. Get your teeth fixed, it will be worth every penny.
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Yes, getting the dental care is important in the long term. But I don’t think the op should put her search of love on hold. Our own flaws are often much more noticeable to ourselves than to others. It could take months and years to save enough for major cosmetic dental surgery, please do not put your self on the hold mode during this time. That said, I do think you fare better meeting people in real life, as online dating make most more superficial…
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There is a credit card for medical procedures often not covered by insurance (dental/vision/veterinary):
http://www.carecredit.com/dentistry/
You may think “I need another credit card like I need a hole in the head,” but it helped me when my kitty needed surgery. I got a deal where it was 0% interest for 6 months (and you really wanna pay it off in that time period because after that it’s like 25%. I paid mine off in three).
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25 percent? Sound financial advice from a dating blog.
Extensive oral surgery can easily cost 20 to 30k. Most plans do not cover cosmetic procedures. Good luck paying that off with a 25 apr. being in credit card debt is not attractive either
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Well, we don’t really know the OP’s financial situation, either. Just one possible option, take it or leave it.
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Also you can space these things out. I bet almost no one has $20K worth of work done all in one visit, wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
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Like she said, pay it off in the 6 months and you don’t have anything to worry about. Braces, extractions, crowns and implants are covered under many dental plans. Not sure where you’re getting your figures unless you’re asserting the cost to have numerous teeth fixed. Getting 2-3 teeth pulled and replaced with implants would cost about 10K. Root canals and crowns or veneers would be about 8K for 3 teeth.
Braces don’t cost 20K these days. Not the Invisalign, at least. The snap on smile I mentioned would only be about $1500. Implants are mighty costly. They’re about 3K a tooth.
A healthy smile is an investment in yourself. Crooked teeth don’t make a great first impression on interviews and client meetings.
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It’s interesting that no one mentions the fact that the OP was recently in a multiple year relationship. One that, odds are, didn’t end because of her teeth. I don’t really know how bad her teeth are, or how much rejection she has actually experienced because of her teeth, but I do know how expensive dental work is. And also how impermanent our looks are in general.
Seems to me, the OP would be better off considering her past. Has she experienced a lot of difficulty getting dates? Was this person she dated for multiple years concerned about her teeth? And also giving online dating a go and see what happens for awhile before running off to spend x number of thousands for a new set of teeth.
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I think since she’s still pretty young, it would be worth it for her self-esteem to have her teeth fixed sooner than later. The thing is, it’s often easier to get past physical flaws with someone you have a relationship with that originated IRL, versus trying to meet someone online where your physical features are really the main thing that gets you in the door, so to speak. And getting her teeth fixed will also impact other areas of her life, for instance if she has a profession.
I am also one who had gnarly teeth problems in my teens, but now my smile is one of my best features. I can’t imagine trying to show interest in someone without being able to laugh and smile with ease.
I think it’s worth looking into, at least. If it’s a year’s worth of braces at age 25, then I think it would be worth it to be more confident (and smiley
) at 26+.
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Hey Nathan, I clicked on your blog and a second later it gave me this “caution, this site, confrontinglove.com, will put malware on your computer” message.
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I agree the best thing for the OP to do is to just get her teeth fixed instead of trying to hide it. She’ll feel worlds better and her confidence will be through the roof afterwards. I speak from experience. I was once the same as her – I never smiled in photos because of dreadful teeth. I now have porcelain veneers to fix multiple dreadful gaps in my front row of teeth and they are fabulous. The current going rate in the metro NYC area is $1k per tooth and it is not covered by insurance. Many dentists offer payment plans with little or no interest for those who can’t pay for it all up front. It’s a great long-term investment that requires just two visits. Mine were done in 1999 and are still good as new. Run, don’t walk to your dentist of choice. She’ll be glad she did.
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I agree the OP should do it for herself as well. I’ve had braces before, and my teeth are now worse than when I originally had them. I’m now beginning the process of going through dental work, etc, and likely I’ll have a 2nd round of braces. Fun. But I will be relieved to finally no longer be embarrassed about my smile. Consequently – as far as dating is concerned – men have been kind enough to not let me know if they considered that a deal breaker. I can only remember one guy who asked me if I would consider braces as an adult, and my answer was a firm yes, pending whether or not it was financially feasible. He was pretty happy with that. Insurance only covers a portion of the braces from what I’ve seen. My online dating pics are honest – and I do have at least one that shows my smile and the tooth issue, as well as full body pics. Maybe that’s it…since I disclose up front, it isn’t an issue when they meet me in person as it’s not a surprise. But still, I will be thrilled once this is finally taken care of.
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I had a chipped front tooth since childhood and yellow teeth. Got crowns and veneers on my top fronts in the whitest white they offered, worth it. My teeth kick ass.
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Um not to be disagreeable but isn’t a snap on smile…. Well sort of being disingenuous as well….. Where is the line.
P.S. can you eat with those things on?
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