I’ve been toying with this idea for awhile and I think I’m ready to go forward with it this month.
Picture it: A speeddating event for people looking for short term dating. Also known as casual dating. Also known as Friends With Benefits.We’d target it towards newly single men and women ages 30-45.
While I think I could get a ton of men to sign up for this, I’m wondering if women might feel uncomfortable putting that out there, so to speak.
My question to you is: would you go to an event like this? If so, how would it need to be presented in order to feel comfortable being in this kind of environment? The first thing we would do is not make or allow people to RSVP publicly for it. That way they can maintain their privacy. I also wouldn’t make the copy too sexual in any way. This wouldn’t be an event for people to show up just to get laid. (Or would it………?)
Thoughts?
Maybe a two-tiered process? Advertise “short-term/casual dating” or maybe something broader like “Just dating for fun” (all of which is pretty innocuous), and then as part of the sign-up process, have people indicate — privately — what they’re really up for, including a range of options (short-term dating, FWB, casual sex, etc.), then group them accordingly. You’ll still run the risk of people playing it safe in their selections, but at least you get them making a selection instead of saying “Casual sex speed dating? Pass.”
Like or Dislike:
6 
0
Hate to say it, but I think this type of event could very easily devolve into “people showing up just to get laid”.
As soon as you mention the phrases “casual dating” & FWB, you’re heading into what used to be CraigsList Casual Encounters territory (and now what CL’s M4W section has become, since the CL Erotic Services section got shut down & CE ended up becoming hookers’ alley).
If all I wanted was to “get laid”, I’ could do it via CL for free, in a heart beat.
That being said, is it possible that a public in-person event provides any value-add over CL?
If it’s an event that is offered to a select list of somewhat-pre-qualified attendees (not just random Joe Schmoe’s who saw an ad somewhere), that might be worth paying for.
Otherwise it’s just an IRL version of CL.
Like or Dislike:
8 
0
P.S. One exception to the above – an event that is specifically for older women & younger men.
I’d say that most women & men that go for that dynamic are not expecting it to turn into a long-term love affair or marriage. i.e. it is going to be more short-term in nature, and more likely to be casual.
But you wouldn’t advertise it as “looking for short-term love affairs or casual hook-ups”.
Like or Dislike:
6 
0
I would go to at least one just to see what it’s like, but I’d expect it to be a sausage fest.
Like or Dislike:
8 
0
I wouldn’t go, personally. I would expect it to be filled with women who couldn’t otherwise get a date off Craigslist, and men who were clueless enough to think there would be women there other than women who couldn’t get a date off Craigslist. This is really just a derivative of your “should I check casual sex” or “casual dating” in my online profile.
But, why not just set it up and report back the results? Then you’ll have raw data rather than a bunch of opinions on a hypothetical.
Hot debate. What do you think?
9 
1
Good God no.
We all know there are clubs and bars that function as meat markets but when you make it explicit, erk. Its the same with speeddating which is as casual or not as the people attending wanting it to be. There is just something about making this explicit that doesn’t work for me, FWB always was an empty bit of rebranding for people who didn’t want to sound like their grandparents talking about swinging. Its like the difference between someone who likes a gentle spanking vs. someone who goes out clubbing in a gimp mask. You’re going to attract some decidedly single-minded people who may not be quite what you’re expecting. Its not that there aren’t people who want a casual relationship, its the kind of people who’d turn up to a public event for casual dating (and not just go clubbing or to a bar or whatever) you want to think about.
I think this is going to turn very sordid and very troubling fast. I mean, for you, I don’t care what people get up to if it consensual and I’m not moralist in that sense but are you really sure this is what you want to do?
Not having a go, good luck if this really is what you want to do.
There is always someone talking down any great business idea of course.
Like or Dislike:
4 
2
While a good idea in theory in practice you’ll most likely end up with about 5-10 men for every woman and damn near all of them will be grossly lacking in interpersonal/social skills.
Like or Dislike:
5 
0
I agree it sounds kind of meat-markety. How could you restrict it to “newly single” people? You could end up with the chronically unlucky or the lecherous but unattractive. I also think you would probably have trouble attracting women to attend.
Then again, I’ve never been to a speeddating event, so what do I know. I doubt that I’d be tempted even in the unlikely event something like this would be offered for my cohort .
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Women barely make an attempt to mix and be social at your ‘regular’ ‘dating’ events. You expect the FEW that would show up to this event to actively socialize with men at a FWB event?
Like or Dislike:
8 
0
i’ve found speed dating to be a complete waste of time; at least with online dating you can screen for preferences. And the pickiness is just as bad; most of them would never be on my radar and they still turn you down, even the fat and ugly ones. I wouldn’t think changing the theme would make any difference.
Like or Dislike:
2 
3
There is almost by definition a huge mass of men ready for FWBs. Even a relationship/marriage-minded man will usually take an FWB if it’s on the table for him.
The issue is women. Most women seem to prefer relationships but will take an FWB if that’s all that’s available at the time.
The thing is, a woman can be quite selective in a choice of FWB. Because almost every man has some hound dog in him (yes, including me), any woman who’s not morbidly obese can usually pick a relatively hot guy as an FWB. A hot guy will take her because he’s having a slow week, for the novelty of it or just because she makes it easy for him. Or she might choose a guy who’s not hot but just makes her comfortable in some way and is otherwise a “friend.”An average woman, even a “3-4,” can get a guy this way, so why would she need speed-dating?
An exception would be some women, especially +35, attractive, mobile and affluent ones, who simply don’t have time to cultivate an FWB from the guys she knows and she won’t stoop to hitting on strange men in bars (even if it would only take her 10 minutes to pick up the hottest guy in the room). These women strongly value discretion, privacy and health, and would likely hold any potential FWB to a very high standard. At a very minimum, an FWB would have to be very attractive, sensitive and polished.
Some of these women may take the random one-nighter, simply stay alone, or maybe take a male escort now and again. They might be open to casual-dating speed dating, but you’d have to market it very carefully, and allow the women maximum discretion and privacy. Maybe she could “pre-screen” her potential speed dates, with images resumes, etc. (but not names).
[The Boston-NYC-Washington D.C. (where you are) is filled with these women, although realistically you could also draw in women from other metropolises, from Chicago to Houston to LA to Seattle.]
This might sound all very involved, but the good thing is that you could charge a very high fee up-front (to both men and women), it would deepen your own business connections and social network, and would be a unique product. No one else could easily take it off the shelf and copy it, since it depends on deep networks. In fact, if it were successful, you could expect a tidal wave of recommendations from within these women’s networks.
If you’ve got a little extra capital to risk and time to spend on very careful design, I say go for it
Like or Dislike:
3 
1
Actually, I think Speed has hit upon the idea of how best to structure it. Men should be charged a LOT. It should be relatively low cost, or even free, for the women. It should be marrketed as an exclusive event – people (men) SHOULDbe intimidated about signing up. Maybe you could even screen the men. Just make sure you don’t inadvertently become the next “Madam of the Upper East Side.”
Like or Dislike:
6 
1
The problem is that situations where men are charged a lot to go to an exclusive event to find “casual relationships” already exist and you’d find the expectations associated with it are very high.
No kidding about the Madam of the Upper East. Its actually the women you’d need to vet. I don’t see how you control it going from “FWB” (means nothing IMHO) to ‘mutually beneficial casual relationships’ (i.e., semi-pro prostitution where nobody charges but likes presents). I think that market is already stitched up from what I can tell.
At the low end then, well, I suppose you’d get “the opportunity to meet the men behind the cock shots” but I can’t see that selling too well.
Like or Dislike:
2 
0
>At the low end then, well, I suppose you’d get “the opportunity to meet the men behind the cock shots” but I can’t see that selling too well.<
Ha! I really did Laugh Out Loud (I hate saying LOL).
Yeah, I'd say be a bit coy and mysterious in the marketing. The marketing could basically make or break an idea like this. My proposed "life is short, vacation in your home town" line was pretty lame, but stumbles about in the general direction of what would sell, I think. Tease people into a "what the hell, why not?" frame of mind rather than "I'm desperate and I bet everyone else there is, too." The frame of mind you're in on vacation and thinking bedding some random busboy is juicy memoir fodder and not sad.
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
Maybe give it some name that doesn’t give anything away like call it a “Yellow Party” or something. People would be like “huh? What’s a yellow party?” as opposed to “a FWB mixer? Pfft. I’m too cool and attractive for that.”
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
I would never go to a FWB/casual speed dating event. Ever. I just think it would attract lots of creepy guys who can’t get laid. I’d go on OKC, POF, or do reg speed dating if I needed sex like that.
But, I think Speed Dating for the Newly Single sounds nice. I think it would attract more clueless than creepy people – the ones who post “getting back out there” or “dipping my toe” in their online dating profile. It’s basically the same thing but allows the woman to keep some dignity by. It having it sound like she’s looking for a random, casual hook up. Some women are hung up on their reputation.
Like or Dislike:
1 
1
I admittedly am a bit of a control freak, but while this sounds great in theory, in reality I would be concerned about my safety: when I meet people for casual sex it’s because I already “vetted” them online, and the chance that I will meet a lunatic, or somebody who can’t take a ‘no’ is definitely slimmer.
What happens if, after the event, I am followed by a guy who got a little bit too excited, or who read too much into our exchange?
And, for your business, what would the repercussions be?
Like or Dislike:
2 
4
The same thing can happen any where. You can meet a creepy guy at the bar, restaurant, grocery store, on the bus whatever it is, and he can follow you out of the venue. If you are worried about that constantly, seriously just don’t leave your house ever. Like everyone else, moxie has not obligations towards what happens to you once you leave the event. The same way you can’t sue a bar owner if you met a creep there.
Like or Dislike:
5 
2
Except that people I meet in the street or at the bar are not aware that I am ACTIVELY looking to hook up until *I* choose to disclose my intentions.
Like or Dislike:
2 
3
Sure, rapists and stalkers always politely inquire as to your intentions.
Just use common street smarts (have cab fare, go with a friend so you can’t be cornered alone unless you want to be, etc.).
Like or Dislike:
6 
0
I shouldn’t really reply to any of your comments because, as most snarky comments, completely miss the point, but I feel good today, so I will try to explain myself. Read well this time, before you hit that “reply” button. It makes you look more clever in the long run.
The initial question is simple: would *I* go? And Moxie asked the question to test the waters, because she might be interested in starting such events. So I gave my reply.[1]
Now, the game is not to find the right (or the stupid) answer, but to see how many people would be interested, and under which conditions. You understand that, stupid as my concern might be (and it’s not) if some people share it, your clever advice of “staying home” is not going to get more customers for Moxie, don’t you? Or such advancements in logic didn’t make it to Snarkville yet?
[1] My reply might also be slightly better informed than the Average Jane’s, since I do happen to hook up casually quite frequently.
PS And India, when I mentioned repercussions, I meant for the reputation of the event and its organizers.
Like or Dislike:
3 
1
No, safety is not a stupid concern. Basing your actions on what you think a stranger might do doesn’t seem like a good use of energy, though. What was said here recently, “respect fear but don’t let it control you”?
I’d think if anything Moxie’s proposed FWB mixer idea would be more safe than you meeting some Internet guy in a bar as you would by definition be in a group and there would be a designated organizer you could approach with any issues/have someone blackballed from future events and whatnot (provided you could give clear evidence of threatening behavior and not just “he’s ugly and weird and I’m not interested”).
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
Nola, precisely. Bad things happens at all kinds of events and venues. If a rape occurred where the predator met the victim at a bar, the bar or bar owner is not responsible. If you met a creep at an event held my moxie, it is not her obligation to play police and protect you. Her reputation is not tainted. Sexual assault occurs in all kinds of settings. If you are this concerned, please sit safely at home.
Like or Dislike:
3 
1
That isn’t necessarily true. You’re not familiar with ‘dram shop’ laws for example?
If you own bar and someone gets into a fight outside, you are liable if you sold them enough alcohol to get them visibly intoxicated. I don’t know what the limits of responsibility are for someone running some sort of sex meeting service but I’m not sure you do either. What if you claimed to ‘vet’ people and then it turned out someone wasn’t who they claimed and it led to something happening?
I don’t really think you can ‘vet’ someone online really either but that is by the by.
Like or Dislike:
3 
0
If every time a bar brawl occurred, the bar owner got sued or he is liable, I seriously wonder how owning a bar can be a profitble business model.
Like or Dislike:
4 
0
The bar can be held liable. If nothing else, for failing to provide addequate protection.
The reason it usually doesn’t go that way is that everyone involved usually just wants the whole thing to go away.
Like or Dislike:
3 
2
I don’t know how often bars get sued (might be an interesting statistic for some lurking lawyer to provide), but yes, they have a responsibility to not over-serve and remove disorderly patrons. You’ve never heard bartenders say “you’ve had enough” or “we’re cutting you off”?
In any case, I don’t see Moxie being held liable for someone acting like an ass at one of her functions unless the behavior was seriously over the top, like grabbing women or muttering filthy things to them or saying “I saw your ID and I know where you live….” It would be rather petty and childish to expect her to handle your garden variety miscommunications for you. (I kind of get the feeling Nola wouldn’t seriously fear for her safety at such an event, just doesn’t want to deal with some uggo trailing her around. That’s just life and that would not “tarnish” Moxie’s reputation. FFS. Though if she’s simply saying the event wouldn’t appeal to her because of quality concerns, is there a way to “vet” for quality? I dunno).
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
And by “liable for over the top behavior” I don’t mean “Moxie could get sued” but simply “Moxie would have a responsibility to take care of the situation, much like a bartender kicking out an unruly patron.” (I’m certainly no lawyer, just seems like common sense to me).
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
Yeah, like D. said, definitely emphasize fun and light-heartedness and let people fill in the blanks about what those things mean to them. What’s the Ashley Madison tag line? “Life is short, have an affair.” Something along those lines, except ditch the “affair” part, obvs. “Life is short, vacation in your home town” (*adjusts skirts and nervously awaits Don Draper’s critique*).
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
If I really wanted a purely FWB situation – where the focus is physical, I would just chat up the guys at my local equinox. There are plenty of post-college guys in great shape to choose from. Not clear why I would need to make the effort to go to a specific event.
The women who WOULD néed to sign up for such an event are very unlikely to be attractive. To attractive women, daily life presents endless arrays of fwb opportunities. There is no scarcity of supply there.
Like or Dislike:
6 
0
Short term dating is just that: dating without commitment. The event wouldn’t be positioned as “hey! come find someone to screw!” I’d leave it up to the people attending to read between the lines, just like people who write in their dating profiles are leaving it up to people to get the subtext of what they mean when they say they’re newly single.
Like or Dislike:
3 
3
The problem (as has been discussed frequently on this site) is that men and women often read between the lines differently. FWB often being seen by the man as “Great no strings sex” and by the woman as “We should still go out and do things since we’re friends”. As others have said above you’d have to market it very carefully. Good luck.
Like or Dislike:
1 
0
I bet an event like this would suck and most of the women would be totally heinous! A woman can easily get a FWB, although it is much harder for a man. Therefore, any woman who would go to an event like this must have serious issues.
Like or Dislike:
4 
0
ha, the comments seem to be answering the “True or False: A Woman Can Get Laid Whenever She Wants” question as True.
Like or Dislike:
1 
0