Comment: Any ideas on how to meet single girls in the suburbs? I don’t meet anyone through my job and the people I meet in the different activities I try, like co-ed sports, are already in a relationship. Then the only ones who are interested in me on the dating websites are the overweight women – which is the exact opposite of me. I’m athletic and active. Also, I’m white, and it seems like women of other races are interested in me, but white women are not. I don’t get it.
My opinion is that, if you can’t find anybody online that you want to date, you’re probably not going to find them offline, either. When you use online dating you are literally surrounded by single, eligible people. If you go to a bar or a sports group or some other activity that isn’t singles related, you have no idea who is available. With online dating, you do. If you can’t manage to find or attract anybody to your liking when you’re online, there’s a disconnect. It all comes down to perception. If you go around thinking that there’s nobody out there to your liking, you probably won’t ever find them. So the first thing you need to do is change your attitude.
Then the only ones who are interested in me on the dating websites are the overweight women – which is the exact opposite of me.
When you say overweight, what exactly do you mean? Like, severely overweight or, like, 10 or 20 pounds overweight? Because if you’re one of those people who refuses to date someone even slightly overweight, you should really just stay home. You should also take a reality pill. Unless you are objectively hot, you don’t get to insist upon only dating women of a certain body type. If you can’t manage to meet or find anybody to you liking anywhere, you’re either too picky or not as attractive/engaging as you think. It’s that simple. Someone slightly over weight (to you) can still be quite healthy and fit. I’m a size 10. I probably weigh about 155-160 pounds. I do intervals/run 3-4 times a week and, for the most part, stick to a diet of 1400 calories a day. I’ve had doctors comment on my immune system, my heart and my lungs. I have great skin and hair. Someone not a size 4 or 6 can be fit and healthy. Some people just don’t have the genetic make up that allows them to be a smaller size. Please don’t say that women with some extra weight aren’t healthy and that’s why you won’t date them, as fitness is really important to you, because that’s crap. You want a thin woman. That’s fine. You’re allowed to have your type. Just don’t justify it with a bunch of BS. Also? Based on your other admission about never hearing from white women, you just might be a tad ignorant. Preferring to date someone of a certain race is one thing. Expressing it as you did is another. That is suburbanite simplicity at work. I’ve said this many times before, the City Single mentality is very different from the Suburb Single mentality. There is a simpleness to people that live in suburbs that people who live in cities simply can not jibe with.
The slender and in shape women you seek? They’re going for guys in Manhattan. And they’re getting them. They’re not looking for Suburb Guy. They want City Guy. I’m going to throw this little theory out there. I think City Singles are more attractive mentally and physically than Suburb Singles. City Singles are more concerned with their looks because they are surrounded by other attractive people. Walking down the street in a major city is a constant reminder that there is always someone younger, richer and hotter. Hence why people in the city tend to pay more attention to the external. We are always being exposed to what else is out there and are starkly aware of who our competition is.
If meeting someone fit and active is important to you, then you have to create a dating profile that makes that clear. You need to discuss, without going over board, how you stay active and healthy. You should post pictures of you involved in activities or outdoors. You’re never going to be able to prevent people who aren’t your type from contacting you. You have to just accept that pretty much everybody online thinks they’re better looking than they are or are willing to throw a bunch of darts at a dartboard. That’s online dating. If you can invent a filter that will stop messages from people you don’t find attractive from hitting your inbox, email me. Until then, you just have to accept that online dating involves slogging through a lot of people that don’t interest you. There is no avoiding that.
I would not make any kind of statement in your profile about only wishing to meet women of a certain race or ethnicity. That makes you sound ignorant and possibly racist. Same goes for including a disclaimer in your profile that you only wish to hear from petite/slender/slim women. You’ll end up turning off a large majority of the people you wish to meet.
Chris, if you only wish to date slender women, my suggestion to you is to look towards Manhattan.I believe you are more likely to meet a slender, fit and active women in Manhattan than you will in Nutley, New Jersey. Go ahead. Flame me and call me an elitist. You’ll hardly be the first.
As for why so many women of color contact you, I’ll leave that up to women and men who fall in to that category to offer insights.